Post by Jayson Price on Jul 20, 2014 16:53:53 GMT -5
July 19th, 2014
Price Tower
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1:00PM
Cameraman Stu: "Hello. My name is Stuart Cameraman and if you are viewing this tape, then I am dead."
As the scene slowly fades in we hear the overly dramatic voice of Cameraman Stu speaking. We soon find ourselves back inside of the elevator in Price Tower as Stu has turned his camera around and is speaking directly to it.
Cameraman Stu: "The time is currently 1:03PM and the date is July 20th, 2014. I am on my way up to the top floor of Price Tower to check on Jayson Price, who has been uncharacteristically quiet in the two weeks since myself and several others attempted to host an intervention to curb his alcohol issues. With the lone exceptions being his appearances at Slam on July 6th and July 13th, no one has seen Price and there is worry that he may have resorted to his old, more troubling habits after our attempt to help him. I, unfortunately, drew the short straw amongst our small group and now have the task of trying to reach out to him. May God have mercy on my soul."
We see Stu wipe a few beads of sweat from his forehead before he turns the camera back around. The elevator arrives at the top floor and a ding is heard as the doors slowly slide open. He steps out into the hallway expecting to find it dark and quiet as it always is, only to find the sun shining rightly through the open curtains. There's even a smell of french toast and syrup in the air.
Cameraman Stu: "The fuck is this?"
Stu looks back at the elevator like he might be thinking of running when Price's voice can be heard from the other end of the hall.
Jayson Price: "Is someone there?"
Price's head peeks around the corner and Stu nervously waves to him.
Jayson Price: "Stu? What a pleasent surprise! Come on in."
Price disappears back around the corner as Stu takes one last look back at the elevator before slowly heading down the hall toward the living room. As he draws closer, Stu can hear the sounds of busy traffic from the Philadelphia streets. With the smell of french toast and syrup getting stronger, Stu reaches the living room and sees Price sitting outside on the balcony, enjoying the sunlight and a large plate of the delicious breakfast treat.
Jayson Price: "Help yourself if you're hungry, I made plenty."
Cameraman Stu: "Uh...thanks? But I'm really not hungry."
Jayson Price: "Suit yourself. It's damn good though."
Stu looks around at the living room, confused by the appearance. Price was never exactly a slob but the entire room smells of lemon pledge and there's not an empty liquor bottle or dirty glass in sight. As Price continues to eat, Stu finally makes his way out onto the balcony. Price is lounging in one of his chairs, feet propped up on the railing, enjoying his brunch and a tall glass of orange juice.
Cameraman Stu: "So you look...good."
Jayson Price: "You sound surprised."
Cameraman Stu: "Well the last time I saw you, you weren't exactly doing all that great. Then you kind of cut off communication with all of us and we started to think the worst."
Jayson Price: "I suppose the last time we talked I didn't exactly behave the best. I'm sorry for that Stu."
Cameraman Stu: "It's all right, I mean...wait. Did you just apologize to me?"
Price nods his head as he chews his food.
Cameraman Stu: "You've never apologized to me in the two years that we've known each other. Not even for the really bad shit you did to me."
Jayson Price: "Well I'm sorry for that."
Cameraman Stu: "I...what?"
Stu runs his hands through his hair as he turns around and leans over the balcony, looking out at the Philadelphia skyline.
Jayson Price: "Something wrong?"
Cameraman Stu: "No, nothing wrong. I'm just dreaming."
Jayson Price: "Dreaming?"
Cameraman Stu: "Yeah. I didn't see it before, I thought maybe I was just imagining things. But no, I'm dreaming. It's the only thing that explains all of this."
Stu looks down at the people walking and the cars driving 43 stories below. He leans further out over the railing, raising himself up onto his tiptoes in the process.
Jayson Price: "Whatcha doing there Stu?"
Cameraman Stu: "I'm going to push myself over this railing."
Jayson Price: "Oh really?"
Cameraman Stu: "Yep! But don't worry, it's all a dream! I'm going to go over the edge and then glide like Batman!"
Jayson Price: "You've really thought this through, huh?"
Cameraman Stu: "You know it!"
As Stu continues to push himself up and teeter on the railing, Price slowly sets his plate down on the small table beside his chair and slide quietly off his chair. When Stu's feet come up off the ground and he starts to slip forward, Price grabs him by the ankles and holds on tightly.
Jayson Price: "THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
Cameraman Stu: "Flying! EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGLE!"
Jayson Price: "This isn't a dream you dumb fuck. Are you trying to kill yourself?
Cameraman Stu: "....it's not a dream?"
Jayson Price: "NO!"
Cameraman Stu: "...PULL ME THE FUCK BACK UP!"
Jayson Price: "You sure?"
Cameraman Stu: "YES I'M SURE YOU FUCKER! PULL ME BACK UP NOW!"
Jayson Price: "But you seemed so happy when you thought you were going to be like Batman!"
Cameraman Stu: "JUST PULL ME UP NOW!"
Price pulls Stu roughly back over the railing, letting him flop facefirst onto the concrete. He walks back over to his chair, throws his feet back up onto the railing and resumes eating his french toast.
Jayson Price: "By the way, I dug the Scrubs reference."
Cameraman Stu: "Uhh...my nose. Why'd you have to drop me?"
Jayson Price: "Really? I save your life and you're bitching about a little blood coming from your nose?"
Cameraman Stu: "Save my life? It was your fault I was in that predicament in the first place!"
Jayson Price: "Predicament? Since when do cameramen use such big words?"
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck you Price."
Jayson Price: "There, that's more like it. Now what exactly did you mean by 'it was your fault'? You're blaming me for you being a fucking moron and trying to fly?"
Cameraman Stu: "Yes!"
Jayson Price: "And how exactly do you figure that?"
Cameraman Stu: "The way you were acting! The clean house. Being awake in the middle of the afternoon. Sitting out here in the sunlight eating fucking brunch."
Jayson Price: "Hey! Don't you dare talk shit on brunch."
Cameraman Stu: "All of this, it isn't you. You're supposed to be laying somewhere passed out drunk. So excuse me for thinking that none of this was real."
Jayson Price: "You know, most people pinch themselves when they think they're dreaming. Not do a belly flop off a skyscraper."
Cameraman Stu: "Are you even paying attention to what I'm saying?"
