Post by epitomeofcool on Oct 23, 2011 22:41:11 GMT -5
Part I
The Book Of Cool: Chapter V "Smooth Talkin' Son Of A Gun" (The Conclusion)
The scene opens with a shot of Aaron Miles, still zip tied to the plastic orange chair inside of the security office. He's in the midst of struggling to break free, to the point his wrist are now red and chaffed.
Aaron Miles: Hey! Let me out of here!
Aaron continues to struggle to break free until a younger, female security finally comes to investigate the source of the noise. She pokes her head through the doorway and sees Aaron rocking the chair back and forth until it finally falls over. She can do nothing but stifle a laugh as Aaron lets loose with an obscenity.
Aaron Miles: You find this funny? Get me out of this thing.
Female Guard: Hold on there Humpty Dumpty. Where's the Chief?
Aaron Miles: He ran out of here talking about this job not being worth it. I think he mentioned something about dancing.
The female guard walks over to Aaron and helps pull his chair back to the upright position.
Female Guard: That sounds nothing like the Chief. Why don't you just be a good little boy and sit here quietly while I go and find the Chief.
The female guard turns to leave the room. Sensing that he might be stuck in this tiny office for longer than he already has, Aaron decides to go with the route he knows best.
Aaron Miles: Tell me, Miss, are you happy?
Female Guard: I am. And that cult crap you've been spreading around the campus? It doesn't work on us girls with a brain hot shot.
Aaron mutters an obscenity under his breath as the guard exits the room, pulling the door shut behind her. He frantically resumes trying to break free when suddenly there is a rapid tapping at the window pane behind him. Aaron cranks his neck to the side and catches a glimpse of Naomi waving to him through the window. He motions to her and she slips the unlocked window open.
Aaron Miles: Nikki, I'm so glad to see you. Quick, help me out of here before that guard comes back.
Naomi: It's Naomi.
Aaron Miles: It matters? Get me out of here!
Naomi slips through the window and grabs a pair of scissors from the desk, which she uses to cut the zip ties from Aaron's wrists. Aaron stands up, rubbing his sore wrists as he glances toward the closed door.
Aaron Miles: Now let's get the hell out of here.
Naomi nods her head in agreement and heads for the window when the door to the office opens. The female security guard, with the head guard in tow, enter the room. Aaron panics and pulls Naomi from the window before pushing her toward the guards. The head guard catches her as Aaron bolts for the window.
Aaron Miles: Call me!
The female guard sprints to catch up with Aaron but misses grabbing his leg by inches. She can only watch as he runs off and disappears into a crowd of people. She then turns around and stares down Naomi, who is still being held by the head guard.
Female Guard: Why don't you have a seat.
The scene fades out as the head guard leads Naomi to a chair and the female guard readies a pair of zip ties.
A Short While Later
The scene opens with a shot of Aaron Miles, wearing only a robe over top his boxer shorts and a pair of dark sunglasses, standing by the balcony just outside of the door to his hotel room. As he stares out toward the sunset in the distance, he raises a bottle of Bacardi 151 to his lips and takes a long sip. Down below he takes notice to a pair of females walking along the sidewalk and takes a moment to appreciate their derrieres before returning his gaze back to the sunset. Suddenly Aaron's cell phone goes off, filling the air with the sounds of the opening to Screaming Jay Hawkins "I Am The Cool". Aaron pulls the cell from his pocket and checks the caller ID.
Naomi
Aaron then chucks the cell over the balcony and into the pool down below. He lets out a sigh as he makes a mental note to buy a new phone with a new number in the morning. The scene fades out as Aaron takes another sip from the bottle.
Part II
The Book Of Cool: Chapter VI "Walls? Who Needs Walls?"
The scene opens with a shot of the front cover of the Deadpool comic book "I Rule, You Suck". The cameraman pulls back the shot to reveal the reader to be none other than Aaron Miles, who's decked out in an all black three piece suit and dark sunglasses. As he continues to read of the exploits of everyone's favorite merc, the cameraman takes the opportunity to do a sweeping shot of the accommodations that WCF has provided their talent.
Aaron Miles: Accommodations? Who exactly are they accommodating? Hobo's?
"A large, queen sized bed."
Aaron Miles: Lumpy and smells like tuna.
"A flat screen television hanging from the wall."
