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Post by Odin Balfore on May 16, 2014 19:59:32 GMT -5
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RP: How I Met Your Apocalypse
Handler: APOC
Overview thoughts: A very enjoyable read that shows the creation and some backstory of APOC
RP Breakdown
Scene description: 2
Character Development: 3
Shoot: 4
Flow: 4
Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Critical Review: Right off the bat, this promo was very enjoyable and fun to read. I liked reading about what azrael had to say about saving the world and humanity. It gave a good depth and dimension to the piece. However there was a mix bag for the RP. There was nothing bad, the promo just went from " ok" to "very good." The scene despription was the only downward slope of the piece. The Charcter development was very good, it could have been deeper but thats authors choice and it was very good for what was written. The shoot was great, talking about Hank,Obi and Richards was spot on aggressive talk that makes me feel APOC is in charge of the match and dictating the pace of how Richards replies. The flow good, broken up by the picture and song but they lend to the flow in their own way.
All in all, a very strong piece.
Suggestions:
Try and be more descriptive in your promos to give the audience a better understanding of the surroundings.
Besides that, everything was great and made you look very strong going into this match and put you above Richards in terms of who should win. If you could find ways to extend upon that, it would be that much better and helpful in locking in a " W" for you.
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Post by Chase Michaels on May 16, 2014 21:16:10 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 16, 2014 22:37:29 GMT -5
RP: NO Quit In Me
Handler: Chase Michaels
Overview thoughts: Chase Michaels, beain a beast, per usual.
RP Breakdown
Scene description: 5
Character Development: 5
Shoot: 5
Flow: 5
Overall Rating: 5 out of 5
Critical Review:
Chase just coninues to show me why he's one of my favorite RP'ers in WCF. So much in such a tight package, can't get much better. We get some great scene description in first person style. Theres a few " I smirked, I smirked." one word beats that don't do a whole lot but the first part of the promo, the CD portion with development was great. Aeryn talking about her love and commitment with Chase and that situation with Ryan sheds light on relationships and Chase nature. Just proves that a character doesnt have to speak to convey emotions or direction. The shoot just makes Chase look damn good. Thats all cylinders style right there. Chase just puts himself above everybody he's gotta face. It;s the " Here I am, there you are," talk that makes the audience think that " hey, Chase ain't one to mess with." Not only that but it feels as if its stern but not forced. Like Chase isnt pushing to be assertive, he just is. The flow was perfect. great transitions, great blocking, easy to read, everything looked uniforn
Suggestions:
No suggestions. Just why isnt Chase in the hunt for the US title or World title? Why arnt we living in Chase Michaels WCF?
If you keep pumpin out work like this, Seth is bound to put you in a position for a belt. You just make sure you bring shit like this to the table when that happens. This work isnt " mid-card" work. This isnt average material. It may be condensed but its not average material. In the world of hotfries, denmark castles and poonguinea empires. Chase brings us back to straight up ass kickin and thats Dub Ce Eff. plain and simple
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2014 22:47:56 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 16, 2014 23:42:41 GMT -5
RP: ( This RP is ) A Drunken Stupid Mistake
Handler: Stacy Jones
Overview thoughts: Promo does not contain a lap dance. /Sad face.exe
RP Breakdown
Scene description: 5
Character Development: 5
Shoot: 5
Flow: 5
Overall Rating: 5 out of 5
Critical Review:
We got dates, locations, " ON" and " OFF" Camera labeled scenes. Pink Fluffy handcuffs, the works. This promo has everything.. except for the promising sex scene but I won't hold that against you. You have that just enough scene description to where its not over killing the situation. You have five scenes of character development Five scenes that just give us bits and pieces that add up nicely. Your shoot was strong, in depth without having to over reach to get anything in particular. I'm glad people are starting to get that. You went off on everybody while elevating yourself, much like chase did in his " No Quit" promo
Suggestions:
Next time try not to do 5 : 1 ratios. Thats 5 scenes to get to the shoot. The shoot is the heart of the promo. If you feel extended CD scenes are necessary for your piece, add more shoot or break it up so the two components can be balanced. As much as I like off/on camera material when you look at off camera is like saying " ok this doesnt count.. this doesnt count " so be mindful of that and where it lands in your promo layout. Because you may get people who will skip all 5 off camera scenes just to get to the 1 on camera scene
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Post by Chase Michaels on May 17, 2014 0:45:46 GMT -5
Thanks dude, I really appreciate the feedback
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2014 5:54:29 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2014 9:10:41 GMT -5
Wow, 5 outta 5, I HAVE ACHIEVED ALL I NEED TO ACHIEVE HERE! I'VE MANAGED TO GET A 5 OUT OF 5 RATING FROM ODIN BALFORE!
