Post by epitomeofcool on Sept 28, 2011 4:57:47 GMT -5
Part 1: The Epilogue
The scene opens with a shot of a television sitting on top of a cart. It flickers on and as the camera zooms in on the screen, a black and white 1950's styled film begins to play, opening with a note card displaying:
Behind The Cool: The Story Of Aaron Miles
As some cheesy string orchestra music begins to play, an announcer's voice is heard.
Announcer: Aaron Miles, or as many know him, "The Epitome Of Cool", is undeniably one of the hottest young talents in the wrestling world today. Without having yet stepped foot in a ring, he has already drawn buzz from fans the world over for his outlandish mannerisms, his cocky but lovable demeanor, and the jaw dropping athleticism displayed in the videos he uploads to YouTube. But how is it possible for someone so outstandingly amazing and handsome to just appear out of thin air? And how did become so...Cool? To answer these questions and more we have to go all the back to the beginning...
The video playing on the screen fades into a dark scene, filled with the sounds of Barry White playing in the background and the occasional moan of a woman.
Narrator: NO! Not that far back!
The video quickly fast forwards and then stops on a still frame shot of Aaron Miles, one year ago to the day, sitting on a faded leather couch with his feet propped up on a milk crate on the floor in front of him. His hair is a tangled, dark brown mess. His shirt is stained with pizza sauce and his boxers seem to be stained with...well I'm sure you can imagine.
Narrator: Ah, much better. Our story begins September 27th, 2010 in Omaha, Nebraska in the tiny, one bedroom apartment of Aaron Miles. Things weren't always so awesome for Aaron, in fact, for most of his life it seemed as though his life was destined for failure. Failed job after failed job. Failed relationship after failed relationship. Yes life was constantly taking a proverbial dump on the chiseled chest of Mr. Miles at every turn it seemed. In fact he even once contemplated suicide, but that too ended in failure.
The still shot fades away and is replaced by a video of Aaron sitting in the bathtub, holding a toaster above his head.
Aaron Miles: Screw you too world.
He drops it and just as it's about to hit the water...the power in his apartment shuts off.
Aaron Miles: NO! God damnit it's only the 14th. They weren't supposed to shut it off until tomorrow.
The screen freezes on the image of a depressed Aaron contemplating his next move.
Narrator: Fortunately for the world, Aaron would take this experience as a sign that he was destined to live a life of mediocrity and lameness and would not attempt suicide again. But what he and the world did not know was that everything in his life was about to change. Change for the cooler. Let's watch.
The screen fast forwards back to the still image of Aaron sitting on his couch and then plays. The opening theme from Futurama is playing as Aaron reaches beside him on the couch and picks up a joint. He searches the couch cushions and comes up with a lighter which he uses. A couple of hearty tokes, and coughs, later the depressed look of sadness is gone and replaced with a pearly white grin. A knock comes at the door, snapping Aaron out of his dreamy state.
Aaron Miles: Who is it?
There is no response from the hallway. Aaron lets out a sigh, puts the joint out in a nearby ashtray and heads for the door, waving away some of the smoke.
Aaron Miles: Look Mr. Jenkins, the rent isn't due until tomorrow so just let me...
Aaron pulls the door open only to find no one standing outside. He pokes his head out into the hall and looks both ways, but sees no one. He closes the door and turns around, mumbling something about rotten kids and wasting a buzz, when he notices an old man with a long white beard and wearing a white robe sitting on his couch with his joint between his lips.
Old Man: Sup?
Aaron Miles: WHAT THE HELL! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Old Man: Relax kid, I'm here to help you.
Aaron Miles: Help me? You broke into my house and stole my joint. How did you even get in here?
Old Man: Magic.
Aaron rolls his eyes and looks over toward the window, which is of course open.
Aaron Miles: Magic eh?
Old Man: Have faith my son, for I can do great things for you. That is, if you believe.
The old man reaches inside of his robe, fumbles around awkwardly for a few moments, and then pulls out...a bong. The old man then pats on the cushion next to him before taking a hit. Aaron ponders the situation for a moment and then shrugs his shoulders before taking a seat on the couch. The old man passes the bong over to him and then exhales a cloud of smoke before speaking again.
Old Man: So look, I'm not going to beat around the bush because I can tell just by looking around this dump that you are in desperate need of my help. So what I'm going to offer you is a chance to become what you were originally destined to be. To get away from this crap life and go on to bigger and much bigger things.
