Post by Danny Vice on Jun 21, 2007 12:06:36 GMT -5
Cameras Fade In.
The scene opens inside of the Vice family wherehouse in San Diego. The usually corroded main space has been cleaned up nicely as of late, and what is usually a very dark setting has been lit brightly by multiple flood lamps like you would find on a television set. Hey! Look there! It's a fake television set that has been built in the center of the room. There are three chairs on top of small carpeted stage with three men seated in them. Two cameras have been set-up on tripods, and behind the cameras is a cardboard cutout audience to complete the ambiance of the show.
In the chairs are the all-too-kind Ragnal brother, Mike and Joe, dressed up entirely in costume to portray what can only be assumed as Johnny Craven and Chuck Watson. The third chair is seated what is presumably a bum. Yes, a homeless person. I cannot tell if it's the stench, the 8 teeth, or the long straggly beard that gives it away, but it is definitely a bum. Since he's black, one can assume this was an attempt at "Sweet" Willy Carter.
The introductory music sounds and out runs Danny Vice, dressedn in a black suit and complete with blue cue cards, a microphone, glasses, and a blonde wig. Oh wow! We're on the Jerry Spring Show!
Jerry Springer: Thank you! Thank you! Welcome back to another exciting epsiode of my show, The Jerry Spring Show. Today, we have a special WCF edition. Our guests today have been seen around the WCF as of late. They are known primarily for having long and drawn out promos with no real beginning, middle, or end, multiple pauses in....the....middle of....sentence, and the WCF Hardcore Title. Ladies and gentleman, I introduce you to Chuck Watson, Johnny Craven, and "Sweet" Willy Carter.
A tape recorder is heard clicking in the background eminating a "boo" sound.
Jerry Springer: Let's start it off with "Sweet" Willy Carter. Mr. Carter, you came to the WCF a few months back without ever actually explaining your nickname to anyone. How were you first called "Sweet"?
"Sweet" Willy Carter: Where's my malt liquor?
Jerry Springer: Excuse me?
"Sweet" Willy Carter: The boy that said if I came and say in dis chair and says the thangs yous wants me to say Id gets me some malt liquor.
Jerry Springer: (out of character) Dammit Jimmy, there's plenty of people out there to hire for this part and you had to pick a guy that's a drunk? I said just make them be very loud and brash, not hammered.
Jimmy Vice comes running onto the set in a prototypical Jerry Springer security get-up. He grabs the Carter stand-in and walks him off the set and shows him the front door. He then waves in another person from outside to come inside and play the part. One wouldn't think there is a line to play parts like this. That one would be dead wrong.
Jerry Springer: (back in character) As I was saying...how did you get the name "Sweet"?
"Sweet" Willy Carter: Jibba jab jive. You honky make me sick. I'm sweeter than a bumblebee in the middle of spring and more sour than a half an hour. "Sweet" Willy Carter and I'm the man with a plan. The motion in the ocean. The innovator, exploitator, instigator, and when I'm lonely, masturbator. I'm your backside, your upside, your bright side. I'm the greatest, most courageous, can't find anutter in da yellow pages. Forget conjuction junction, I am the one true function. "Sweet" Willy Carter's the name and I am at your service.
Jerry Springer: Moving right along now, we have Chuck Watson with us today...
Clicking of the tape recorder and another "boo".
Jerry Springer: Chuck, what exactly is your role in the Johnny Craven story?
Chuck Watson: I don't feel like answering today.
Jerry Springer: Why not?
Chuck Watson: Because I am not appreciative of his constant blackitude?
Watson points over at Carter who is currently doing an old jive dance from the 1950's.
Jerry Springer: His blackitude did you say?
Chuck Watson: Yes, his blackitude!
Jerry Springer: What is that and where did you hear that term?
Chuck Watson: I heard it from Chris Rock and if I were allowed to explain it in detail, I would.
Jerry Springer: And why can't you?
Chuck Watson: Because I've give this guy enough reasons to call me racist and I don't need to give him another. But believe you me, he's got blackitude.
Jerry Springer: Well please, tell us at least what your purpose is in this crowd.
Chuck Watson: My purpose is very simple. Have you heard this man ever speak? (pointing to Craven) He is incredibly boring and dull. He's one of the slowest talkers I have ever met in my life. He lacks personality and depth. Here, listen to this. Here are some actual quotes.
