Post by Jon Michaels on Jan 16, 2006 2:20:21 GMT -5
Jon Michaels is shown on the road, in his 2006 Mustang GT. It's candy apple red with black racing stripes and a rear spoiler painted platinum. A truly awesome car. Jon is putting a cd into the stereo, then suddenly the opening riffs to Peace Sells by Megadeth is playing. He looks up at the road, but then looks back down at his seat. Laura is in the passenger's seat.
Jon: Hey honey, hand me that paper, would ya?
Laura: No problem.
Laura grabs the paper hanging out of the glove box. She hands it over to Jon.
Laura: What is it?
The card for WCF War 4. I'm in a match, just need to know the opponent.
Jon looks it over, then looks at the road kindof astonished.
Jon: Well well, looks as though I've got my beautiful hands full!
Laura: Who is it? Dark Prophet? Reckless Jack?
Jon:Both!
Laura: Huh?
Jon: Well, the entire damned roster! I will explain them to ya, one by frickin' one! Well, here goes...
First off, some dipshit named Big Country. I think I'm fighting a hillbilly in this one! He's big, he's bad, he's a broken necked goatroper from Ohio! In other words, I think I'm goin' to have to go down to the trailer park, shoot me a few deer or two and then fire up the barbeque pit and have us a hoedown! Whatever the hell that just so happens to be. I've taken bigger and meaner babe, no worries.
Next on the list, Burn Out. I think this is what happened when that sperm whale tried pleasuring his mother! Finally something big enough to make her so much as flinch. If only his father was a sperm whale, I wouldn't be making fun of him, instead his mother was a sperm monger, what the luck, huh?
Creeping Death. This guy is nothing but an over rated spot monkey! This guy is so over rated, he makes that crap ass band Avenged Sevenfold sound great! Speaking of crap, I need to take a crapping death!
Jon looks at the next few names on the list.
Dake Ken, this guy is more metrosexual than Michael Cole on estrogen pills! Seriously, you spend tons of money on clothes, Laura, but he spends more than any woman I know. I guess if it looks like a queer, smells like a queer, and talks like a queer, it's a queer, right?
Finally a man I know! Dark Prophet has to be the biggest loser in this match. Seriously. He thinks just cause he's "killed" a few people his shit doesn't stink, but guess what? He's the biggest, saddest excuse for a human being. He's also a bit emo, he can't handle shit, so he goes emo, whatever, emo fags usually run in packs!
This Davey Ortega guy is from Las Vegas. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? I now see why he got his job here in WCF. I can see the stretchmarks on his face right now, he's been eating them pole burritos!
BAHAHAHAHAHA! Kurtis Victory aka the mini powerhouse! This guy is just too much. First off, he looks like Buckwheat and wrestles like a John Heidenreich! Go away, bitch! I think you are gonna find yourself in a pickle you can't get out of!
Logan. This is the only guy I am truly worried about. He's a former Special Forces Marine. He's on bad mamma jamma. I respect you ONLY because of your service to this great country, but if you stand in my way, watch it. I will not think twice about taking you to the cleaners!
Jon looks at the list and smiles.
This guy needs anger management, his name is Rage. So scary. Funny thing is, he's a small person. A midget, ooh, sorry, little guy. Hey, I guess that works for me, too, I won't have to kick so high when I am kicking his head off! In fact, someone should hold this guy on their shoulders, just so I can have a bit of a challenge. Funny though, I never thought I would be fighting a hardcore midget. I feel for him, really, his spotter when he trains has to put the bar back up for him when he's done.
HA! I knew it, emo does run in packs, cause Reckless Jack is the next on this list! More like Talentless Hack! You blame me for your failures? Hey, it's not my fault you have never pinned me 1,2,3 so why don't you go and cry to your mother like a baby back bitch! There is no bitching and whining in wrestling. I guess you could say I stole your spotlight, but I don't see it that way! I saw a spot, and I took it! I didn't screw Reckless Jack, Reckless Jack screwed Reckless Jack! So why don't you take what talent you do have, and put it in a job where it can be used properly, like flipping fries you talentless waste of space spot monkey! You say I can't wrestle? Ok, I may not be the best wrestler in the world. I may not be a Bret Hart or a Chris Benoit, but at least I can wrestle my penis out of my pants to take a piss you worthless pile of rat dung!