Aaron Miles: Dude, this shit is good but I doubt any weed can do all that.
Old Man: It's not weed you idiot.
Aaron Miles: Yeah it is, I'm smoking it right now.
Old Man: I wasn't talking about that. Shit, will you just shut up and listen to me. Like I said, I've been watching you for years now, waiting for the right moment to come to you with the knowledge that I possess. Originally I was going to wait until you're 21st birthday, but after seeing that disastrous suicide attempt and realizing that you may try it again, I decided now was the time to act. So, are you ready?
The old man looks over to Aaron for an answer, only to find him passed out with the bong in his lap. The old man shakes his head and then slaps him across the cheek.
Old Man: Wake up dumb ass. I'm trying to save you.
Aaron Miles: Wait, what? Who the hell are you? Get out of my house.
Old Man: Guess I'll just have to do this the hard way.
The old man bitch slaps the crap out of the left side of Aaron's head with a glowing open hand, leaving behind a glimmering hand print. Aaron snaps out of stupor and seems more focused than in his entire lifetime.
Old Man: For too long life has been shitting all over you. That all changes now. From this point on you're going to look life in the eyes, flip it off and then kick it in the nuts, because you are the man.
Aaron nods agreeably.
Old Man: People are going to see you walking down the street and they are all going to stop and gawk in awe at your awesomeness. Women will want you, men will want to be you and children will dream about growing up to be you. And you want to know why? It's because you're going to be Cool. The Epitome of Cool to be exact.
Aaron shoots the old man a quizzical look.
Aaron Miles: The Epitome of Cool? How am I supposed to be that?
Old Man: By using this.
The old man reaches into his robe and produces a pamphlet which he hands to Aaron.
Old Man: Everything you need to know about being Cool is right there inside of that pamphlet. Don't lose it and never share it's secrets with anyone. Now go forth my son, and live as how I have told you.
Aaron Miles: Wait. Are you God?
Old Man: Sure, let's go with that.
Aaron opens up the pamphlet and scans over the first page.
Aaron Miles: So how exactly am I supposed to...
Aaron looks up to find the old man has already disappeared. He looks over toward the window, which is still open, and raises his eyebrow. He walks over to the window and looks out toward the street in time to see a flash of white robe as it disappears into the darkness of an alley across the street. He looks back down at the pamphlet in his hands and then back out the window.
The screen freezes on a still shot of Aaron looking back down at the pamphlet.
Narrator: And that ladies and gentlemen is the story of the night that Aaron Miles first learned the secrets that helped him become "The Epitome of Cool". While he could have dismissed the encounter as a dream brought on by marijuana, or as a run-in with a delusional homeless man, he decided to read that pamphlet in it's entirety and learned to live by it's teachings. Soon everything in his life, from his appearance to his relationships to his outlook of life in general changed for the better. Or more fittingly, for the Cool. And now that you know the story about how the man became the legend, you can prepare yourselves for a big ol' injection of Cool, WCF.
The camera pulls back from the television and pans off to the side where Aaron Miles is standing inside of a voice over booth, a microphone in front of him. He waves to the camera as the scene fades out.
Part 2: The First Chapter In The Book Of Cool
The scene opens with a shot of a set of well oiled, finely chiseled abs as they glisten in the light of the overhead fluorescent bulbs hanging from the roof of the YMCA. The camera pulls back to reveal those works of art belong to none other than "The Epitome of Cool" Aaron Miles. He's lounging comfortably in a chair beside the pool, a pair of dark sunglasses pulled down over his eyes and a pair of tight shorts that leave little to the imagination. A pair of females walk past and whisper to each other as they steal glances toward Aaron, and he responds by pushing his shades down and winking at them. He continues watching them as they walk away until they exit through a set of double doors. He then pulls his sunglasses off and sets them down as he stands up. He walks over to the diving board, takes a running start and then leaps up before diving flawlessly into the pool. As he swims underneath the surface the doors again open as Hank Brown walks in. Aaron swims over to the ladder and climbs out, his spiked hair remaining perfect and his abs retaining their well oiled look. As he walks back over to his chair, Hank walks up to the nearest person to me.
Hank Brown: Excuse me, but would you happen to know where I could find Aaron Miles?