Watson reaches into his pocket and pulls out a peice of paper.
Johnny Craven: Do not....read those....here.
Craven rises out of his seat comically, as it is just Joe Ragnal in female biker drag on stilts.
Chuck Watson: Shut up you big dumb animal! Alright, listen here. "This Sunday, you" Now long pause. "me" Another long pause. "and Danny Vice are going to step into that ring together once again. Only this time, there's going to be ladders. Where there's ladders, there's sure as hell to be steel chairs, tables, thumbtacks, barbed wire bats and boards, kendo sticks, the steel stairs, and" Yet another pause by Johnny. "and this" Pause so he can grab some generic overused weapon. "I guarantee you this" Now his fourth pause in three sentences. "someone's going to bleed from this chair, and it sure as hell ain't going to be me!" I mean did you just hear that dredge? That's some of the most generic bullshit ever. and it took him 6 minutes to say it. You think that's the kind of talent to be a hardcore champion? I'm here because I'm his Mr. Fujii. His Mouth of the South Jimmy Hart. His Bobby The Brain. Hell, I'll be his Armando Alejandro Estrada if I have to be. But without me, Johnny Craven would be...
All of this time Craven has been rearing back for one awkwardly slow punch. He connects to the face of Watson, causing a melee to occur on stage.
"Sweet" Willy Carter: Praise be to Jesus!
The camera focus changes from the melee on stage to Jerry Springer sitting on his stool in front of a sign that reads "Final Thoughts".
Jerry Springer: For my final thought today, I'd like to address a matter more pressing than global warning, homelessness, AIDS in Africa, and even Brangelina...The WCF Hardcore Title. Titles of prestige such as this do not belong inside of a two-bit circus act and his band of merry men. They do not belong in the hands...of...a...robotic...and...boring...man. They belong to those of superior athletic ability and threshold for pain. They belong to men of honor and courage. Essentially, they belong to Danny Vice. This Sunday at Explosion, as a responsible American and fan of the WCF, do your part to ensure that the WCF Hardcore Title goes back to where it belongs and around the waist of Danny Vice. That's all for today's show, take care of yourselves and each other.
Cameras Fade Out.
The scene opens inside of the Vice family wherehouse in San Diego. The usually corroded main space has been cleaned up nicely as of late, and what is usually a very dark setting has been lit brightly by multiple flood lamps like you would find on a television set. Hey! Look there! It's a fake television set that has been built in the center of the room. There are three chairs on top of small carpeted stage with three men seated in them. Two cameras have been set-up on tripods, and behind the cameras is a cardboard cutout audience to complete the ambiance of the show.
In the chairs are the all-too-kind Ragnal brother, Mike and Joe, dressed up entirely in costume to portray what can only be assumed as Johnny Craven and Chuck Watson. The third chair is seated what is presumably a bum. Yes, a homeless person. I cannot tell if it's the stench, the 8 teeth, or the long straggly beard that gives it away, but it is definitely a bum. Since he's black, one can assume this was an attempt at "Sweet" Willy Carter.
The introductory music sounds and out runs Danny Vice, dressedn in a black suit and complete with blue cue cards, a microphone, glasses, and a blonde wig. Oh wow! We're on the Jerry Spring Show!
Jerry Springer: Thank you! Thank you! Welcome back to another exciting epsiode of my show, The Jerry Spring Show. Today, we have a special WCF edition. Our guests today have been seen around the WCF as of late. They are known primarily for having long and drawn out promos with no real beginning, middle, or end, multiple pauses in....the....middle of....sentence, and the WCF Hardcore Title. Ladies and gentleman, I introduce you to Chuck Watson, Johnny Craven, and "Sweet" Willy Carter.
A tape recorder is heard clicking in the background eminating a "boo" sound.
Jerry Springer: Let's start it off with "Sweet" Willy Carter. Mr. Carter, you came to the WCF a few months back without ever actually explaining your nickname to anyone. How were you first called "Sweet"?
"Sweet" Willy Carter: Where's my malt liquor?
Jerry Springer: Excuse me?
"Sweet" Willy Carter: The boy that said if I came and say in dis chair and says the thangs yous wants me to say Id gets me some malt liquor.