Jayson Price: "Do I ever?"
Price finishes off his meal and sets his plate down before picking up his glass of orange juice. Stu sits himself up against the railing, holding his nose as blood trickles out through his fingers and onto the concrete.
Cameraman Stu: "Wait. Does that mean you actually apologized and meant it?"
Jayson Price: "Did I ever say I meant it?"
Cameraman Stu: "Well no, but..."
Jayson Price: "Quit acting like such a woman and trying to analyze everything I say."
Cameraman Stu: "You know what, fuck you."
Stu pushes himself up to his feet and heads inside to clean himself up a bit, dripping little spots of blood on the hardwood floors along the way.
Jayson Price: "You're cleaning that up right?"
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck you, asshole."
Stu disappears inside as Price finishes off his orange juice. Suddenly there's a beeping sound from where Stu had been sitting and Price looks down to see Stu's cell phone laying on the concrete.
Jayson Price: "Well this has some possibilities."
Price gets up out of his chair and scoops up Stu's cell phone.
Jayson Price: "When are people going to learn that a finger swipe isn't a security setting?"
Price swipes his finger across the screen and pulls up the last message as Stu reappears holding a towel up to his nose.
Cameraman Stu: "If you think I'm cleaning up that blood after you- HEY! MY PHONE!"
Stu rushes over and reaches for his phone but Price turns away as he stares at the picture on the phone.
Jayson Price: "Well hey now Stu, that isn't your wife's pussy. What's this all about? Who's A. Kearny?"
Stu makes a final grab for his phone and rips it from Price's hands.
Cameraman Stu: "It's none of your damn business who she is."
Jayson Price: "Hey I'm not judging. If you want to sext with some dark chocolate behind your wife's back, go for it. I just didn't think you had it in you."
Cameraman Stu: "Yeah, well when your wife hasn't let you fuck her in six months, you start looking around for something better than Playboy."
Jayson Price: "Playboy? Who the fuck still looks at nudie magazines with all the free porn on the Internet?"
Cameraman Stu: "Well when there's only one computer in the house you have to watch what sites you visit."
Jayson Price: "Who the fuck still only has one computer in their house these days?"
Cameraman Stu: "Well we're not all millionaires with skyscrapers. Some of us have to make due without things like a second computer or an entire floor set aside just for girls having pillow fights on trampolines."
Jayson Price: "That's only my 4th favorite floor in this tower."
Cameraman Stu: "I don't even now why I'm trying to explain this to you."
Jayson Price: "That makes two of us. So how did you and 'miss Coke bottle up her snatch' meet exactly?"
Cameraman Stu: "...the hell are you talking about?"
Jayson Price: "That last picture she sent you. Take a look."
Stu, confused, opens the message back up and immediately starts to blush.
Cameraman Stu: "Uh...wow."
Jayson Price: "I never knew you had a thing for dark girls Stu. Good for you."
Cameraman Stu: "Yeah, well, how about we just drop this?"
Jayson Price: "Oh hell no. We're talking about this one for a while. So how'd you two meet?"
Cameraman Stu: "Kik."
Jayson Price: "The fuck is a 'Kik'?"
Cameraman Stu: "It's a messaging app for cell phones. You just-"
Jayson Price: "Spare me the details. The fuck is up with people these days? What happened to just going out to a bar and picking up some strange? Now everyone is using their cell phones to try and get women and don't know what the fuck to say when they actually meet one. Plus, you never know if that 'girl' you're typing game to takes a piss standing up or not."
Stu starts to say something in response but stops himself as he thinks.
Jayson Price: "Wait. Tell me you've at least talked on the phone with this girl. Tell me you haven't just been sending little text messages back and forth."
Cameraman Stu: "Well there were pictures too."
Price shakes his head in disbelief.
Jayson Price: "You stupid son of a bitch. Do you know how easy it is to steal a photo off the internet and send it someone? This girl could be 6'3, black and have a dick the size of your forearm that 'she' wants to shove up your poop chute."
Cameraman Stu: "But...but she wouldn't do that!"
Jayson Price: "Well let's put that to the test. Where does this...what's her name?"
Cameraman Stu: "April. April Kearny."
Jayson Price: "..."
Cameraman Stu: "What?"
Jayson Price: "It's nothing. I just feel like I've heard that before. Anyway, where does this girl live?"
Cameraman Stu: "Uh, hold on a second."
Stu swipes through his messages before pulling up another one. He turns the phone around so that Price can see the screen.
Jayson Price: "You have an address? Have you been there?"
Cameraman Stu: "No! No of course I haven't been there. It's just..."
Jayson Price: "Oh, you've got to be kidding me. You've been sending her presents?"
Cameraman Stu: "No! Just letters, birthday cards, that kind of stuff. Never any money or anything expensive thought. I'm not that dumb."
Jayson Price: "Well halle-fucking-lujah. You've actually got some brain function. Wait. This address is in Jersey?"
Cameraman Stu: "Yeah. Why?"
Jayson Price: "We're going on an adventure!"
Cameraman Stu: "WAIT! WHAT?"
Price heads inside as Stu tucks his phone away and follows behind him.
Cameraman Stu: "Come on Jayson! Let's stay here! We can get drunk!"
Jayson Price: "I'm planning on doing that in the car. You drive!"
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck me."
The scene fades out to black as Stu hangs his head and slowly walks toward the elevator.
1 HOUR, 57 MINUTES LATER
The scene fades back in and we see Stu behind the wheel of his van as Price is seated in the passenger's seat holding his trusty silver flask.
Jayson Price: "God damn New Jersey. I always hated this place."
Cameraman Stu: "Why? What did it ever do to you?"
Jayson Price: "It knows what it did. It fucking knows."
Price turns to give New Jersey the finger when he sees a sign and begins laughing loudly. Laughter soon turns to coughing as Stu turns to see what the hell is the matter.
Cameraman Stu: "The fuck? You okay?"
Jayson Price: "Pull over...pull over?"
Tears are rolling down Price's face as he goes back and forth between laughing and coughing. Stu pulls the van off the road and onto the shoulder.
Cameraman Stu: "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Jayson Price: "Where are we headed right now?"
Cameraman Stu: "Bloomfield. Why?"
Jayson Price: "Pull out your phone and look at where we are right now."
