Post by Dr. Remus Micayle on May 31, 2014 9:20:28 GMT -5
Potential threat detected.
- Idiot (?i-d?-?t): A very stupid or foolish person. Usually offensive, a person affected with extreme mental retardation. Middle English, from Anglo-French ydiote, from Latin idiota ignorant person, from Greek idi?t?s one in a private station, layman, ignorant person, from idios one's own, private; akin to Latin suus one's own. First Known Use: 14th century.
Potential solution found.
- Impaling (im-?p?l-i?g): To pierce with or as if with something pointed; especially to torture or kill by fixing on a sharp stake. To cause a pointed object to go into or through (someone or something), to fix in an inescapable or helpless position. To join (coats of arms) on a heraldic shield divided vertically by a pale. Middle French & Medieval Latin; Middle French empaler, from Medieval Latin impalare, from Latin in- + palus stake. First Known Use: 1605.
Application of solution in progress.
<via DoctorRemusMicayleFans.com>
Behold fellow brothers and sisters of Team Science! I hope that all of you are well, especially at this time of the year, where sudden torrential rains and blazing heat can impact the human body at seemingly random times of the day. The flu season is upon us; so do take care of yourself, wherever you are in the world. From my years of experience, there is little that an apple a day or popping two tablets of Vitamin C cannot help heal.
As you would have no doubt heard already, our beloved leader Doctor Remus Micayle will be heading to lovely Northern Ireland this week for yet another week of Sunday night education. For those of us who live in Lisburn, Newry, or even Armagh, do take advantage of this wonderful opportunity to travel down to Belfast (where Slam will be held this week) and watch the ever-wonderful Doctor Micayle in action. I’ve watched him in action many times in the United States, and trust me when I say that every second he steps into that squared circle is a second too wonderful to describe. Every single thing about the man speaks perfection, and when you finally see him in the flesh, you’ll have to fight the very temptation to drop down on your knees and prostrate your worthless self before him.
His hair - so wonderfully washed and slicked back with the very best ingredients our earth can provide him. A greater reward for a man of his repute cannot be given.
His stern scowl when teaching a lesson to those of a lower social stature than him - always an honor to be a recipient to one of his many educational lessons he so graciously imparts to us worthless creatures.
His muscles, so firm and taut. The strength that lies beneath his bespoke made-to-measure suits may not be immediately apparent, but the whimsical melody of broken bones and torn muscles that resonates from every highlight video of his I could find on YouTube is marvelous to say the every least.
I could spout a million poems and sonnets and it still wouldn’t be enough to capture Doctor Micayle in all of his glory. The man is an inspiration to the rest of the world. Once again, being the lucky ones that we are to finally awaken from the bleak nightmare we were formerly trapped in… we must always remember to thank the Almighty Darwin for blessing us with the knowledge to awaken our minds. Science is an art form. It is a way of life. It is a philosophy that only a select few can absorb and dedicate their minds towards.
We must always remember that we, the Disciples of Science, are Doctor Remus Micayle’s chosen few. Only we have seen the truth. Only we have realised the frailty and weaknesses of the modern world’s society. Only we know of the importance of leading a life dedicated to science. And thus, it is up to us - the Chosen Ones - to make sure that the world learns of Doctor Remus Micayle’s message. How you may ask? Well, as Doctor Remus Micayle’s number one fan site on the Infobahn, it falls to us to tutor you on three simple ways you can spread the Gospel Of Science.
1) Start with your family
Start spreading the Gospel with your immediate family. As we all know, Doctor Micayle is The Second Coming Of Darwin Himself, and it is paramount that those you care and love for - our parents, your siblings, your children, and your house pets - know of his arrival. After all, when you finally find something that is truly worth dedicating your entire existence to, you would want to have the approval and support of your loved ones. I have personally laid eyes on several families who have eagerly embraced Doctor Micayle’s teachings, and believe me when I tell you that an entire household who has achieved enlightenment and is working towards a life of science is a truly beautiful one to behold indeed.
Can you imagine the possibilities of your family sharing in your love for science? Instead of living a vice-filled lifestyle, the positive energy that would radiate out from your household could almost be visible! No more disgusting coffee drinking in the morning that fools your body into thinking it has reached a state of alertness when your mother or wife, emboldened with the proper knowledge, knows to brew you Japanese green tea instead. Close to zero caffeine content and packed with powerful antioxidants, this small change will add twenty years to your life.
And all thanks to Doctor Remus Micayle and the wonders of science.
2) Join a local cell group
Alternatively, if you feel that the support from your family is insufficient, you can always join a local support group near you. From my knowledge, there are close to one hundred chapters of the Disciples of Darwin movement all around the world. In the United States alone, there’s approximately one such cell group in every state, making it extremely easy to seek help and guidance. Those who aren’t as fortunate as to be an American need not worry - there are foreign charters in many countries all over the world. Britain, Australia, China, Singapore, and Turkey are just some of the nations that have an established club there.
