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Post by Jason Cashe on May 9, 2011 20:41:16 GMT -5
Yeah, they'll just change into Odin's Breakdown. Odin Balfore is his original character, Bishop was a baby as far as experience goes but with Odin he has some experience so ACTUALLY the breakdown should be more welcomed with Odin. Same Handler..
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 9, 2011 21:28:10 GMT -5
I'll continue Bishops breakdown. I owe him that much after i crushed his hand like a chestnut
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Post by Jason Cashe on May 9, 2011 21:35:23 GMT -5
Mhahaha..Shut up...
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 9, 2011 21:56:58 GMT -5
Name: Matt Storm
Card: Slam! 5/9/11
Match: vs Pulse Vs Bundy
RP: 1
CONS
1.) No Shoot. There was zero match talk geared towards your match.
2.) The Names. Your nick names were too much. They were good and we did get a good idea of what you USED to be which is nice for development but you didn't follow it up really.
PROS
1.) Set up. You had very good set up
2.) Development. You had great CD in showing us your character.
THOUGHTS
I had to nit pick to get your cons. Its a debut an you've obviously been through the game once or twice. I definatly would have liked to see match talk again't your opponents and HOW your past names reflect and show shades of themselves no-a-days, even if your body can't deliever like it used to.
It was a great intro to your character though an how he's been through alot an you've shown that in a short pan of words. I know people that would take that and make it a 3k rp. You kept it short, sweet an informitive. The names got to me a bit but that comes with being in the game a while with the same character. I'm guilty of that too but why should WE as the reader care that your "x" and " y" ya know ? There was alot of CD talk but no match shoot to follow it through.
VERDICT
Fantastic debut. I'm exceited for the character and see what he does and where he goes. I don't think you really need me to harp on you, especially for a debut but I hope that in comming RP's you explore those nick names and where they intersect with your character present day and how he feels about that beyond feeling sorry that he cant be that guy again.
Theres definatly unique room to grown in WCF with your character. lets see you take advantage of it
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Post by Corey Black on May 9, 2011 23:10:56 GMT -5
Odin > Bishop
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Post by Jason Cashe on May 10, 2011 13:14:40 GMT -5
You just like him more now cause he's not DT....haha
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 10, 2011 13:23:48 GMT -5
an I gots a raccoon
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Buzzsaw Bundy
Rookie
I ain't jacked my lumber baby... Since my chain saw you...
Posts: 276
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Post by Buzzsaw Bundy on May 16, 2011 15:33:08 GMT -5
My latest... I'm curious, I tried to show more emotion and drive yet still keep the face perspective.
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 16, 2011 21:46:44 GMT -5
The length of your rp's makes it hard to pro and con but i'll try
CON
1. Swearing. your FACE don't swear lol
PRO
1. Save face. you did a good job staying face after what i said.
2. relationship. you did good job connecting the two characters.
3 " the coin" you did a job job debating both sides of my rp's
THOUGHTS
Great face RP, really- great job. I enjoyed the read, the teacher student type of feel. you played a good route in that rp that serves both the characters very well.
VERDICT
this match gives your character fuel to better himself. either be like Odin or better. it opens up a door for the character to go down ( if thats what you chose) its another option out of bundys wealth of choices in WCF
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Post by FPV on May 18, 2011 15:03:08 GMT -5
I'm wondering how you think I did on my second rp last week. (The Journal of FPV)
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 18, 2011 22:44:28 GMT -5
Name: FPV
Card: Slam!
Match: vs James Vs Boarderland
RP: The Journal of FPV: Entry #1
CONs
1.) Shoot. Where was it it ?
2.) CD build up. Another lack going in the rp.
3.) Relivence. Where does the last bit tie in?
PRO's
1.) Begining an Middle. Both were good and strong, showed your views.
2.) The journal. Its a good idea, great way to be reflective.
3.) Style and set up. The way it worked was nice; short an uniform.
THOUGHTs
Journal Idea is a great way to convey inner thoughts an emotions but it felt kinda "so so" It was there, sorta on the money but it was still off. Your CONs weere close to being PRO's but didnt quite make it to where they probably could have been. The shoot for James and Shane should have been spot on- right there. For the month or so that i've been here, you've been midcard.. solid midcard. You're a solid proformer so the shoot should be better then " candy from a baby." especially if your the face; both your opponnents displayed HEEL tendencies.. go after that.