Cameraman Stu: "What? Why?"
Jayson Price: "Just fucking do it."
Price continues laughing as Stu pulls out his phone and pulls up his map.
Cameraman Stu: "All right, it looks like we're in Kearny, New Jersey. What's so..."
Stu goes quiet as he stares at the map on his phone.
Cameraman Stu: "Kearny...Kearny...maybe it's just a coincidence!"
Jayson Price: "And maybe later I'm going to shit out a rainbow."
Cameraman Stu: "I...what the fuck. I don't get it."
Jayson Price: "Stu, you go played like a fiddle."
Cameraman Stu: "I know that! Don't you fucking think I know that? But why?"
Jayson Price: "Well that's what we're going to find out."
Cameraman Stu: "What? We're still going to the address? But why? It's probably a fake too."
Jayson Price: "Probably. But we've driven almost two hours already and we're only 10 minutes from there. No reason we can't finish off the drive just to be sure."
Cameraman Stu: "Sure, why not? What the fuck do we have to lose?"
Stu puts the van back into drive and pulls back onto the road as Price offers him a swig from his flask. Stu shakes his head and keeps focused on the road as Price shrugs his shoulders and takes a drink. Twelve minutes later, Stu pulls the van up alongside a curb in front of a small white house. Price takes a long look at the car in the driveway and his face scrunches up as he tries to rack his brain.
Cameraman Stu: "Something wrong?"
Jayson Price: "That car. I feel like I saw it once before."
Cameraman Stu: "Where?"
Jayson Price: "I'm not sure."
Cameraman Stu: "That's just the alcohol talking. Come on, let's get this over with."
Stu and Price climb out of the van and head up the walkway toward the front porch. Price lets Stu take the lead and Stu knocks on the front door. A few moments pass and the door opens to reveal a familiar, and surprising, face.
Jayson Price: "Hank?!"
Cameraman Stu: "Hank?!"
Hank Brown: "Price? How the fuck did you find my house?"
Cameraman Stu: "Forget that! Are you Black Honeydrop?"
Hank Brown: "What? Are you high? Do I look like a 'Black Honeydrop' to you?"
Cameraman Stu: "But...what?"
Hank Brown: "First I hear people think I'm black, now I'm being called Black Honeydrop. Where the hell are people getting this shit?"
Jayson Price: "Well to be fair, the first time I was told I was going to be interviewed by Hank Brown I pictured you as a black guy. Is that racist?"
Hank Brown: "The hell would I know about that?"
Both men shrug their shoulders as Stu continues to look confused.
Hank Brown: "The hell is wrong with Stu? He looks worse than usual."
Jayson Price: "He's been sexting what he thought was a black girl that lived at this address."
Hank begins to chuckle as Stu looks at Price.
Cameraman Stu: "Seriously? You just tell him like that?"
Jayson Price: "What? He asked!"
Cameraman Stu: "Still!"
Hank Brown: "You said she was at this address?"
Jayson Price: "Yeah. Used the name April Kearny and this here address."
Hank Brown: "Kearny? You mean like the town down the road?"
Jayson Price: "Yep."
Hank Brown: "Stu, I'm surprised at you. I thought you'd be smarter than this."
Jayson Price: "He never even called her. Just went off her text messages and love letters...wait a second. Stu you said you sent letters here. Hank did you ever get any letters or anything in the mail?"
Hank Brown: "Never anything out of the ordinary."
Jayson Price: "Well what the fuck happened to all the stuff he sent?"
At that exact moment there's another knock at the front door. Hank goes to the door, pulls it open and we see a large black man dressed like a mail man standing on the porch with a package and some envelopes in his hand.
Mail Man: "Afternoon Hank."
Hank Brown: "Hey there Dave, how you been?"
Mail Man Dave: "Not too bad. I got a package here I'm going to need you to sign for."
Hank Brown: "Oh my, that's a big package you brought me."
Jayson Price: "...is this a porno?"
As Hank takes the pen and signs his name, Dave the Mail Man looks over and sees Price standing in the kitchen. Dave gives him a friendly wave and Price nods his head back. The he looks over and sees Stu and his eyes go wide. Stu manages a nod but Dave does nothing back as he starts to breath heavy.
Hank Brown: "There you go Dave. Thank you ve-"
Mail Man Dave: "No problem! Gotta go!"
Dave takes his pen back from Hank and rushes off the porch.
Hank Brown: "Well now that was odd."
Jayson Price: "This whole day has been odd. Well Hank, I guess Stu and I are going to head back to Philly. I've got stuff to do before tomorrow and I'm thinking he needs to get out of Jersey before he finds out any other dirty secrets."
Cameraman Stu: "She said she loved me."
Jayson Price: "Sure she did. Come on champ, let's get you to the van so we can get out of here."
Price starts to lead Stu to the door when Hank speaks up again.
Hank Brown: "Well there's no reason your trip should be for nothing. Why don't we do like the old days and you and I have a little sit down chat. We could talk about Slam maybe?"
Jayson Price: "Eh, I dunno. Sounds kind of boring. Plus I thought you were done interviewing me after all the times our interviews ended with something bad happening to you?"
Hank Brown: "Well you've been here ten minutes and the world hasn't ended, so I suppose we can do it one more time."
Jayson Price: "You know I really do want to be home early tonight...hey, wait! I got an idea. Why don't you hop in the van and we do the interview while Stu drives?"
Hank Brown: "Oh well how am I going to get back home?"
Jayson Price: "Don't worry about that, I'll take care of everything."
Hank Brown: "...I've got a bad feeling now."
Price grabs Hank by the shoulder and steers both him and Stu toward the door as the scene fades to black.
10 Minutes Later
The scene fades back in and we find ourselves looking again at Cameraman Stu as he's driving his van. Price is in the passenger seat and Hank is in the seat behind Stu with a camera in hand.
Hank Brown: "You ready?"
Jayson Price: "I'm always ready."
Hank Brown: "All right then. I'm Hank Brown and-"
Jayson Price: "Shut up Hank."
Hank Brown: "What? You said you wanted to do an interview!"
Jayson Price: "Changed my mind. Just point the camera at me."
Hank Brown: "God damn it. This is why I stopped doing these with you."