Every cell group has an experienced leader who has personally met Doctor Remus Micayle at some point in his illustrious career. Having spoken with the illustrious man himself, they are testimony to the success and validity of living a life of science. For the newly initiated or the doubtful, a visit to these leaders will assuage your fears and allow you to fully focus on a puritan life of knowledge, much like The Perspicacious One himself. Meetings are held at least thrice a week, with sessions being split into theoretical discussions on scientific principles on Mondays, practical experiments in a laboratory on Wednesdays, and team cohesions on Friday.
Heck, even Canada has a local Disciples of Darwin support group! There is truly hope for everyone.
3) Share your views on an online forum
As you should very well know, the Internet is the easiest way to both send and receive information, no matter where you are. Gone are the days of snail mail or radio - the World Wide Web is a fountain of information for knowledge seekers all over - and what a tool it has been!
Much like how you managed to find this site, you can easily find similar sites catered towards the novice Disciple of Darwin. I’m not one to name drop, but some of the websites you can check out include MicayleIsABeast.com (fantastic information about our leader, both on a personal and a professional level), IWantToBeAnApostle.com (details and facts on how to be a good Apostle for Team Science), and ScienceIsWonderfulWCF.com (need I elaborate more?)
Truth-seekers such as ourselves are a rarity in today’s celebrity spotting, thong-loving society. Some of us may be treated as outcasts, while others revered, but the fact remains - our minds are fully functional, and we need the knowledge that only science can provide us. Doctor Remus Micayle has opened our minds to the truth, and now we hunger for more.
---
Now that you have learnt a little more on what it takes to spread the Gospel, please do your part and let the world know of the wonders of science. But despite your extracurricular activities, do remember to partake in your usual Sunday night duties and tune in to your local sports channel. Watching WCF Slam ought to be the priority of all Disciples of Darwin, where this week, our wise and formidable leader will square off against the Irish miscreant Caliban.
There is no question that Doctor Micayle will cripple and defeat that hound; such is the disparity of talent between the two. The Scientist is a former WCF United States Champion (which incidentally, now that I think about it, he has never claimed his rematch clause against the weaseling Beckman) and he has had a most wonderful May. The elements are shining brightly on him as of late, and it shows. Not only has he successfully obtained the WCF Tag Team Championships - with The First Apostle Nathan von Liebert playing the part of his partner - The Perspicacious One has also managed to strike a heavy blow against the liars and traitors of the Wrestling Championship Federation.
The snake in the grass, the renegade dirt-sniffer, the miscreant that is Cormack MacNeill has been crippled by Doctor Micayle. The rogue who was so rude to our Scientist has finally been put down like the mad dog he is. After brashly accepting Doctor Micayle’s brilliantly conducted Stretcher match at Asesinato De Mayo, he was left with a brutalized leg - courtesy of Team Science. No one knows if Cormack will ever be the same ever again, but one thing’s for sure.
Even if he does figure out a way to get back to fighting form and make a return to the ring, Doctor Micayle will just strike the living daylights out of the simpleton and send him right back to the hospital. His attitude was just unacceptable - especially to an American role model such as The Scientist - and if he were to be executed via lethal injection tomorrow, it’ll bring nothing but joy to the rest of the world.
Despite Cormack MacNeill’s comparative inadequacy in the ring, he was by far Sequitus’s most talented wrestler. Neither Brent Alpine (a former Television Champion) nor Jordan Ciserano, the other second tier wrestlers in that international stable can be considered to be in his league, and Caliban is just on whole other level altogether when it comes to incompetence. One must think that if Caliban’s strongest ally was so easily dispatched by our glorious leader, just how many seconds would Doctor Micayle need to obtain a victory over the so-called ‘hometown hero’?
From this observer’s point of view, Caliban is going to have to dig deep within himself to find even a semblance of a hope of defeating Doctor Micayle. The Scientist’s combination of strength, intelligence, and charisma is more often than not too much of a blend for any possible mortal to match. Even on their best days, I dare say even the combined efforts of WCF legends Gravedigger, Greenfever, and Torture will not be sufficient to put his greatness down. A less-than-mediocre journeyman whose greatest claim to fame thus far is to get stabbed by Corey Black will not present too much of a challenge to our mentor and leader. Especially not when he has yet to face Doctor Micayle in battle.
As we have all witnessed in the past, Doctor Micayle’s greatest strength is his ability to deliver painful strikes. He is a man of many talents, but over the years, I am sure that he has discovered the best way to clinch victory is through the simple application of brute force. Standing at six foot five and weighing over two hundred and forty pounds, he has the perfect physique to be a brawler in the rough world of professional wrestling. 'The New Age Libertine’ barely touches two hundred pounds, and he has a much shorter reach due to his height disadvantage. Cater in Caliban’s track record against wrestlers with similar fighting styles (Corey Black and Jon Michaels anyone?) and you’ll understand why this match, even on paper, seems to be an overwhelming mismatch.
