Post by Jeff Purse on Dec 28, 2011 16:56:22 GMT -5
What you want to do, and what you can do, is limited only by what you can dream.
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Date: December 22, 2011
The scene opens to Jeff walking around a store. The interior of the store looks very, very familiar, almost like something from childhood. Certain images, however, due to copyright and trademark infringement are blurred out, however, the large orange blur shaped like a giraffe indicates that Jeff is walking around Toys R Us. He isn't so much shopping, however, than straightening the merchandise on the shelves and pulling it to the front so its all equal with what is next to it. Not only is he doing that, but he is making a real "mess" of the stores planogram's from the shelves Jeff has already gotten to, because he is organize the merchandise from left to right, small to big, and by color. A store employee stands behind him, looking on in disbelief. Finally, after Jeff had finished straightening a few rows, he approaches him.
Teenage Toy Employee: Sir, what are you doing?
Jeff looks at him almost as if the kid was crazy for even asking him. In his head, Jeff was making it better. And he wasn't even getting paid to do it. He was doing this kids job. But Jeff wasn't one to yell, or cuss at store employee's. He kept on working on the merchandise, and said, with out missing a beat.
Jeff Purse: I'm making it better. You will thank me.
Teenage Toy Employee: No, sir you are not. I am going to have to ask you to leave.
Jeff: Listen, I am trying to shop for the young kids in my family, OK? Please leave me alone, I'm going to purchase that pow pow power wheels over there, so, you know, thats not cheap. I am going to be dropping AT LEAST five hundred dollars here, so please, PLEASE, let me do this.
Jeff actually sounded rather annoyed that the employee would even question his reasoning for what he was doing. The employee was a caught off guard a little. While that was a bit of money to spend at the store in one day, the kid understood that as soon as Jeff walked away he would have to fix the mess he made. Shaking off the fact that any amount of money to the store was not worth having to stay late because some guy thought he could plan the arrangement of the store better, the kid started to put things back the way they were supposed to be. Jeff noticed this as soon as the employee started rearrange what he had done. So he started to rearrange what the employee was already arranging from Jeff's rearranging. Everything was getting rearranged. Jeff moved one package and the kid grabbed the other end. The both fought to try to put that package where they wanted it.
They were mumbling small, insignificant threats at each other, each trying to gain the upper hand, the leverage. This went on for about 15 seconds before Kari came around the corner with a smile on her face...which instantly faded when she saw Jeff and this teenager trying to put something on the shelf. She knew what happened, she has been shopping with Jeff before. She walks swiftly to where the to men are, to the untrained eye, fighting over a small toy, but really trying to get the upper hand on each other. She simply reaches in and pulls the toy out of each of their hands. She looks at both of them, hands the toy to the employee, and grabs Jeff's hand and pulls him away. They stop in front of the cash out area, no shelves of merchandise in sight. Jeff is still looking angrily toward the isle where the teenager had bested him.
Jeff: Can you believe the nerve of that guy? I was making his store better and he fights with me.
Kari: No, Jeff. Thats not what happened and you know it. Now, go wait in the car, I will get the rest of the stuff on your list. Go.
Jeff: I was just making it bet...you know what, its almost Christmas, I am not going to fight with you. Don't forget to get the things for the thing, OK?
Jeff and Kari separate, he walks toward the exit as she goes back to the isle from which they came. The scene fades to black.
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Date: December 24, 2011.
Jeff is seen at a mailbox, of the big blue variety. He is filling out the address label on the top of a small box, next to him another slightly larger box, and next to that what looks like a giant burlap sack. He looks at the camera and smiles, reaches in his pocket and pulls out some tape, which he sets on the mailbox.
Jeff: Merry Christmas Eve everyone! Hope its fun for all of you. Its going to be for me. I am just mailing off a few Christmas presents. I have Nathan and Nightriders right here. Would you, here let me show you.
He opens the small box in his hand, and, surprise surprise, it is a single bar of dove soap. He smiles at his gift, and puts it back in the box, taping it, and throwing it in the mailbox. He opens the slightly bigger box, and inside a picture of David Hasselhoff from Nightrider. Jeff smiles and puts that back in the box, tapes it, the tosses it in the mailbox.
Jeff: Thats for, well, Night Rider obviously. Ha. Now, I am off to the give all these toys I bought at Toys R...I mean...that one toy store, to some kids at the Center. Happy Holidays everyone.