In all seriousness though, I really do appreciate it dude, and I will definitely take your suggestion into consideration for my future work.
Many thanks.
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2014 12:08:44 GMT -5
__________________________________________ RP: How I Met Your Apocalypse Handler: APOC Overview thoughts: A very enjoyable read that shows the creation and some backstory of APOC RP Breakdown Scene description: 2 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 4 Flow: 4 Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Critical Review: Right off the bat, this promo was very enjoyable and fun to read. I liked reading about what azrael had to say about saving the world and humanity. It gave a good depth and dimension to the piece. However there was a mix bag for the RP. There was nothing bad, the promo just went from " ok" to "very good." The scene despription was the only downward slope of the piece. The Charcter development was very good, it could have been deeper but thats authors choice and it was very good for what was written. The shoot was great, talking about Hank,Obi and Richards was spot on aggressive talk that makes me feel APOC is in charge of the match and dictating the pace of how Richards replies. The flow good, broken up by the picture and song but they lend to the flow in their own way. All in all, a very strong piece. Suggestions: Try and be more descriptive in your promos to give the audience a better understanding of the surroundings. Besides that, everything was great and made you look very strong going into this match and put you above Richards in terms of who should win. If you could find ways to extend upon that, it would be that much better and helpful in locking in a " W" for you. Thanks for taking the time and reading my roleplay and giving me your feedback. Will definitely work on applying what you said to my future roleplays. Thanks again Odin. |
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 17, 2014 22:18:41 GMT -5
RP:Mirrors
Handler: Alice
Overview thoughts: A odd piece that forces me to go back and re read sections just to make sure I understand them
RP Breakdown
Scene description: 2
Character Development: 3
Shoot: 4
Flow: 2
Overall Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Critical Review:
While I like the style on a personal level but from a stand point of " audience," this is a difficult piece. While I know from last week that Alice is blue, Emily is purple ect, ect, if you decide to change up the color scheme, it'd be harder to read. While this is a style choice on your part, it makes it hard to connect with a promo that you've clearly put time into.
Scene Description- I rated this a 2 on the ground that I had no idea where you were in your promo until a third of the way down. At first I just thought Alice was in a dark room and thats ok but you gave beginning details later on in the piece. You gave great narration but not scene description.
Character Development - This is another thing I wanted to like but couldnt. Last week I thought Emily was a person and Angel was a voice but then I started thinking that this week Emily was in womb and Angel went from voice to person.
" And then it happened, his hand, it slipped. Just that touch to low and landed on my swollen belly. And she felt him, she knew he was there and she kicked. Once. Hard.
Let go of my mummy – she said. " That right there makes me think Emily is in womb.
Then you have this: " He laughs and turns, placing me back down on my feet he steals a kiss as he rounds on her and gathers her up in his arms, he kisses her cheeks and below her chin, causing her to shriek with hilarity as his fingers tickle her… He barrels her up against him and the two dissolve into laughter…. Lost in a moment of pure joy between them. "
Same deal with angel. As a reader, I just don't know whats going on. Again, from a personal level I can dig it but as the reader, its hard. Theres not enough clues to help me fill in the gap, I gotta piece to together.
Shoot - You had good shoot, you mixed it up with your character development and the rhyming was cool so I gave you a 4 on that. To that note, the rhyming losses pace with the shoot because it felt like you rhymed just to rhyme so that took away slightly from the effectiveness of your shoot.