Caliban may be the WCF Internet Champion at this current point in time, but the only reason why he is able to obtain such a commodity is due to the fact that he is nothing more than a juvenile keyboard warrior. The Internet Championship is awarded to the wrestler with the highest profile on social media and should be treated as nothing more than a gimmick title. He has yet to defeat opponents of the same caliber as our treasured leader in a legitimate match, and I am certain that he will not buck that trend this Sunday. Us wrestling marks all know that WCF Wednesday Night is where the B-talent goes, and it is as much of a statutory show as Jayson Price is a priest. I have an inkling that matches there are predetermined, which explains why Caliban is able to prosper there, but just days later, is unable to reproduce the same quality of wrestling against a lesser opponent. Watch this space for more updates - I’ll let you readers know when I am able to pinpoint why WCF Wednesday Night is such a suspicious event, almost as if it’s fixed by a black man with shady connections to the vice underworld...
On my part, I would very much like to see a non-believer like Caliban get his comeuppance and face eternal disgrace after being destroyed by a superior fighter, but unfortunately, I will not be able to travel down to Belfast this weekend. Work commitments and a boyfriend who will be returning from Afghanistan on Sunday morning renders any ability to head to Ireland mute, so I will not be able to witness with my own eyes the systematic dissection of Caliban by Doctor Micayle. However, make no mistake, I will definitely be watching the live broadcast of Sunday Night Slam from my home, and no doubt I will be relishing the look of pain on Caliban’s face when our treasured champion delivers the beating of a lifetime.
P.S: A number of readers have been asking me for my personal opinion on Doctor Remus Micayle’s matches. I have always strived to distance myself from making such predictions, as I always believe that The Scientist will always win the matches he wishes to win. There is little point in trying to forecast his matches, for most of the time; he’ll just demolish his opponents. The only variable is the method as to how he discards them, and the duration as to how long it’ll take to claim victory.
But this week, due to the incredulous nature of his match booking, I feel that I ought to make my very first prediction. Note that this is not an attempt to downplay Caliban’s talents in the ring (though I sincerely believe he has none), but rather an effort to provide all you readers with a play-by-play of Sunday’s match. I repeat - Caliban is not a professional wrestler in the same league as our beloved Doctor Micayle, and it is certainly a travesty for a man of his moral standards to even be able to stand in the same ring as The Perspicacious One.
My prediction for the match: Caliban makes as grand an entrance as he possibly can, before proceeding to brag about how he is going to defeat Doctor Remus Micayle in front of a partisan hometown crowd, before shouting out a couple of meaningless catchphrases in hopes of inspiring cheers from the fans. Doctor Micayle cuts the unnecessary showboating and strides to the ring, ready to get this match over and done with. The fans are obviously on the loon Caliban’s side, and cheer for him incessantly. The bell rings, and the match will begin.
Five seconds later, Caliban is unconscious on the canvas, and the crowd is shocked into silence. Caliban’s chest is reddened, almost as if he spent an entire day getting baked by the sun. His breastbone is caved in and both of his collarbones are broken - courtesy of a Formula delivered by Doctor Micayle. Being the pragmatic man that he is, Doctor Micayle doesn’t waste his time taunting the comatose Irishman and instead proceeds with the pinfall. Three seconds later, his hand is raised in victory as the shell-shocked crowd breaks down in sobs and wails of agony. The ring announcer will then declare The Scientist to be superior to the current WCF Internet Champion, as a smiling Doctor Micayle exits from the ring with nary a scratch on his perfect body.
May Darwin inspire you to greater heights in your personal, work, and professional life.
Best Regards,
Carmen Wospert
Secretary of DRMF.com
The one apartment in New York City where no one would think is home to anyone particularly rich or famous - Doctor Remus Micayle’s apartment. With a rustic exterior and a sub-par paint job (courtesy of a lazy landlord), it is not exactly the most eye-catching place on earth from the outside. But then again, it’s not exactly a third-rate prison as well. It’s just… unspectacularly normal. The type of house you’ll expect a high school teacher or a middle-aged couple living in. Certainly not a wrestler from the world-famous Wrestling Championship Federation, and most certainly not a champion from the aforementioned federation.
On the other side of the door is a different story altogether. Though the exterior of the flat is rather run-down, the interior of the apartment just oozes class. The large hallway is sumptuously furbished with beautiful mahogany wood carpeting the floor beneath one’s feet, with beautiful paintings that look like they ought to belong in a museum adorning the walls. In the huge living room, a fifty-inch television is mounted on the wall, with several bookshelves tidily stacked next to it. Two classy looking armchairs are placed around a coffee table, which itself is home to yet more books. The whole house is lit beautifully with a yellow light - perfect for reading, yet not too bring to cause visual annoyance.
Clearly this is the house of an educated man with class, taste, and money.