He picks up the large sack and begins walking off toward his truck. Pitch Black Lincoln Navigator. The scene zooms in on the mailbox before fading to black.
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Date: December 28, 2011 (aka, present day, duh.)
When the scene fades up, a beautiful scenic view is present. The sun is shining down into a strangely odd green, grass field. In the background, woods, trees, trees, and more trees. Seems like the trees go on forever. All over the field, there is different stations set up, with signs next to the notating who they are for. There is six total. Jeff is standing in the middle of it all. he is wearing a black hoodie with the words "The Future" written across the chest in red, jagged, lightning bolt letters. He sports loose fitting blue jeans and white sneakers. Of course, he has his trademark thick, reflective Aviator sunglasses and green Monster hat, perfectly center, on.
Jeff: Welcome, one at all, to my backyard. We are far back, guys, farther then the bike trails...of course, you in WCF haven't actually seen my home yet...Anyway we are here. I mean, you guys have seen it now, but anyway, lets begin. I was sitting around, thinking about things I could say against my opponents at One. Like "Nathan, I am going to bring deodorant to the ring" or "Night Rider thats a big snake, what are you compensating for?" But I got to thinking, you know at One, there is a really, REALLY good chance I won't only be facing Nathan and Night Rider. I might also be facing Adam Young or Blade Lavigne. And after that? D-Day, or Adrian, or Joel Hall, or Buzzsaw Bundy. The truth is, in the whole One Invitational Tournament, I could be facing any of these guys. So I figured, the first thing I am going to do, instead of focusing on how I am going to beat Nathan and Night Rider, which, by the way, I am, I will be talking about these other opponents. I don't know too much about them, really I don't...but I have set up some booths here to help me demonstrate my thoughts and points. So, I think we shall start at booth one, appropriately titled "Adam, the one inch dick, Hunter".
Jeff walks over to a small barrel. Sure enough the sign next to the barrel says "Adam, the one inch dick, Hunter. On the barrel is a Adam Young action figure. On a pole above the barrel, tied to a string, hanging above the Adam Young action figure, is a large toy wrestling ring. Jeff addresses the camera.
Jeff: In case you didn't realize already, this is a representation of Adam Young. My first interaction with a WCF superstar was supposed to be in a three way tag match with Adam and his "family member" Hunter. FTW, is what they called themselves, appropriately dubbed Fuck The Wrestling by Shannon Lerch. And I have to say I couldn't agree more. See, Adam not only didn't say anything about the match, he BAILED on the match, only to come out when it was all said and done, and attack my partner Blade Lavigne after he was pinned by Night Rider. Wimp? Yes. Scared of me? Yes. Talented Wrestler? No. Since I have been here in WCF, talking to people, watching old tapes, Adam, you seem to be the laughing stock of the WCF, with what appears to be very good reason.
Why the good reason, Adam? Plain and simple, down to basics, you suck. Bad. Its been a long time since I have seen someone who shouldn't be in a wrestling ring since I have met you, Adam. First of all, you are boring. Second of all, you give southern people a bad name. And thirdly, your body is disproportionate. Yeah man, your body is WAY to big for your head. I don't know if that is a genetic thing, or that you felt you need to build some muscle up to look cool, but the fact is, you just look silly.
But funny looking guys aside Adam, you are talentless. You attacked a man who was already down. And then you come out here and say this is YOUR time to shine. That you are going to win this tournament? You stated that you won a tag team championship while competing in this contest before. Well good for you Adam, really. Congrats. I will give you some cookies. Because, well, damn Adam you deserve them. You do. Cow dung cookies coming your way Adam.
Seriously, though, man, you aren't going to make it past the first round, I don't know why I am spending time on you because I won't be facing you. And if, by some chance, you happen to get the W over Lavigne and you have to go head to head with me...Adam, you might as well quit. Quit while you are ahead, my friend. There is no chance for you here. None. So without further ado, I have say Adam, you don't belong in the ring, you belong under it.
With that Jeff cuts the small rope holding the ring up. It falls on top of the Adam Young figure, crushing it. Jeff moves on to the next "booth", a tripod. On the tripod is a large, blown up picture of Blade Lavigne. Jeff pulls out a zippo lighter and lights the corner of the picture on fire. It begins to burn as Jeff begins to speak.