I bring up relievence because the last bit felt tacted on. normally shoot always tacted on unless its interviwed but this really gave feel like you went back and just slapped that there. The previous about XIII was good.. but then you were just like " hey journal BTW"
Idk, great concept of the rp but didnt feel like you delieverd fully.. definatly could have hit that home.
VERDICT
Faces CAN go after their opponent- maybe rightously or in a twisted moral sense but you can still dig into your opponent.
looking back at the first breakdown i did for you.. you accomplished one of the things I suggested.
Your CD became relivent an intresting in the character.
Now just get that shoot going an you'll be whoopin Shanes ass in no time flat ( or mine if i'm not carefull )
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2011 0:48:29 GMT -5
I would appreciate some feedback pls  This weeks or any week (Not last weeks - that was a 5 minute throw together  ) cc |
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 22, 2011 19:44:17 GMT -5
Name: Ana Valentine
Card: Slam!
Match: Vs Shane Boarderland.
RP:Nothing ventured, nothing gained
CON's
1.) Scene. Your scene set up was better then your rp
2.) Shoot. Wasnt much there.
3.) length. It wan't long but theres was little content to speak of.
PRO's
1.) Set up. Description is great.
2.) C/D. Got a good look into Ana an Bundys relationship.
THOUGHTs
I didn't see much good in this RP. The scene set up was good but it was over worked, especially for the content in the rp. I caught onto a paradox of your character though that you may want to adress. In the first scene you had some " suggestive" content with Bundy only to say that your a role model to your fans in the second scene. Right there is a big flaw in your character. Your shoot came off as whiney an repetitive. He beat you a few times since ive been here so you're just barking up a tree thats going to bring you no where.
VERDICT
Work on your character for the camera. Try and keep your "CD" to a min if it don't pretain to wrestling- especially if its suggestive. Its best not to distract from the rp. When it comes to your shoot- try an go diffrent routes. I feel like i've read your shoot before an it won't win you any points.
Maybe you're in a slump or rutt.. try diffrent things to get yourself out of it.
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Post by Doc Henry on May 23, 2011 9:54:20 GMT -5
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Post by Logan on May 23, 2011 10:10:01 GMT -5
Name: Doc Henry Card: Slam! 5/23/11 Logan vs Boudle #284 RP: 2 CONS:1.) Doc Henry was in the RP. 2.) Doc Henry THINKS he can beat Logan. PROS:1.) Using the phrase, 'boudle', obviously makes any RP worth a read. THOUGHTS:I wasn't very amused reading about Doc Henry taking a crap. VERDICT OF TREACHERY:If you said boudle more.. it'd be worth a read, other than that, DOC HENRY IS GETTING HIS TICKET TO CONNECTOR CITY TONIGHT! BITCH! <3 |
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 23, 2011 10:40:41 GMT -5
really? I'm not sure who thats knocking.. off my thread dude. this is for serious an in depth feedback thats meant to help people. keep the jabs off of here.
thanks
-TME Odin Balfore
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Post by Logan on May 23, 2011 10:50:10 GMT -5
My review was just as serious as the reviews you do. I just like to add little "<3's" here and there.
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 23, 2011 11:26:05 GMT -5
no it wasnt. So lets not try an argue it- this thread is so people can ask my thoughts and feed back on their rp's. I'm not going to let this become something silly when its a very helpfull an SERIOUS tool to improve their abilities.
Don't try an make this a difficult matter.
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Post by Donald Deruty on May 23, 2011 21:49:13 GMT -5
Wooow man Odin calm down, you should have known what you were getting into with the WCF. I mean we are all layed back not too serious so we like to joke around (Logan being a MAJOR part...) but calm down we all like to joke around a little. Its all fun and games, its not like life depends on RPing. I am also backing up Logan because he is a D-Day fan!!!  |
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Shane Borderland
Mid-Carder
"I Will Overcome Anything, To Achieve EVERYTHING!"
Posts: 546
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Post by Shane Borderland on May 23, 2011 21:50:40 GMT -5
im gonna try this now lol, what you think of my volume 2 bro?
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) cc