Aaron Miles: Basic cable and no porn channels.
"A full sized bathroom complete with stand up shower."
Aaron Miles: Zero water pressure and...
"Any chance we could do without the added commentary?"
Aaron Miles: I'm just saying, if you're going to give the people a description, give them the whole story.
"Well forgive us for not wanting to sound like a whiny bitch."
Aaron Miles: Hey now, there's no need for that. I'm just trying to point out the fact that the number one contender for the Hardcore Title should get better treatment than the corner room at the local Super 8.
"Would you have preferred the Holiday Inn?"
Aaron Miles: I'd prefer if you'd shut the fu..
A knock comes at the door, interrupting Aaron mid-sentence. He walks over to the door and opens it up to find the manager standing outside with a scowl on his face.
Hotel Manager: Sir, we've received some phone calls concerning the volume of your voice and your choice of language. Could I ask you to lower your voice and refrain from using any offensive language?
Aaron Miles: Seriously?
The hotel manager shakes his head yes and Aaron shakes his in disbelief.
Aaron Miles: Fine. I'll keep it down.
The manager goes to say something else but Aaron pushes the door shut in his face.
Aaron Miles: Nazi prick.
Aaron spots a stack of his light blue pamphlets lying on top of the desk in front of him. He looks to them, then to the wall that separates his room from the one next to it, then back to the pamphlets. He grabs a few off of the stack, pulls the door back open and then heads next door. He knocks a few times and waits until the people inside open the door.
Aaron Miles: Pardon me folks, but I found these in the hallway just outside your door and I thought perhaps you dropped them.
Aaron hands them over to the man that answered the door and he takes a look at them.
Man: I've never seen these before.
Aaron Miles: Oh, well that's too bad. You really should have.
Man: What's that?
Aaron Miles: Those pamphlets. Your really should have seen them before now.
Man: Oh? And why is that?
Aaron Miles: Because then you wouldn't be such a douche.
Aaron unloads with a left to the guy's jaw and he drops quicker than the ratings during a Vikings game. Aaron crouches down beside the guy and picks up the pamphlets off the ground.
Aaron Miles: Sorry, was that too loud for you?
As the man moans in response, Aaron lays one of the pamphlets across his chest and then stands back up. He turns to leave, but just before he exits he stops and looks over his shoulder.
Aaron Miles: Read up and become informed. Then maybe next time you're in a hotel you'll know to mind your own damn business.
As Aaron walks out into the hallway, the door across the hall opens and an older woman pokes her head out to see what all the commotion is about.
Aaron Miles: You need educated too Grandma?
The old woman quickly slams her door shut.
Aaron Miles: Thought so.
"Was there really a need to drop that guy?"
Aaron Miles: He tattled on me like this was kindergarten!
"People look to you as a good guy. And good guys don't hit random people like that."
Aaron Miles: But...but he...damn it.
Aaron begrudgingly turns himself around and heads back toward the man's room. The door is still ajar and Aaron walks right in. The man is just beginning to sit up, but when he sees Aaron he springs to his feet and runs for the bathroom. Aaron sighs and walks over to the door, knocking on it slightly.
Aaron Miles: Hey. You all right?
Man: What do you think?!? You just decked me in the jaw! I'M CALLING THE POLICE!
Aaron Miles: Come on now, there's no need for that. Why don't you just come on out and we can talk this over like two grown men?
Man: Oh really? And tell me why I should listen to the guy that sucker punched me less than two minutes ago?
Aaron Miles: I saw that you still had that pamphlet I left on your chest when you ran for the bathroom. Look that over and you'll understand quickly why you can trust me.
Man: I'm not looking over your cult's propaganda! Just leave now or I will call the police.
Aaron Miles: Read the pamphlet and I'll go.
Man: No.
Aaron Miles: Jesus christ this is like dealing with a two year old. Look. Outside of getting knocked the hell out, are you a happy person?
Man: Yes.
Aaron Miles: Really?
Man: Maybe.
Aaron Miles: I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're a miserable prick who hates his job, his life and his old lady.
Man: How'd you know I was married?
Aaron Miles: Because eighty percent of the miserable men in the world are that way because they're married. The rest are the poor saps who were married and then got taken for everything.
Man: And where exactly are you getting those stats?
Aaron Miles: Fine, you caught me, I made them up. Just read the damn pamphlet already.