Seated in one of the armchairs is the man of the house. Dressed casually in a Stanford University tee shirt and track pants, Doctor Remus Micayle has his MacBook Pro on his lap, and is looking rather intently at the article currently displayed. He squints at the laptop screen, trying to better decipher a word as he finishes reading the latest posting from DoctorRemusMicayleFans.com, before letting out a small grunt of approval. Without another look at the computer, he closes the lid down and moves it to the coffee table, before standing up and stretching his back, which has been contorted for the past twenty minutes.
He lets out a soft yawn as the therapeutic sensation of blood rushing through his limbs flood his senses. The day has been long, with him spending most of it in the gym trying to improve himself. Today’s session had been particularly strenuous, with a particular focus being on strength training. Micayle winces as he touches a slight sore spot - a reminder of the insane five 425lbs bench press sets he forced himself to complete before the end of the day.
But still… tough training makes for tough men. It was without a shadow of a doubt better to sweat it out in training than to bleed in the ring, especially in his business. This Sunday, Micayle will be squaring off against the leader of Sequitus, a man who was formerly known as Jordan Caliban. Despite the fact that he’s a two-time WCF Internet Champion, Caliban is also considered by many in the industry to be the biggest Aunt Sally since Adam Young. There is no way that he’ll prove to be a threat, but nonetheless, Micayle wasn’t ready to slack off. Not when there’s pride on the line.
The physical battle has long been won. Caliban has as much chance as obtaining a legitimate victory over him as Steve Nash winning a ring before his retirement. Micayle has him trounced in all aspects measurable as a competitive pugilist, and the less said about the Coleraine native’s mental state… the better. Someone who can convince himself that receiving a demeaning thrashing is equivalent to ‘nearly securing a victory’ is someone who has no quantifiable intelligence - and if there’s one thing that Micayle despises more than a churchgoer, it’s an idiot.
And Caliban seems to be the epitome of an idiot, judging by the sheer number of grammatical errors made in his tweets and foolish actions accomplished throughout the course of his forgettable, low-card WCF career.
But still… there has to be a way to further prove his dominance over Caliban. A thrashing on Sunday is inevitable. Harsh words on Twitter ridiculing the successful crippling of Cormack MacNeill have already been traded. Even warnings via the WCF comments page have been written and posted. What else can he do to mock Caliban…?
… wait.
The Scientist’s eyes fell onto something located on the far end of the living room. A sly smile breaks across his handsome face as he quickly crafts up a plan to rub his impending victory into the face of the Sequitus leader even more.
<Two hours later on http://www.youtube.com>
The scene opens in a dark room. Multiple whiteboards with countless equations scribbled on them are seen on the walls, and there are a few sheets of paper, similarly dotted with formulas on them scattered on the floor. This room has been seen before on WCF, and judging by the equipment in it, even the most casual of fans would have an inkling as to who is appearing next.
And lo and behold! As the camera pans down from the chart-covered ceiling, Doctor Remus Micayle is seen sitting on a sofa, a slight smile on his face. However, instead of his usual WCF Tag Team Championship draped across his shoulder, an unusual looking championship is on it. Upon closer inspection, it seems to be a very poor imitation of the official WCF Internet Championship.
Which if you are well-versed with the current state of affairs in the federation, is Caliban’s pride and joy.
Micayle shifts the championship around his shoulder, before raising a knuckle to rap on it. Hard.
Doctor Remus Micayle: Jordan Caliban. The New Age Libertine. Leader of Sequitus. My opponent on Slam this very Sunday.
The Scientist continues to rap hard on the metallic surface of the Internet Championship replica, his knuckles beating a rhythm so intense it almost seems like background drum music. Suddenly, he stops.
Micayle: This match has been months in the making. We are finally getting a chance to face each other in the ring, and it won’t be pretty. Get yourself ready, Caliban, because remember what I did to your numbskull Cormack last Sunday? His leg, mangled beyond repair? His soul, crushed by how easily I laid him out on the stretcher and caused him to halt his WCF career? His heart, smashed to smithereens with the application of The Formula? Remember all that?
Suddenly, he stops his hammering.
Micayle: I hope you do. Because that’s exactly what I’ll be doing to you. The leader of Sequitus, dare challenge the leader of Team Science?
Abruptly, he stands up from his comfortable position and stares straight at the camera. Without another word, he flings the cheap replica of the Internet Championship at it, knocking it to the ground with a loud crash!
The camera, now in a fixed position on the ground, shows the Internet Championship on the ground, it’s gold covering have come off and the name plate - Caliban - being cracked in half. Micayle’s feet can be seen as his sickly sugar-coated voice is heard in the background.
Micayle: Jordan Caliban… the WCF’s Internet Champion… come to die.
A shrill screech is then emitted as Micayle’s left foot smashes HARD down on the Internet Championship, before he walks off. The camera then focuses on the broken pieces of the WCF Internet Championship - with particular focus on the shattered ‘Caliban’ name plate before the whole scene fades into black.