Random Person: Yeah he's right over there.
The person points toward where Aaron is settling back into his chair and putting his sunglasses back on. Hank thanks the person and walks up to him.
Hank Brown: Aaron Miles?
Aaron pushes his shades down, looks over the man standing in front of him in a god awful pale blue suit, and raises his eyebrow.
Aaron Miles: Who's asking?
Hank Brown: Hank Brown from the WCF, we spoke on the phone yesterday.
Aaron Miles: Oh yeah, the interview guy. All right, I wasn't expecting you so early but whatever, let's do this.
Hank Brown: All right well let's start with the question that a lot of people have been asking. This whole "Epitome Of Cool" gimmick you're going around with, what's up with that? Are you trying to say that you represent what cool is?
Aaron Miles: First off, this is no gimmick. Do your research Hank, I mean didn't you see the video?
Hank Brown: There was a video?
Aaron Miles: Yes there was a video. It had the whole story, it had announcing, it had...oh forget it. It's not a gimmick, it's my way of life.
Hank Brown: Your way of life...is being cool?
Aaron Miles: That it is. Would you like for me to show you the path?
Hank Brown: Maybe some other time. So why get into the wrestling business? Doesn't your lifestyle give you all sorts of options for employment.
Aaron Miles: Surprisingly no. And after looking around for months and finding nothing, I found a flier stuck to a telephone pole asking for people to join a wrestling federation. A phone call later and I was signed.
Hank Brown: A flier stuck to a telephone pole?
Aaron Miles: Yeah, and when I called this guy named Seth seemed really excited that someone actually responded to the ad. He didn't even ask if I had any experience, he just said I had the job.
Hank disapprovingly shakes his head and then continues on.
Hank Brown: Well you're set to make your professional wrestling debut this Monday night, and you must be the luckiest guy in the world because not only are you going to be in the WAR Match, but you could end up walking out of WAR as the new WCF World Champion. That thought alone must have you on cloud nine.
Aaron Miles: Cloud nine? Hank that doesn't even begin to describe the high I'm on right now. When I first signed my contract all I could think about was how I wanted to debut and how I wanted to party after I won. But then when I found out that I was going to be in this huge match, and that I could be a World Champion after only one match, it was all I could do to keep my mind from exploding like that guy in Scanners.
Hank Brown: Well you shouldn't get ahead of yourself quite yet. You have some serious competition to look forward to in the WAR Match, starting with a man that has not only won one of these matches, but has been a World Champion also. That man is of course Logan.
Aaron Miles: Ah yes, Mr. Treachery. Unlike you Hank I do my homework, and I've seen and heard what Logan has to say. And before I get into all that, let me ask you this Hank...
Aaron gestures toward his abs.
Aaron Miles: My abs are better, right?
Hank Brown: Yeah, I'm not gonna answer that.
Aaron Miles: Fine, be that way, but I'm pretty sure we both know the answer to that question. Now back to Logan. What's that word he was using to describe everyone? Oh yeah, boudle. I don't know where he get's off going around calling people some word he made up on the fly, but any guy who spends that much time talking about their body parts without mentioning the most important of them all...
Aaron gestures toward his genitals.
Aaron Miles: is obviously a "boudle" in the bedroom, if you catch my drift.
Hank Brown: Are you insinuating he has no testicles?
Aaron Miles: Testicles..schlong..basically he looks like a Ken doll from the neck down.
Hank Brown: Just making sure we're on the same page here.
Aaron Miles: Well from what I saw you and Logan are more than "on the same page". Eying up the guy's junk like a Vienna Weiner when you're supposed to be conducting an interview. Not very professional in my opinion, but I guess if that's the way you roll...
Aaron grabs a towel and lays it over his lap.
Aaron Miles: then I'll help make sure you can keep your focus.
Hank Brown: I can guarantee that won't be a problem. Next up on the list is the man who last held the World Title before it was vacated, Odin Balfore.
Aaron Miles: Oh yes, the former World Champion. The man with nothing to lose. A BAD MOTHA FUCKA'. You know a lot of people say that the most dangerous men are those with absolutely nothing to lose, but I call bullshit on everyone of them. Everyman, no matter how adamant they are about it, has something to lose in life. They may not care about their careers, or their friends, or even their families, but when you dig down deep through their bullshit you can always find that one thing that they still fight for. And Odin Balfore put that one little thing on display, shined a couple of spotlights on it and set up a neon arrow pointing right at it. And do you know what that is Hank?