Jeff: This is my dedication to Blade "The Past" Lavigne. Blade, you call yourself The Future, but man, you couldn't even beat Night Rider. Meanwhile, The Future Jeff Purse has. You didn't even show up to talk smack to Nathan or Night Rider, you just went into that match, after I had done all the talking, and not only let Night Rider get the one two three on you, broke my confidence in you. I thought someone who stole my nickname would at least rise to the occasion of winning a match. But no. You lost to two guys I have beat, in reverse order. So far in this company Blade you are zero and two. And because of your intervention, I am zero and one. Not the way I wanted to start my time here, but it reminds me of how I started in ACW.
Anyway Blade, let me be clear. I am the future of this company, hell, I am the future of wrestling. And in that future, Blade, you are not around. There is no doubt in my mind Blade, that your first win here in WCF will be against Adam Young at One. You will win that match, predictions being made right now folks. However, thats as far as you go. Because even if I don't win, which, come on I will. But even if I don't, you go on to face Night Rider or Nathan Von Liebert. Two guys who have beat you, two guys you shouldn't even be in the same ring with.
Blade, be ready for me, because round two of the One tournament will have the companies futures going head to head, and I will come out on top, Blade. And after that, just like this picture, your future will become a black, charcoaled nothingness.
And just like Jeff had said, the picture had burned away, leaving behind a black residue. The wind blows a bit and the remains blow away. Jeff smiles at the irony of that, and begins the short, short walk in the grass to station number three, titled "Buzzsaw Al Bundy". This station consists of a wooden figure, about 3 ft high. It is shaped to look like, and it does, a very mini version of Buzzsaw Bundy.
Jeff: Mr. Bundy. I have to say I thought my turn was different. A pro BMXer turned wrestler. Shoot, though, I could argue because I wrestled in High School and College that I might one day be a wrestler. In BMX a lot of that was about entertaining and pleasing the fans, just like this sport is. So upon thinking about it, it wasn't that odd. You, you were a lumberjack. Turned wrestler. Thats odd to me. You went from cutting down trees to cutting down the competition. You don't have to pay me for that tag line.
We have a lot in common Al. Can I call you Al? You know what, it doesn't matter, I am going to do it anyway. We have a lot in common Al. We both like to have fun. I mean, I like to have fun, I assume you like to have fun just by the looks of you. That hair cut is a joke, right? And hell, we both were the best at what we used to do. You were such a great lumberjack you killed a bear with your "bear" hands. Get it? But really, Al, what has that to do with being a lumberjack? Was the bear trying to climb the tree you were cutting down. It just seems to me like you have a distaste for, you know, living things. Killing trees, killing bears, killing your sex life. All three things you have done, Al.
Al, down to the nitty gritty, you may be strong, you may be big, but as I have told other opponents I have had who were big and strong, I am fast. You aren't. If I end up facing you, Al, yeah, I better not let you hit me. Cause if I do, thats it for me, thats all she wrote. However, you need to catch the little guy first, Al. And while others may say the same thing, they can't back it up like I can. To demonstrate, I have a wooden you, Al. And a chainsaw here, I have named this chainsaw The Future. Lets see what happens when the big strong wood meets up with the chain on this saw spinning really fast, shall we?
Jeff rips at the chainsaw cord, it whirrrs but doesn't start. He rips one more time and it starts up. He smiles at the camera and comes down on the wooden figure with the chainsaw. Like a warm butter knife cutting into butter, the chainsaw goes through the wood smoothly, splitting the wood in half. He shuts down the chainsaw, nods his head at the figure, and moves on to a firework with another action figure tied to it, that action figure is D-Day. Labeled, "Donald D-day Duck"
Jeff: This one isn't that creative...comparing him to a Disney character...one you can't even understand no doubt. Donald, I have to say though, from me to you, congratulations man. I voted for Kaylyn, but, I was biased. Donald, one thing I don't get, you were not only the Wrestler of the year but the United States Champion of the year...really?
If that is what it takes to be wrestler of the year around here, man, I guess you guys are looking at Next Year's champion. Anyway, I don't have too much to say to you Donald, because I do, despite what I have said, like you. I think you are a stand up guy. However, Donald, despite that, if it is you that I end up facing...D-day vs. Jeff Purse...just because the WCF universe felt the need to pump your head full of more hot air then it already has...don't think you will be walking out of that tournament the winner...because you won't. Period. Congratulations.