Jayson Price: "Shh, no one cares. Now then, tomorrow night Jonny Fly, Corey Black and myself are teaming up for the first time since we won the Trios Cup. Everyone remembers that tournament right? When Team Pantheon showed everyone in WCF, again, why they suck. You'd think Seth Lerch would be smart enough not to book us against any other teams so we wouldn't embarrass them, but then again it's Seth Lerch and when's the last time he made a decision that didn't backfire in his face?"
Price looks to Hank and the camera as if he's expecting an answer but Hank remains quiet.
Jayson Price: "Exactly, it's never happened. So now, Fly, Black and I are looking at a little triple threat trios match, much like the last match in the tournament. The only difference being, in that match we were facing off against two teams being led by Hall Of Famers and full of former World Champions and established stars. This time we're facing off against...two teams not even remotely close to the challenge of that tournament finale. I mean, sure, Nattie von Liebert and Johnny Reb were World Champions at one point, but honestly who the fuck even remembers when Reb was champion? Or who he beat? Sure, he's a nice dude that was with Pantheon for a bit and we got to use his time machine after he vanished, but when he finally comes back he hooks right back up with Doc Henry? I'd be more pissed about him not even dropping me a line when he got back if I wasn't constantly scratching my head trying to figure out just why he came back to reform the New Confederacy. A few years back he and Doc were a pretty legitimate tag team in WCF, but the talent pool in the tag division was jack shit back then. Reb could carry Doc's ass every match, and he usually had to because Doc Henry has no fucking wrestling talent, and be just fine. But five years later Reb is going to learn fast that he's not going to be able to carry Doc's dead weight and win matches. Forget about Pantheon and any of the tag team combinations we can put together, right now the New Confederacy would be lucky, extremely lucky. to be even considered one of the top 5 teams in WCF. So I really hope it was worth the trip back Reb. I hope you came back just to relive some old memories with Doc and didn't have any real ideas about the New Confederacy holding tag gold once again. Because if you did you're going to find out real quick that this new WCF eats shit tag teams like yours and spits them right back out into the unemployment line."
Hank Brown: "Well they're not exactly alone this week."
Jayson Price: "I was getting there. Also, didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up? Grayson Pierce. Livewire. Speaking of which, isn't Livewire a flavor of Mountain Dew? You know, the orange one? Shit's fucking delicious. But back to Pierce. I don't know the fucking kid. I also didn't Jay Omega. Now I'll admit that I made a mistake in not knowing who Jay Omega was because I went into that match unprepared and I underestimated him. And I got embarrassed. Oh well, shit fucking happens. However, even though I don't know this 'Livewire' and his whole little story, I did take a few minutes to listen to some of the words he had to say. Most of it was garbage, just let it go in one ear and out the other, but one thing that did peak my interest is the fact that Mr. Livewire apparently wishes to wrestle the Jayson Price that took Steve Orbit to the limit a few weeks back at the PPV. He wants to wrestle the man that took the WCF World Champion to the mat for a ten count in a main event match. Now I'm not a rocket scientist, but it would seem to me that makes Grayson Pierce a very, very dumb man. Grayson, you're a nobody. You're a rookie. Hey, you want to make a name for yourself, I get it. But getting attention by saying some extremely stupid shit and then getting your ass handed to you is not the way you make a name for yourself. Don't believe me? Ask raYne. Or any of the countless jobbers that have shown up in WCF, opened their mouths the second they got any airtime and then got shut the fuck up courtesy of a boot being jammed down their throats. You really want to wrestle the guy that took Steve Orbit to his limit? Because I'll make sure you get the full 100%. But you need to be sure you can take it, because looking at you I don't see someone that can take the ass kicking that Steve took. I don't like that mother fucker one bit but he's a tough son of a bitch. You? You just look like a fucking bitch."
Price pauses to pull out his flask and take a swig.
Jayson Price: "Speaking of bitches, Chelsea Black..."
Hank Brown: "Whoa! Seriously?"
Jayson Price: "What?"
Hank Brown: "You're just going to start off by calling her a bitch?"
Jayson Price: "Yes?"
Hank Brown: "Whatever, just don't say I didn't warn you."
Jayson Price: "Oh boo fucking hoo, I called her a bitch. It's not like I called her a cunt. Or worse, a Twilight."
Price turns and winks at the camera. Fourth walls are fun to break.
Jayson Price: "Look, she wants to be in this business and wrestle with the boys, then I'm going to treat her just like one of the boys. I'll call you a dick, I'll call Stu a homo and I'll call pretty little Chelsea Black a bitch. See, equality for all! Isn't that what women have been crying about for years?"
Hank Brown: "You think Chelsea is pretty?"
Jayson Price: "I'd do her. But back to the point. Look, Chelsea wants to wrestle with the big boys. She's going to get her chance at Ultimate Showdown to do what only Twilight has done and be a woman holding the World Title. She wants it. She wants it real bad."
Hank Brown: "The World Title?"
Jayson Price: "Of course the World Title, it's what I was just talking about. The fuck did you think I meant?"
Hank Brown: "Your penis?"
Jayson Price: "Never thought I'd have to say this, but Hank, don't think about my penis. Ever. The problem is, I want that World Title. And so do the 8 other guys in the Ultimate Showdown match. But fuck all of them because I'll hit 'em all with a Pricebuster en route to becoming a two time World Champion. And that includes Chelsea Black. Miss Daisy isn't getting a nice, gentle pat on the ass as I guide her out of the ring so she doesn't get hurt. Nope, I'll pick her ass up and I'll plant her headfirst onto the mat just like everyone else. And then maybe I'll grab her ass."
Hank Brown: "You're just begging for a harassment lawsuit, aren't you?"
Jayson Price: "Meh, my lawyer has the routine down pact."
Hank shakes his head in disbelief.
Jayson Price: "All right, I see golden arches just ahead. Stu, you know the drill."
Stu nods his head, still depressed about earlier events.
Hank Brown: "And what about the two remaining opponents?"
Jayson Price: "Nattie von Liebert and Cheetah?"
Hank Brown: "You mean Hyena?"
Jayson Price: "Cheetah...Hyena...Rainbow Dash...doesn't really matter what his name is because he won't be around long enough for anyone to have to remember it. As for Nattie, hey, he's always good for some soundbytes at least. What's say we give him a hand?"