Hank shrugs his shoulders.
Aaron Miles: The one thing that Odin Balfore still has to lose, that one thing that would probably crush his soul if he lost it, is his pride. See I listened to every word that he had to say, and I noticed that the man likes to talk himself up better than any hype man ever could. I mean the way this guy talks you'd think he were some kind of God, sitting up high on his pedestal and pissing down on us common folk. He talks about how he was the World Champion, and how he was the most dominant champion in the entire 10 year history of WCF, and how if WCF hadn't gone under he'd still be holding that title. And all that talk is well and good, and hell, some of it might even be true. But all that talk he's doing, that's just painting a bullseye on his back, and I might be the new guy but I'm pretty sure that every single person on the roster is seeing it too. And that bullseye is going to lead to him being on the receiving end of a beat down of epic proportions before he is pinned in the center of the ring, and his pride for his domination is crushed by the realization that his hype was never more than just that.
Hank Brown: You weren't lying when you said you do your homework. The last person I wanted to talk to you about is Brad Kane. Now you may not know him but..
Aaron cuts him off.
Aaron Miles: I know Brad Kane. Or at least I know of him. Much like Logan he's a WCF mainstay, but that seems to be where all of their similarities end. I like the way the man does his business, straight to the point and avoiding talking about his fingers, toes and nonexistent genitalia. For that I'll give him a tip of the hat.
Aaron tips his imaginary hat to Kane.
Aaron Miles: But after listening to the man speak, my feelings toward him are conflicting. I respect the man for being a pioneer in this company, and for building the way for my generation, but then to hear him talk about how this is his time to prove that he still has it, and how this is his last big run to glory, it makes me sick. Brad was right when he said he helped to pave the way for guys like me, and now that the road has been paved, I'm not going to just stand aside and let him take that path. I'm going to run his ass over and go right down that road myself to the promise land and do in one night what some have never done in their careers. And that Hank, is win the WAR Match and the WCF World Title. Now then Hank, if you'll excuse me I see a pair of ladies in that hot tub over there that look like they could use some company.
And with that, Aaron stands up and walks off as the scene fades out.
The scene opens with a shot of a television sitting on top of a cart. It flickers on and as the camera zooms in on the screen, a black and white 1950's styled film begins to play, opening with a note card displaying:
Behind The Cool: The Story Of Aaron Miles
As some cheesy string orchestra music begins to play, an announcer's voice is heard.
Announcer: Aaron Miles, or as many know him, "The Epitome Of Cool", is undeniably one of the hottest young talents in the wrestling world today. Without having yet stepped foot in a ring, he has already drawn buzz from fans the world over for his outlandish mannerisms, his cocky but lovable demeanor, and the jaw dropping athleticism displayed in the videos he uploads to YouTube. But how is it possible for someone so outstandingly amazing and handsome to just appear out of thin air? And how did become so...Cool? To answer these questions and more we have to go all the back to the beginning...
The video playing on the screen fades into a dark scene, filled with the sounds of Barry White playing in the background and the occasional moan of a woman.
Narrator: NO! Not that far back!
The video quickly fast forwards and then stops on a still frame shot of Aaron Miles, one year ago to the day, sitting on a faded leather couch with his feet propped up on a milk crate on the floor in front of him. His hair is a tangled, dark brown mess. His shirt is stained with pizza sauce and his boxers seem to be stained with...well I'm sure you can imagine.
Narrator: Ah, much better. Our story begins September 27th, 2010 in Omaha, Nebraska in the tiny, one bedroom apartment of Aaron Miles. Things weren't always so awesome for Aaron, in fact, for most of his life it seemed as though his life was destined for failure. Failed job after failed job. Failed relationship after failed relationship. Yes life was constantly taking a proverbial dump on the chiseled chest of Mr. Miles at every turn it seemed. In fact he even once contemplated suicide, but that too ended in failure.
The still shot fades away and is replaced by a video of Aaron sitting in the bathtub, holding a toaster above his head.
Aaron Miles: Screw you too world.
He drops it and just as it's about to hit the water...the power in his apartment shuts off.
Aaron Miles: NO! God damnit it's only the 14th. They weren't supposed to shut it off until tomorrow.
