The Safari

[Odin Balfore]

" The Safari "

RP1
WCF-Slam!
Non Title

Singles Match

Odin Balfore
vs.
Roy Speede




_________________________________
Scene One- Giraffe Hunting


* Africa, the open savannah. Odin Balfore and Ryan Blake are driving around in a jeep, tracking a few giraffe. Odin is standing up in the roof-less jeep with a pair of binoculars as Ryan is sitting in the front seat tweeting. Odin looks out towards the horizon then sets the binoculars down as he sees a few giraffe in the distance. *

Odin: There they are, Blake. The most dangerous game.

* Blake responds with as much enthusiasm as drying paint. *

Blake: Yep, uh-huh, that’s great.

Odin: Blake, what you are doing; get off your phone.

Blake: I’m tweeting.

* Odin snaps his fingers. *

Odin: That’s a fantastic idea. .. .. Tookie, tookie… Kakaaw, kakaaw. It’s the perfect camouflage. Everyone knows the giraffes most trusted ally is the majestic bird.

Blake: We’re in a jeep, with out an exhaust pipe.

Odin: The most majestic.

Blake: you know they’re gonna run when they hear the obnoxiously loud jeep barreling towards them.

Odin: That’s why I brought this mega phone.

* Odin reaches down and pulls out a mega phone. *

Blake: You’re not going to play your entrance theme are you?

Odin: No…

* As he puts a cassette tape back in his pocket almost as quickly as he took it out. *

Blake: What was that?

Odin: What was what?

* Blake shakes it off. *

Blake: Never mind.

Odin: Blake, get the binoculars, tell me if I’m in range.

* Odin puts down the mega phone and takes out a large hunting rifle. *

Blake: whoa, what do you need the riffle for?

Odin: Conrad got me hooked on Giraffe fighting, it’s like bum fighting but with less change and more pooping.

Blake: You can’t shoot a giraffe!

Odin: you’re right, they’ll be on to me. You, you gotta do it.

Blake: Me?

Odin: Yes you, you’ve earned their trust from all that tweeting.

* Odin forces the gun over to Blake as he struggles with it. Amidst the struggle the ruffle goes off, hitting the driver in the leg, causing the jeep to swerve out of control, hit a rock and barrel roll. Blake an Odin were thrown from the jeep as it continues to roll a few more times before coming to a stand still while upside down. Blake an Odin lay on their backs, looking up at the sky, trying to catch their breath. *

Blake: maybe.. He’s.. ok.

BBOOOMMM!

Odin: Maybe that was his mind being blown from all the excitement we’re having.

* Odin sits up as another explosion goes off an the drivers head fly’s from the wreckage and lands right in front of Odin. *

Odin: I was right. Man, these Disney tours are realistic.

* Blake gets up, knees shaking and punches Odin right in the face then grabs him by the collar of his shirt. *

Blake: You were gonna shot a giraffe in a Disney safari? We’re in Africa you demented fuck! This shit is real.

Odin: Well it’s a good thing I brought my signature Odin Balfore hunting knife.

* Odin takes out his signature hunting knife. *

Blake: That’s a spoon.. With a hole in the spoon part.

Odin: Damn cheep Korean labor.

* Odin throws the spoon behind him as he stands up and dusts himself off. *

Blake: What are we going to do, all of my stuff was in that jeep, now its all over the savanna in pieces an its all your fucking fault! Ryan Blake is dead. Ryan Blake has died right here in the middle of non Ryan Blake no where.

Odin: We’re getting home, there ain’t no way I’m letting Roy win his return match against me. We’re doin this the old school way.

Blake: Do I even want to know?