Nobody laughs at the joke. Awkward silence fills the van and we quickly cut to the end of the scene.
Price Tower
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1:00PM
Cameraman Stu: "Hello. My name is Stuart Cameraman and if you are viewing this tape, then I am dead."
As the scene slowly fades in we hear the overly dramatic voice of Cameraman Stu speaking. We soon find ourselves back inside of the elevator in Price Tower as Stu has turned his camera around and is speaking directly to it.
Cameraman Stu: "The time is currently 1:03PM and the date is July 20th, 2014. I am on my way up to the top floor of Price Tower to check on Jayson Price, who has been uncharacteristically quiet in the two weeks since myself and several others attempted to host an intervention to curb his alcohol issues. With the lone exceptions being his appearances at Slam on July 6th and July 13th, no one has seen Price and there is worry that he may have resorted to his old, more troubling habits after our attempt to help him. I, unfortunately, drew the short straw amongst our small group and now have the task of trying to reach out to him. May God have mercy on my soul."
We see Stu wipe a few beads of sweat from his forehead before he turns the camera back around. The elevator arrives at the top floor and a ding is heard as the doors slowly slide open. He steps out into the hallway expecting to find it dark and quiet as it always is, only to find the sun shining rightly through the open curtains. There's even a smell of french toast and syrup in the air.
Cameraman Stu: "The fuck is this?"
Stu looks back at the elevator like he might be thinking of running when Price's voice can be heard from the other end of the hall.
Jayson Price: "Is someone there?"
Price's head peeks around the corner and Stu nervously waves to him.
Jayson Price: "Stu? What a pleasent surprise! Come on in."
Price disappears back around the corner as Stu takes one last look back at the elevator before slowly heading down the hall toward the living room. As he draws closer, Stu can hear the sounds of busy traffic from the Philadelphia streets. With the smell of french toast and syrup getting stronger, Stu reaches the living room and sees Price sitting outside on the balcony, enjoying the sunlight and a large plate of the delicious breakfast treat.
Jayson Price: "Help yourself if you're hungry, I made plenty."
Cameraman Stu: "Uh...thanks? But I'm really not hungry."
Jayson Price: "Suit yourself. It's damn good though."
Stu looks around at the living room, confused by the appearance. Price was never exactly a slob but the entire room smells of lemon pledge and there's not an empty liquor bottle or dirty glass in sight. As Price continues to eat, Stu finally makes his way out onto the balcony. Price is lounging in one of his chairs, feet propped up on the railing, enjoying his brunch and a tall glass of orange juice.
Cameraman Stu: "So you look...good."
Jayson Price: "You sound surprised."
Cameraman Stu: "Well the last time I saw you, you weren't exactly doing all that great. Then you kind of cut off communication with all of us and we started to think the worst."
Jayson Price: "I suppose the last time we talked I didn't exactly behave the best. I'm sorry for that Stu."
Cameraman Stu: "It's all right, I mean...wait. Did you just apologize to me?"
Price nods his head as he chews his food.
Cameraman Stu: "You've never apologized to me in the two years that we've known each other. Not even for the really bad shit you did to me."
Jayson Price: "Well I'm sorry for that."
Cameraman Stu: "I...what?"
Stu runs his hands through his hair as he turns around and leans over the balcony, looking out at the Philadelphia skyline.
Jayson Price: "Something wrong?"
Cameraman Stu: "No, nothing wrong. I'm just dreaming."
Jayson Price: "Dreaming?"
Cameraman Stu: "Yeah. I didn't see it before, I thought maybe I was just imagining things. But no, I'm dreaming. It's the only thing that explains all of this."
Stu looks down at the people walking and the cars driving 43 stories below. He leans further out over the railing, raising himself up onto his tiptoes in the process.
Jayson Price: "Whatcha doing there Stu?"
Cameraman Stu: "I'm going to push myself over this railing."
Jayson Price: "Oh really?"
Cameraman Stu: "Yep! But don't worry, it's all a dream! I'm going to go over the edge and then glide like Batman!"
Jayson Price: "You've really thought this through, huh?"
Cameraman Stu: "You know it!"
As Stu continues to push himself up and teeter on the railing, Price slowly sets his plate down on the small table beside his chair and slide quietly off his chair. When Stu's feet come up off the ground and he starts to slip forward, Price grabs him by the ankles and holds on tightly.
Jayson Price: "THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
Cameraman Stu: "Flying! EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGLE!"
Jayson Price: "This isn't a dream you dumb fuck. Are you trying to kill yourself?
Cameraman Stu: "....it's not a dream?"
Jayson Price: "NO!"
Cameraman Stu: "...PULL ME THE FUCK BACK UP!"
Jayson Price: "You sure?"
Cameraman Stu: "YES I'M SURE YOU FUCKER! PULL ME BACK UP NOW!"
Jayson Price: "But you seemed so happy when you thought you were going to be like Batman!"
Cameraman Stu: "JUST PULL ME UP NOW!"
Price pulls Stu roughly back over the railing, letting him flop facefirst onto the concrete. He walks back over to his chair, throws his feet back up onto the railing and resumes eating his french toast.
Jayson Price: "By the way, I dug the Scrubs reference."
Cameraman Stu: "Uhh...my nose. Why'd you have to drop me?"
Jayson Price: "Really? I save your life and you're bitching about a little blood coming from your nose?"
Cameraman Stu: "Save my life? It was your fault I was in that predicament in the first place!"
Jayson Price: "Predicament? Since when do cameramen use such big words?"
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck you Price."
Jayson Price: "There, that's more like it. Now what exactly did you mean by 'it was your fault'? You're blaming me for you being a fucking moron and trying to fly?"
Cameraman Stu: "Yes!"
Jayson Price: "And how exactly do you figure that?"
Cameraman Stu: "The way you were acting! The clean house. Being awake in the middle of the afternoon. Sitting out here in the sunlight eating fucking brunch."
Jayson Price: "Hey! Don't you dare talk shit on brunch."
Cameraman Stu: "All of this, it isn't you. You're supposed to be laying somewhere passed out drunk. So excuse me for thinking that none of this was real."
Jayson Price: "You know, most people pinch themselves when they think they're dreaming. Not do a belly flop off a skyscraper."
Cameraman Stu: "Are you even paying attention to what I'm saying?"
Jayson Price: "Do I ever?"
