Post by DVS on Jan 24, 2015 14:47:56 GMT -5
|The Songs of Jest [Pt. 4] | Payback Roleplay No. 4 |
| Continued from The Songs of Jest Series [Pt. 1] - [Pt. 2] – [Pt. 3] |
The Deviant's Dungeon
| Continued from The Songs of Jest Series [Pt. 1] - [Pt. 2] – [Pt. 3] |
The Deviant's Dungeon
“Do it again,” a voice says.
Dan Van Slade stands with his arms open and his ripped abdomen covered in stripes of red as if wrapped in ribbon. He flexes his six pack, his chest, and tightens his biceps. Dan grins and sticks his the tip of his tongue through a gap where a tooth once was. “Go'head,” Dan grins and nods, “hit me again...” and his agent, alongisde Perciful Lee, stand a few feet before him wielding kendo sticks and winding up to hit a home run.
The setting is the gymnasium extension on David's 20 acre homestead in rural Oregon. The all white interior is decorated with blown up images of the Agent with copious amounts of superstars – from the greatest running back in history, Jim Brown, to the most dangerous boxer to ever grace the ring, Muhammed Ali. There's more, too, such as acting sensation Michael Fassbinder, or director extraordinaire, David Lynch; musicians like Bob Dylan and Creedence Clearwater Revival. These images are complimented by a large sign above the door that reads: “The Deviant's Dungeon,” and above the sign is a wonderfully painted portrait of Dan Van Slade with one leg on a beautifully embroidered ottoman. The Deviant wears a gold crown adorned with eye balls, a satin robe draped over his body the color of blood, and he carries a large golden scepter with a skull on top. A necklace wraps his neck with ears dangling from small hooks like a wreath of violence.
The portraits stare down at the catalog of powerhouse weight lifting equipment and conditioning material meant to upgrade and design the Deviant into the most feared man in the business. Weights, bikes, bags, medicine balls, different variations of plum blossom poles, and machines dedicated to improve every dimension of his body. It's an athletes paradise that's capable of housing a full team practice. The Deviant's Dungeon – where legends are made.
THWACK! David is the first to impact and unleashes a solid swing against the Deviant's stomach, something that had the potential to send a baseball onto Waveland Avenue in North Chicago on a windy day.
“Ok...,” Perciful shoots a bit of steam from his nostrils like a raging bull and, “let's give it another shot...” before he pulls back and rushes forward to slam the kendo stick into Dan's abdomen with a wicked bend along Dan's side.
“OH!” Dan continues to stand motionless as he absorbs the blows from his Agent and Career Counselor. Both men take a step back, David looking mighty Matt Damon-esque in gray slacks with a black polo complete with red stripes on the shoulders and an Ohio State Buckeyes logo on the chest; Perciful Lee making his best Danny Devito impression and standing at a whopping female average five feet wearing a Super Deviant t-shirt tucked into black slacks. Dan smiles, and laughs to himself – a deep a sardonic guffaw. The Super Deviant stares, and the grin fades. “OK,” Dan reacts, “I want David to grab the chair and bend it over my skull,” he points at a line of folding chairs nearby. “I want Percy to grab that crowbar and bend it over my knee,” and then Dan tenses up and flexes. He grinds his teeth. “C'mon, ya'pussies – FUCK ME UP...”
David lifts a chair and holds it in the grasp of two hands. He looks at Dan, and then back at the chair as he momentarily studies it before lifting it over his head. The Agent glares at Dan, and then let's out a roar! Dan suddenly laughs, and then decides to leap toward the oncoming charge of his Agent.
Two rams collide in slow motion at the center of a barren plain. The impact sounds like an explosion as their faces ripple following the collision. Their bodies bounce back in a spring like motion, and then they land on their feet ready for more.
Dan's head comes crashing through the steel chair. His eyes are closed, and then they snap open. A grinding snarl has become an enlarged fanatical grin. David releases his hold after smashing Dan in a head-on show down. The echo of the wreck resonates. Percy and David take one step back as the chair wraps around Dan's head, but the Super Deviant still stands. He removes the chair, growls, and then whips it across the gym like a Frisbee.
