The Immortal Series: Episode Three!

[Logan]

For Bobby Cairo:

“Then hear this, and never forget it. Any fool with fast hands can take a tiger by the balls, but it takes a hero to keep on squeezing. I’ll tell you something else, while I’m at it: only heroes and quitters walk away, Jack. No one else. And I am no quitter.”

-Machines Way
by George Stark

[/color][/i]

The Immortal Series Presents…
Can You Smell What The Logan Is Cooking?

A few days had passed since unforgettable night at hotel mind-fuck. A few days, plenty of time for a blank mind to familiarize itself with thirty-eight years of life… right? No. Fuck no. And half of the time spent during the teaching lessons from the narrative voice, he dwelled whether or not he even wanted to remember himself in the first place. The fellow, or more frankly himself, didn’t sound like a guy you’d take home to Momma and introduce as a friend, or even a human-being. He was a cold bastard, was. Who he’d be now was completely his decision. Everyone has the ability to change but this was a little something different than that. It was a reset button. He didn’t need to change, not like this, he just had to be himself, and whoever that was at the moment was a total mystery to him. For One, however, and given its importance, the voice urged him that it might be best to try and act as normal as possible, just the definition of ‘normal’ being; act like you were the Face of Treachery. Was there a handy little rulebook small enough to fit in your back pocket for that type of thing? No. But it wasn’t exactly that difficult. It wasn’t like asking someone to fake being a physicist at a string theory lecture.

LOGAN: Should I have ordered two?

I’m a voice, Logan.

At least the voice was kind enough not to say, “No, moron.”

LOGAN: Right.

The two or ONE for that matter sat at an outside table at a Star Bucks. It was unusually warm for the month of December, maybe Satan was bringing everyone gifts this year. Logan got his early.

LOGAN: I’ll be honest.. I’m kind of digging this memory loss thing.

How so?

LOGAN: Well, it’s 2011.. wait.. it is right? Anyway, most of everyone talks to themselves in public as it is. I’ve got that going for me. Matter of fact, everything would be normal-bormal if I walked around with a blu-tooth attached to my ear. And to boot.. I’m rich. Not roll around in money and wipe my ass with fifties rich, but are you ever going to spot me at a Family Dollar? Nah.

Money helps..[/i]

LOGAN: Damn right it does, damn right.

He took another sip of the ten dollar mocha-shit-who-gives-a-crap it’s just cold coffee with ice and whip cream, and it cost more than five pounds of ice and a pound of ground bean.

THE SERPENT: M’mmm.. M’mmmm.. M’mmmm. You’ll taste sweet. Can you see me? Not yet. You will feel me soon.. sss’slivering within your skull, cozying up against your brain like a warm bale of hay on a frosty night. Oh, soon enough, Mr. Logan.

LOGAN: Did you say something?

No.

LOGAN: I just got the weirdest thought..

Oh?

LOGAN: Yeah, I think I’m going to retire my career after One, and buy a big ass blender and a truck load of ice and a couple of coffee pots.

You’re going to need more than that to open your own Star Bucks.[/i]

LOGAN: Does Connector City have a Star Bucks?

He could almost feel the voice smile.

Not yet.

He finished the mocha and set it aside the wooden table. Perhaps one of these bored waitresses or otherwise put empty cup servicers would see it and grab at the chance to toss it and sneak in a well desired Marlboro in the process. He could feel those minimum wage watchers stalking him now, secretly praying and swearing on second child’s grave that he leaves the cup where it is and not take the extra mile to properly discard it. He bought in to their silent demands, setting up and leaving the cup for the Bucks buzzards. And why not? For all he knew they might have served him a mocha-spit next time. Those girls and boys needed smoke in their lungs, damnit.

THE SERPENT: Ssss’so very thoughtful of those poor drags. That’s almost compelling. You’re not thinking about yourself for once… no, no, that must’ve been a simple mistake.

Logan and the voice took an afternoon spill out into town following the coffee stop. It was time he found his bearings, the stuff that made him tick, and memory loss or not he instinctively knew exactly where that was…

Hotdogs?