Price finishes off his meal and sets his plate down before picking up his glass of orange juice. Stu sits himself up against the railing, holding his nose as blood trickles out through his fingers and onto the concrete.
Cameraman Stu: "Wait. Does that mean you actually apologized and meant it?"
Jayson Price: "Did I ever say I meant it?"
Cameraman Stu: "Well no, but..."
Jayson Price: "Quit acting like such a woman and trying to analyze everything I say."
Cameraman Stu: "You know what, fuck you."
Stu pushes himself up to his feet and heads inside to clean himself up a bit, dripping little spots of blood on the hardwood floors along the way.
Jayson Price: "You're cleaning that up right?"
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck you, asshole."
Stu disappears inside as Price finishes off his orange juice. Suddenly there's a beeping sound from where Stu had been sitting and Price looks down to see Stu's cell phone laying on the concrete.
Jayson Price: "Well this has some possibilities."
Price gets up out of his chair and scoops up Stu's cell phone.
Jayson Price: "When are people going to learn that a finger swipe isn't a security setting?"
Price swipes his finger across the screen and pulls up the last message as Stu reappears holding a towel up to his nose.
Cameraman Stu: "If you think I'm cleaning up that blood after you- HEY! MY PHONE!"
Stu rushes over and reaches for his phone but Price turns away as he stares at the picture on the phone.
Jayson Price: "Well hey now Stu, that isn't your wife's pussy. What's this all about? Who's A. Kearny?"
Stu makes a final grab for his phone and rips it from Price's hands.
Cameraman Stu: "It's none of your damn business who she is."
Jayson Price: "Hey I'm not judging. If you want to sext with some dark chocolate behind your wife's back, go for it. I just didn't think you had it in you."
Cameraman Stu: "Yeah, well when your wife hasn't let you fuck her in six months, you start looking around for something better than Playboy."
Jayson Price: "Playboy? Who the fuck still looks at nudie magazines with all the free porn on the Internet?"
Cameraman Stu: "Well when there's only one computer in the house you have to watch what sites you visit."
Jayson Price: "Who the fuck still only has one computer in their house these days?"
Cameraman Stu: "Well we're not all millionaires with skyscrapers. Some of us have to make due without things like a second computer or an entire floor set aside just for girls having pillow fights on trampolines."
Jayson Price: "That's only my 4th favorite floor in this tower."
Cameraman Stu: "I don't even now why I'm trying to explain this to you."
Jayson Price: "That makes two of us. So how did you and 'miss Coke bottle up her snatch' meet exactly?"
Cameraman Stu: "...the hell are you talking about?"
Jayson Price: "That last picture she sent you. Take a look."
Stu, confused, opens the message back up and immediately starts to blush.
Cameraman Stu: "Uh...wow."
Jayson Price: "I never knew you had a thing for dark girls Stu. Good for you."
Cameraman Stu: "Yeah, well, how about we just drop this?"
Jayson Price: "Oh hell no. We're talking about this one for a while. So how'd you two meet?"
Cameraman Stu: "Kik."
Jayson Price: "The fuck is a 'Kik'?"
Cameraman Stu: "It's a messaging app for cell phones. You just-"
Jayson Price: "Spare me the details. The fuck is up with people these days? What happened to just going out to a bar and picking up some strange? Now everyone is using their cell phones to try and get women and don't know what the fuck to say when they actually meet one. Plus, you never know if that 'girl' you're typing game to takes a piss standing up or not."
Stu starts to say something in response but stops himself as he thinks.
Jayson Price: "Wait. Tell me you've at least talked on the phone with this girl. Tell me you haven't just been sending little text messages back and forth."
Cameraman Stu: "Well there were pictures too."
Price shakes his head in disbelief.
Jayson Price: "You stupid son of a bitch. Do you know how easy it is to steal a photo off the internet and send it someone? This girl could be 6'3, black and have a dick the size of your forearm that 'she' wants to shove up your poop chute."
Cameraman Stu: "But...but she wouldn't do that!"
Jayson Price: "Well let's put that to the test. Where does this...what's her name?"
Cameraman Stu: "April. April Kearny."
Jayson Price: "..."
Cameraman Stu: "What?"
Jayson Price: "It's nothing. I just feel like I've heard that before. Anyway, where does this girl live?"
Cameraman Stu: "Uh, hold on a second."
Stu swipes through his messages before pulling up another one. He turns the phone around so that Price can see the screen.
Jayson Price: "You have an address? Have you been there?"
Cameraman Stu: "No! No of course I haven't been there. It's just..."
Jayson Price: "Oh, you've got to be kidding me. You've been sending her presents?"
Cameraman Stu: "No! Just letters, birthday cards, that kind of stuff. Never any money or anything expensive thought. I'm not that dumb."
Jayson Price: "Well halle-fucking-lujah. You've actually got some brain function. Wait. This address is in Jersey?"
Cameraman Stu: "Yeah. Why?"
Jayson Price: "We're going on an adventure!"
Cameraman Stu: "WAIT! WHAT?"
Price heads inside as Stu tucks his phone away and follows behind him.
Cameraman Stu: "Come on Jayson! Let's stay here! We can get drunk!"
Jayson Price: "I'm planning on doing that in the car. You drive!"
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck me."
The scene fades out to black as Stu hangs his head and slowly walks toward the elevator.
1 HOUR, 57 MINUTES LATER
The scene fades back in and we see Stu behind the wheel of his van as Price is seated in the passenger's seat holding his trusty silver flask.
Jayson Price: "God damn New Jersey. I always hated this place."
Cameraman Stu: "Why? What did it ever do to you?"
Jayson Price: "It knows what it did. It fucking knows."
Price turns to give New Jersey the finger when he sees a sign and begins laughing loudly. Laughter soon turns to coughing as Stu turns to see what the hell is the matter.
Cameraman Stu: "The fuck? You okay?"
Jayson Price: "Pull over...pull over?"
Tears are rolling down Price's face as he goes back and forth between laughing and coughing. Stu pulls the van off the road and onto the shoulder.
Cameraman Stu: "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Jayson Price: "Where are we headed right now?"
Cameraman Stu: "Bloomfield. Why?"
Jayson Price: "Pull out your phone and look at where we are right now."
Cameraman Stu: "What? Why?"
