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Post by Scott Slayer on Aug 31, 2018 9:34:45 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2018 14:27:23 GMT -5
Roleplay: The Rise and Fall of Amos
Hander: Scott Slayer
Overall thoughts: I am a tad confused (See Below)
Rating Overview
Scene Description: 2
Character Development: 1
Shoot: 1
Flow: 3
RATING: 1.75 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
Seeing as this is your first roleplay ever, I will start by saying this is better than my first ever attempt. I really don't understand why you spent so much time focusing on the story of Amos. It would have been better to trash talk or shoot on him for coming to America. I don't feel like I really get who Scott Slayer is yet.
Scene Description: The scene description was short and fell short of making me feel like I was there.
Character Development: You did more to develop your opponent (which I hope you had permission to use him) than you did your own character. Your character didn't advance any in this RP.
Shoot: Only resemblance to shoot I saw was in your epilogue. You didn't make me believe that it truly is "Time to Slay"
Flow: Had it not been for writing so much about Amos I wouldn't be this lost. I felt as if Amos was your character throughout the RP, though I know this is not the case.
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SUGGESTIONS
I would focus more on what Scott is doing as opposed to your opponent. I would shoot on your opponent but build yourself up. I suggest reading guys like Odin, Singh, and Mikey X to see what I mean. I think you have good writing talent you just need to build yourself up and not RP as your opponent.
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Post by Scott Slayer on Aug 31, 2018 16:33:59 GMT -5
So does this mean I have to write a brand new one?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2018 18:14:22 GMT -5
So does this mean I have to write a brand new one? No, but do keep in mind this advice for the next RP you write (:
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Post by Scott Slayer on Aug 31, 2018 18:53:31 GMT -5
Thank you guys very much
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2018 21:47:20 GMT -5
No problem, we've all been new once. Hell, I've only been doing this eFedding stuff since March. I have faith in you!
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Post by Alex Richards on Aug 31, 2018 21:57:15 GMT -5
I kinda think Scott is in the clear because he was telling a story he made up (ic Scott would swear it was totally true) about the origins of Amos. That said I agree with Kennedy. We'd like to know more about Scott Savage.
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Post by Scott Slayer on Aug 31, 2018 21:57:23 GMT -5
Thank you. That really means a lot to me
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Post by Scott Slayer on Aug 31, 2018 21:58:18 GMT -5
Alex it’s Scott Slayer
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Post by Scott Slayer on Aug 31, 2018 21:59:39 GMT -5
Good luck in your match Estrella, I’ll be rooting for you.
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Post by Alex Richards on Aug 31, 2018 22:05:33 GMT -5
That said for a first roleplay ever.. pretty good. And the more roleplays you write the more you learn.
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Post by Alex Richards on Aug 31, 2018 22:11:11 GMT -5
oops sorry about that.. Scott Savage was the name my brain picked out and wrote down.. probably because I got three hours of sleep last night.. he was indeed a former wcf talent.. he was the manager of a stable called S-Pac back in 2014.
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