Man: No.
Aaron Miles: God damn it! Fine. I tried to be the good guy, so my job here is done. Have a good night you miserable prick.
Aaron leaves the room and walks out into the hallway. He heads for his room and kicks off his shoes before laying down in his bed as the scene fades out.
A Few Hours Later
The scene fades back in as a knock comes at Aaron's door. Yawning, he gets out of his bed and walks over to the door before opening it. The man from next door is standing in the hallway, clutching his pamphlet tightly to his chest.
Man: I read your pamphlet over and over and it all makes such perfect sense. I want to hear about it all from you Sir. I want to be informed.
Aaron Miles: You want informed?
Man: Yes Sir.
Aaron Miles: All right, lesson One...
Aaron, without warning, let's off with a Cool Shot Superkick right to the guy's chin. He drops like a sack of potatoes, out cold before he hits the ground.
Aaron Miles: Don't ever wake me up before 9.
The scene ends as Aaron slams the door shut and goes back to bed.
Part III
"It's Not A Toomah!
But It Is A Shoot."
Last week I faced off against five other competitors in a Hardcore match to determine the next person to face Oblivion for the WCF Hardcore Title. I won the match and I won the right to face Oblivion at Helloween, but apparently I also won the right to be thrown into a handicap match. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant a "Hardcore Warmup" Match.
Really? It wasn't enough that I damn near had to kill myself to win the six person contendership match, or that I have to face Oblivion, a certified freak of nature, less than a week after Slam, but now I have to "warm-up" by being thrown into a 2-on-1 situation? Christ, why not blindfold me and tie an arm behind my back while you're at it.
But alas, there isn't a thing I can do but do what I always do, and that's put on a show for the ages. Of course that may be hard to do when I'm stuck once again going up against both Kaylyn James Evans and El Mideo Extremo. After seeing what the two of them brought to the contendership match, I don't expect anything but a sharp decline. I mean, if you're barely going to bring your C game to a match where you can win something of some importance, then why even show up at all?
But they will show up, unfortunately, and once again I'll carry them and put on a five star match by myself. And then after that I will go on to Helloween where I will win the WCF Hardcore Championship. And you want to know why?
Because I'm Aaron Miles bitches.
The Book Of Cool: Chapter V "Smooth Talkin' Son Of A Gun" (The Conclusion)
The scene opens with a shot of Aaron Miles, still zip tied to the plastic orange chair inside of the security office. He's in the midst of struggling to break free, to the point his wrist are now red and chaffed.
Aaron Miles: Hey! Let me out of here!
Aaron continues to struggle to break free until a younger, female security finally comes to investigate the source of the noise. She pokes her head through the doorway and sees Aaron rocking the chair back and forth until it finally falls over. She can do nothing but stifle a laugh as Aaron lets loose with an obscenity.
Aaron Miles: You find this funny? Get me out of this thing.
Female Guard: Hold on there Humpty Dumpty. Where's the Chief?
Aaron Miles: He ran out of here talking about this job not being worth it. I think he mentioned something about dancing.
The female guard walks over to Aaron and helps pull his chair back to the upright position.
Female Guard: That sounds nothing like the Chief. Why don't you just be a good little boy and sit here quietly while I go and find the Chief.
The female guard turns to leave the room. Sensing that he might be stuck in this tiny office for longer than he already has, Aaron decides to go with the route he knows best.
Aaron Miles: Tell me, Miss, are you happy?
Female Guard: I am. And that cult crap you've been spreading around the campus? It doesn't work on us girls with a brain hot shot.
Aaron mutters an obscenity under his breath as the guard exits the room, pulling the door shut behind her. He frantically resumes trying to break free when suddenly there is a rapid tapping at the window pane behind him. Aaron cranks his neck to the side and catches a glimpse of Naomi waving to him through the window. He motions to her and she slips the unlocked window open.
Aaron Miles: Nikki, I'm so glad to see you. Quick, help me out of here before that guard comes back.
Naomi: It's Naomi.
Aaron Miles: It matters? Get me out of here!
Naomi slips through the window and grabs a pair of scissors from the desk, which she uses to cut the zip ties from Aaron's wrists. Aaron stands up, rubbing his sore wrists as he glances toward the closed door.
Aaron Miles: Now let's get the hell out of here.
