Post by FPV on Nov 20, 2011 14:02:14 GMT -5
Vic: I've been practicing my chainsaw skills on Gears of War, bitch!
Before anyone can comprehend what Vic just said, or even where the hell he is, a loud whirring, gnashing sound is heard. Vic is in the middle of the forest where he resides in The Vault, and he's weilding a chainsaw, slicing a tree right down to it's stump. The tree begins to wobble like a house of cards made by a five-year-old.
Vic: TIMBER!
And just like that, the tree topples down. It is now that Vic realizes how tall the tree is, it looks nearly endless from where he's looking. It finally lands on a house not even a 20 feet away, crushing the roof completely. A middle aged balding man emerges from inside to check out what happenned, and glances at Vic, a rage coming over here.
Man: HEY! MOTHERFUCKING PUNK! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!
Vic lets out a loud maniacle laugh at the old man. The man rushes back inside his house and comes back out with a double-barreled shotgun and runs towards Vic, who turns around and runs away, dropping his chainsaw. The man lets out a shot at the fleeing Vic.
Man: DAMN YOU CRAZY PUNKS!
Vic: It's no use buddy, you got one shot left and you're brittle bones can't keep up with me. I'm Sonic the Goddamed Hedgehog!
Even angrier, the man lets out his last shot, which barely missed the back of Vics head. As the man stops to reach in his pocket for more shells, Vic is already opening the door to the Vault, laughing at the old man.
Vic: Wisdom is wasted on the wise, sucker!
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Vic is sitting at a table within the safe confines of the Vault. His TV Title is laying on the table, as Vic takes a swig of some bottled water. Hanging on the wall is a large fully-automatic M-16 assault rifle, pointing right at a pice of paper that says "YOUR FACE IN 5 SECONDS". Vic takes another swig.
Vic: Ahhh. Now I know what it feels like to be a lumberjack. And you know what...I think I'm actually pretty good at it! Better then Buzzsaw Bundy even! Well...that wouldn't be the first thing I'm better at then Bundy.
Bundy is just a sad little man to me. And once you think about it a little bit....he gets more and more sad. I know alot of you viewing this have pretty much shit for brains, but think with me for a minute here...how can a fatass like him score 4 skeezes at once, and not shatter the bed, the room, the floor, the woman, and his bone structure along the way? The answer? He can't, it's a scientific fact that lumberjacks give off a foul oder named "Motor Gas" wherever they go, pretty much killing any woman within a five mile-radius.
Now Buzzsaw, while I am going to let go of the subject of how well you can convince ladies with money to hold their breath while you shatter their pelvis bones, you did say things that I...quite frankly...must address. You said I was nothing but a "paper champion", just waiting for the next guy to come and take my place. You said I lucked out...that Roy just handed me my chance. You're a mean person, Bundy. A cruel Mr. Big Bad wolf you are. I...I think you done broke my wittle heart...so now on Monday I'll have no choice but to rip your skin from bones, your eyes from your skull, and your B-As from you L-L-S....wait, what? I thought I was drinking water here...
Vic stops talking and observes his bottle extremly carefully.
Vic: Oooh yeah, that right...I take all my bottle and pack Smirnoff Ice into them. Okay, my mistake. But Bundy, when I show you how much of a fucking little...FUCK of a life you've been living...maybe you'll retire from these fuckfaced children and acne-ridden adults to go back to your job of providing paper to the world. Here, there's a paper over there, you see it?
Vic points over to the paper that is being pointed at by the M-16.
Vic: You see that? I had to scoure the world for it. That's because YOU'RE NOT DOING YOU'RE JOB AS A SERVICEMAN TO THE WORLD! YOU! ARE! A! LUMBER! JACK! YOU! CUT! WOOD! Now get back to you're job before I fire and cut off YOU'RE wood!
Vic slowly gets up from his table, and shambles out of the cameras sight, mumbleing to himself "How can you have yur puddin' if you don't eat yur meat...?"
Before anyone can comprehend what Vic just said, or even where the hell he is, a loud whirring, gnashing sound is heard. Vic is in the middle of the forest where he resides in The Vault, and he's weilding a chainsaw, slicing a tree right down to it's stump. The tree begins to wobble like a house of cards made by a five-year-old.
Vic: TIMBER!
And just like that, the tree topples down. It is now that Vic realizes how tall the tree is, it looks nearly endless from where he's looking. It finally lands on a house not even a 20 feet away, crushing the roof completely. A middle aged balding man emerges from inside to check out what happenned, and glances at Vic, a rage coming over here.
Man: HEY! MOTHERFUCKING PUNK! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!
Vic lets out a loud maniacle laugh at the old man. The man rushes back inside his house and comes back out with a double-barreled shotgun and runs towards Vic, who turns around and runs away, dropping his chainsaw. The man lets out a shot at the fleeing Vic.
Man: DAMN YOU CRAZY PUNKS!
Vic: It's no use buddy, you got one shot left and you're brittle bones can't keep up with me. I'm Sonic the Goddamed Hedgehog!
Even angrier, the man lets out his last shot, which barely missed the back of Vics head. As the man stops to reach in his pocket for more shells, Vic is already opening the door to the Vault, laughing at the old man.
Vic: Wisdom is wasted on the wise, sucker!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vic is sitting at a table within the safe confines of the Vault. His TV Title is laying on the table, as Vic takes a swig of some bottled water. Hanging on the wall is a large fully-automatic M-16 assault rifle, pointing right at a pice of paper that says "YOUR FACE IN 5 SECONDS". Vic takes another swig.
Vic: Ahhh. Now I know what it feels like to be a lumberjack. And you know what...I think I'm actually pretty good at it! Better then Buzzsaw Bundy even! Well...that wouldn't be the first thing I'm better at then Bundy.
Bundy is just a sad little man to me. And once you think about it a little bit....he gets more and more sad. I know alot of you viewing this have pretty much shit for brains, but think with me for a minute here...how can a fatass like him score 4 skeezes at once, and not shatter the bed, the room, the floor, the woman, and his bone structure along the way? The answer? He can't, it's a scientific fact that lumberjacks give off a foul oder named "Motor Gas" wherever they go, pretty much killing any woman within a five mile-radius.
Now Buzzsaw, while I am going to let go of the subject of how well you can convince ladies with money to hold their breath while you shatter their pelvis bones, you did say things that I...quite frankly...must address. You said I was nothing but a "paper champion", just waiting for the next guy to come and take my place. You said I lucked out...that Roy just handed me my chance. You're a mean person, Bundy. A cruel Mr. Big Bad wolf you are. I...I think you done broke my wittle heart...so now on Monday I'll have no choice but to rip your skin from bones, your eyes from your skull, and your B-As from you L-L-S....wait, what? I thought I was drinking water here...
Vic stops talking and observes his bottle extremly carefully.
Vic: Oooh yeah, that right...I take all my bottle and pack Smirnoff Ice into them. Okay, my mistake. But Bundy, when I show you how much of a fucking little...FUCK of a life you've been living...maybe you'll retire from these fuckfaced children and acne-ridden adults to go back to your job of providing paper to the world. Here, there's a paper over there, you see it?
Vic points over to the paper that is being pointed at by the M-16.
Vic: You see that? I had to scoure the world for it. That's because YOU'RE NOT DOING YOU'RE JOB AS A SERVICEMAN TO THE WORLD! YOU! ARE! A! LUMBER! JACK! YOU! CUT! WOOD! Now get back to you're job before I fire and cut off YOU'RE wood!
Vic slowly gets up from his table, and shambles out of the cameras sight, mumbleing to himself "How can you have yur puddin' if you don't eat yur meat...?"
