The Start Of Something?

[Deleted]

[It's noon on a cold winter day. Customers are packed into Tom's Diner eating lunch. Bobby Cairo is sitting at the counter, eating a turkey club sandwich with a side of French fries and a Coke. He's wearing a black sweater, blue jeans and a pair of Timberland boots. An old, George Carlin-looking dude in a gray sweat suit sits down next to Bobby.]

Bolts Quackenbush: "Bobby, I've been looking all over you. We have to talk."

Bobby Cairo: "I'm a little busy right now."

Bolts Quackenbush: "You don't understand. This is urgent!"

Bobby Cairo: "You look kind of familiar. Didn't I see you in here a couple weeks ago? You're that dude who was talking about Bruno Sammartino, right?"

Bolts Quackenbush: "Yes, that was me. My name is Bolts Quackenbush. I need to talk to you about your match against Creeping Death."

Bobby Cairo: "Why?"

Bolts Quackenbush: "Watching your matches these past two weeks has renewed my faith in professional wrestling. I've realized that there is hope. If you win this tournament you could become the next World Champion. I want to help you."

Bobby Cairo: "I'm flattered, but how can you help me?"

Bolts Quackenbush: "It's a question of experience, Bobby. You're very talented, but you don't have enough experience. That's where I come in. I can train you and teach you everything that I know."

Bobby Cairo: "How do I know that you're not just some crazy, old dude with too much time on your hands?"

Bolts Quackenbush: "That's just a chance that you'll have to take. So what do you say, are you interested?"

Bobby Cairo: "I'm interested. When do we start?"

Bolts Quackenbush: "Right now."

Bobby Cairo: "Can I finish my sandwich first?"

Bolts Quackenbush: "Yes."

Bobby Cairo: "Do you don't want anything, man?"

Bolts Quackenbush: "Nah, I had some biscuits and gravy before."

[Bobby finishes eating and pays his bill. He and Bolts walk outside.]

Bobby Cairo: "Where do we go to begin this training?"

Bolts Quackenbush: "We're going to my apartment. That's where I have every resource that I need to turn you into the next World Champion."

Bobby Cairo: "Do you have a car? Because I rode my bike here."

Bolts Quackenbush: "I have a van. You can put your bike in the back."

[After Bobby loads his bike into the van, he and Bolts drive over to the apartment. Once inside the apartment, Bolts flicks on the light-switch and fixes himself a Martini.]

Bolts Quackenbush: "The first thing you need to do is increase your awareness. This first exercise will help you accomplish that. Sit down on the floor please."

[Bobby sits down on the floor. Bolts picks up a large bucket of water and dumps it over Bobby's head.]

Bobby Cairo: "Holy shit, what are you doing! Are you out of your mind!"

Bolts Quackenbush: "Bobby, ask yourself, 'Am I feeling more aware?' Just ask yourself that question"

[Bobby pauses for a moment and then smiles.]

Bobby Cairo: "I am feeling more aware! I'm aware of the stench of pickle juice resonating throughout the apartment. I'm even aware of the flies buzzing over the unwashed plates in your kitchen sink. Bolts, you're a genius!"

Bolts Quackenbush: "Excellent. Now, exercise number two is designed to improve your balance. Do you see that pile of banana peels on the floor over there? I want you to run full speed through those banana peels."

Bobby Cairo: "Hold on just a darn tootin' minute here, Bolts. The bucket of water was one thing, but you want me to run over banana peels? That's crazy!"

Bolts Quackenbush: "Bobby, you have to trust me or this partnership will never work."

Bobby Cairo: "Ok. I'll do it, but I'm not happy about it."

[Bobby runs over the banana peels and goes flying five feet into the air before crashing to the ground.]

Bobby Cairo: "Oh...shit...my back..."

[Bolts makes himself another Martini.]

Bolts Quackenbush: "Just relax, Bobby. The feeling in your back will return soon enough."

[Bobby, favoring his back, gingerly stands up.]

Bolts Quackenbush: "Do it again."

[Bobby runs over the banana peels again. This time he's able to maintain his balance after sliding for a few feet.]

Bobby Cairo: "Yes! I did it!"

Bolts Quackenbush: "Very good. You're almost finished for today. I have one more task for you. I'd like to bounce some balls off your chest and stomach."

Bobby Cairo: "Excuse me?"

Bolts Quackenbush: "Although it's not really 'bouncing,' per se. I'm going to throw little balls made of tinfoil at your chest and stomach for 30 minutes. You will deflect them off of your body and this will build up your muscles, making you stronger."

Bobby Cairo: "Whatever, man."

[Bolts drinks down another Martini and then spends the next half hour pelting Bobby's shirtless body with little, tinfoil balls.]

Bobby Cairo: "Wow, that was one hell of a workout, Bolts. I have to admit, I was initially skeptical, but you really know what you're doing."

Bolts Quackenbush: "Bobby, I'm going to write down my phone number on this piece of paper. I want you to give me a call tomorrow and we can schedule another session."

Bobby Cairo: "Ok. I'm going to head home and change into some dry clothes. I'll see you around, Bolts."

[Bolts hands Bobby the paper with his phone number and Bobby walks out the door. Bolts mixes another Martini and flops down on the couch, as the theme from Law & Order plays on the TV in front of him.]