“The fuck are you waitin' for, Doc?” Dan asks with a devious grin, as his eyebrows come to a point and he sadistically stares at the Career Counselor. “Hit me! Hit me you cocksuckin' little Penguin bitch ass - -” and Dan is interrupted as Percy moves his tiny feet swiftly across the glazed hard wood to charge at the Super Deviant and help him learn a lesson. Lee swings the bar, but Dan's arm is faster; his hand reaches down and instantly stops the crowbar in its clenches. The Doctor stares up at his client as Dan wiggles his index finger; naughty-naughty. Then, applause.
Dan looks at David, but the clapping isn't coming from him, then down to Perciful Lee who still glued to the crowbar and profusely shaking. The Deviant turns to the entrance where a jean jacket wearing biker donning a Harley Davidson bandanna clunks his black leather motorcycle boots onto the hardwood floor. Dan rips the crowbar from Percy's hands, spins around, and launches it across the gymnasium for a completed hail Mary, shades of Tom Brady; a touchdown into a wooden bin at the opposite end of the room. The biker continues to clap, then twice sniffs his dark black mustache attached to a well-groomed and experienced beard. Percy looks on to the man, and then introduces him to the crew.
“Gentlemen, I'd like for you to meet Lester Hicks,” Percy states as the Biker methodically steps forward as chains dangling from his jacket smack against other bits of metal incorporated into the attire. “Lester is a well decorated Green Beret,” Lee continues as he stands and dusts himself off, “he's also a member of the Hell's Angels, the National Rifle Association, the International Ass-Kickers Society, and he understands physical combat better than any man the world has ever offered. He wears every color of belts given in every division of the martial arts. He's a golden glove boxer. Field and Stream call him the greatest hunter in North America. He's published how-to books about the art of survival when against the greatest evil known to man, which is man itself. I've hired Mr. Hicks to be your sparring partner. He understands pain better than anyone, and I'm certain you won't learn anything from David and I hitting you with weapons,” and the men are confronted by Lester.
“Percy, I appreciate the introduction,” Hicks responds confidently, “but let's not introduce ourselves,” he continues as he tugs at the lapels of his jean jacket. “Introductions are unnecessary. They are, on the surface, a mere waste of time. The real introduction is in the fight. A little less talking, and a lot more production. Now that you know your enemies name – the next step is to define their weaknesses and upgrade against their best. You've got me in a vulnerable position, Dan,” Lester says as he slowly begins to remove his jean jacket, “I'm not your friend. I'm not your enemy. I'm the power you muster and the decisions you make to use it...” he hands his jacket to Perciful Lee. The Agent and Doctor take a few steps back as Dan watches Lester reach down and lift a solid cinder block from the floor. “Let me put it to you this way,” as Hicks rests the block against his abdomen, “I'm a Maelstrom fan, and always have been, but he doesn't need my help...” and that's all Lester had to say...
David presses play on an Ipod attached to the gym P.A. System. Commence intergalactic motivational fight music as inspired from the hit film 'Space Jam'...
Weapon No. 3: Dan's hands, arms, head, shoulders, waist, legs, feet, knees, elbows; everything.
Michael Buffer initiates and is followed by 'Ya'll ready for this?' Nobody was. Percy and David stand back as they watch the Deviant lunge toward Lester Hicks who uses the cinder block as a shield. The solid building block is of no use and is instantly turned to dust by two vicious fists-like-jackhammers as they tear through the concrete like paper. Dan pushes Hicks back a few pegs as the Biker Green Beret sees Dan's next move. The Deviant attempts a right hook, but Lester slap-blocks it, and then does the same to an attempted left hook. Dan kicks for the abdomen, but Lester leaps back and dodges the strike. The Super Deviant continues his assault, and he waves his arms in a flash of jabs, hooks, cuts, and weaves, but each attempt is stifled by the opposition.
“C'mon, Dan!” Hicks yells with a guffaw as the Super Deviant heavily stammers toward him, “Maelstrom called you Hollywood, bro! An act! A facade!” And the exclamation is met with a clothesline that Lester ducks and spins around like a cheetah to stand behind Van Slade. He bends forward and then delivers a jab into the lower-center of the Deviant's spine, and Dan takes a few steps forward and arches his back. The Deviant isn't fazed, and reacts by ignoring the strike. Dan and Lester's eyes meet. “I'd hate for Maelstrom to be right about that...” and the Biker winks with a Chandler Bing sarcastic grin.