Jeff presses a small red button on a control pad he picked up off of a small table near the firework. It shoots up in the air with a loud whistle, and malfunctioning, instead of blowing up into a beautiful plethora of sparks, just explodes in the air.
Jeff: Well, that says something Donald. All that build up just to be let down...sounds like what your fans are going to be thinking.
He walks to the next 'station'. On the sign it says, simply, "Adrian." Here is a television screen. Jeff leans on it as he talks.
Jeff: The only thing I could think of when I thought of Adrian was Rocky. So thats why this is just titled Adrian. Anyway, Adrian, big, bad street thug. Friends with the Hardcore champ Gravedigger. Manly man where I am concerned. Or is he? I have it on good authority that Adrian and Gravedigger are more then friends, check this out.
He turns on the television, and instantly a show begins, it is Friends...except something is a little off. It is a scene with Ross and Rachel, however Ross's head has been replaced with Gravedigger's head and Rachel's head has been replaced with Adrian's head. Adrian/Rachel is cleaning up the Central Perk, its late, and she has just closed up shop. Ross/Gravedigger appears at the door, dressed in a white naval uniform. She lets him in, and he sweeps her off her feet. Jeff pauses the video there, with Adrian and Gravedigger staring lovingly into each others eyes. Let Love lift us up where we belong is playing softly. Jeff comes up and shuts it off, wiping away a small tear.
Jeff: That was beautiful. Good for you guys.
Adrian, don't be fooled, like I told Bundy, I am faster then you, I can and more then likely will defeat you.
Well thats all guys, I will...
He gets cut off by the camera man. They go back and forth for a minute. You hear Jeff say Who? Joel hall? Who? He looks truly puzzled, then it finally hits him.
Jeff: Right, the camera man just informed me that Joel Hall is also in that match. Whoops. Should show you what I think of him, I don't even know who that is, nor do I care to know. He is no sweat, and there is no way I will have to face whoever he is. Are you sure? yeah? OK.
Well everyone, its been fun. Nathan, Night Rider, don't think I forgot about you guys. You will get yours...soon.
The camera whips around and zooms in on the view of Gravedigger and Adrian staring into each others eyes. The scene fades to black.
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Date: December 22, 2011
The scene opens to Jeff walking around a store. The interior of the store looks very, very familiar, almost like something from childhood. Certain images, however, due to copyright and trademark infringement are blurred out, however, the large orange blur shaped like a giraffe indicates that Jeff is walking around Toys R Us. He isn't so much shopping, however, than straightening the merchandise on the shelves and pulling it to the front so its all equal with what is next to it. Not only is he doing that, but he is making a real "mess" of the stores planogram's from the shelves Jeff has already gotten to, because he is organize the merchandise from left to right, small to big, and by color. A store employee stands behind him, looking on in disbelief. Finally, after Jeff had finished straightening a few rows, he approaches him.
Teenage Toy Employee: Sir, what are you doing?
Jeff looks at him almost as if the kid was crazy for even asking him. In his head, Jeff was making it better. And he wasn't even getting paid to do it. He was doing this kids job. But Jeff wasn't one to yell, or cuss at store employee's. He kept on working on the merchandise, and said, with out missing a beat.
Jeff Purse: I'm making it better. You will thank me.
Teenage Toy Employee: No, sir you are not. I am going to have to ask you to leave.
Jeff: Listen, I am trying to shop for the young kids in my family, OK? Please leave me alone, I'm going to purchase that pow pow power wheels over there, so, you know, thats not cheap. I am going to be dropping AT LEAST five hundred dollars here, so please, PLEASE, let me do this.
Jeff actually sounded rather annoyed that the employee would even question his reasoning for what he was doing. The employee was a caught off guard a little. While that was a bit of money to spend at the store in one day, the kid understood that as soon as Jeff walked away he would have to fix the mess he made. Shaking off the fact that any amount of money to the store was not worth having to stay late because some guy thought he could plan the arrangement of the store better, the kid started to put things back the way they were supposed to be. Jeff noticed this as soon as the employee started rearrange what he had done. So he started to rearrange what the employee was already arranging from Jeff's rearranging. Everything was getting rearranged. Jeff moved one package and the kid grabbed the other end. The both fought to try to put that package where they wanted it.
