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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 28, 2014 16:36:00 GMT -5
You are all very welcome
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Post by Seifer Black on Jun 28, 2014 18:03:38 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 28, 2014 22:09:09 GMT -5
RP: LARPing About Handler: Stacy Jones Overview thoughts: Fun and Educational promo. who knew? RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Critical Review: You work is really professing. The LARP scenes were fun and gave you some development, as did your shoot. You did a good job making fun of yourself and Denise while keeping it insightful and entertaining. The one issue that I saw was the history. I felt that could have been shortend and I'm sure you gave a condensed version of the condensed version. With history lessons you wana give enough to where the audience gets the connection with out having to drive it home because after the lesson the pay off was: " It was a great war in Japanese history and will always be remembered…just like the war between The Trinity and the Shadow Demons. " It took two small paragraphs to say that. key word is you made small paragraphs so it wasnt all that bad I felt it got a little lengthy as to when you were gunna pick back up again. You did a great job on keeping yourself strong and knocking your opponent down with out having to get in there and cut her apart. Theres always more than one way to shoot and cutting in deep is good which you did by pretty much saying " yah you did sum stuff but heres mine." So you really put yourself ahead of the game. Suggestions: None |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 28, 2014 22:34:17 GMT -5
RP: Oh Sinner Man Handler: Colin Marshall Overview thoughts: Colin put in a ton of work and it shows. RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 Critical Review: I'm going to tell you right now. Keep doing what you did here. Keep that mind set. Attack. All you did this entire promo was attack everybody at every turn. Your progression has been mind blowing. You take every bit of advice and you apply it and make it work. You just got in their faces and told them to step up or step out because Colin Marshalls coming and I believe it. I could say whats good and what worked but it all ended up working for you. This is how Colin wins titles. Can you beat Gable or ICE? It's close. You're knockin on that door. Take your boot and kick it in. You're making great use of the underdog angle and it comes off believable. That can be a tough angle to sell but you are cashin checks with it. Suggestions: - Keep attacking. DO NOT let your opponents breath. - Just because you're an underdog and not a champion doesnt mean you cant talk hard. You make your opponents prove they can hang with you. From guys like Bartkowski on the low card all the way to Steve Orbit. Take the fight to them. - If you win this match do not lose your steam. If you win you're arnt just an underdog. you're a proven #1 contender for any belt you want and what ever you chose it should be because Colin Marshall is going to take it. - Use this to sling shot yourself and get some gold. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2014 22:35:00 GMT -5
Thank you very much Odin, appreciate it as always.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 29, 2014 1:27:39 GMT -5
RP: Prophesising the ultra-violent doomsday Handler: Seifer Overview thoughts: This is a far cry from fighting Orbit the other month RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 Critical Review: Where did this come from? Holy crap. Bravo. You just went off and killed everybody. The promo was long but you really just went all out. Do this every week. just not on this big of a scale. I dont see any bad points in this promo except for length but you clearly want this belt. I think you are going to get this belt. You could stand to tweek some stuff but it gives us the tools to set the mood you want. Its a good tactic. But you gotta resize the images. Suggestions: kee this up and you'll start killin most everybody |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2014 5:34:33 GMT -5
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Post by Kaz on Jun 29, 2014 5:50:45 GMT -5
RP: Oh Sinner Man Handler: Colin Marshall Overview thoughts: Colin put in a ton of work and it shows. RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 Critical Review: I'm going to tell you right now. Keep doing what you did here. Keep that mind set. Attack. All you did this entire promo was attack everybody at every turn. Your progression has been mind blowing. You take every bit of advice and you apply it and make it work. You just got in their faces and told them to step up or step out because Colin Marshalls coming and I believe it. I could say whats good and what worked but it all ended up working for you. This is how Colin wins titles. Can you beat Gable or ICE? It's close. You're knockin on that door. Take your boot and kick it in. You're making great use of the underdog angle and it comes off believable. That can be a tough angle to sell but you are cashin checks with it. Suggestions: - Keep attacking. DO NOT let your opponents breath. - Just because you're an underdog and not a champion doesnt mean you cant talk hard. You make your opponents prove they can hang with you. From guys like Bartkowski on the low card all the way to Steve Orbit. Take the fight to them. - If you win this match do not lose your steam. If you win you're arnt just an underdog. you're a proven #1 contender for any belt you want and what ever you chose it should be because Colin Marshall is going to take it. - Use this to sling shot yourself and get some gold. Thanks again Odin! I look forward to facing one of these two gentlemen in the near future...or whoever holds those belts after Blast. |
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Post by Seifer Black on Jun 29, 2014 7:22:23 GMT -5
RP: Prophesising the ultra-violent doomsday Handler: Seifer Overview thoughts: This is a far cry from fighting Orbit the other month RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 Critical Review: Where did this come from? Holy crap. Bravo. You just went off and killed everybody. The promo was long but you really just went all out. Do this every week. just not on this big of a scale. I dont see any bad points in this promo except for length but you clearly want this belt. I think you are going to get this belt. You could stand to tweek some stuff but it gives us the tools to set the mood you want. Its a good tactic. But you gotta resize the images. Suggestions: kee this up and you'll start killin most everybody I never thought i would see the day i got a 5 out of 5...... |
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Post by Doc Henry on Jun 29, 2014 13:12:56 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 1, 2014 17:28:56 GMT -5
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Post by Kaz on Jul 1, 2014 19:19:17 GMT -5
Odin! I know you're probably tired of reviewing my shet, but here's my latest RP - This War Is Ours. If you have a minute to check it out and tell me what you think, I'd sure appreciate it. Thanks! |
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Post by livewire on Jul 2, 2014 6:35:03 GMT -5
I know I'm new here, but I would like to think what our local feedback artist thinks of my first RP if you get a chance.
