Post by DVS on Jan 20, 2015 15:01:19 GMT -5
| The Songs of Jest [Pt. 1] | Payback Roleplay No. 1 | Continued from: The Deviant Zone |
A man's fingers slide Winchester AA Tracker 12 gauge shells into a Browning Cynergy Feather shotgun.
“Pull!” The unseen man shouts as he guides his weapon for aim. A bright orange clay pigeon spirals like an unidentified flying saucer in the clear blue sky. The shotgun takes aim. Safety off. Cocked. Trigger. The loud accompaniment of a firearm. The shell slides viciously through the barrel in an explosion of anger until the notched helical petals on it's gray hull burst open and send shot and wad directed in a strategic position toward an ascending pigeon. The pigeon explodes into tiny fragments of neon colored clay and they rain down on the bright green grassy surface. The first shot.
Transcript
Session #0196 | Client: The Super Deviant, Dan Van Slade | 023 | January 8, 2015
From the office of Dr. Perciful Lee
The Super Deviant: “Do you know the true definition of Payback?”
Perciful Lee: “I wouldn't say that I could repeat it to you word-for-word like it's out of a dictionary, so no. But, I understand the concept. It's a return for an investment.”
The Super Deviant: “Sure, you could say that. It's also revenge and retaliation.”
Perciful Lee: “You're getting that off your phone right now.”
The Super Deviant: “Yes I am. Google is my bitch.”
Perciful Lee: “You've been talking about payback quite a bit, recently. I've heard it in plenty of your conversations. Most of all – it seems to drive your motivation.”
The Super Deviant: “I've invested a lot of my time here, Percy. Sure, so Seth Lerch had a shit-eating bug shoved politely up his ass a few weeks ago and is trying to challenge my investment. Fuck'em. He has nothing on me. I'm puttin' up my end of the bargain, and that fuckin' ass-clown will advantageously put up his end; and I'm not talkin' about his fat ass, either. I own the WCF Hardcore Championship. I own Steve Orbit, and I'll most definitely own Maelstrom as a bonus to my success thus far. I've earned it. I'm going to reign supreme over all the land, notoriously whooping ass and chiseling names into Titanium Intergalactic Planetary mountain structures. A return for my investment. That beautiful title, defined by years of undeniable violence and sadistic events choreographed by the survival mode of the human existence, it will be mine. This is the first step in the piece-by-piece removal of the Vapor Kings from the spotlight. First, it'll be me. Then Bobby Cairo, and the Holy Motherfuckin' Flame – God forbid Steeltoe doesn't fuck up. Hell of an investment, Percy. Not only do I fuckin' win, but I get to watch the Vapor Kings...VAPORIZE. POOF! Be motherfuckin' GONE! Payback's a BITCH.
So, by logic – Payback is Maelstrom. A bitch. The Buffalo Bitch. The Bitch of Bitchington. The Wicked Bitch of the East. Sometimes the far East, since he's big in Japan; and we all know that any Western civilized being is bigger than the wee-little Asians. Revenge, and retaliation, Percy. That's all this is. Revenge, and retaliation. This is Steve Orbit's first attempt against me in the ring, although he's felt my presence every day since that unbelievable showing at Wednesday Night, November 27; almost three months ago. It's sad, truly sad, that I've waited three months to finally get my hands around his charcoal black neck and instantly break it. Three fuckin' months - and through the patience of knowing confidently there's no stopping me – I've been given another challenge. If King Slayin' wasn't easy enough – Seth Lerch decides he's going to also promote me to Jobber Slayin'. Considering, of course, I've already conquered Maelstrom once – I have absolutely no problem doing it a second, third, billionth time. I love watching him fall. It's so graceful. It's something I'd prefer be captured on film and credited to the direction of Sir Alfred Hitchcock.
So, insert the dramatic music for the soundtrack of your destruction.”
Perciful Lee: “It's definitely going to be an orchestra of madness.”
The Super Deviant: “It's more than that. This is Steve Orbit going up against two of the most feared rookies in the game. Well, Maelstrom is pretty stupid and old, but you get the point. This is Maelstrom's first rodeo with the WCF. He's come a long way. We've both screwed each other over in two big tag matches against four of the best this company has to offer; four individuals with a laundry list of championships that surpasses the expectation of any individual – the amount of time these men put in to be where they are, legendary, but we ate the losses no problem. Why? Because it's wonderful to take the risk of seeing each other miserable. Misery is my favorite part of this ensemble of deviance. Nothing makes me smile more than the misery of others. So – Steve, and Maelstrom – I don't expect you'll hold back. I anticipate that this epic three-way clash will be bound in barbed wire and painted with blood so that our names are said prior to an intense tremor of fear. Orchestra of madness? This is a fuckin' snuff film with an ensemble cast that includes miles of barbed wire, a plethora of kendo sticks, ladders, chairs, tables, bowling balls, bowling pins, baseball bats, fluorescent bulbs, fire, and possible death since anything can and will happen.”
