Bishops RP Breakdown

[Odin Balfore]

Name: Shane Boardland
Card: Slam!
match: Vs Ana Valentine
RP: Women Beater ( vol 2)



CON's

1.) Hell. It got repetitive as a reader to keep seeing that in diologue.

2.) Peppers. You never mentioned your pizza toppings until you got the pizza. its more continuety then real con but as the reader i had to re read what you said a few times to figure out that it wasnt stated so i wasnt sure why you were mad.

3.) 1st and 3rd. It happens far to often an everyone does it. your shoot started by talking to Kash about her then you switched perspective and were talking TO her.


PRO's

1.) The peppers. your continuety was also a character PRO. Why? it was funny to see him go off the handle an express his hatred towards the match.

2.) Scene Set up. Well informed, descriptive but not too long.

3.) Shoot. For someone whose been fighting the same person with out a real story line- you keep it fresh with what we all know, you played frustation well.



THOUGHTS

Loved it. I laughed pretty hard to see Shane spaz out over peppers and just drop the pizza chick. At first i didnt know what to think or why you did it over a topping but obiviously its deeper then the topping. I was gonna CON it but left it PRO for humor. the interaction with Kash got stale- everything seemed short an dry. " Hell" normally a turn of phrase used for frustration an even for the phrase" I mean". I felt it was a tad over used to a short time frame.

i'm really on board for the " women beating " thing- shows frustration an the fact that your ready to move on yet your willing to embrace the fact that your gonna do what needs to be done. you wraped shoot an CD together very well so there wasnt any real wasted time. I could place meaning in everything that was said an thats something thats easy to get lost on.

you did well


VERDICT

On the critical stance of it, try and freshen up the diologue. Stale diologue leads to scrolling of the RP which can lead to major errors in judging an that can lead to an un warrented loss which ain't good. The pepper thing was both PRO and CON. try and make sure that the small things like that don't lead to big errors where the reader has to re read an possibly lose their place or intrest. if you had mentioned the pepper thing then it would have fell into place.

its the little things that can blow up into big things, a tiny cracks expands, you know?

watch your little miss steps so readers dont have to re read or scrool through it an you'll be fantastic ( more so then you currently are )

[Logan]

May 23, 2011 21:49:13 GMT -5 Donald Deruty said:

Wooow man Odin calm down, you should have known what you were getting into with the WCF. I mean we are all layed back not too serious so we like to joke around (Logan being a MAJOR part...) but calm down we all like to joke around a little. Its all fun and games, its not like life depends on RPing. I am also backing up Logan because he is a D-Day fan!!!

Yeah, babygurl, just having some fun!

[Doc Henry]

Still waiting..... lol

[Odin Balfore]

Name: Doc Henry
Card: Slam!
Match: Vs Logan
RP: " Tickets? We Don't Need no Stinking Tickets!!!



CONs

1.) The Tune. The tune you sang was a little much for such a short rp.

2.) Bathroom. It had no bearing on the RP or character. Seemed like padding


PROs

1.) The later Part. the last bit of your RP was a good real an gave a great feel for the inner character.

2.) The scene. The set up was nice. Simple and just what the reader needs.


THOUGHTs

I enjoyed it. I felt the bathroom scene had no purpose other ten just to giggle at the fact that we get to imagine it but it was just an intro to the RP- coulda done with out. The tune you whistled was funny an did make me laugh but after like the 4th time of reading it-- it got stale. I was more groaning over laughing.

The scene set up is bare bones which is good to see over the over description that others may use ad you're style helps that along because of your RP set up. The later part of the RP was nice because we got to see your frustration and desire to rise above what you're in. After beating this big guy in WCF- you want what you feel is yours, as you should.

VERDICT

Very enjoyable. Nothing much to really say needs a change or improvments, just try an not use " useless" scenes or " set ups" only because its dead weight ( or may be seen as that )

Stick to your guns and keep up the good work.

[whysoserious]

Oh what the hell, do my new one.

[Jason Cashe]

Do me too for "Big's Girl"

[Odin Balfore]

May 24, 2011 6:16:53 GMT -5 Logan said:

May 23, 2011 21:49:13 GMT -5 Donald Deruty said:

Wooow man Odin calm down, you should have known what you were getting into with the WCF. I mean we are all layed back not too serious so we like to joke around (Logan being a MAJOR part...) but calm down we all like to joke around a little. Its all fun and games, its not like life depends on RPing. I am also backing up Logan because he is a D-Day fan!!!

Yeah, babygurl, just having some fun!

you're both right. I over reacted.

I apoligize logan

as for Brad and Kash.. I'll be with my girl all of wensday so i'll get it on thursday. I gotcha's coverd

[Jason Cashe]

All Day Long, Night Long She does the work huh? I like the way you think bro.

[Odin Balfore]

Name: Brad Kane
Card: Slam!
Match: Vs. Tommy Knoxville
RP: It's Time



CONs

1.) -




PROs

1.) Intro. You're shoot intro was great to see. Not too much, just right.

2.) CD. Intrested CD, giving the reader the despration of the character to proform his task.

3.) Scene. The scene let up at the end was really good. broken up nicely and just easy to read


THOUGHTs

I had NOTHING to CON. That was a great promo. Sure, the shoot wasnt really there but it didnt have to be. You showed intent, reason; you had goals. You showed us your mission an how it was to be carried out and you did it really well.

The CD part was a cool read. Since I'm still some what new, I don't know your full story so it'll be a cool read once that starts to unfold.


VERDICT

You did a fantastic job, picture perfect. You got your character down to the "T" but after all the years playing him, I'd expect nothing less.

A+ job Brad.

[Odin Balfore]

Name: Jason Kash
Card: Slam!
Match: vs Kaylyn James
RP: Big's Girl




CONs

1.) -



PROs

1.) Shoot. You always have well balanced an informed shoot thats not over done or too heavy

2.) Set Up. You're scene set up again is always informitive

3.) Side talk. Side talk wasnt over played, well done too. not dull or repetitive.


THOUGHTs

You're another guy thats been playin the same character for so long that its beyond a second nature. You have these little nuggets of one liners that just add enough humor to power you through a promo. Women can be a tricky opponent but you find the nitch to get it just right. Its your first RP of the match too so you can still carry this along way an I'm intrested to see where else it goes.

The Big Heavy part was funny- prolly my favorite where hes just carrying the sex doll. You just have such good RP balance.

VERDICT

Keep doing what your doing. I think you got a lock on your title for a long time personally. You know your skills and how to best them. Keep it up.