Thanks in advance
WATCH OUT!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2014 15:35:38 GMT -5
Just curious (not meaning to add to more you have to do lol) but if you could give me your thoughts on my RP last week, it would be much appreciated The Answering (A.K.A. Be Kind, Rewind) Please and thank you |
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Post by Seifer Black on Jul 2, 2014 16:49:18 GMT -5
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Post by Jay Omega on Jul 2, 2014 17:17:56 GMT -5
If you wouldn't mind adding it to your "To Review" list, Big AllDaddy Cool, I'd like to get your views on What A Let Down from last week. I'm open to any and all feedback from other people as well, but that should stay in my Feedback Recursion Loop, so as not to jumble up Odin's honoured thread. |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 2, 2014 23:22:37 GMT -5
Doc
Colin
Livewire
Gable
Sifer
Omega
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 3, 2014 0:08:54 GMT -5
RP: Here We Go again Handler: Doc Overview thoughts: Short and not very effective RP Breakdown Scene description: 2 Character Development: 2 Shoot: 3 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 2.5 out of 5 Critical Review: I guess you wernt kiddin when you said you cant do shoot. This is decent, 15 years ago. This isnt exactly the work you wana put out against strong opposition like team science. You're entire was: " oh, well, um, I'm going to kick your ass. " " I'm going to win and kick your ass and be champion." Maybe supportive evidence can help. So when Doc says: " I'm going to kick your ass." List why and how: A - B - C- Give details, make it come a live. We might be doing pro wrestling fiction but you dont have to worry about 3 minute segments. When you say " I'm going to win." Again, list why and how. You can say something like: " Team Science, ya'll had a good run but now Reb an I are fixin to put a little stars and bars hurtin' on ya. You can flap your lips all you want till the day grows cold but it don't change the fact that you're dealin' with the 5 time WCF tag team champions. Thats experience. Thats expertise. Thats 3 more ways from Sunday that New Confederacy is gonna whip your asses. You come up in here, to our ring with OUR titles, thinkin you can just put us down. A little Inginuity south of Dixie will fix that arrogance right up. That Confederate Rocket will be BLASTING! off and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it because all those X factors that your precious little science cant measure are on our side! But don't worry boys, thats somethin that ya'll know right quick when New Confederacy has the belts in our hands at the end of the night and all ya'll got is a double pair of black eyes. " shit like that. Do more of that Suggestions: Comments from above |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 3, 2014 0:27:57 GMT -5
Odin! I know you're probably tired of reviewing my shet, but here's my latest RP - This War Is Ours. If you have a minute to check it out and tell me what you think, I'd sure appreciate it. Thanks! RP: This War is Ours Handler: Colin Overview thoughts:Colin just puttin out more beastly work RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 4 Flow: 4 Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Critical Review: You have a lot of good stuff but you have a few issues too. Its not even things you forgot to do or did poorly. You have this very grand promo that really gives Colin life and we see his interpersonal stuff and his match stuff but there is actually TOO MUCH of it. You have 6 scenes in your RP. 6. As in one more than 5. as in 2 or 3 more than what you might consider using. I mean, if you felt strongly in 6- thats your call everyday, all day. The issue is that there is too much information going on but you could have taken scene #3 and #4 and used them for a diffrent RP. Another thing is the VO's. Internal monologues are great for development. thats development all day long but it will not win you a match. It'll help a lot but it's something that you may want to limit and save for important development. Again. Nothing bad in this promo, just things that slow down and distract from what you're doing for. You are playing a lot of angles and its not going to get you far in winning. The best way from A to B is a straight line. the road can be long and maybe a bit bumpy but you don't have to have S curves up a mountain to get there. Simplify. Stream line. You already know all of your content is good. The shoot, the CD, the narration. The car is perfect. Just gotta build that road. Suggestions: Above stated |
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Post by Kaz on Jul 3, 2014 0:39:41 GMT -5
Thanks Odin! The only reason I split it up into different scenes like that is to make sure the reader knew it was kind of splitting off into a flashback or a flashforward or whatever. It wasn't really to clutter the piece up or anything. Thanks for the feedback again!
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