Jerry Springer: (out of character) Dammit Jimmy, there's plenty of people out there to hire for this part and you had to pick a guy that's a drunk? I said just make them be very loud and brash, not hammered.
Jimmy Vice comes running onto the set in a prototypical Jerry Springer security get-up. He grabs the Carter stand-in and walks him off the set and shows him the front door. He then waves in another person from outside to come inside and play the part. One wouldn't think there is a line to play parts like this. That one would be dead wrong.
Jerry Springer: (back in character) As I was saying...how did you get the name "Sweet"?
"Sweet" Willy Carter: Jibba jab jive. You honky make me sick. I'm sweeter than a bumblebee in the middle of spring and more sour than a half an hour. "Sweet" Willy Carter and I'm the man with a plan. The motion in the ocean. The innovator, exploitator, instigator, and when I'm lonely, masturbator. I'm your backside, your upside, your bright side. I'm the greatest, most courageous, can't find anutter in da yellow pages. Forget conjuction junction, I am the one true function. "Sweet" Willy Carter's the name and I am at your service.
Jerry Springer: Moving right along now, we have Chuck Watson with us today...
Clicking of the tape recorder and another "boo".
Jerry Springer: Chuck, what exactly is your role in the Johnny Craven story?
Chuck Watson: I don't feel like answering today.
Jerry Springer: Why not?
Chuck Watson: Because I am not appreciative of his constant blackitude?
Watson points over at Carter who is currently doing an old jive dance from the 1950's.
Jerry Springer: His blackitude did you say?
Chuck Watson: Yes, his blackitude!
Jerry Springer: What is that and where did you hear that term?
Chuck Watson: I heard it from Chris Rock and if I were allowed to explain it in detail, I would.
Jerry Springer: And why can't you?
Chuck Watson: Because I've give this guy enough reasons to call me racist and I don't need to give him another. But believe you me, he's got blackitude.
Jerry Springer: Well please, tell us at least what your purpose is in this crowd.
Chuck Watson: My purpose is very simple. Have you heard this man ever speak? (pointing to Craven) He is incredibly boring and dull. He's one of the slowest talkers I have ever met in my life. He lacks personality and depth. Here, listen to this. Here are some actual quotes.
Watson reaches into his pocket and pulls out a peice of paper.
Johnny Craven: Do not....read those....here.
Craven rises out of his seat comically, as it is just Joe Ragnal in female biker drag on stilts.
Chuck Watson: Shut up you big dumb animal! Alright, listen here. "This Sunday, you" Now long pause. "me" Another long pause. "and Danny Vice are going to step into that ring together once again. Only this time, there's going to be ladders. Where there's ladders, there's sure as hell to be steel chairs, tables, thumbtacks, barbed wire bats and boards, kendo sticks, the steel stairs, and" Yet another pause by Johnny. "and this" Pause so he can grab some generic overused weapon. "I guarantee you this" Now his fourth pause in three sentences. "someone's going to bleed from this chair, and it sure as hell ain't going to be me!" I mean did you just hear that dredge? That's some of the most generic bullshit ever. and it took him 6 minutes to say it. You think that's the kind of talent to be a hardcore champion? I'm here because I'm his Mr. Fujii. His Mouth of the South Jimmy Hart. His Bobby The Brain. Hell, I'll be his Armando Alejandro Estrada if I have to be. But without me, Johnny Craven would be...
All of this time Craven has been rearing back for one awkwardly slow punch. He connects to the face of Watson, causing a melee to occur on stage.
"Sweet" Willy Carter: Praise be to Jesus!
The camera focus changes from the melee on stage to Jerry Springer sitting on his stool in front of a sign that reads "Final Thoughts".
Jerry Springer: For my final thought today, I'd like to address a matter more pressing than global warning, homelessness, AIDS in Africa, and even Brangelina...The WCF Hardcore Title. Titles of prestige such as this do not belong inside of a two-bit circus act and his band of merry men. They do not belong in the hands...of...a...robotic...and...boring...man. They belong to those of superior athletic ability and threshold for pain. They belong to men of honor and courage. Essentially, they belong to Danny Vice. This Sunday at Explosion, as a responsible American and fan of the WCF, do your part to ensure that the WCF Hardcore Title goes back to where it belongs and around the waist of Danny Vice. That's all for today's show, take care of yourselves and each other.
Cameras Fade Out.