The screen freezes on the image of a depressed Aaron contemplating his next move.
Narrator: Fortunately for the world, Aaron would take this experience as a sign that he was destined to live a life of mediocrity and lameness and would not attempt suicide again. But what he and the world did not know was that everything in his life was about to change. Change for the cooler. Let's watch.
The screen fast forwards back to the still image of Aaron sitting on his couch and then plays. The opening theme from Futurama is playing as Aaron reaches beside him on the couch and picks up a joint. He searches the couch cushions and comes up with a lighter which he uses. A couple of hearty tokes, and coughs, later the depressed look of sadness is gone and replaced with a pearly white grin. A knock comes at the door, snapping Aaron out of his dreamy state.
Aaron Miles: Who is it?
There is no response from the hallway. Aaron lets out a sigh, puts the joint out in a nearby ashtray and heads for the door, waving away some of the smoke.
Aaron Miles: Look Mr. Jenkins, the rent isn't due until tomorrow so just let me...
Aaron pulls the door open only to find no one standing outside. He pokes his head out into the hall and looks both ways, but sees no one. He closes the door and turns around, mumbling something about rotten kids and wasting a buzz, when he notices an old man with a long white beard and wearing a white robe sitting on his couch with his joint between his lips.
Old Man: Sup?
Aaron Miles: WHAT THE HELL! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Old Man: Relax kid, I'm here to help you.
Aaron Miles: Help me? You broke into my house and stole my joint. How did you even get in here?
Old Man: Magic.
Aaron rolls his eyes and looks over toward the window, which is of course open.
Aaron Miles: Magic eh?
Old Man: Have faith my son, for I can do great things for you. That is, if you believe.
The old man reaches inside of his robe, fumbles around awkwardly for a few moments, and then pulls out...a bong. The old man then pats on the cushion next to him before taking a hit. Aaron ponders the situation for a moment and then shrugs his shoulders before taking a seat on the couch. The old man passes the bong over to him and then exhales a cloud of smoke before speaking again.
Old Man: So look, I'm not going to beat around the bush because I can tell just by looking around this dump that you are in desperate need of my help. So what I'm going to offer you is a chance to become what you were originally destined to be. To get away from this crap life and go on to bigger and much bigger things.
Aaron Miles: Dude, this shit is good but I doubt any weed can do all that.
Old Man: It's not weed you idiot.
Aaron Miles: Yeah it is, I'm smoking it right now.
Old Man: I wasn't talking about that. Shit, will you just shut up and listen to me. Like I said, I've been watching you for years now, waiting for the right moment to come to you with the knowledge that I possess. Originally I was going to wait until you're 21st birthday, but after seeing that disastrous suicide attempt and realizing that you may try it again, I decided now was the time to act. So, are you ready?
The old man looks over to Aaron for an answer, only to find him passed out with the bong in his lap. The old man shakes his head and then slaps him across the cheek.
Old Man: Wake up dumb ass. I'm trying to save you.
Aaron Miles: Wait, what? Who the hell are you? Get out of my house.
Old Man: Guess I'll just have to do this the hard way.
The old man bitch slaps the crap out of the left side of Aaron's head with a glowing open hand, leaving behind a glimmering hand print. Aaron snaps out of stupor and seems more focused than in his entire lifetime.
Old Man: For too long life has been shitting all over you. That all changes now. From this point on you're going to look life in the eyes, flip it off and then kick it in the nuts, because you are the man.
Aaron nods agreeably.
Old Man: People are going to see you walking down the street and they are all going to stop and gawk in awe at your awesomeness. Women will want you, men will want to be you and children will dream about growing up to be you. And you want to know why? It's because you're going to be Cool. The Epitome of Cool to be exact.
Aaron shoots the old man a quizzical look.
Aaron Miles: The Epitome of Cool? How am I supposed to be that?
Old Man: By using this.
The old man reaches into his robe and produces a pamphlet which he hands to Aaron.
Old Man: Everything you need to know about being Cool is right there inside of that pamphlet. Don't lose it and never share it's secrets with anyone. Now go forth my son, and live as how I have told you.
Aaron Miles: Wait. Are you God?
Old Man: Sure, let's go with that.
Aaron opens up the pamphlet and scans over the first page.
Aaron Miles: So how exactly am I supposed to...