Naomi nods her head in agreement and heads for the window when the door to the office opens. The female security guard, with the head guard in tow, enter the room. Aaron panics and pulls Naomi from the window before pushing her toward the guards. The head guard catches her as Aaron bolts for the window.
Aaron Miles: Call me!
The female guard sprints to catch up with Aaron but misses grabbing his leg by inches. She can only watch as he runs off and disappears into a crowd of people. She then turns around and stares down Naomi, who is still being held by the head guard.
Female Guard: Why don't you have a seat.
The scene fades out as the head guard leads Naomi to a chair and the female guard readies a pair of zip ties.
A Short While Later
The scene opens with a shot of Aaron Miles, wearing only a robe over top his boxer shorts and a pair of dark sunglasses, standing by the balcony just outside of the door to his hotel room. As he stares out toward the sunset in the distance, he raises a bottle of Bacardi 151 to his lips and takes a long sip. Down below he takes notice to a pair of females walking along the sidewalk and takes a moment to appreciate their derrieres before returning his gaze back to the sunset. Suddenly Aaron's cell phone goes off, filling the air with the sounds of the opening to Screaming Jay Hawkins "I Am The Cool". Aaron pulls the cell from his pocket and checks the caller ID.
Naomi
Aaron then chucks the cell over the balcony and into the pool down below. He lets out a sigh as he makes a mental note to buy a new phone with a new number in the morning. The scene fades out as Aaron takes another sip from the bottle.
Part II
The Book Of Cool: Chapter VI "Walls? Who Needs Walls?"
The scene opens with a shot of the front cover of the Deadpool comic book "I Rule, You Suck". The cameraman pulls back the shot to reveal the reader to be none other than Aaron Miles, who's decked out in an all black three piece suit and dark sunglasses. As he continues to read of the exploits of everyone's favorite merc, the cameraman takes the opportunity to do a sweeping shot of the accommodations that WCF has provided their talent.
Aaron Miles: Accommodations? Who exactly are they accommodating? Hobo's?
"A large, queen sized bed."
Aaron Miles: Lumpy and smells like tuna.
"A flat screen television hanging from the wall."
Aaron Miles: Basic cable and no porn channels.
"A full sized bathroom complete with stand up shower."
Aaron Miles: Zero water pressure and...
"Any chance we could do without the added commentary?"
Aaron Miles: I'm just saying, if you're going to give the people a description, give them the whole story.
"Well forgive us for not wanting to sound like a whiny bitch."
Aaron Miles: Hey now, there's no need for that. I'm just trying to point out the fact that the number one contender for the Hardcore Title should get better treatment than the corner room at the local Super 8.
"Would you have preferred the Holiday Inn?"
Aaron Miles: I'd prefer if you'd shut the fu..
A knock comes at the door, interrupting Aaron mid-sentence. He walks over to the door and opens it up to find the manager standing outside with a scowl on his face.
Hotel Manager: Sir, we've received some phone calls concerning the volume of your voice and your choice of language. Could I ask you to lower your voice and refrain from using any offensive language?
Aaron Miles: Seriously?
The hotel manager shakes his head yes and Aaron shakes his in disbelief.
Aaron Miles: Fine. I'll keep it down.
The manager goes to say something else but Aaron pushes the door shut in his face.
Aaron Miles: Nazi prick.
Aaron spots a stack of his light blue pamphlets lying on top of the desk in front of him. He looks to them, then to the wall that separates his room from the one next to it, then back to the pamphlets. He grabs a few off of the stack, pulls the door back open and then heads next door. He knocks a few times and waits until the people inside open the door.
Aaron Miles: Pardon me folks, but I found these in the hallway just outside your door and I thought perhaps you dropped them.
Aaron hands them over to the man that answered the door and he takes a look at them.
Man: I've never seen these before.
Aaron Miles: Oh, well that's too bad. You really should have.
Man: What's that?
Aaron Miles: Those pamphlets. Your really should have seen them before now.
Man: Oh? And why is that?
Aaron Miles: Because then you wouldn't be such a douche.
Aaron unloads with a left to the guy's jaw and he drops quicker than the ratings during a Vikings game. Aaron crouches down beside the guy and picks up the pamphlets off the ground.
Aaron Miles: Sorry, was that too loud for you?
As the man moans in response, Aaron lays one of the pamphlets across his chest and then stands back up. He turns to leave, but just before he exits he stops and looks over his shoulder.