They were mumbling small, insignificant threats at each other, each trying to gain the upper hand, the leverage. This went on for about 15 seconds before Kari came around the corner with a smile on her face...which instantly faded when she saw Jeff and this teenager trying to put something on the shelf. She knew what happened, she has been shopping with Jeff before. She walks swiftly to where the to men are, to the untrained eye, fighting over a small toy, but really trying to get the upper hand on each other. She simply reaches in and pulls the toy out of each of their hands. She looks at both of them, hands the toy to the employee, and grabs Jeff's hand and pulls him away. They stop in front of the cash out area, no shelves of merchandise in sight. Jeff is still looking angrily toward the isle where the teenager had bested him.
Jeff: Can you believe the nerve of that guy? I was making his store better and he fights with me.
Kari: No, Jeff. Thats not what happened and you know it. Now, go wait in the car, I will get the rest of the stuff on your list. Go.
Jeff: I was just making it bet...you know what, its almost Christmas, I am not going to fight with you. Don't forget to get the things for the thing, OK?
Jeff and Kari separate, he walks toward the exit as she goes back to the isle from which they came. The scene fades to black.
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Date: December 24, 2011.
Jeff is seen at a mailbox, of the big blue variety. He is filling out the address label on the top of a small box, next to him another slightly larger box, and next to that what looks like a giant burlap sack. He looks at the camera and smiles, reaches in his pocket and pulls out some tape, which he sets on the mailbox.
Jeff: Merry Christmas Eve everyone! Hope its fun for all of you. Its going to be for me. I am just mailing off a few Christmas presents. I have Nathan and Nightriders right here. Would you, here let me show you.
He opens the small box in his hand, and, surprise surprise, it is a single bar of dove soap. He smiles at his gift, and puts it back in the box, taping it, and throwing it in the mailbox. He opens the slightly bigger box, and inside a picture of David Hasselhoff from Nightrider. Jeff smiles and puts that back in the box, tapes it, the tosses it in the mailbox.
Jeff: Thats for, well, Night Rider obviously. Ha. Now, I am off to the give all these toys I bought at Toys R...I mean...that one toy store, to some kids at the Center. Happy Holidays everyone.
He picks up the large sack and begins walking off toward his truck. Pitch Black Lincoln Navigator. The scene zooms in on the mailbox before fading to black.
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Date: December 28, 2011 (aka, present day, duh.)
When the scene fades up, a beautiful scenic view is present. The sun is shining down into a strangely odd green, grass field. In the background, woods, trees, trees, and more trees. Seems like the trees go on forever. All over the field, there is different stations set up, with signs next to the notating who they are for. There is six total. Jeff is standing in the middle of it all. he is wearing a black hoodie with the words "The Future" written across the chest in red, jagged, lightning bolt letters. He sports loose fitting blue jeans and white sneakers. Of course, he has his trademark thick, reflective Aviator sunglasses and green Monster hat, perfectly center, on.
Jeff: Welcome, one at all, to my backyard. We are far back, guys, farther then the bike trails...of course, you in WCF haven't actually seen my home yet...Anyway we are here. I mean, you guys have seen it now, but anyway, lets begin. I was sitting around, thinking about things I could say against my opponents at One. Like "Nathan, I am going to bring deodorant to the ring" or "Night Rider thats a big snake, what are you compensating for?" But I got to thinking, you know at One, there is a really, REALLY good chance I won't only be facing Nathan and Night Rider. I might also be facing Adam Young or Blade Lavigne. And after that? D-Day, or Adrian, or Joel Hall, or Buzzsaw Bundy. The truth is, in the whole One Invitational Tournament, I could be facing any of these guys. So I figured, the first thing I am going to do, instead of focusing on how I am going to beat Nathan and Night Rider, which, by the way, I am, I will be talking about these other opponents. I don't know too much about them, really I don't...but I have set up some booths here to help me demonstrate my thoughts and points. So, I think we shall start at booth one, appropriately titled "Adam, the one inch dick, Hunter".
Jeff walks over to a small barrel. Sure enough the sign next to the barrel says "Adam, the one inch dick, Hunter. On the barrel is a Adam Young action figure. On a pole above the barrel, tied to a string, hanging above the Adam Young action figure, is a large toy wrestling ring. Jeff addresses the camera.
