Request Thread for Odin Balfore feedback Jul 3, 2014 0:46:05 GMT -5
Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 3, 2014 0:46:05 GMT -5
RP: Watch Out!
Overview thoughts: very dynamic promo
Scene description: 5
Character Development: 5
Overall Rating: 3 out of 5
Livewire has that energy thats great to see and he feels very real. much like how Y2J feels. I got that vibe and I wanted to continue hearing him talk. Then go back to talk with LW's dad and its a little different
Your descriptions were great
Your development was even better. You went overboard but you got all that out of the way now
Shoot: You did what Doc did. you're gonna win cuz.. yah.. winning! You pretty much had 1 paragraph in that piece.
Flow: Flow was great, read wonderfully
I almost feel you put too much CD in there. like with Colins RP, you over stretched. Theres nothing wrong if thats your intentions but if you're scratchin your noggin about why I say that, heres why:
You gave us plenty of back story with dad in gorilla and you come out and explains your scars and you got that high energy and motovation. You woulda got 5 stars if you upped your shoot a bit more. Then you come back and talk with that. You could have ended the rp when you go backstage again and pick up your next rp with that following conversation. It would have gave your promo some connect-ability and allowed the reader to absorb what you talked about in the ring rather than the lasting impression being LW taking to his assistant.
- Expand the shoot. Explore that content, as small as it may be.