Perciful Lee: “How's your training schedule?”
The Super Deviant: “Fuckin' monster. It's constant, and never ending. Obtaining knowledge is the same way, so I suppose you have to utilize the philosophy that practice makes perfect. Nobody stops learning. No one. I train – and I train – and I don't stop. That's the basic motto: don't stop. I won't. There's not a single motherfucker in this business who will stop me. The odds will forever be stacked against me, but I don't give a shit. I'm here to win, and fuck people up. I'm here to end the mediocrity and create a plateau. You gotta rise to my level, motherfucker. That's a climb, and there's no defeating the king of the mountain. I just can't fuckin' wait to break every bone in Maelstrom's body and watch Steve Orbit pant and cringe as he's tied to the ring post and secured by barbed wire. I've conditioned myself to know the right time to put an end to their haunting. I don't train in a shitty fuckin' Gym that's decaying like the vagina of Betty White; no – I hop planets, and dead lift asteroids. I build space crafts capable of traveling despicably faster than the speed of light and heavier than anything this planet has to offer. When I do push-ups – stars explode and the universe shifts. I fish for whales with my bare hands. So, fuck you.”
Perciful Lee: “Our sessions have taken you further into the belief and confidence that the career you've chosen is right. Dan, I know that you're proud of yourself to break from that shell. The shoe definitely fits. Now it's time to prove they're worth the walk.”
The Super Deviant: “This is worth it. Win, or lose, this is definitely worth it. I'm not going to let myself down because two ass-monkeys are flingin' shit my direction. I fling it right back like turd grenades that stun'em on the spot. Then – conquering time. I demand, request, advise, and fully recommend that Orbit and Maelstrom bring the best they've got. Every day, for the next two weeks. I've got you by the fuckin' horns. By the balls. Coughin' and sweatin' me because you can't beat me. I've got you; and it was well worth it.
As for Bobby Cairo, Kaz Mazy, Ice Beckman and Zombie McMorris? We'll meet again, and it'll be a fuckin' masterpiece of destruction. I have plans for each one of you, and don't count on me forgetting. I don't forget. I don't let go. Each of you have your task for Payback, and I'm certain there will be four men standing tall when the curtain closes. But, as you all bow in response to the applause – remember who is ascending the peak behind you. Remember the man you've bested, and remind yourselves that the luck of the draw, the vicious life lottery, will bring us together again. In the end – as you smell your blood from the sole of my Hiptonian Super Boot, gazing through puffed and beaten eyes as you lie motionless beneath me, I'll let the scars tell the story of your demise. My letter to the WCF – written like hieroglyphics on the epidermis of your defeated body. We'll meet again; fuckin' count on it.
By that time – the Super Deviant will have proven to a naive audience that he's the most hardcore son of bitch this side of the Milky Way. I'm giving you all the time to prepare yourselves, so get ready for a fuckin' beat down. Payback. I get what's mine.”
Perciful Lee: “Will you be bringing that wonderful red Santa bag full of hardcore goodies?”
The Super Deviant: “Christmas is over, Percy. The time to share and relish in love and tradition has finished. This is a new year, now. The year of the Deviant. The time to rise and realize that the Super Deviant has taken the first step to maintaining order and structure within the vast mediocre landscape known as the Wrestling Championship Federation. So, does a bear shit on Stuart Slane in the woods? Yes. I'll be bringing an arsenal. It may not be wrapped with bows on top, but it is more importantly capable of ending two careers; and it will. Bye-bye, Steve Orbit, you corny-ass Cobsy sweater mother fucker; and so-long Maelstrom, you bald-beatnik-pussy-bitch'ass Jobber the Hut. Uhhhhhh – got this on fuckin' lock-stock-and smokin' barrel...bitches.
Come and fuckin' get some...of the NEW hardcore champion...”
[To be continued in 'The Songs of Jest, Part Two']
There's a list somewhere deep within the infinitely vast databases of the internet where the Super Deviant has stored an inventory of everything necessary to defeat his enemies. His attempt to capture every detail is fascinating; from the analysis of his own brain to the ideal nature of his toes, and an arsenal of weapons that compliment each, to display every possible facet of the oppositions destruction. This interactive dossier will be displayed daily until February 1st and it begins in the next supplemental release of the 'Idiot's Guide to Deviance, The Songs of Jest, Part Two'. Prepare yourself for a crash-course in the downfall of 'The Mack' Steve Orbit, and Maelstrom; as the Super Deviant assembles a technical peak at the catalog providing the essential artillery needed to deconstruct and destroy his competition.