He ignored the voice and traded the fellow behind the stand three dollars for a foot long with mustard.

Logan, do you know how much fat are in one of them?[/i]

(Mouthful of Hotdog) LOGAN: Wansts onez?

I’d rather not – what am I saying – that’s psychically impossible.[/i]

Was he beginning to rub off on Mr. (or Ms) Logical?

Sigh. Does it at least bring back any memories?[/i]

LOGAN: Let’s see..

Chump.

LOGAN: Wait!

WHAT?!

LOGAN: Thought I had something. Damn. I better get another footlong.

If only the voice had eyes to roll.

There is no time for this.[/i]

LOGAN: And what is it that I have to do exactly? Two is like a few weeks away.

One.

He did have eyes, and he rolled them.

LOGAN: One-smone, what’s the point?

You’re scheduled to do a promo for the event.[/i]

LOGAN: For hotdog sakes, really? Isn’t it enough to just show up?

Do I remind you that this is one of the most important events in the history of WCF and if you don’t take interest then Seth Lerch may never again open the doors for you? Then, yes, it would be a high possibility that you’d be spotted at Family Dollar.[/i]

LOGAN: But-

THREE. Three, Logan, you’re expected to do at least three promos leading up to One.[/i]

LOGAN: Damn. Three? Why three?

Not entirely sure.[/i]

LOGAN: Who made that rule?

Seth Lerch, I would assume.[/i]

LOGAN: But why three? Is that like a lucky number or something of his? And who the hell is this Seth Lerch guy?

The owner of WCF-[/i]

LOGAN: Yes. You have told me that, but.. who does he think he is?

Think? I can’t mind jump. I am unable to give you an accurate answer.

LOGAN: Do I like Seth Lerch? I mean, do we get along? Does he favor me?

You love him.[/i]

LOGAN: … does he love me?

The general population believes so.[/i]

LOGAN: What does that mean?

It means that since you have the most accomplished of feats in the WCF history that Seth must love you – undyingly love you.[/i]

LOGAN: That’s touc – NO. You mean that I couldn’t have simply done that off of pure skill and determination?

Perhaps. But that isn’t the public’s popular belief.[/i]

LOGAN: … really?

Does it matter?

LOGAN: Sure. That’d be like running a marathon and finishing first place, but people saying that the finish line ribbon moved specifically closer to you than others. But when in reality, the checkered strip was in the same lane all along. You just tried harder and you kept trying harder.

Is your memory returning?[/i]

LOGAN: No. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a white voice to figure it out – to see that even after all those years, no matter what this guy.. err.. I do.. it’s never going to be enough.

THE SERPENT: Digging into the back of your spine like a hungry gold miner. I’m getting closer, very closer. I’ll strike a fortune fore’ ya know it.[/i]

I register your point of view, Logan. I register.[/i]

THE PROMO

The camera opens its eyes and reveals the lone presence of Logan standing outside a hotel room door. He is dressed very casually, a band shirt and black slacks. The camera man keeps true and steady.

LOGAN: Bobby Cairo…

Thank God. It was like teaching Spanish to a frog.[/i]

LOGAN: Heh.. Bobby… Cairo… I’m talking to you.. bitch.

He very admirably nods his head, deeply staring into the lens, making sure that if and when Bobby does see this – he is looking straight into his eyes.

LOGAN: Bobby Cairo, Bobby.. big mouth. You talk a lot of trash, a whole lot of trash. You’ve got more fumes coming from your mouth than Shannan Lerch’s vagina.

He squints his stare – slowly repeating the last line with a whisper.

LOGAN: Shannan Lerch’s vagina…

More nodding.

LOGAN: And God forbid she ever sees this, because if she does, she’ll say holy shit! Bobby Cairo’s mouth smells worse than THIS snatch? Fuck a fucker, suck a Jumbo Hotdog of Treachery, take magic dust-covered boudle tickets straight to holy the trashcan you cookie monster Sesame Street talking son of a bitch AND SHUT UP!

His last words were literally spit into the lens.

