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Post by bishop on Apr 30, 2011 22:06:08 GMT -5
I normally do this on various feedback threads but figured that I might as well just make it, its own thing.
If you want me to give in depth and detail feedback on your promos, reply here and let me know an I'll break down your rp into the following.
PRO's
CON's
THOUGHTS
VERDICT
I decided that i won't give out " stars " or "ratings" because Id rather not subject rp's to a " standard". Feedback is just that, feedback an I want to be able to help people improve themselves and not set them to a rating system.
So if you like how i break down rp's an wana know what I think, reply here an I'll be more then happy to help anyone out.
- "TCF" Nate Bishop
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Post by FPV on Apr 30, 2011 23:08:41 GMT -5
I think I'd like this for my rp. I like these kinds of things.
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Post by bishop on May 1, 2011 0:13:21 GMT -5
name: Mr. FPV
Card: Slam- 5/2/11
Match: Battle Royal
Rp: The cologne of Accomplishment
CON's
1.) your character didn't come off as being sure of himself. I know you were speaking to the camera but it came off like an inner monologue. more that you were talking to yourself rather then adressing the camera. ( ex: 2nd half of your rp )
2.) the list. D-Day did it too. being a battle royal you want to get as much in on your opponents as you can but you went down the list. Nothing terrible about it but it disengages the reader. rather then sounding heart felt, it sounds very scripted.
3.) The shoot. stemming from point 2 the shoot gets waterd down. Again nothing bad about it but it would have been nice to really pick out an opponent to focus on if you could have.
4.) Side banter. In the first part of your rp you did CD- fantastic but where does it extend your character(s) ?
( ex: quesdilla being the best. )
PRO's
1.) Scene set up. You kept the scenes short and vauge but descriptive enough to help the reader feed the imagination.
2.) Dark horse. your my not have sounded too confident but you were well informed about who you're going against. You peg everybody with a little rib to spark a tangiable intrest as to wanting to see the characters interact in the match.
3.) Well spoken. You went to the points and you didnt beat around. You said what you had to say and you moved on
4.) The flow. you had picture perfect flow. the list thing can be a hindrence an it sorta was but it led you into a good over all flow for the rp that made it an easy read to go back to and help with refrence points
THOUGHTS.
Where could you go wrong in this promo? You stuck to yur guns and did what you had to do. the biggest enemy in this rp was the match details themselves. It was a nice read from start to finish but your side banter threw me off cuz it was just that. The shoot and the 2nd scene were nicely done. a casual run down in a casual setting. shows that FPV isnt really sweatin the match but it seemed like you had to push that he was "into" it. The firsts paragraph about sweating really wrenched what would follow. We all sweat, work hard and get good checks ( i'd hope) for wrestling- what makes FPV diffrent?
VERDICT
I'll have to read more of you because now I'm intrested. You always seemed like a sleeper champion- I always got that vibe that one day you'd wake up and start taking guys out. From what I've seen in this rp- you have that ability- just need to really let it shine. You could have hit your opponents harder, not much in the way of threating or sounding like you could win the match but trash talk alone doesnt get the job done. It was the way in which you said the things you did that really made me look at FPV and want him to get out there.
try and make your CD a bit more character related- wrap it all up and make sure the reader get a connection and not so much that your taking up space with it
explore your shoot options- even if its only on a small detail- make it a huge deal.
basicly in time FPV is gonna equal FTW- even if you just dig up a bit more then the surface
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Buzzsaw Bundy
Rookie
I ain't jacked my lumber baby... Since my chain saw you...
Posts: 276
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Post by Buzzsaw Bundy on May 1, 2011 19:16:52 GMT -5
Feel free to tear into mine... Still trying to feel this character out, so any help is great!!!
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Post by Jason Cashe on May 1, 2011 19:41:27 GMT -5
I like this but can see where it might come on as too strong for some people, you being new yourself. WCF has it's own mechanics for rps so it varies.