Jayson Price: "Just fucking do it."
Price continues laughing as Stu pulls out his phone and pulls up his map.
Cameraman Stu: "All right, it looks like we're in Kearny, New Jersey. What's so..."
Stu goes quiet as he stares at the map on his phone.
Cameraman Stu: "Kearny...Kearny...maybe it's just a coincidence!"
Jayson Price: "And maybe later I'm going to shit out a rainbow."
Cameraman Stu: "I...what the fuck. I don't get it."
Jayson Price: "Stu, you go played like a fiddle."
Cameraman Stu: "I know that! Don't you fucking think I know that? But why?"
Jayson Price: "Well that's what we're going to find out."
Cameraman Stu: "What? We're still going to the address? But why? It's probably a fake too."
Jayson Price: "Probably. But we've driven almost two hours already and we're only 10 minutes from there. No reason we can't finish off the drive just to be sure."
Cameraman Stu: "Sure, why not? What the fuck do we have to lose?"
Stu puts the van back into drive and pulls back onto the road as Price offers him a swig from his flask. Stu shakes his head and keeps focused on the road as Price shrugs his shoulders and takes a drink. Twelve minutes later, Stu pulls the van up alongside a curb in front of a small white house. Price takes a long look at the car in the driveway and his face scrunches up as he tries to rack his brain.
Cameraman Stu: "Something wrong?"
Jayson Price: "That car. I feel like I saw it once before."
Cameraman Stu: "Where?"
Jayson Price: "I'm not sure."
Cameraman Stu: "That's just the alcohol talking. Come on, let's get this over with."
Stu and Price climb out of the van and head up the walkway toward the front porch. Price lets Stu take the lead and Stu knocks on the front door. A few moments pass and the door opens to reveal a familiar, and surprising, face.
Jayson Price: "Hank?!"
Cameraman Stu: "Hank?!"
Hank Brown: "Price? How the fuck did you find my house?"
Cameraman Stu: "Forget that! Are you Black Honeydrop?"
Hank Brown: "What? Are you high? Do I look like a 'Black Honeydrop' to you?"
Cameraman Stu: "But...what?"
Hank Brown: "First I hear people think I'm black, now I'm being called Black Honeydrop. Where the hell are people getting this shit?"
Jayson Price: "Well to be fair, the first time I was told I was going to be interviewed by Hank Brown I pictured you as a black guy. Is that racist?"
Hank Brown: "The hell would I know about that?"
Both men shrug their shoulders as Stu continues to look confused.
Hank Brown: "The hell is wrong with Stu? He looks worse than usual."
Jayson Price: "He's been sexting what he thought was a black girl that lived at this address."
Hank begins to chuckle as Stu looks at Price.
Cameraman Stu: "Seriously? You just tell him like that?"
Jayson Price: "What? He asked!"
Cameraman Stu: "Still!"
Hank Brown: "You said she was at this address?"
Jayson Price: "Yeah. Used the name April Kearny and this here address."
Hank Brown: "Kearny? You mean like the town down the road?"
Jayson Price: "Yep."
Hank Brown: "Stu, I'm surprised at you. I thought you'd be smarter than this."
Jayson Price: "He never even called her. Just went off her text messages and love letters...wait a second. Stu you said you sent letters here. Hank did you ever get any letters or anything in the mail?"
Hank Brown: "Never anything out of the ordinary."
Jayson Price: "Well what the fuck happened to all the stuff he sent?"
At that exact moment there's another knock at the front door. Hank goes to the door, pulls it open and we see a large black man dressed like a mail man standing on the porch with a package and some envelopes in his hand.
Mail Man: "Afternoon Hank."
Hank Brown: "Hey there Dave, how you been?"
Mail Man Dave: "Not too bad. I got a package here I'm going to need you to sign for."
Hank Brown: "Oh my, that's a big package you brought me."
Jayson Price: "...is this a porno?"
As Hank takes the pen and signs his name, Dave the Mail Man looks over and sees Price standing in the kitchen. Dave gives him a friendly wave and Price nods his head back. The he looks over and sees Stu and his eyes go wide. Stu manages a nod but Dave does nothing back as he starts to breath heavy.
Hank Brown: "There you go Dave. Thank you ve-"
Mail Man Dave: "No problem! Gotta go!"
Dave takes his pen back from Hank and rushes off the porch.
Hank Brown: "Well now that was odd."
Jayson Price: "This whole day has been odd. Well Hank, I guess Stu and I are going to head back to Philly. I've got stuff to do before tomorrow and I'm thinking he needs to get out of Jersey before he finds out any other dirty secrets."
Cameraman Stu: "She said she loved me."
Jayson Price: "Sure she did. Come on champ, let's get you to the van so we can get out of here."
Price starts to lead Stu to the door when Hank speaks up again.
Hank Brown: "Well there's no reason your trip should be for nothing. Why don't we do like the old days and you and I have a little sit down chat. We could talk about Slam maybe?"
Jayson Price: "Eh, I dunno. Sounds kind of boring. Plus I thought you were done interviewing me after all the times our interviews ended with something bad happening to you?"
Hank Brown: "Well you've been here ten minutes and the world hasn't ended, so I suppose we can do it one more time."
Jayson Price: "You know I really do want to be home early tonight...hey, wait! I got an idea. Why don't you hop in the van and we do the interview while Stu drives?"
Hank Brown: "Oh well how am I going to get back home?"
Jayson Price: "Don't worry about that, I'll take care of everything."
Hank Brown: "...I've got a bad feeling now."
Price grabs Hank by the shoulder and steers both him and Stu toward the door as the scene fades to black.
10 Minutes Later
The scene fades back in and we find ourselves looking again at Cameraman Stu as he's driving his van. Price is in the passenger seat and Hank is in the seat behind Stu with a camera in hand.
Hank Brown: "You ready?"
Jayson Price: "I'm always ready."
Hank Brown: "All right then. I'm Hank Brown and-"
Jayson Price: "Shut up Hank."
Hank Brown: "What? You said you wanted to do an interview!"
Jayson Price: "Changed my mind. Just point the camera at me."
Hank Brown: "God damn it. This is why I stopped doing these with you."