Aaron looks up to find the old man has already disappeared. He looks over toward the window, which is still open, and raises his eyebrow. He walks over to the window and looks out toward the street in time to see a flash of white robe as it disappears into the darkness of an alley across the street. He looks back down at the pamphlet in his hands and then back out the window.
The screen freezes on a still shot of Aaron looking back down at the pamphlet.
Narrator: And that ladies and gentlemen is the story of the night that Aaron Miles first learned the secrets that helped him become "The Epitome of Cool". While he could have dismissed the encounter as a dream brought on by marijuana, or as a run-in with a delusional homeless man, he decided to read that pamphlet in it's entirety and learned to live by it's teachings. Soon everything in his life, from his appearance to his relationships to his outlook of life in general changed for the better. Or more fittingly, for the Cool. And now that you know the story about how the man became the legend, you can prepare yourselves for a big ol' injection of Cool, WCF.
The camera pulls back from the television and pans off to the side where Aaron Miles is standing inside of a voice over booth, a microphone in front of him. He waves to the camera as the scene fades out.
Part 2: The First Chapter In The Book Of Cool
The scene opens with a shot of a set of well oiled, finely chiseled abs as they glisten in the light of the overhead fluorescent bulbs hanging from the roof of the YMCA. The camera pulls back to reveal those works of art belong to none other than "The Epitome of Cool" Aaron Miles. He's lounging comfortably in a chair beside the pool, a pair of dark sunglasses pulled down over his eyes and a pair of tight shorts that leave little to the imagination. A pair of females walk past and whisper to each other as they steal glances toward Aaron, and he responds by pushing his shades down and winking at them. He continues watching them as they walk away until they exit through a set of double doors. He then pulls his sunglasses off and sets them down as he stands up. He walks over to the diving board, takes a running start and then leaps up before diving flawlessly into the pool. As he swims underneath the surface the doors again open as Hank Brown walks in. Aaron swims over to the ladder and climbs out, his spiked hair remaining perfect and his abs retaining their well oiled look. As he walks back over to his chair, Hank walks up to the nearest person to me.
Hank Brown: Excuse me, but would you happen to know where I could find Aaron Miles?
Random Person: Yeah he's right over there.
The person points toward where Aaron is settling back into his chair and putting his sunglasses back on. Hank thanks the person and walks up to him.
Hank Brown: Aaron Miles?
Aaron pushes his shades down, looks over the man standing in front of him in a god awful pale blue suit, and raises his eyebrow.
Aaron Miles: Who's asking?
Hank Brown: Hank Brown from the WCF, we spoke on the phone yesterday.
Aaron Miles: Oh yeah, the interview guy. All right, I wasn't expecting you so early but whatever, let's do this.
Hank Brown: All right well let's start with the question that a lot of people have been asking. This whole "Epitome Of Cool" gimmick you're going around with, what's up with that? Are you trying to say that you represent what cool is?
Aaron Miles: First off, this is no gimmick. Do your research Hank, I mean didn't you see the video?
Hank Brown: There was a video?
Aaron Miles: Yes there was a video. It had the whole story, it had announcing, it had...oh forget it. It's not a gimmick, it's my way of life.
Hank Brown: Your way of life...is being cool?
Aaron Miles: That it is. Would you like for me to show you the path?
Hank Brown: Maybe some other time. So why get into the wrestling business? Doesn't your lifestyle give you all sorts of options for employment.
Aaron Miles: Surprisingly no. And after looking around for months and finding nothing, I found a flier stuck to a telephone pole asking for people to join a wrestling federation. A phone call later and I was signed.
Hank Brown: A flier stuck to a telephone pole?
Aaron Miles: Yeah, and when I called this guy named Seth seemed really excited that someone actually responded to the ad. He didn't even ask if I had any experience, he just said I had the job.
Hank disapprovingly shakes his head and then continues on.
Hank Brown: Well you're set to make your professional wrestling debut this Monday night, and you must be the luckiest guy in the world because not only are you going to be in the WAR Match, but you could end up walking out of WAR as the new WCF World Champion. That thought alone must have you on cloud nine.
Aaron Miles: Cloud nine? Hank that doesn't even begin to describe the high I'm on right now. When I first signed my contract all I could think about was how I wanted to debut and how I wanted to party after I won. But then when I found out that I was going to be in this huge match, and that I could be a World Champion after only one match, it was all I could do to keep my mind from exploding like that guy in Scanners.