Flow: The flow suffers from me having to go back and re read or just stop reading to figure out whats going on.
Suggestions:
Set your scenes better. I dont want to say properly but establish them early on, even if its more creatively then what you have been ( if that helps keep you in character )
Also establish characters better. Like I said, I dont know two of your characters are physical or not. It took a little while to figure out whose speaking, while coding helps a great deal, even if you were to say " and Angel repeated: yes- you are me. we are one in the same." and then just had his dialogue be one color, at least its established early on to where the reader can follow it.
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Post by Terry Roberts on May 17, 2014 22:24:36 GMT -5
Will you do reviews in general? I'm trying to step out of my comfort zone and push myself, but I just feel like my promos as of late are lacking, was hoping some feedback might help me over all.
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 17, 2014 22:27:52 GMT -5
Will you do reviews in general? I'm trying to step out of my comfort zone and push myself, but I just feel like my promos as of late are lacking, was hoping some feedback might help me over all. I havent read any of your work recently. Is it that you want to step out or you HAVE stepped out and you arnt feeling it? Do you want me to give you tips on how to improve what you've written or tips on how to do something different? |
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Post by Terry Roberts on May 17, 2014 22:31:18 GMT -5
I'm in the process of stepping out, but It feels as if I'm taking a hit on other aspects because of it.
And I'll take any tips you care to give. Even if it's a Q-tip!!
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 17, 2014 22:45:58 GMT -5
I'll take care of it
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 17, 2014 23:16:15 GMT -5
RP: Can The Trinity Remain Unbroken
Handler: Terry Roberts
Overview thoughts: Synn kickin some in Germany
RP Breakdown
Scene description: 4
Character Development: 3
Shoot: 4
Flow: 4
Overall Rating: 4 out of 5
Critical Review: Terry mentioned to me that he was unsure about his promos recently and looking at this one, his sentiments have me scratching my head. This is a very good promo. One thing I feel Terry can always be counted on for is solid effort and solid work. This promo right here is one of the reasons why.
Scene description - You have a god mix of description and narration. Some of your descriptions were brief and that kept you from a top score but your narration made up for it and kept you in high marks.
Character development - We got the standard behind the scenes development between malki and maya. Its average stuff that you chose to put in to help things come along. Sweet Jem reference, little quirky things like that go a long ways into the mindset of characters.
Shoot - ya killed it. Not quite the quite but you had very strong and heavy shoot. Terry played the psychological game which is better than the " I'm going to beat you up" game. like Chase and Stacy you establish that your character is above your opponents and now I get to go and say " Ge, wonder what they'll say to that." I go into your opponents RP with the notion they are weaker and are going to play defense.
Flow- Flow didnt get a top mark because your shoot at the end was just a big brick that you broke up. Kinda hard to give some sort of action when your doing a pod cast but what you did is the better option, rather then just giving the reader a huge paragraph to sift through.
Suggestions:
There is nothing wrong wit this promo. You;ve done nothing wrong that requires " correcting." minor tweeks and your golden, ponyboy. My personal advice and what I saw is that it doesnt look like Terry has something to do. Maybe you didnt have an idea this week, who knows. shit happens. If me saying that sparks the light bulb and you say " yah, I dont have much to do." Try and invent something. Give him a purpose other than hanging out, waiting to pull some cowboy shoot.
And have confidence in your work. You have good stuff.
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Post by Alex Richards on May 17, 2014 23:54:23 GMT -5
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Post by Terry Roberts on May 18, 2014 0:03:59 GMT -5
I do feel much better, thank you. Glad to know I am not slipping like I thought I was .
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Post by Alex Richards on May 18, 2014 0:13:58 GMT -5
if you're not your own worst critic you're not any good.
Remember those ten thousand guys you see in every e fed who thought they should have won every week... yep 99 percent of em sucked
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Post by Terry Roberts on May 18, 2014 0:21:54 GMT -5
Wait...I think I should win every week!!
SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by "The Black Dragon" Alex Jones on May 18, 2014 3:04:18 GMT -5
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