- Idiot (?i-d?-?t): A very stupid or foolish person. Usually offensive, a person affected with extreme mental retardation. Middle English, from Anglo-French ydiote, from Latin idiota ignorant person, from Greek idi?t?s one in a private station, layman, ignorant person, from idios one's own, private; akin to Latin suus one's own. First Known Use: 14th century.
Potential solution found.
- Impaling (im-?p?l-i?g): To pierce with or as if with something pointed; especially to torture or kill by fixing on a sharp stake. To cause a pointed object to go into or through (someone or something), to fix in an inescapable or helpless position. To join (coats of arms) on a heraldic shield divided vertically by a pale. Middle French & Medieval Latin; Middle French empaler, from Medieval Latin impalare, from Latin in- + palus stake. First Known Use: 1605.
Application of solution in progress.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<via DoctorRemusMicayleFans.com>
Behold fellow brothers and sisters of Team Science! I hope that all of you are well, especially at this time of the year, where sudden torrential rains and blazing heat can impact the human body at seemingly random times of the day. The flu season is upon us; so do take care of yourself, wherever you are in the world. From my years of experience, there is little that an apple a day or popping two tablets of Vitamin C cannot help heal.
As you would have no doubt heard already, our beloved leader Doctor Remus Micayle will be heading to lovely Northern Ireland this week for yet another week of Sunday night education. For those of us who live in Lisburn, Newry, or even Armagh, do take advantage of this wonderful opportunity to travel down to Belfast (where Slam will be held this week) and watch the ever-wonderful Doctor Micayle in action. I’ve watched him in action many times in the United States, and trust me when I say that every second he steps into that squared circle is a second too wonderful to describe. Every single thing about the man speaks perfection, and when you finally see him in the flesh, you’ll have to fight the very temptation to drop down on your knees and prostrate your worthless self before him.
His hair - so wonderfully washed and slicked back with the very best ingredients our earth can provide him. A greater reward for a man of his repute cannot be given.
His stern scowl when teaching a lesson to those of a lower social stature than him - always an honor to be a recipient to one of his many educational lessons he so graciously imparts to us worthless creatures.
His muscles, so firm and taut. The strength that lies beneath his bespoke made-to-measure suits may not be immediately apparent, but the whimsical melody of broken bones and torn muscles that resonates from every highlight video of his I could find on YouTube is marvelous to say the every least.
I could spout a million poems and sonnets and it still wouldn’t be enough to capture Doctor Micayle in all of his glory. The man is an inspiration to the rest of the world. Once again, being the lucky ones that we are to finally awaken from the bleak nightmare we were formerly trapped in… we must always remember to thank the Almighty Darwin for blessing us with the knowledge to awaken our minds. Science is an art form. It is a way of life. It is a philosophy that only a select few can absorb and dedicate their minds towards.
We must always remember that we, the Disciples of Science, are Doctor Remus Micayle’s chosen few. Only we have seen the truth. Only we have realised the frailty and weaknesses of the modern world’s society. Only we know of the importance of leading a life dedicated to science. And thus, it is up to us - the Chosen Ones - to make sure that the world learns of Doctor Remus Micayle’s message. How you may ask? Well, as Doctor Remus Micayle’s number one fan site on the Infobahn, it falls to us to tutor you on three simple ways you can spread the Gospel Of Science.
1) Start with your family
Start spreading the Gospel with your immediate family. As we all know, Doctor Micayle is The Second Coming Of Darwin Himself, and it is paramount that those you care and love for - our parents, your siblings, your children, and your house pets - know of his arrival. After all, when you finally find something that is truly worth dedicating your entire existence to, you would want to have the approval and support of your loved ones. I have personally laid eyes on several families who have eagerly embraced Doctor Micayle’s teachings, and believe me when I tell you that an entire household who has achieved enlightenment and is working towards a life of science is a truly beautiful one to behold indeed.
Can you imagine the possibilities of your family sharing in your love for science? Instead of living a vice-filled lifestyle, the positive energy that would radiate out from your household could almost be visible! No more disgusting coffee drinking in the morning that fools your body into thinking it has reached a state of alertness when your mother or wife, emboldened with the proper knowledge, knows to brew you Japanese green tea instead. Close to zero caffeine content and packed with powerful antioxidants, this small change will add twenty years to your life.
And all thanks to Doctor Remus Micayle and the wonders of science.
2) Join a local cell group
Alternatively, if you feel that the support from your family is insufficient, you can always join a local support group near you. From my knowledge, there are close to one hundred chapters of the Disciples of Darwin movement all around the world. In the United States alone, there’s approximately one such cell group in every state, making it extremely easy to seek help and guidance. Those who aren’t as fortunate as to be an American need not worry - there are foreign charters in many countries all over the world. Britain, Australia, China, Singapore, and Turkey are just some of the nations that have an established club there.