* Odin starts walkin over to a giraffe that’s sleeping in the noon day sun. *

Odin: Speede’s gonna return but not to a sleeping giant. I’m not a man whose gonna care what he did on his time away. I’m so close to ONE an still with out an opponent that Speede will be my warm up. Speedes too busy with KJE an Ashley with D-Day as his new little running buddy that he’s preparedness for this match has gone right out the window. The glorious return of Roy Speede halted by the world champion, what a way to return, to be dominated by Odin Balfore. All the mid card jokes might be waiting for him to come back to WCF an so am I to be honest just so that I can watch him but up such an effort to fight back. This might be booked as an exhibition but Roy knows its gonna be a fight for his life. Blake, when we get in that ring I’ll make Roy question why he ever decided to come bacs to WCF because not a damn things changed. I’m still as mean, as powerful an as careless as I’ve ever been and with Torture running his mouth and CD running his mouth, guess I’ll just have to make Speede into another prime example as to why you don’t step in the ring with WCF’s real Bad Motha Fucka. Speede can try an be cute any way he wants, with the age thing or the slow thing or the crazy old man thing.


Blake: Or the robot bitch thing.

Odin: Or that. He’s gonna return with this love -hate love triangle thing he’s got going on but he knows he has to put all his focus onto me, which is something I doubt he’ll be able to do. He’s so focused on KJE an Ashley that maybe the Nordic Tank across the ring from him will fade from his mind.

Blake: Or maybe, ya know.. Being in the ring with the champion is his shot to prove something.

* They both start cracking up. *

Odin: That he can get his ass whooped from pillar to post just like everyone else before him. I’m sure he’s coming back with his heart held high, that he’s actually going to accomplish something in this match an ohh, it’ll be nice to rip it all away from him and see the expression on his face. I’ll be crushing a mans dream then at ONE, I’ll et to crush somebody else’s. Monday night will be the return of Roy Speede into the fold into WCF under my boot when I hit Ragnarok on him, maybe he can ask D-Day how it feels and get a few pointers on what it takes to defeat Odin Balfore. I’ll tell ya right now, it takes more then what Speede brings to the table to defeat me. That’s alright though because losing to Odin Balfore doesn’t mean you suck, it just makes you like everyone else.

Blake: Who coincidentally just happens to suck.

Odin: Time to show them that being a bad motha fucka isn’t just a name, its my way of life.

* Odin walks up to a sleeping giraffe and grabs it by the face, the giraffes eyes start to open as Odin rears his fist back. *

Blake: You just punched a giraffe!

Odin: Cuz I’m a bad motha fucka! If I can punch this damn giraffe, Speede’s gotta wonder what that very same fist will be doing to him. Now get some red bull, let’s give this bitch some wings and get the fuck outta here. I got some jobbers to kill, so I have spoken, so it shall come to pass.


* The scene fades with The Alliance climbing on back of the Giraffe as it gets up and they ride into the noon horizon. *



_____________________________
Scene Two - A WCF.com Exclusive.


* The scene opens to Odin Balfore standing in front of the WCF interview back drop in his ring gear an the WCF world title on his shoulder as he gets ready for a WCF.com exclusive interview. The camera man gives Odin the signal an he begins. *

Odin: WCF, we’re what, three weeks away from ONE? Three weeks away from ONE and there is still no world title match. Do you know why there’s no title match; because there’s no title contenders. It’s that simple. It’s so simple that even I understand it yet none of you guys do. Every opponent that’s stepped across the ring from me, I’ve beaten. Not only have I beaten, I’ve hurt. I’ve made them realize that going up against Odin Balfore is a very bad thing. Its so Bad in fact, that each an every one of you have to run their mouths when I’m not around. Come on WCF, don’t try that tough guy routine because there ain’t a damn soul back there that is. We got D-Day who se still trying to prove that he’s championship material when the fact of the matter is- he never will be. You got Johnny Reb crying that the WCF needs a real champion to lead an inspire when he’s still playing bitch to Doc Henry and you have all the “ legends” wanting to come back to kick my ass because I did the one thing that none of them could ever do. I. Eliminated. The. Competition. I did so effectively that Torture had to come back and cry about it. I did it so effectively that he had to hijack the PPV an I’ve done it so effectively that WCF is now the leader in sports entertainment social media.

WCF, you’re welcome.