Hank Brown: Well you shouldn't get ahead of yourself quite yet. You have some serious competition to look forward to in the WAR Match, starting with a man that has not only won one of these matches, but has been a World Champion also. That man is of course Logan.
Aaron Miles: Ah yes, Mr. Treachery. Unlike you Hank I do my homework, and I've seen and heard what Logan has to say. And before I get into all that, let me ask you this Hank...
Aaron gestures toward his abs.
Aaron Miles: My abs are better, right?
Hank Brown: Yeah, I'm not gonna answer that.
Aaron Miles: Fine, be that way, but I'm pretty sure we both know the answer to that question. Now back to Logan. What's that word he was using to describe everyone? Oh yeah, boudle. I don't know where he get's off going around calling people some word he made up on the fly, but any guy who spends that much time talking about their body parts without mentioning the most important of them all...
Aaron gestures toward his genitals.
Aaron Miles: is obviously a "boudle" in the bedroom, if you catch my drift.
Hank Brown: Are you insinuating he has no testicles?
Aaron Miles: Testicles..schlong..basically he looks like a Ken doll from the neck down.
Hank Brown: Just making sure we're on the same page here.
Aaron Miles: Well from what I saw you and Logan are more than "on the same page". Eying up the guy's junk like a Vienna Weiner when you're supposed to be conducting an interview. Not very professional in my opinion, but I guess if that's the way you roll...
Aaron grabs a towel and lays it over his lap.
Aaron Miles: then I'll help make sure you can keep your focus.
Hank Brown: I can guarantee that won't be a problem. Next up on the list is the man who last held the World Title before it was vacated, Odin Balfore.
Aaron Miles: Oh yes, the former World Champion. The man with nothing to lose. A BAD MOTHA FUCKA'. You know a lot of people say that the most dangerous men are those with absolutely nothing to lose, but I call bullshit on everyone of them. Everyman, no matter how adamant they are about it, has something to lose in life. They may not care about their careers, or their friends, or even their families, but when you dig down deep through their bullshit you can always find that one thing that they still fight for. And Odin Balfore put that one little thing on display, shined a couple of spotlights on it and set up a neon arrow pointing right at it. And do you know what that is Hank?
Hank shrugs his shoulders.
Aaron Miles: The one thing that Odin Balfore still has to lose, that one thing that would probably crush his soul if he lost it, is his pride. See I listened to every word that he had to say, and I noticed that the man likes to talk himself up better than any hype man ever could. I mean the way this guy talks you'd think he were some kind of God, sitting up high on his pedestal and pissing down on us common folk. He talks about how he was the World Champion, and how he was the most dominant champion in the entire 10 year history of WCF, and how if WCF hadn't gone under he'd still be holding that title. And all that talk is well and good, and hell, some of it might even be true. But all that talk he's doing, that's just painting a bullseye on his back, and I might be the new guy but I'm pretty sure that every single person on the roster is seeing it too. And that bullseye is going to lead to him being on the receiving end of a beat down of epic proportions before he is pinned in the center of the ring, and his pride for his domination is crushed by the realization that his hype was never more than just that.
Hank Brown: You weren't lying when you said you do your homework. The last person I wanted to talk to you about is Brad Kane. Now you may not know him but..
Aaron cuts him off.
Aaron Miles: I know Brad Kane. Or at least I know of him. Much like Logan he's a WCF mainstay, but that seems to be where all of their similarities end. I like the way the man does his business, straight to the point and avoiding talking about his fingers, toes and nonexistent genitalia. For that I'll give him a tip of the hat.
Aaron tips his imaginary hat to Kane.
Aaron Miles: But after listening to the man speak, my feelings toward him are conflicting. I respect the man for being a pioneer in this company, and for building the way for my generation, but then to hear him talk about how this is his time to prove that he still has it, and how this is his last big run to glory, it makes me sick. Brad was right when he said he helped to pave the way for guys like me, and now that the road has been paved, I'm not going to just stand aside and let him take that path. I'm going to run his ass over and go right down that road myself to the promise land and do in one night what some have never done in their careers. And that Hank, is win the WAR Match and the WCF World Title. Now then Hank, if you'll excuse me I see a pair of ladies in that hot tub over there that look like they could use some company.
And with that, Aaron stands up and walks off as the scene fades out.
