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Post by Dr. Remus Micayle on May 31, 2014 9:24:22 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2014 16:51:39 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback as always Odin, I'll make sure to work more on my shoot in the future.
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Post by Seifer Black on May 31, 2014 18:42:03 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 31, 2014 23:08:07 GMT -5
RP: The Elimination Of The Infobahn Handler: Dr. Remus Micayle Overview thoughts: Really enjoying the blog style narrative as Remus talk to his fans RP Breakdown Scene description: 4 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 4 Flow: 4 Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Critical Review: The blog posts were a great thing as well as the shoot within the blog posts, that was a nice touch. Remus always comes across as the strong character even when we don't see him on camera in the promos acting that way. It wasnt really Remus but the secratary but it still came across very strong and delivered your points. I counted that towards your shoot because it was someone in the remus camp publicly making a statement, although I'd have liked to see Remus make the statements. The last bit at the end was a bit of a let down. I'd think Remus would have more to say about the leader of Sequitus and Cormacks superior. I liked the promo but it felt heavy. The up side to it was that it kept me engaged but there were parts with the blog were kinda wordy and you kept going and didnt exactly make the point I got in the end. A tip would be to have remus send Carmen a snip-it of info to inject the blog with some life outside of Carmens view. Carmens not in the match, has nothing to do with the match and while it counts on your behalf towards the match it would have been nice to see more on your end other than the title bit at the last leg of the rp. Suggestions: - Put some Micayle advice to the fans or thoughts on the match into that blog post. It may make it easier to digest. - Watch how much shoot you have Carmen give, it may lessen Remus's opertunities to give proactive insight and shoot. |
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 31, 2014 23:32:03 GMT -5
RP: The Start of The Evolution of Doomsday Handler: Seifer Black Overview thoughts: A lot of back story on Seifer, who finally gives off the vibe he's been tryin to get across RP Breakdown Scene description: 4 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Critical Review: Seifer, it's great to see you're hitting a stride. I think yo're starting to go in the direction that you wanted to go. This is starting to feel natureal for your character. I'm starting to feel he's darker, not by actions but just in tone of the piece. You gave great Character development and scene Description which set the tone for your shoot, to which you also did very well. You covered your opponents well however research would have been nice. Johnny Reb is kind of a big deal. A bigger deal than Jeff Purse, and thats not a debatable fact. I read that paragraph about Reb and shook my head because you shot yourself. Sure there is no way of knowing everything reb did but a little bit of time into it would have helped. You kept your character strong, verbal, you stayed on the attack and you went for it. Suggestions: - People are going to try and cut you down. Do not let them. You won Trilogy Cup 14'. You went up against Orbit, theres no shame in none of that. stay in character, stay in that mindset and keep firing off. Do not let anyone make you lose steam. If you go hard, you'll come out on top. |
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 31, 2014 23:36:00 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback as always Odin, I'll make sure to work more on my shoot in the future. Pro Tip: Wade Barret + Bruce Wayne + James Bond = limitless potential |
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Post by Jeff Purse on Jun 1, 2014 11:29:09 GMT -5
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Post by Peter Quinn on Jun 1, 2014 15:07:28 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2014 15:44:36 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 1, 2014 20:00:50 GMT -5
RP: Back To Basics Handler: Jeff Purse Overview thoughts: Back to basics, character study. The standard Jeff Purse covering his bases RP Breakdown Scene description: 4 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Critical Review: I got nothing to hate on except for the fact that I've seen you do this a few times in the past. In my head this is the classic Jeff Purse Character Study promo. Can't really argue with it since its effective in its purpose and makes Jeff look strong enough to get the win for his team. I liked that you related yourself to your opponents that Jeff is accomplished but still hungry. Jeff is still going for it. It was finally nice to see Jeff Purse and not just Jeff Purse in Pantheon. It is easy to lose a character in the dynamic of the group but you brought jeff to the dance this week and put your opponents on guard. Suggestions: - None |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 3, 2014 22:10:02 GMT -5
RP: The Way of The Headshot Handler: Peter Quinn Overview thoughts: A promo for peter quinn more suited to character development RP Breakdown Scene description: 2 Character Development: 2 Shoot: 1 Flow: 3 Overall Rating: 2 out of 5 Critical Review: Maybe you just had a throw away type of week because thats what this piece feels like. You just wrote something up just to put out for the week. There is little in the way of anything in this promo. I would say that your character development carrys it but it doesnt. I know you want to bring your two characters together in a mentor type angle. Like Myagi saving Daniel from the Kobra Kai at the school dance ( which might be cool ) but this wasnt it. Your shoot wasnt there. All you said was you were going to stop giving up and not be like colin marshall. This promo gives me the complete opposite idea. Again, you coulda had a hard week and just put this up. You could have come out to a dark room monologue and said what you said in narration more effectively. You hinted at some apealing aspects but very lightly and where i wanted to see more just touched on and not in the way I would want to tune in again to keep reading because if you as the writer disregard something, so am I as the reader. Suggestions: - I'm not going to because I know you can write good promos with skill and this promo just isnt anything at all |
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Post by Chase Michaels on Jun 3, 2014 22:12:28 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 6, 2014 10:22:40 GMT -5
RP: That Bitch Is Mine
Handler: Stacy Jones
Overview thoughts: Stacy tryin to come strong from her loss and dealing with the death of her brother
RP Breakdown
Scene description: 4
Character Development: 4
Shoot: 4
Flow: 5
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Critical Review:
You gave us two pretty good character development sections that introduces new problems into Stacys life that will either help or hinder her matches. Either way, it's an intresting turn that will give the reader something to look into when they read. Normally I'm not a fan of the last leg of the promo being the shoot as it looks tacked on but it doesnt feel that way. You presented the RP with a level of importance with the CD aspect so the shoot isnt tacked on- it just follows the progression in Stacys life.