“Fuck you, guy,” Dan responds and breaths heavily, “There are three things in this world that most definitely define me. One -,” and Dan begins to count on his hand, “I am the most agile and charismatic performer on the planet; Two – I would never lie about how athletic I am, and Three - -” The Super Deviant suddenly shouts as he immediately tramples toward Lester Hicks like a six-foot-five speeding bulldozer.
Lester leans forward and grabs a kendo stick leaning against a Bowflex. Dan swings, but Hicks using the kendo stick to block the blow, and the stick viciously bends with the impact.
“I don't stand down...” Dan continues his assault as Lester continues to use the stick with various blocking techniques, “...to any motherfucker...” the final blow is met with a kendo jab to the abdomen. Dan connects a right fist to Lester's jaw. Both men back up. Hicks adjusts his jaw, and Dan rubs his belly. The Super Deviant smiles. “I look at you and I see the grotesque love child of an African American pimp and a bald lady who speaks fluent Idiot; the spawn of mediocrity at its finest – and I'll end you faster than a Maelstrom climax two seconds into unbuttoning his pants...” the Deviant ends his rant and sprints toward the plum blossom poles that escalate in height so that the tallest stands at eight feet. Lester Hicks doesn't hesitate, and follows.
“You talk a lotta game, Dan,” Lester says as he watches the Deviant hop onto the poles with wonderfully accurate stability and balance. “Your shit stinks, and nobody likes it,” Hicks continues, “so as I chase you up these poles just to slam you onto the ground below – do ponder – what happens when something, or someone, far greater than you, intervenes and settles the score?” He follows this question by leaping weightlessly onto the first pole only three feet from the ground. “What happens when Dan Van Slade meets his match?” Dan spins around on a pole almost ten feet away, and standing several feet from the floors surface. He bends down and sits like Spider-man atop the pole.
“Rhetorical questions won't win this battle,” Dan responds. “Maelstrom made the same comment, and there's no response, because I'll never meet anything strong enough to defeat me. Not even God himself has the testicles to strike me dead. I'm left to wreak havoc on a whole organization built on left overs. I'm meant to be here, standing before you, and absorbing your life-long conditioning as if you were just born yesterday...” and then Dan stands and instantly leaps to the next pole a few inches higher and four feet from the last.
Lester leaps, hops, front flips forward and taps his way along the tops of the poles until he's just a few feet from the opposition. Dan peers over his shoulder with a smile as he reaches the highest point of the poles at over eight feet. The Deviant spins around as Hicks lunges toward him, but the sparring partner is met with a bear hug. Dan is barely fazed as he stands tall atop the pole and hugs the opponent; Lester's feet dangle in air, and he doesn't seem frightened by the reversal. The Biker uses his head, literally, as he head-butts Dan in the bridge of the nose. The Deviant releases Hicks, and Lester falls; but not without catching himself to hang from the top of the pole. Lester quickly swings himself around and aims to trip Dan off the pole, but the Deviant leaps in the air and then gracefully onto his feet atop the plum blossom. Lester falls to the mat, feet first, and stands. Then, liftoff...
The Super Deviant flips forward and ignites off the pole. He falls like a missile and sends the soles of his boots into Lester's chest. The Biker Marine is sent flying several feet backward into racks of dumbbells as the weights crash beneath the awe-struck Hicks. The Deviant falls onto the hardwood floor below, and it's as if pain is of no option for the hero. Dan instantly stands and grinds a disgustingly large mucus amoeba from his throat, and then launches it from his mouth like a cannon. The wad smacks against a weight lifting pole nearby and makes the ringing noise a lump of chaw would make when being propelled into a spitoon like something out of the Wild West.
Weights continue to slowly crash upon each other as Lester Hicks lies motionless against the mound of conditioning toys. The Biker breathes heavily. Perciful Lee's eyes are wide as he takes a glance at David. Both men shake their head and continue to analyze the fallen teacher.