That’s why I’m here tonight conducting this little WCF dot com exclusive. Leadership has been called into question. Its been called into question by the entire roster it seems. By all you mid card jobbers out there who’ll never amount to a god damn thing more then just a lowly WCF superstar, forever under the WCF champion who doesn’t even need to be here. That’s right, you heard me. I don’t need to be here. I don’t need WCF but WCF sure does need me. When CD went on a power trip and made himself the number one contender I took him out of action. When Reb won WAR X, trying to use it leverage over me to try and convince everyone that he was a better champion then me, I took him down a peg. Hell, when Seth Fucking Lerch came back in power and tried to reset my career, I went to his house and put him through a coffee table.

My point WCF is that with out the strength of Odin Balfore, there’s nothing saving you from WCF’s horribly pathetic past becoming its even more pathetic future. None of you seem to understand that an I can’t grasp that but on the other hand, I can. I can because everyone that comes to WCF has little to no prior wrestling experience, far be it from actual big league experience. That’s why you’re all jobbers and mid card talent at best and that Seth’s fault from keeping you there. So now here I come and liberate you all from that by battling him and his rules and bullshit ethics week after week for you all to shit all over that and you know what, that’s fine. Ya’ll don’t have like me an in fact I’m glad that you don’t because I don’t like a damn one of you. You’re all whiners and complainers, expecting a bone to be thrown at you. No body threw a damn thing at me, I went out and got it. Now Torture came back and wants my title an ya’ll are on board for that? Well fuck you and fuck Torture. This is MY WCF World Title an it leaves when I leave. If you don’t like it then go tweet about it because none of you who deserve it are ready and willing to do a damn thing about it.

As for Roy Speede, my opponent this week. What’s going through your head right now boy? You lookin to Odin Balfore to finally make you famous as you round your one year mark? Sucks that you’re a two time tag champion an one time US champion an you’ve yet to actually be famous around here. You’re know for what exactly again? Being the champion without a division? The champion of nothing? That’s gotta be a blow to your ego, doesn’t it. WCF put a title on you to which there’s nothing to do except sit on it? Then you drop off the face of the planet for what ever reason to come back to face me. It’s like you won the Mexican lottery around here. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

So what’s ol’ Roy thinking? Are you excited to get your shot against Odin Balfore. Are you nervous for such a big match? Can you just not wait to get your hands on me to prove to anyone who gives a damn, which ironically is nobody that you have what it takes to be a top guy in a crowd of mid card jobbers? I don’t think your buddy D-Day is gonna like it too much. What are the kids calling it now - a - days? “ Broski’s “ You know that if you move any higher then you are right now, you’ll have to tangle up with both Vic and D-Day and you don’t strike me as the kind of guy that’ll do that. Especially since all I’ve seen you do constructively an I use that term loosely, is hound after a few diva’s to try and brine your pickle. How’d that work out by the way? The way I heard it is that you scared them all off with your three inches of dangling’ fury.

* Odin starts to sarcastically clap. *

Let me be the first one in WCF to welcome you, Roy Speede back into your role of mediocrity and diluted vision of sports entertainment success. Let me welcome you with the best big boot in the business and such a vicious choke breaker that even Reb and D-Day will feel it again. How’s that sound?! Your first match back and your backs broken, merry fucking Christmas from me to you. You wanted to be famous right? Be recognized by your peers as something greater then they are? Well here’s your chance and just like CD an all of them before you found out- being famous comes at a price. A price that you’ll be paying for as long as I’m in WCF. So once again I show to all of you that my will truly is law and what I say really does go because I am the baddest mother fucka in WCF, unlike Weeping Death, Corey Broken and Torture Tantrum over there. Ya’ll want results, well I’m giving them an if you don’t like that then too fucking bad.

It started with D-Day back in July an it’s going to keep going so don’t feel bad Roy because your just another lowly and sorry statistic in my fabled career. The only fabled career to actually walk into WCF and become the greatest and most dominant Champion that the company has ever seen.

Funny thing is Speede, you haven’t seen nothing yet. You mad bro? Get on my level!

So I have spoken, so it shall come to pass

* the Camera fed cuts out and the scene abruptly goes to black *

~FINN