Jayson Price: "Shh, no one cares. Now then, tomorrow night Jonny Fly, Corey Black and myself are teaming up for the first time since we won the Trios Cup. Everyone remembers that tournament right? When Team Pantheon showed everyone in WCF, again, why they suck. You'd think Seth Lerch would be smart enough not to book us against any other teams so we wouldn't embarrass them, but then again it's Seth Lerch and when's the last time he made a decision that didn't backfire in his face?"
Price looks to Hank and the camera as if he's expecting an answer but Hank remains quiet.
Jayson Price: "Exactly, it's never happened. So now, Fly, Black and I are looking at a little triple threat trios match, much like the last match in the tournament. The only difference being, in that match we were facing off against two teams being led by Hall Of Famers and full of former World Champions and established stars. This time we're facing off against...two teams not even remotely close to the challenge of that tournament finale. I mean, sure, Nattie von Liebert and Johnny Reb were World Champions at one point, but honestly who the fuck even remembers when Reb was champion? Or who he beat? Sure, he's a nice dude that was with Pantheon for a bit and we got to use his time machine after he vanished, but when he finally comes back he hooks right back up with Doc Henry? I'd be more pissed about him not even dropping me a line when he got back if I wasn't constantly scratching my head trying to figure out just why he came back to reform the New Confederacy. A few years back he and Doc were a pretty legitimate tag team in WCF, but the talent pool in the tag division was jack shit back then. Reb could carry Doc's ass every match, and he usually had to because Doc Henry has no fucking wrestling talent, and be just fine. But five years later Reb is going to learn fast that he's not going to be able to carry Doc's dead weight and win matches. Forget about Pantheon and any of the tag team combinations we can put together, right now the New Confederacy would be lucky, extremely lucky. to be even considered one of the top 5 teams in WCF. So I really hope it was worth the trip back Reb. I hope you came back just to relive some old memories with Doc and didn't have any real ideas about the New Confederacy holding tag gold once again. Because if you did you're going to find out real quick that this new WCF eats shit tag teams like yours and spits them right back out into the unemployment line."
Hank Brown: "Well they're not exactly alone this week."
Jayson Price: "I was getting there. Also, didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up? Grayson Pierce. Livewire. Speaking of which, isn't Livewire a flavor of Mountain Dew? You know, the orange one? Shit's fucking delicious. But back to Pierce. I don't know the fucking kid. I also didn't Jay Omega. Now I'll admit that I made a mistake in not knowing who Jay Omega was because I went into that match unprepared and I underestimated him. And I got embarrassed. Oh well, shit fucking happens. However, even though I don't know this 'Livewire' and his whole little story, I did take a few minutes to listen to some of the words he had to say. Most of it was garbage, just let it go in one ear and out the other, but one thing that did peak my interest is the fact that Mr. Livewire apparently wishes to wrestle the Jayson Price that took Steve Orbit to the limit a few weeks back at the PPV. He wants to wrestle the man that took the WCF World Champion to the mat for a ten count in a main event match. Now I'm not a rocket scientist, but it would seem to me that makes Grayson Pierce a very, very dumb man. Grayson, you're a nobody. You're a rookie. Hey, you want to make a name for yourself, I get it. But getting attention by saying some extremely stupid shit and then getting your ass handed to you is not the way you make a name for yourself. Don't believe me? Ask raYne. Or any of the countless jobbers that have shown up in WCF, opened their mouths the second they got any airtime and then got shut the fuck up courtesy of a boot being jammed down their throats. You really want to wrestle the guy that took Steve Orbit to his limit? Because I'll make sure you get the full 100%. But you need to be sure you can take it, because looking at you I don't see someone that can take the ass kicking that Steve took. I don't like that mother fucker one bit but he's a tough son of a bitch. You? You just look like a fucking bitch."
Price pauses to pull out his flask and take a swig.
Jayson Price: "Speaking of bitches, Chelsea Black..."
Hank Brown: "Whoa! Seriously?"
Jayson Price: "What?"
Hank Brown: "You're just going to start off by calling her a bitch?"
Jayson Price: "Yes?"
Hank Brown: "Whatever, just don't say I didn't warn you."
Jayson Price: "Oh boo fucking hoo, I called her a bitch. It's not like I called her a cunt. Or worse, a Twilight."
Price turns and winks at the camera. Fourth walls are fun to break.
Jayson Price: "Look, she wants to be in this business and wrestle with the boys, then I'm going to treat her just like one of the boys. I'll call you a dick, I'll call Stu a homo and I'll call pretty little Chelsea Black a bitch. See, equality for all! Isn't that what women have been crying about for years?"
Hank Brown: "You think Chelsea is pretty?"
Jayson Price: "I'd do her. But back to the point. Look, Chelsea wants to wrestle with the big boys. She's going to get her chance at Ultimate Showdown to do what only Twilight has done and be a woman holding the World Title. She wants it. She wants it real bad."
Hank Brown: "The World Title?"
Jayson Price: "Of course the World Title, it's what I was just talking about. The fuck did you think I meant?"
Hank Brown: "Your penis?"
Jayson Price: "Never thought I'd have to say this, but Hank, don't think about my penis. Ever. The problem is, I want that World Title. And so do the 8 other guys in the Ultimate Showdown match. But fuck all of them because I'll hit 'em all with a Pricebuster en route to becoming a two time World Champion. And that includes Chelsea Black. Miss Daisy isn't getting a nice, gentle pat on the ass as I guide her out of the ring so she doesn't get hurt. Nope, I'll pick her ass up and I'll plant her headfirst onto the mat just like everyone else. And then maybe I'll grab her ass."
Hank Brown: "You're just begging for a harassment lawsuit, aren't you?"
Jayson Price: "Meh, my lawyer has the routine down pact."
Hank shakes his head in disbelief.
Jayson Price: "All right, I see golden arches just ahead. Stu, you know the drill."
Stu nods his head, still depressed about earlier events.
Hank Brown: "And what about the two remaining opponents?"
Jayson Price: "Nattie von Liebert and Cheetah?"
Hank Brown: "You mean Hyena?"
Jayson Price: "Cheetah...Hyena...Rainbow Dash...doesn't really matter what his name is because he won't be around long enough for anyone to have to remember it. As for Nattie, hey, he's always good for some soundbytes at least. What's say we give him a hand?"
Nobody laughs at the joke. Awkward silence fills the van and we quickly cut to the end of the scene.