Every cell group has an experienced leader who has personally met Doctor Remus Micayle at some point in his illustrious career. Having spoken with the illustrious man himself, they are testimony to the success and validity of living a life of science. For the newly initiated or the doubtful, a visit to these leaders will assuage your fears and allow you to fully focus on a puritan life of knowledge, much like The Perspicacious One himself. Meetings are held at least thrice a week, with sessions being split into theoretical discussions on scientific principles on Mondays, practical experiments in a laboratory on Wednesdays, and team cohesions on Friday.
Heck, even Canada has a local Disciples of Darwin support group! There is truly hope for everyone.
3) Share your views on an online forum
As you should very well know, the Internet is the easiest way to both send and receive information, no matter where you are. Gone are the days of snail mail or radio - the World Wide Web is a fountain of information for knowledge seekers all over - and what a tool it has been!
Much like how you managed to find this site, you can easily find similar sites catered towards the novice Disciple of Darwin. I’m not one to name drop, but some of the websites you can check out include MicayleIsABeast.com (fantastic information about our leader, both on a personal and a professional level), IWantToBeAnApostle.com (details and facts on how to be a good Apostle for Team Science), and ScienceIsWonderfulWCF.com (need I elaborate more?)
Truth-seekers such as ourselves are a rarity in today’s celebrity spotting, thong-loving society. Some of us may be treated as outcasts, while others revered, but the fact remains - our minds are fully functional, and we need the knowledge that only science can provide us. Doctor Remus Micayle has opened our minds to the truth, and now we hunger for more.
---
Now that you have learnt a little more on what it takes to spread the Gospel, please do your part and let the world know of the wonders of science. But despite your extracurricular activities, do remember to partake in your usual Sunday night duties and tune in to your local sports channel. Watching WCF Slam ought to be the priority of all Disciples of Darwin, where this week, our wise and formidable leader will square off against the Irish miscreant Caliban.
There is no question that Doctor Micayle will cripple and defeat that hound; such is the disparity of talent between the two. The Scientist is a former WCF United States Champion (which incidentally, now that I think about it, he has never claimed his rematch clause against the weaseling Beckman) and he has had a most wonderful May. The elements are shining brightly on him as of late, and it shows. Not only has he successfully obtained the WCF Tag Team Championships - with The First Apostle Nathan von Liebert playing the part of his partner - The Perspicacious One has also managed to strike a heavy blow against the liars and traitors of the Wrestling Championship Federation.
The snake in the grass, the renegade dirt-sniffer, the miscreant that is Cormack MacNeill has been crippled by Doctor Micayle. The rogue who was so rude to our Scientist has finally been put down like the mad dog he is. After brashly accepting Doctor Micayle’s brilliantly conducted Stretcher match at Asesinato De Mayo, he was left with a brutalized leg - courtesy of Team Science. No one knows if Cormack will ever be the same ever again, but one thing’s for sure.
Even if he does figure out a way to get back to fighting form and make a return to the ring, Doctor Micayle will just strike the living daylights out of the simpleton and send him right back to the hospital. His attitude was just unacceptable - especially to an American role model such as The Scientist - and if he were to be executed via lethal injection tomorrow, it’ll bring nothing but joy to the rest of the world.
Despite Cormack MacNeill’s comparative inadequacy in the ring, he was by far Sequitus’s most talented wrestler. Neither Brent Alpine (a former Television Champion) nor Jordan Ciserano, the other second tier wrestlers in that international stable can be considered to be in his league, and Caliban is just on whole other level altogether when it comes to incompetence. One must think that if Caliban’s strongest ally was so easily dispatched by our glorious leader, just how many seconds would Doctor Micayle need to obtain a victory over the so-called ‘hometown hero’?
From this observer’s point of view, Caliban is going to have to dig deep within himself to find even a semblance of a hope of defeating Doctor Micayle. The Scientist’s combination of strength, intelligence, and charisma is more often than not too much of a blend for any possible mortal to match. Even on their best days, I dare say even the combined efforts of WCF legends Gravedigger, Greenfever, and Torture will not be sufficient to put his greatness down. A less-than-mediocre journeyman whose greatest claim to fame thus far is to get stabbed by Corey Black will not present too much of a challenge to our mentor and leader. Especially not when he has yet to face Doctor Micayle in battle.
As we have all witnessed in the past, Doctor Micayle’s greatest strength is his ability to deliver painful strikes. He is a man of many talents, but over the years, I am sure that he has discovered the best way to clinch victory is through the simple application of brute force. Standing at six foot five and weighing over two hundred and forty pounds, he has the perfect physique to be a brawler in the rough world of professional wrestling. 'The New Age Libertine’ barely touches two hundred pounds, and he has a much shorter reach due to his height disadvantage. Cater in Caliban’s track record against wrestlers with similar fighting styles (Corey Black and Jon Michaels anyone?) and you’ll understand why this match, even on paper, seems to be an overwhelming mismatch.