“It's without a doubt the most precious thing I've ever seen,” Dan states as he struts toward the fallen Hicks, “that the human race will continue an attempt to one-up me,” and he begins to study the girth and magnitude of his balled fists. “My bones never break. My knuckles sharp like diamonds. My fists solid as titanium. My elbows and knees come at you like freight trains. Derail, and it's what I do. Hardcore like a mother fucker. You don't play around, fella?” Dan questions as he stares down at the Biker. “Big things will come my way, and with respect to the challenge and response to the threat – I'll be patiently waiting and ready to side-line the mother fucker so that I can wait for another. Hopefully you'll transform into Johnny Fly so that I can immediately get a chance to show Greatness what it's like to lose a second time, but this time to Dan Van Slade is not some pimp geek fuck with a chip on his shoulder,” and Dan bends down to closely confront his opposition. “You see – it just doesn't matter. I'm in the greatest shape of my life. This is what happens when you attempt to subjugate talent by bringing in the sharks. I don't jump'em. No, I manhandle them, rip'em to shreds, filet them, cook'em for dinner. Maelstrom and Steve Orbit jumped the shark a long time ago; too afraid to stand eye-to-eye with the most vicious beast of the great blue yonder. You can't stop magnificence. Goliath didn't stop David, and I most sure as Hell won't step down against two bulbous piles of fail,” and then Dan stands, cracks his neck to the left and right, then stares at Percy and David. “I'm going to need you guys to grab a few of those weapons,” Dan suggests, “because I need to kill what's left of my nervous system. Not that I really need to – but I'd like to feel NOTHING after I slaughter Maelstrom and Steve Orbit at Payback.” David looks at Percy following the demand. “That belt...is mine...”
“You got the jumper cables?” David asks Percy. The doctor shrugs and then holds the cables in his hands.
“What do you have?” Percy curiously asks as he stares down at an item hanging from David's hand. “Is that...” and he's interrupted by the Agent.
“A mace?” David asks Lee, but he answers his own question, “you're damn right it is...” and the Agent begins to swing the spiked heavy steel ball in a circular motion. Both men look over at the Super Deviant. Dan loudly smacks his hand against his chest.
“Bring it, mother fuckers...” Dan challenges as the small weep is heard from the Biker Marine still unconscious at Dan's feet. The Super Deviant looks down at the fallen foe, and then back at his career counselor and agent. The men suddenly shout like warriors ready to engage.
Commence battle – and the hit from Nappy Roots...
Later that Day...
“Is that Super Toryu Energy?” Dan Van Slade asks a man behind the booth of his street kiosk that sells candy, drinks, and magazines. The rotund Mexican clerk smiles, and nods. “Do you mind if I hold it in my hands?” Dan asks. The clerk, who oddly looks like a tanned Ralphie May, shrugs, and then hands Dan the can of Super Toryu Energy. The Deviant stares at the can, and studies it for a moment. He brushes his finger tips against the Japanese characters printed below the Nutrition Facts. Then, he pops the tab on the can and instantly begins pouring the drink onto the concrete side walk. Passersby stop and stare as Dan smiles, and chuckles, as the liquid smacks against the floor below.
“Hey!” The pug-like Spanish man shouts. “You gotta pay for this!” He continues. “You can't open and can and do that!” Dan looks at the man as the final drops of caffeinated Asian pleasure fluid falls to stone.
“Trust me,” Dan responds with a smirk, “I'm most certain I'll pay for this,” and then he drops the can onto the sidewalk and steps on it with a crunch. “If not today...” he continues as he then unzips his pants. A mother nearby places her hand over her sons eyes. Three hippie teenagers pull out their cell phone and begin to record. Other citizens of the city take watch as the Deviant removes his penis and begins to urinate all over the crushed can of Super Toryu Energy and the puddle of drink he's spilled below. “Well...let's just say,” as he continues to piss all over Maelstrom's P.R. Campaign, “...there will be payback, my fat little spick friend,” and then Dan finishes relieving himself. He shakes, and then places his member back within his trousers. He zips, and then looks down at the puddle of urine mixed with the hopes and dreams of Japanese sweat shop slavery. "Besides - I'm the inspiration behind the creation of that terribly disgusting energy beverage..." he then looks at a business man recording the event on his Iphone. Dan smiles. “So...world...tired of me being amazing, yet?”
[To Be Continued in The Songs of Jest Part Five]