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Post by bishop on May 1, 2011 20:45:12 GMT -5
I like this but can see where it might come on as too strong for some people, you being new yourself. WCF has it's own mechanics for rps so it varies. dont be a negitive nancy.. I'll tase you |
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Post by Doc Henry on May 1, 2011 20:51:11 GMT -5
Yeah well his oppinion is his own to give out Kash...
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Post by bishop on May 1, 2011 21:11:42 GMT -5
Name: Buzzsaw
Card: Slam! 5/2/11
Match: vs Shane Boarderland
RP: Reflections in The Garden
CON's
1.) Spacing. The lay out of your rp might be awkward on readers eyes.
2.) Bland speech. Buzzsaw talked very casually about his match with Boarderland. Its good to see his personality , that he's respectfull and "face" but you really didn't say much that could gear people up for the match
PRO's
1.) Layout. The spacing of it may have been odd the way the rp was worded and came together was nice. More story then script style.
2.) Knowing your character. reading your rp- we can get a very good idea about who he is and what he's about. You were able to blend your CD in with your shoot.
3.) angle. you may have lacked in your "shoot" but you kept to your face status and layed down a challenge an insult all in the same line.
THOUGHTS
could prove to be an ntresting character an probably one of the only true "faces" in WCF. With everyone trying to run heel characters- you'rs stands out more because its against the grain now a days. Though the spacing was odd- it was a nice read that was very inseightfull. It would have been nice if you hyped this match up more and getting us to WANT to see you as the champion over boarderland. I got the impression that Buzzsaw felt
" ok, I'm fighting Shane.. what now?"
more thoughts on Shane an possibly getting a title would have put you over big time. I know that being face can be very hard to do but your still allowed to have desires, goals an the ability to express them.
VERDICT
lets see some drive. some wants.. your goals.. what are you going to do to your opponent. Let the reader know how your going to pull off that face victory over this heel character. The characters there but try and get the reader more involved in his story and struggles. over all it was good. if you sunk your theeth into shane it coulda been better but thats what the second RP is for.
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Post by Corey Black on May 2, 2011 17:06:04 GMT -5
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Post by Corey Black on May 2, 2011 17:07:58 GMT -5
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Post by bishop on May 2, 2011 18:25:14 GMT -5
are those promos for matches? they're just small CD posts.
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Post by Audrey Horn on May 2, 2011 19:28:39 GMT -5
This is really cool. I love the idea and format.
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Post by Corey Black on May 2, 2011 19:54:12 GMT -5
are those promos for matches? they're just small CD posts. I can't remember if I was in a match or not, but they're RPs damnit.  |
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Post by bishop on May 2, 2011 20:01:11 GMT -5
Name: Creeping Death
Match: N/A
Card: N/A
RP: Various CD posts
CON
1.) color scheme. doesnt blend well, fades into back ground and denotes importance
PRO
1.) Entertaining. putting CD in situations that are some what unique to the character, in ways people may not be used to seeing him in.
THOUGHTS
it made me giggle to think of CD doing these things. Funny CD that helps push the character along in personal terms.
VERDICT
direct that energy an entertainment towards your opponents
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Post by Jason Cashe on May 2, 2011 23:02:15 GMT -5
Okay I do like it...I trust his opinion, just didn't want him to be seen as the new Malachi. Those that know get it...
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Post by bishop on May 3, 2011 12:50:06 GMT -5
did he think he was all that an a birthday cake ?
eh. I am what i am.. DangerTainment.
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Post by Jason Cashe on May 9, 2011 18:36:29 GMT -5
Good answer...oh wait...damnit
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Post by Corey Black on May 9, 2011 18:51:24 GMT -5
Haha ... uh ... bye? Or something?
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Post by Matt Storm on May 9, 2011 19:13:32 GMT -5
I'm always willing to hear others' take on my stuff, so have at it, my good man.
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Post by FPV on May 9, 2011 20:12:35 GMT -5
I'm always willing to hear others' take on my stuff, so have at it, my good man. Dude, Bishop left, so unfourtunatly no more breakdowns. |
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