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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 14, 2014 17:57:28 GMT -5
Richards
Doc
Livewire
Omega
Seifer
Wolf
I didnt forget guys.. just busy last week. I'll get to a few of these
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 14, 2014 18:20:19 GMT -5
RP: Alex Richards Avoids Jail Handler: Richards Overview thoughts: Everything tastes better splatters on the wall RP Breakdown Scene description: 3 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 3 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Critical Review: I'm diggin' the way you took this promo. You really covered your bases but still kept the comedy. I know thats a tough job you did it perfectly. The belt talking is great. You could def. go all Al Snow gimmick and use that to your advantage. It's clear that you're comfortable with your character. Now would be a good time to take the next step with him and amp up quality. A lot of new talent comming up and you'll want to be at the top of the game. You're a champion now. Gotta fight like one. Thats really what you gotta do. transition from the guy whose been clawing from the belt to the guy whose got the belt. You can stay face. you can keep doin comedy.. but now you gotta defend that title. NO matter the match. You are a champion. Suggestions: extend your scene descriptions. expand your match related shoot. |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 14, 2014 18:53:48 GMT -5
RP: Mists of Confusion Handler: Doc Henry Overview thoughts: Doc Henry can Haz shoot, now? RP Breakdown Scene description: 3 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 3 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Critical Review: You have good shoot this time around. You go from not doin do hot one week to the exact opposite. The dream sequence was cool, Doc going back to bein Doc and runnin that New Confederacy feel. You tell a story so your scene description benifits from it. The shoot you came out and gave Waylon somethin to fight. You used your veteran status to put him in his place and thats always what I wanted to see. Just because Docs not a WHC doesnt mean he's not a big deal. Keep goin in this direction. try and stay in this mindset. Always push forward with Doc. I know you dont want to go for the WHC but you have done a lot with the character and he's been in WCF a very long time. Doc is a bigger name that a lot of guys- use it. Suggestions: try and stay consistant |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 14, 2014 20:05:54 GMT -5
Stepping Stones
Hey, I just wanted to get your thoughts on my latest one. You recommended working on the shoot, I just hope that other aspects didn't falter because of it. Thoughts? RP: Stepping Stones Handler: Livewire Overview thoughts: This is the most well rounded and thought out promo I've read in a long while RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 Critical Review: This promo just blew me away. Everything was flushed out and everything had it's place. This was perfect. Everything you did here was perfect. There is absolutly nothing bad to say about this promo and there is nothing that I have to give you pointers on. I view there was something I could say. Theres not a dull moment at all n this promo. Everything is interesting and I care about the characters rise in WCF. You present him in a realistic way where the reader can identify with his struggles and hard work. I know it takes a lot of hard work but it will alsp pay off in the long run. Suggestions: None |
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Post by Chelsea Armstrong on Jul 14, 2014 21:36:20 GMT -5
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Post by Alex Richards on Jul 14, 2014 22:40:04 GMT -5
thank you for the advice Odin. I'll see what I can do with working on that shoot...
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Post by livewire on Jul 15, 2014 3:53:00 GMT -5
Thanks Odin. Your advices week really helped me out. I've never written for a face before so I'm glad at least someone is liking the story.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 15, 2014 13:47:28 GMT -5
Thanks Odin. Your advices week really helped me out. I've never written for a face before so I'm glad at least someone is liking the story. Face can be difficult because we all want to be that bad ass that doesn't lose and etc. Being a face doesn't mean that your character is weak or a push over or inferior for that matter. A face CAN go to battle A face CAN draw blood A face CAN slay the enemy on the other hand A face DOES NOT turn on the village A face DOES NOT act with out mercy if that makes sense. A face is strong morally and in terms of character and strength. If you look back to 90's Hogan promos, he acts like a champion for the people. Then he goes out and kicks ass. You can still talk hard but you CANT say stuff like: " I'm going to decapitate you in the ring, Balfore. " But you can say as a metaphor. " When we're in the ring Balfore, I'm going to take the head off the serpent and hold ithigh for all the world to see and then you will be no more." Its effectively the same thing but it's not dark in implications. " Whatcha gonna do brother when hulkimania runs wild on you?" Is Hulks face way of saying " I'm going to come down to that ring, whoop your ass and theres nothing you can do about it? What can you do about it?" Its rhetorical.. because there is nothing the heel can do about Hulk droppin that leg. Hope that helps... |
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Post by Mech-Ana on Jul 17, 2014 16:49:47 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 19, 2014 0:47:45 GMT -5
yes, yes. Thats why I invented weekends. People loved me so much, they named the middle of the week after me. In honor of that, they now look forward to those days and thus call MY day ( wednesday ) HUMP day. Cuz I lay the pipe like a BOSS
( translation: I'll get to it this weekend )
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Post by Alex Richards on Jul 19, 2014 14:53:30 GMT -5
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Post by livewire on Jul 20, 2014 6:48:03 GMT -5
6 More People to Get Electrified