Jeff: In case you didn't realize already, this is a representation of Adam Young. My first interaction with a WCF superstar was supposed to be in a three way tag match with Adam and his "family member" Hunter. FTW, is what they called themselves, appropriately dubbed Fuck The Wrestling by Shannon Lerch. And I have to say I couldn't agree more. See, Adam not only didn't say anything about the match, he BAILED on the match, only to come out when it was all said and done, and attack my partner Blade Lavigne after he was pinned by Night Rider. Wimp? Yes. Scared of me? Yes. Talented Wrestler? No. Since I have been here in WCF, talking to people, watching old tapes, Adam, you seem to be the laughing stock of the WCF, with what appears to be very good reason.
Why the good reason, Adam? Plain and simple, down to basics, you suck. Bad. Its been a long time since I have seen someone who shouldn't be in a wrestling ring since I have met you, Adam. First of all, you are boring. Second of all, you give southern people a bad name. And thirdly, your body is disproportionate. Yeah man, your body is WAY to big for your head. I don't know if that is a genetic thing, or that you felt you need to build some muscle up to look cool, but the fact is, you just look silly.
But funny looking guys aside Adam, you are talentless. You attacked a man who was already down. And then you come out here and say this is YOUR time to shine. That you are going to win this tournament? You stated that you won a tag team championship while competing in this contest before. Well good for you Adam, really. Congrats. I will give you some cookies. Because, well, damn Adam you deserve them. You do. Cow dung cookies coming your way Adam.
Seriously, though, man, you aren't going to make it past the first round, I don't know why I am spending time on you because I won't be facing you. And if, by some chance, you happen to get the W over Lavigne and you have to go head to head with me...Adam, you might as well quit. Quit while you are ahead, my friend. There is no chance for you here. None. So without further ado, I have say Adam, you don't belong in the ring, you belong under it.
With that Jeff cuts the small rope holding the ring up. It falls on top of the Adam Young figure, crushing it. Jeff moves on to the next "booth", a tripod. On the tripod is a large, blown up picture of Blade Lavigne. Jeff pulls out a zippo lighter and lights the corner of the picture on fire. It begins to burn as Jeff begins to speak.
Jeff: This is my dedication to Blade "The Past" Lavigne. Blade, you call yourself The Future, but man, you couldn't even beat Night Rider. Meanwhile, The Future Jeff Purse has. You didn't even show up to talk smack to Nathan or Night Rider, you just went into that match, after I had done all the talking, and not only let Night Rider get the one two three on you, broke my confidence in you. I thought someone who stole my nickname would at least rise to the occasion of winning a match. But no. You lost to two guys I have beat, in reverse order. So far in this company Blade you are zero and two. And because of your intervention, I am zero and one. Not the way I wanted to start my time here, but it reminds me of how I started in ACW.
Anyway Blade, let me be clear. I am the future of this company, hell, I am the future of wrestling. And in that future, Blade, you are not around. There is no doubt in my mind Blade, that your first win here in WCF will be against Adam Young at One. You will win that match, predictions being made right now folks. However, thats as far as you go. Because even if I don't win, which, come on I will. But even if I don't, you go on to face Night Rider or Nathan Von Liebert. Two guys who have beat you, two guys you shouldn't even be in the same ring with.
Blade, be ready for me, because round two of the One tournament will have the companies futures going head to head, and I will come out on top, Blade. And after that, just like this picture, your future will become a black, charcoaled nothingness.
And just like Jeff had said, the picture had burned away, leaving behind a black residue. The wind blows a bit and the remains blow away. Jeff smiles at the irony of that, and begins the short, short walk in the grass to station number three, titled "Buzzsaw Al Bundy". This station consists of a wooden figure, about 3 ft high. It is shaped to look like, and it does, a very mini version of Buzzsaw Bundy.
Jeff: Mr. Bundy. I have to say I thought my turn was different. A pro BMXer turned wrestler. Shoot, though, I could argue because I wrestled in High School and College that I might one day be a wrestler. In BMX a lot of that was about entertaining and pleasing the fans, just like this sport is. So upon thinking about it, it wasn't that odd. You, you were a lumberjack. Turned wrestler. Thats odd to me. You went from cutting down trees to cutting down the competition. You don't have to pay me for that tag line.