Caliban may be the WCF Internet Champion at this current point in time, but the only reason why he is able to obtain such a commodity is due to the fact that he is nothing more than a juvenile keyboard warrior. The Internet Championship is awarded to the wrestler with the highest profile on social media and should be treated as nothing more than a gimmick title. He has yet to defeat opponents of the same caliber as our treasured leader in a legitimate match, and I am certain that he will not buck that trend this Sunday. Us wrestling marks all know that WCF Wednesday Night is where the B-talent goes, and it is as much of a statutory show as Jayson Price is a priest. I have an inkling that matches there are predetermined, which explains why Caliban is able to prosper there, but just days later, is unable to reproduce the same quality of wrestling against a lesser opponent. Watch this space for more updates - I’ll let you readers know when I am able to pinpoint why WCF Wednesday Night is such a suspicious event, almost as if it’s fixed by a black man with shady connections to the vice underworld...
On my part, I would very much like to see a non-believer like Caliban get his comeuppance and face eternal disgrace after being destroyed by a superior fighter, but unfortunately, I will not be able to travel down to Belfast this weekend. Work commitments and a boyfriend who will be returning from Afghanistan on Sunday morning renders any ability to head to Ireland mute, so I will not be able to witness with my own eyes the systematic dissection of Caliban by Doctor Micayle. However, make no mistake, I will definitely be watching the live broadcast of Sunday Night Slam from my home, and no doubt I will be relishing the look of pain on Caliban’s face when our treasured champion delivers the beating of a lifetime.
P.S: A number of readers have been asking me for my personal opinion on Doctor Remus Micayle’s matches. I have always strived to distance myself from making such predictions, as I always believe that The Scientist will always win the matches he wishes to win. There is little point in trying to forecast his matches, for most of the time; he’ll just demolish his opponents. The only variable is the method as to how he discards them, and the duration as to how long it’ll take to claim victory.
But this week, due to the incredulous nature of his match booking, I feel that I ought to make my very first prediction. Note that this is not an attempt to downplay Caliban’s talents in the ring (though I sincerely believe he has none), but rather an effort to provide all you readers with a play-by-play of Sunday’s match. I repeat - Caliban is not a professional wrestler in the same league as our beloved Doctor Micayle, and it is certainly a travesty for a man of his moral standards to even be able to stand in the same ring as The Perspicacious One.
My prediction for the match: Caliban makes as grand an entrance as he possibly can, before proceeding to brag about how he is going to defeat Doctor Remus Micayle in front of a partisan hometown crowd, before shouting out a couple of meaningless catchphrases in hopes of inspiring cheers from the fans. Doctor Micayle cuts the unnecessary showboating and strides to the ring, ready to get this match over and done with. The fans are obviously on the loon Caliban’s side, and cheer for him incessantly. The bell rings, and the match will begin.
Five seconds later, Caliban is unconscious on the canvas, and the crowd is shocked into silence. Caliban’s chest is reddened, almost as if he spent an entire day getting baked by the sun. His breastbone is caved in and both of his collarbones are broken - courtesy of a Formula delivered by Doctor Micayle. Being the pragmatic man that he is, Doctor Micayle doesn’t waste his time taunting the comatose Irishman and instead proceeds with the pinfall. Three seconds later, his hand is raised in victory as the shell-shocked crowd breaks down in sobs and wails of agony. The ring announcer will then declare The Scientist to be superior to the current WCF Internet Champion, as a smiling Doctor Micayle exits from the ring with nary a scratch on his perfect body.
May Darwin inspire you to greater heights in your personal, work, and professional life.
Best Regards,
Carmen Wospert
Secretary of DRMF.com
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: Remus Micayle's apartment, New York City, New York, USA (Friday 2325hrs, 30th May 2014)
The one apartment in New York City where no one would think is home to anyone particularly rich or famous - Doctor Remus Micayle’s apartment. With a rustic exterior and a sub-par paint job (courtesy of a lazy landlord), it is not exactly the most eye-catching place on earth from the outside. But then again, it’s not exactly a third-rate prison as well. It’s just… unspectacularly normal. The type of house you’ll expect a high school teacher or a middle-aged couple living in. Certainly not a wrestler from the world-famous Wrestling Championship Federation, and most certainly not a champion from the aforementioned federation.
On the other side of the door is a different story altogether. Though the exterior of the flat is rather run-down, the interior of the apartment just oozes class. The large hallway is sumptuously furbished with beautiful mahogany wood carpeting the floor beneath one’s feet, with beautiful paintings that look like they ought to belong in a museum adorning the walls. In the huge living room, a fifty-inch television is mounted on the wall, with several bookshelves tidily stacked next to it. Two classy looking armchairs are placed around a coffee table, which itself is home to yet more books. The whole house is lit beautifully with a yellow light - perfect for reading, yet not too bring to cause visual annoyance.
Clearly this is the house of an educated man with class, taste, and money.