The shoot is fine. You presented it with agressive tones and posture that makes stacy look strong and keeps her as a viable opponent despite what happens with her brother. You touched on SPAC, you touched on Chelsea and it comes across that Stacy is here to fight and win.
Suggestions:
- None
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2014 11:15:00 GMT -5
Cheers dude, glad to see that I'm managing to remain consistent with my RP's recently.
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Post by Jayson Price on Jun 6, 2014 13:36:33 GMT -5
What's Odin's take on "Dial J For Jobberkill"?
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 8, 2014 19:49:56 GMT -5
RP: Back In The Emerald Isle Handler: Chase Michaels Overview thoughts: Another episode of " Chase Michaels: Bad Motha Fucka " RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 Critical Review: Theres not a heck of a lot to review in the way of being critical. I don't often find things wrong with your work. I'm liking your off character CD stuff, your scene descripts and your shoot. Thats some of the best shoot goin in WCF. The the first scene was really good I felt that gave Chase some great dimension. Every week theres just more and more build up with Chase and it great. I'm glad you got the win from that match because you deserve some real good success in WCF Suggestions: - None |
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 8, 2014 20:02:18 GMT -5
What's Odin's take on "Dial J For Jobberkill"? RP: Dial J for Jobberkill Handler: Jay Price Overview thoughts: Jay Price and two women? My suspension of disbelief has been broken RP Breakdown Scene description: 4 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 2 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Critical Review: Points for the sex scene. Points for the baseball bat to the ribs. points for the penis reference. Points id you actually go back in time and stop zeb young from banging his niece. This just had LOL all over it. And I did.. all over my computer screen. Good shit. Suggestions: - shoot is a thing that exsists, even when you're being funny. you should still do it |
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Post by Chase Michaels on Jun 8, 2014 20:06:37 GMT -5
RP: Back In The Emerald Isle Handler: Chase Michaels Overview thoughts: Another episode of " Chase Michaels: Bad Motha Fucka " RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 Critical Review: Theres not a heck of a lot to review in the way of being critical. I don't often find things wrong with your work. I'm liking your off character CD stuff, your scene descripts and your shoot. Thats some of the best shoot goin in WCF. The the first scene was really good I felt that gave Chase some great dimension. Every week theres just more and more build up with Chase and it great. I'm glad you got the win from that match because you deserve some real good success in WCF Suggestions: - None Thanks |
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Post by Seifer Black on Jun 13, 2014 13:01:41 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 13, 2014 20:00:07 GMT -5
RP: The Next Gospel and Further History of The Doomsday Prophet.
Handler: Seifer
Overview thoughts: Seifer puttin in some work and flushin' out his character.
RP Breakdown
Scene description: 4
Character Development: 5
Shoot: 5
Flow: 5
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Critical Review:
Here we go, my man. Creepin' into championship caliber material. This is a every well rounded promo and you did the right thing by sandwiching that character development with Takamichi and Lori. You give the audience something intresting to read in the beginning and you're shooting the entire time and you set Richards below your character and making yourself seem very strong. The scene Description could have been a bit better but it was still well done and fit nicely. I can see that you've been taking my advice and it shows in the work. Your shoot is very strong and powerful. Don't be afraid to run your mouth about getting back at Orbit. Your character is in a unique position, Seifer is the # 2 contender for the world title pretty much. Dig into that and flatin everyone else with it. Seifer won Trilogy- thats a big deal.
Suggestions:
- Space out the quotes and the red textd scene change. Yes the color does help but everything is so evenly spaced that I just kept reading and my eye didn't catch the color at first. Or even add some underscore ( _________ ) So the readers eye can flip down and read what you have and know its a difference scene.
- A bit more scene description, not so much more on monologue but actual scene description and you'll help yourself out a lot.
- Keep nailing out that shoot and flushing out seifer and you can make him a staple in WCF
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