Post by Alex Richards on May 22, 2015 0:31:58 GMT -5
RP: Buddy Roman Pulls A Promo
Handler: Buddy Roman
Overview thoughts: You know it never seems to matter what character he's using Odin always brings the shoot.
Scene description: 3
Character Development: 3.5
Overall Rating: 4 out of 5
Can I really give a critical review to Odin? Dude knows what he's doing to the point he regularly writes these. First off, the first segment really made me wonder what Buddy Roman's masterplan is with drugging the members of his own stable. Hope to see more of this. Caught my interest. Conquer the Yoo Hoo made me laugh when I read it. The shoot as usual was great. Did a good job giving the impression someone who has never wrestled a single match, besides the internet battle royal, might actually have a wrestling background somewhere due solely to the fact that Buddy is so obviously a liar that the mere fact he claimed he has never done this before casts doubt on the statement.
Suggestions: Now I know I can't give the All Father suggestions
Another amazing sig made by Chelsea Armstrong- Many thanks
Odin! It's been a while! I was hoping you would be kind enough to give me something to chew on with my latest RP when you have some time The Carnival Returns
RP: Return of The Dark Carnival
Handler: Chavis ( E. Chavis. That Dirty Navaho Warrior )
Overview thoughts: Chavis gets sucked back into that dark carnival thing. Be interesting to se where it goes
Scene description: 5
Character Development: 3
Overall Rating: 4 out of 5
This was kinda weird because you're revisiting something and just gave us brief exposition on it. In this RP you didnt get too much into detail and maybe you should have so everyone is up to speed and ready to take the journey with you. However, it serves well for an introduction to the story arc and makes Chavis feel lost and vulnerable to the reader. The scene descript was very good and played well into the tone of the carnival.
Your shoot was fine. You talked about Kaz. You talked about the weeks leading up to the match. I mean, shoot could have been better but it was ok. You spoke about everything as a whole so you didnt really need the punch that most guys need. Althogh when I do read the Chavis shoot, I expect something different because of the character but it ends up being kinda “ normal” nothing wrong with that, just an observation.
The flow was fine. Read great. Short and sweet. We dont need novellas in WCF to get wins and get points across. This character doesnt need them either. Give us segments and keep us engaged
- I'd say give more CD. But I'm sure that'll come in time.
- With your shoot, it wouldnt hurt to really make it sting but thats just me. With shoot I feel there has to be a “knock out” factor
Overview thoughts: A lot going on here. I had a hard time taking it in without skipping around.
Scene description: 2
Character Development: 3
Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5
What you wrote wasnt bad. Everything was kinda on point. The thing that killed you was the delivery. Its hard to have narration as scene description. It feels weird and is easy to get off track and start going on tangets. It just feels heavy at times.
The flow suffered greatly. I wanted to give you a 1 but I couldnt do that to you. Can see that you put boat loads of effort into this match. Unfortunately the character dialogue and the narration killed it for me and I skipped around trying to find match related content. A lot of it was related but it came across as filler and wasnt engaging me as a reader. Its always bad when the reader wants to skip around and find things or has to go back and re-read. This really brought down a soild RP.
Richards has a choice to make it seems with how Pantheon is shaping up. Right now you're Pantheon B team. You're in the shadow of Fly, Orbit and CD and you're strufggling to make identities. That is Richards driving motivation
Your shoot was on point, you did good with that and I really don't need to give you tips, you're on it.
But the way the RP is presented, I want to skip around. Thats no good
I want to like your narration style. Unfortunately it can be double edge because it gives unique insight to whats going on and a cool prospective but at the same time it can hurt. In this RP, it hurt. I would say that you SHOULD keep this. I know that you do it and thats awesome but try to keep it confined. Once you start going on tangets, its not really going to work. I did this in my ZMAC RP and even I prolly fucked it up.
Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 14, 2015 16:31:21 GMT -5
With the recent influx of new talent I will be re-posting the grading rubric and conditions for my reviews
If you want feedback from me specifically, post the link to the RP in a reply and I'll get to it as time allows and in the order in which request are given. Below is my grading template for those who are not familiar with it. The system is based "out of 5" mainly due to the fact that a 10 point scale would be difficult to keep accurate. I do not judge off of personal tastes. I take an objective approach from a readers stand point. Things like style and coding arnt taken into consideration unless they really hinder the flow and feel of the piece.
~ REMINDER: SETH IS THE ONLY JUDGE IN WCF.
NOTE: DUE TO THE NATURE OF THEIR CONTENTS, I WILL NO LONGER REVIEW CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT PROMOS.
NOTE: THE SCALE IS MEANT TO BUILD STRENGTHS AND IMPROVE ABILITY. NOT TO BRING ANYONE DOWN
NOTE: ANY ATTEMPT TO SATISFY A PERFECT SCORE IN THIS TEMPLATE MAY NOT GUARANTEE A VICTORY IN YOUR RESPECTIVE MATCH
ATTN WCF: IF I DO NOT GET TO YOUR PROMO, DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE. IN THE FUTURE PLEASE RING BELL FOR SERVICE ( OR PM ME). I REVIEW PROMOS IN MY SPARE TIME, AS TIME ALLOWS ME TO DO SO.
Odin. I would like feedback on "The Nightmare Begins." Abaddon first promo yo
RP: Nightmare Begins
Overview thoughts: I'm more interested in the flash back part of the promo then the shoot aspect of the promo
Scene description: 2
Character Development: 1
Overall Rating: 3 out of 5
This is a very “ blah” type promo. I really didnt want to lead off with that but thats really what it is. I have more questions then answers. I enjoyed the flash back part and wanted to see more of it and I wanted to see more of Abaddon and his motivations. Thats the killer of this promo. Its not so much what you wrote but what you didnt write.
Scene Description: Give me some. It was there and it was a minimal.
Character Development: Where is it? Why is it? Why would a demon be like “ I want to play a mortal game”
[ As for me? It doesn't matter what you call me. Good. Evil. In the end, it all comes down to one thing...redemption. People need to be held accountable for their actions, for the things that they have done. That is why I am here WCF. I am your punishment. Religion has nothing to do with this. WCF is the most tainted thing out there. Murders. Robbers. Rapers. Criminals. Terrible, terrible people pass through here and get the praise that immortals would get. Because of this, I have been unleashed on you all. ]
That makes you a face, doesnt it? I just have a hard time believing that this demon now wants to punish like 40 random dudes for no reason other than – plot holes? Its like a truck carrying plots holes just crashed in a tunnel of infinite plot holes.
Questions. I got 'em
THEN HE SHOOTS ON THEM? WHY... WHY.... WHY YOU MAKE MY HEAD HURT?
The Shoot: It was standard shoot for a multi-man match. I'm not going to demans much from this because its like cluster fuck. It passed
Flow: The flow saved you because it was well paced and had good transitions
~ Motivations are important. IMO, Punishment isnt a good enough reason for an omnipotent being like abaddon to exist in WCF. If you already spoke about such motivations, you should recap them.