We have a lot in common Al. Can I call you Al? You know what, it doesn't matter, I am going to do it anyway. We have a lot in common Al. We both like to have fun. I mean, I like to have fun, I assume you like to have fun just by the looks of you. That hair cut is a joke, right? And hell, we both were the best at what we used to do. You were such a great lumberjack you killed a bear with your "bear" hands. Get it? But really, Al, what has that to do with being a lumberjack? Was the bear trying to climb the tree you were cutting down. It just seems to me like you have a distaste for, you know, living things. Killing trees, killing bears, killing your sex life. All three things you have done, Al.
Al, down to the nitty gritty, you may be strong, you may be big, but as I have told other opponents I have had who were big and strong, I am fast. You aren't. If I end up facing you, Al, yeah, I better not let you hit me. Cause if I do, thats it for me, thats all she wrote. However, you need to catch the little guy first, Al. And while others may say the same thing, they can't back it up like I can. To demonstrate, I have a wooden you, Al. And a chainsaw here, I have named this chainsaw The Future. Lets see what happens when the big strong wood meets up with the chain on this saw spinning really fast, shall we?
Jeff rips at the chainsaw cord, it whirrrs but doesn't start. He rips one more time and it starts up. He smiles at the camera and comes down on the wooden figure with the chainsaw. Like a warm butter knife cutting into butter, the chainsaw goes through the wood smoothly, splitting the wood in half. He shuts down the chainsaw, nods his head at the figure, and moves on to a firework with another action figure tied to it, that action figure is D-Day. Labeled, "Donald D-day Duck"
Jeff: This one isn't that creative...comparing him to a Disney character...one you can't even understand no doubt. Donald, I have to say though, from me to you, congratulations man. I voted for Kaylyn, but, I was biased. Donald, one thing I don't get, you were not only the Wrestler of the year but the United States Champion of the year...really?
If that is what it takes to be wrestler of the year around here, man, I guess you guys are looking at Next Year's champion. Anyway, I don't have too much to say to you Donald, because I do, despite what I have said, like you. I think you are a stand up guy. However, Donald, despite that, if it is you that I end up facing...D-day vs. Jeff Purse...just because the WCF universe felt the need to pump your head full of more hot air then it already has...don't think you will be walking out of that tournament the winner...because you won't. Period. Congratulations.
Jeff presses a small red button on a control pad he picked up off of a small table near the firework. It shoots up in the air with a loud whistle, and malfunctioning, instead of blowing up into a beautiful plethora of sparks, just explodes in the air.
Jeff: Well, that says something Donald. All that build up just to be let down...sounds like what your fans are going to be thinking.
He walks to the next 'station'. On the sign it says, simply, "Adrian." Here is a television screen. Jeff leans on it as he talks.
Jeff: The only thing I could think of when I thought of Adrian was Rocky. So thats why this is just titled Adrian. Anyway, Adrian, big, bad street thug. Friends with the Hardcore champ Gravedigger. Manly man where I am concerned. Or is he? I have it on good authority that Adrian and Gravedigger are more then friends, check this out.
He turns on the television, and instantly a show begins, it is Friends...except something is a little off. It is a scene with Ross and Rachel, however Ross's head has been replaced with Gravedigger's head and Rachel's head has been replaced with Adrian's head. Adrian/Rachel is cleaning up the Central Perk, its late, and she has just closed up shop. Ross/Gravedigger appears at the door, dressed in a white naval uniform. She lets him in, and he sweeps her off her feet. Jeff pauses the video there, with Adrian and Gravedigger staring lovingly into each others eyes. Let Love lift us up where we belong is playing softly. Jeff comes up and shuts it off, wiping away a small tear.
Jeff: That was beautiful. Good for you guys.
Adrian, don't be fooled, like I told Bundy, I am faster then you, I can and more then likely will defeat you.
Well thats all guys, I will...
He gets cut off by the camera man. They go back and forth for a minute. You hear Jeff say Who? Joel hall? Who? He looks truly puzzled, then it finally hits him.
Jeff: Right, the camera man just informed me that Joel Hall is also in that match. Whoops. Should show you what I think of him, I don't even know who that is, nor do I care to know. He is no sweat, and there is no way I will have to face whoever he is. Are you sure? yeah? OK.
Well everyone, its been fun. Nathan, Night Rider, don't think I forgot about you guys. You will get yours...soon.
The camera whips around and zooms in on the view of Gravedigger and Adrian staring into each others eyes. The scene fades to black.