LOGAN: You’ve got nothing, absolutely nothing, to intimidate me with. You think that coming onto Slam and talking until the entire audience nodded off was actually supposed to make me… scared? SHUT UP! There has been far too many things in this life time let alone the last few days that have tried to break the Face of Treachery, and YOU think.. YOU ACTUALLY THINK.. that talking Lerch vagina snatch for most of an entire Slam show intimidates me? Bobby Cairo, SHUT UP! You shut the gawd damn hole in your dumpster face. SHUT the hole, SHUT the lid on that trashcan, boudle. You’ve got nothing. You are nothing. You think you have actually done things for this company, you believe that this place is better with you, but it isn’t. You’ve trained people, you have, but other than one month – one hit in a bitch - Chad Evans world champion, you’ve done nothing but raised a bunch of fucknuts. Are you proud of that, Cairo? SHUT UP! Matter of fact, if you compare your own accolades and all the boudles you trained, they still don’t equal up to mine. Do you understand that? You and two others still aren’t man enough to achieve what I have. And that’s the thing.. I’m not even done yet. But there you are, coming out onto Slam and spewing big vagina talk like YOU, YOURSELF, were an equal.

He snaps his head, a quick shake.

LOGAN: Bobby Cairo and Logan don’t even belong in the same paragraph when it comes to who’s done what in WCF. You talk about ME being a lazy no show? WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN? Huh? Other than tickling the balls of Chad Evans and Phillip Baines – WHERE HAS BOBBY CAIRO BEEN? Did you get your heart broke when your precious Lawnmower Jones paid more attention to Lonnie than you? SHUT UP! That was just a part of T.o.T beat your boudle ass list. You were nothing special – never were. Yes, you kidnapped Lonnie, good for you, so classy to take a lawnmower captive. Did you actually use it? Did you fuck the gashole like Jones did? No. You pussy’d out. You didn’t take it all the way. If you really wanted to get under his skin you would’ve got your dick wet with gasoline.. but you didn’t, so what makes you think you’re going to get under a skin, when this skin is fuckin’ laced with treachery. You’re wrong, Cairo, I never stopped being a fucker. I’ve always been a fucker. A mean bastard. I don’t care about anyone but myself.

Resume nodding.

LOGAN: SOOO come on out, Bobby Cairo, the price is yours, and the consequences are yours. I called you out, yes. I did. You know why I called you out? I was bored. It wasn’t because your name was Bobby Cairo – that means little to me. It was because I needed a paycheck and an ass to stick a boot in. You see, I can admit, despite the little you have accomplished, your name still holds some credit. And it’s a name, it’s BOBBY CAIRO, that has yet – ever yet – received a ticket. And why not give him a ticket at One? Why not give JUST ANOTHER BOUDLE a ticket? You should feel honored that it was One that I challenged you; it makes this match look big. But is it actually that? Is Bobby Cairo versus The Face of FUCKYOUUP a headliner? MAYBE. I doubt it. That doesn’t matter, because when I’m in any given match I can make the other look like a gawd damn legend. Matter of fact, this ass put three quarters of the asses in Hall of Fame. The other quarter got there when I was taking vacation.

A bead of sweat rolls down his forehead.

LOGAN: You think about that, Cairo. You think about me, you think about the person that you supposedly ripped a ‘new asshole of treachery’. I’m not going away, Logan is going to be here.. forever.. what about you? Yeah, this is one night. But who isn’t to stop me from taking Odin Coonass and throwing his ass a spiral straight back to Connector City? Huh? SHUT UP! Do you think Creeping Death is going to take the belt off of him? If he did, it’d be one of the first times he actually took a little fight and used it to win a belt. Everybody can talk shit about me, even when I’m not here, and they do. Look at Gravedigger, that boudle-bitch talks about beating me.. numerous times, supposedly. Unless he’s talking about a War four way winner match that happened 9 years ago that he likes to brag about on a monthly basis – he’s NEVER beat me. People like to talk. That’s just what happens when you disappear a few months and aren’t here to slap the vagina-shit out of everyone’s mouths.

He whispers, “That’s just what happens.”