Seated in one of the armchairs is the man of the house. Dressed casually in a Stanford University tee shirt and track pants, Doctor Remus Micayle has his MacBook Pro on his lap, and is looking rather intently at the article currently displayed. He squints at the laptop screen, trying to better decipher a word as he finishes reading the latest posting from DoctorRemusMicayleFans.com, before letting out a small grunt of approval. Without another look at the computer, he closes the lid down and moves it to the coffee table, before standing up and stretching his back, which has been contorted for the past twenty minutes.
He lets out a soft yawn as the therapeutic sensation of blood rushing through his limbs flood his senses. The day has been long, with him spending most of it in the gym trying to improve himself. Today’s session had been particularly strenuous, with a particular focus being on strength training. Micayle winces as he touches a slight sore spot - a reminder of the insane five 425lbs bench press sets he forced himself to complete before the end of the day.
But still… tough training makes for tough men. It was without a shadow of a doubt better to sweat it out in training than to bleed in the ring, especially in his business. This Sunday, Micayle will be squaring off against the leader of Sequitus, a man who was formerly known as Jordan Caliban. Despite the fact that he’s a two-time WCF Internet Champion, Caliban is also considered by many in the industry to be the biggest Aunt Sally since Adam Young. There is no way that he’ll prove to be a threat, but nonetheless, Micayle wasn’t ready to slack off. Not when there’s pride on the line.
The physical battle has long been won. Caliban has as much chance as obtaining a legitimate victory over him as Steve Nash winning a ring before his retirement. Micayle has him trounced in all aspects measurable as a competitive pugilist, and the less said about the Coleraine native’s mental state… the better. Someone who can convince himself that receiving a demeaning thrashing is equivalent to ‘nearly securing a victory’ is someone who has no quantifiable intelligence - and if there’s one thing that Micayle despises more than a churchgoer, it’s an idiot.
And Caliban seems to be the epitome of an idiot, judging by the sheer number of grammatical errors made in his tweets and foolish actions accomplished throughout the course of his forgettable, low-card WCF career.
But still… there has to be a way to further prove his dominance over Caliban. A thrashing on Sunday is inevitable. Harsh words on Twitter ridiculing the successful crippling of Cormack MacNeill have already been traded. Even warnings via the WCF comments page have been written and posted. What else can he do to mock Caliban…?
… wait.
The Scientist’s eyes fell onto something located on the far end of the living room. A sly smile breaks across his handsome face as he quickly crafts up a plan to rub his impending victory into the face of the Sequitus leader even more.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<Two hours later on http://www.youtube.com>
The scene opens in a dark room. Multiple whiteboards with countless equations scribbled on them are seen on the walls, and there are a few sheets of paper, similarly dotted with formulas on them scattered on the floor. This room has been seen before on WCF, and judging by the equipment in it, even the most casual of fans would have an inkling as to who is appearing next.
And lo and behold! As the camera pans down from the chart-covered ceiling, Doctor Remus Micayle is seen sitting on a sofa, a slight smile on his face. However, instead of his usual WCF Tag Team Championship draped across his shoulder, an unusual looking championship is on it. Upon closer inspection, it seems to be a very poor imitation of the official WCF Internet Championship.
Which if you are well-versed with the current state of affairs in the federation, is Caliban’s pride and joy.
Micayle shifts the championship around his shoulder, before raising a knuckle to rap on it. Hard.
Doctor Remus Micayle: Jordan Caliban. The New Age Libertine. Leader of Sequitus. My opponent on Slam this very Sunday.
The Scientist continues to rap hard on the metallic surface of the Internet Championship replica, his knuckles beating a rhythm so intense it almost seems like background drum music. Suddenly, he stops.
Micayle: This match has been months in the making. We are finally getting a chance to face each other in the ring, and it won’t be pretty. Get yourself ready, Caliban, because remember what I did to your numbskull Cormack last Sunday? His leg, mangled beyond repair? His soul, crushed by how easily I laid him out on the stretcher and caused him to halt his WCF career? His heart, smashed to smithereens with the application of The Formula? Remember all that?
Suddenly, he stops his hammering.
Micayle: I hope you do. Because that’s exactly what I’ll be doing to you. The leader of Sequitus, dare challenge the leader of Team Science?
Abruptly, he stands up from his comfortable position and stares straight at the camera. Without another word, he flings the cheap replica of the Internet Championship at it, knocking it to the ground with a loud crash!
The camera, now in a fixed position on the ground, shows the Internet Championship on the ground, it’s gold covering have come off and the name plate - Caliban - being cracked in half. Micayle’s feet can be seen as his sickly sugar-coated voice is heard in the background.
Micayle: Jordan Caliban… the WCF’s Internet Champion… come to die.
A shrill screech is then emitted as Micayle’s left foot smashes HARD down on the Internet Championship, before he walks off. The camera then focuses on the broken pieces of the WCF Internet Championship - with particular focus on the shattered ‘Caliban’ name plate before the whole scene fades into black.