I think I know what you're looking for, but I've always found that I have a hard time in tag team matches. It's a completely different beast, and its why in my last fed I tried to become a tag team specialist. The talent pool there was very shallow and I still didn't do very well. I swear this will be my last request for Feedback. I think I've found my stride with this character and am having fun writing for him which is the most important part. |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 20, 2014 12:40:19 GMT -5
In my defense, I didn't know my opponents weren't going to post. But, since you wanted to see what I could do against some real competition, what are your thoughts on He Who Is Not He? I know in advance the formatting could have used some work, but there was a lot of coding involved, and I was too lazy to cut down on the spacing. This time. Also, thank you for taking the time to do this. RP: He Who is Not He Handler: Omega Overview thoughts: This promo feels very long and clunky. RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 4 Flow: 2 Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Critical Review: I'm going to address the flow first. That was the weakest of your areas. Your promo had a lot going on and the 2nd scene was fantastic but that first scene really hurt it. The choice to code names diffrently in green blue and red as appose to the white of the normal text causes my eye to jump to that word and skip the narration. You had a lot of action scenes that added weight to the promo but thats not bad, its just what it is. That kind of stuff you cant avoid, you just gotta do the best you can with what you can. You did a great job convincing the audience that Omega can go toe to toe with Jay Price, not that its hard because Jay flakes. However, this does great for your character and what you're tryin to do and it backs up the cocky attitude. The Good and the Bad of the promo is really what you did at the beginning with the coding of names it was distracting but everything else was spot on the money. Suggestions: - watch the stylistic approach, sometimes it doesnt work as much as you think it does. |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 20, 2014 13:41:57 GMT -5
RP: Doomsday Gospel of Good and Evil Handler: Seifer Overview thoughts: If there was a promo that made colin quit, this would be it RP Breakdown Scene description: 4 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Critical Review: This is a very respectable promo and it highlights whats great about this character. Props for the Joker Cream bit at the beginning, with the melted face. That was a cool touch. I liked the fact that you said you were the guy to win trios and go rounds with Orbit; thats a great point but always remember to keep climbing. You kept evolving your character and pushing him forward into new ground and it just makes him seem larger than life and puts him in a places that unique. the only thing I have to say is watch things like " babe, baby, sweetheart." Even by Lori, it humanizes Seifer in a negitive way by showing us he has something he cares for, yet that something can be taken away. Even if you down play it by Seifer not caring about that person, there is still that connection. It's not a big deal but something I picked up on and wanted to pass a long Suggestions: - none |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 20, 2014 13:43:14 GMT -5
New list
Wolf
Chelsea
Mech-ana
Richards
Livewire
Jayson Price
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Post by Chelsea Armstrong on Jul 20, 2014 14:03:20 GMT -5
Did review mine or did I miss it? Sorry lol just didn't see my name and got confused
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 20, 2014 14:19:48 GMT -5
RP: The Wolf vs. The Buffoon Handler: Robert Wolf Overview thoughts: A strong promo. Same grade of work thats always produced RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Critical Review: Still a big fan of the work and this new character will give you a different direction to go in. IDK if you'll still use Chase or stick with Wolf but either way you always put out solid promos. You are one of the most solid and consistent writers in WCF and thats something to be proud of. I really want to see any of your characters with belts because that style you have is well rounded, put together and strong. You keep up the work and push forward with the character and you'll get there one day soon. Just have to put in that effort and keep climbing. Theres nothing to advise you on in this piece. Take everything I've ever told you, apply it as you have and just attack. Go hard, send everybody else home. Make yourself the last one standing. Suggestions: - none |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 20, 2014 14:21:52 GMT -5
Did review mine or did I miss it? Sorry lol just didn't see my name and got confused I did not review yours. I missed your request but added you to the list. So you're next. |
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Post by Robert Wolf on Jul 20, 2014 14:25:48 GMT -5
RP: The Wolf vs. The Buffoon Handler: Robert Wolf Overview thoughts: A strong promo. Same grade of work thats always produced RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Critical Review: Still a big fan of the work and this new character will give you a different direction to go in. IDK if you'll still use Chase or stick with Wolf but either way you always put out solid promos. You are one of the most solid and consistent writers in WCF and thats something to be proud of. I really want to see any of your characters with belts because that style you have is well rounded, put together and strong. You keep up the work and push forward with the character and you'll get there one day soon. Just have to put in that effort and keep climbing. Theres nothing to advise you on in this piece. Take everything I've ever told you, apply it as you have and just attack. Go hard, send everybody else home. Make yourself the last one standing. Suggestions: - none Thanks man |
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Post by Jayson Price on Jul 21, 2014 13:47:26 GMT -5
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