LOGAN: When your name is a legend people either talk bad or good – one or the other. It’s either, well, you couldn’t have beat Logan if he was in the War. Or it’s.. ooohh yeah, I beat Logan twenty times, so tell me what you’re about. Either way, everybody wants some treachery in their life. And there is never any truth behind it. Because no one besides me really knows what treachery is... NO ONE.

He drives an arm into the camera lens and readjusts it to make sure that Cairo is looking at him.

LOGAN: There is more to come, Cairo. When you’re against me.. there is always more – more than you might want. I’m absolutely ready to break you down in the smelly trashcan way that you are day by day and night by night until the two of our bodies are officially locked inside a steel cage. There is no future for me, Cairo, never has been. This is in every way my last match just like the last one was. I have no tomorrow. Are you reconsidering? Did you jump into a sandpit that was too deep? You made it an endless pit, Bobby-bitch. You stamped your ticket when you decided to bore Slam’s audience with your presence – officially signed your fuckin’ ticket. I sat back. I laughed. I smiled. I LOVE THIS SHIT. I want you to come at me with the fury you proclaim you have. BRING IT TO ME! HIT ME! It’s what keeps me alive. Every swing of a fist you make, you better make it as if it was your last. You hear me, Bobby Cairo? I’m not fuckin’ around with you. You better be prepared to rip my head off, cause if you ain’t, you’re going lay flat plum on your ass in the middle of ring wondering what the fuck happened.

He resmacks the camera into focus.

LOGAN: And there’s more, always will be, you can’t expect to come onto Slam and fuck this bull without walking away. You’ll never be able to walk away from me, Cairo. I’m here for you and you only. Even if you’re able to win this match, I will never go away. I will be the one that made you question everything. I’m your troubling conscious. Did I really beat him? CAN I really beat him? The answer is not any, it’s never. Because no matter how many people you train, there will never be me. I am the one that WCF does not approve of. I am the one that Seth Lerch expects to be disappointed by. And you know why I’m in that position to begin with? Do you know why you’re in fact reaching out to the ‘old Logan’ to begin with, Cairo? It’s because I’ve done what no other has ever attempted to do here in the WCF – it’s because when people think right I think is wrong, they keep their mouths shut to save their own ass – it’s because I am LOGAN. I do WHAT people THINK they should do. I’ve been the only honest thing this company has ever breed. I am the bullshit to no bullshit. People have come and they have stayed, and they have gone, but I.. I.. have remained through all the dark and thin. I am alive, I am here for only one reason – to make sure a WCF without Logan is a WCF at all. And it never will be. You can hype Creeping Death. You can try and replace the old generation, but when it comes down to it, I AM THE WCF.

THE SERPENT: Ease your tensions’sss, they’ll pass’ss. And can you feel me now? Strangling your air pipe.. suckling at your ear.. telling you everything’s okay when you know death is just at the corner. You’ll feel me soon, Logan, very ssss’soon.

LOGAN: Bobby fuckin’ Cairo. You want to suck my cock? Your Slam segment seems apparent that you either want to suck me off or reach me from behind. Doc would think the latter to be a favor –but I think you really want more than that. You want to face me, in a limitless battle, in an end to an end. There is no end. When you’ve got me, Cairo, there is no sucking cock like you’re used to – there is only Connector City. Are you ready for that, boudle? Do you want that shit live and in your in face?

You are without a doubt the shit that was too clunky to pass through the screens. You are the waiting. You’re in a list, a line, a fuckin’ wait to misery.

All I have to say is…

BRING IT, BOBBBY CAIRO.

YOU get off your ass. NOT ME.

YOU GET OFF YOUR ASS.

WHATCHA GOT? YOU THINK YOU’RE SOMEBODY?

I AM THE SOMEBODY ROUND HERE MOTHER FUCKCAKES.

IF YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY FUCKIN’ SPILL IT.

SAY IT.

YOU WANT IT?

YOU WANT TO CREATE A FUCKIN’ SPLASH?

THE SERPENT: When it pours it pours. Very close we are.. the taste is nearly at the tip of my tongue.[/i]