Aaron Miles: Read up and become informed. Then maybe next time you're in a hotel you'll know to mind your own damn business.
As Aaron walks out into the hallway, the door across the hall opens and an older woman pokes her head out to see what all the commotion is about.
Aaron Miles: You need educated too Grandma?
The old woman quickly slams her door shut.
Aaron Miles: Thought so.
"Was there really a need to drop that guy?"
Aaron Miles: He tattled on me like this was kindergarten!
"People look to you as a good guy. And good guys don't hit random people like that."
Aaron Miles: But...but he...damn it.
Aaron begrudgingly turns himself around and heads back toward the man's room. The door is still ajar and Aaron walks right in. The man is just beginning to sit up, but when he sees Aaron he springs to his feet and runs for the bathroom. Aaron sighs and walks over to the door, knocking on it slightly.
Aaron Miles: Hey. You all right?
Man: What do you think?!? You just decked me in the jaw! I'M CALLING THE POLICE!
Aaron Miles: Come on now, there's no need for that. Why don't you just come on out and we can talk this over like two grown men?
Man: Oh really? And tell me why I should listen to the guy that sucker punched me less than two minutes ago?
Aaron Miles: I saw that you still had that pamphlet I left on your chest when you ran for the bathroom. Look that over and you'll understand quickly why you can trust me.
Man: I'm not looking over your cult's propaganda! Just leave now or I will call the police.
Aaron Miles: Read the pamphlet and I'll go.
Man: No.
Aaron Miles: Jesus christ this is like dealing with a two year old. Look. Outside of getting knocked the hell out, are you a happy person?
Man: Yes.
Aaron Miles: Really?
Man: Maybe.
Aaron Miles: I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're a miserable prick who hates his job, his life and his old lady.
Man: How'd you know I was married?
Aaron Miles: Because eighty percent of the miserable men in the world are that way because they're married. The rest are the poor saps who were married and then got taken for everything.
Man: And where exactly are you getting those stats?
Aaron Miles: Fine, you caught me, I made them up. Just read the damn pamphlet already.
Man: No.
Aaron Miles: God damn it! Fine. I tried to be the good guy, so my job here is done. Have a good night you miserable prick.
Aaron leaves the room and walks out into the hallway. He heads for his room and kicks off his shoes before laying down in his bed as the scene fades out.
A Few Hours Later
The scene fades back in as a knock comes at Aaron's door. Yawning, he gets out of his bed and walks over to the door before opening it. The man from next door is standing in the hallway, clutching his pamphlet tightly to his chest.
Man: I read your pamphlet over and over and it all makes such perfect sense. I want to hear about it all from you Sir. I want to be informed.
Aaron Miles: You want informed?
Man: Yes Sir.
Aaron Miles: All right, lesson One...
Aaron, without warning, let's off with a Cool Shot Superkick right to the guy's chin. He drops like a sack of potatoes, out cold before he hits the ground.
Aaron Miles: Don't ever wake me up before 9.
The scene ends as Aaron slams the door shut and goes back to bed.
Part III
"It's Not A Toomah!
But It Is A Shoot."
Last week I faced off against five other competitors in a Hardcore match to determine the next person to face Oblivion for the WCF Hardcore Title. I won the match and I won the right to face Oblivion at Helloween, but apparently I also won the right to be thrown into a handicap match. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant a "Hardcore Warmup" Match.
Really? It wasn't enough that I damn near had to kill myself to win the six person contendership match, or that I have to face Oblivion, a certified freak of nature, less than a week after Slam, but now I have to "warm-up" by being thrown into a 2-on-1 situation? Christ, why not blindfold me and tie an arm behind my back while you're at it.
But alas, there isn't a thing I can do but do what I always do, and that's put on a show for the ages. Of course that may be hard to do when I'm stuck once again going up against both Kaylyn James Evans and El Mideo Extremo. After seeing what the two of them brought to the contendership match, I don't expect anything but a sharp decline. I mean, if you're barely going to bring your C game to a match where you can win something of some importance, then why even show up at all?
But they will show up, unfortunately, and once again I'll carry them and put on a five star match by myself. And then after that I will go on to Helloween where I will win the WCF Hardcore Championship. And you want to know why?
Because I'm Aaron Miles bitches.