Rick Mad. He's angry, get him a cup of soup! Maybe, I can get you some candy you little bitch! Would that make you happy? I guess not. Seriously, some people call you the best in the biz. You have shown time and time again why they call you that! You've never fought me, Rico. I hope to God you bring your A-game just so I can turn that into an F and show you why I am the Natural Born Thriller.
Nice. I'm fighing one called Ripper. Ass Ripper more like it! How about you grab your bottle of Astro-glide, and pick up Dake Ken and Rick Mad and show them why they call you Ripper, you sick freak! I don't know what's sadder, your name or the fact I have spent time making fun of you...
Road Rage, more like Roid Rage! This big New Yorker is in a tag team with Ripper. Wait, it's Ripper and Road Rash? What the hell kind of team are you two twits? Fuck it, I don't wanna know!
Hey hey hey! Seth Lerch, the faggiest of fags in WCF! He wrestles like Tarzan and looks like Jane! HAHAHAHA! Listen, I am going to smash you into the ground you big pile of shit!
Speaking of shit, here he is! Wreck, answer this! How in the hell did they pile this shit into a five foot eleven one hundred and eighty pound mound shaped like a human? Better yet, tell me how they made that shit talk! That it truly beyond me. Anyways, you're the ugliest pile of shit I've ever seen, and I have been to zoos.
Laura: Wow, babe, are you sure you can back those words up? I mean, Jon, your mouth has gotten you into some trouble before!
Jon: Laura, I am sure I can take these punks, so just be there for me backstage and I promise you, after War, we will party like we have never partied before![/color]
The two speed off right as Laura's head goes down into Jon's lap as he unzips his pants...
Jon: Hey honey, hand me that paper, would ya?
Laura: No problem.
Laura grabs the paper hanging out of the glove box. She hands it over to Jon.
Laura: What is it?
The card for WCF War 4. I'm in a match, just need to know the opponent.
Jon looks it over, then looks at the road kindof astonished.
Jon: Well well, looks as though I've got my beautiful hands full!
Laura: Who is it? Dark Prophet? Reckless Jack?
Jon:Both!
Laura: Huh?
Jon: Well, the entire damned roster! I will explain them to ya, one by frickin' one! Well, here goes...
First off, some dipshit named Big Country. I think I'm fighting a hillbilly in this one! He's big, he's bad, he's a broken necked goatroper from Ohio! In other words, I think I'm goin' to have to go down to the trailer park, shoot me a few deer or two and then fire up the barbeque pit and have us a hoedown! Whatever the hell that just so happens to be. I've taken bigger and meaner babe, no worries.
Next on the list, Burn Out. I think this is what happened when that sperm whale tried pleasuring his mother! Finally something big enough to make her so much as flinch. If only his father was a sperm whale, I wouldn't be making fun of him, instead his mother was a sperm monger, what the luck, huh?
Creeping Death. This guy is nothing but an over rated spot monkey! This guy is so over rated, he makes that crap ass band Avenged Sevenfold sound great! Speaking of crap, I need to take a crapping death!
Jon looks at the next few names on the list.
Dake Ken, this guy is more metrosexual than Michael Cole on estrogen pills! Seriously, you spend tons of money on clothes, Laura, but he spends more than any woman I know. I guess if it looks like a queer, smells like a queer, and talks like a queer, it's a queer, right?
Finally a man I know! Dark Prophet has to be the biggest loser in this match. Seriously. He thinks just cause he's "killed" a few people his shit doesn't stink, but guess what? He's the biggest, saddest excuse for a human being. He's also a bit emo, he can't handle shit, so he goes emo, whatever, emo fags usually run in packs!
This Davey Ortega guy is from Las Vegas. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? I now see why he got his job here in WCF. I can see the stretchmarks on his face right now, he's been eating them pole burritos!
BAHAHAHAHAHA! Kurtis Victory aka the mini powerhouse! This guy is just too much. First off, he looks like Buckwheat and wrestles like a John Heidenreich! Go away, bitch! I think you are gonna find yourself in a pickle you can't get out of!
Logan. This is the only guy I am truly worried about. He's a former Special Forces Marine. He's on bad mamma jamma. I respect you ONLY because of your service to this great country, but if you stand in my way, watch it. I will not think twice about taking you to the cleaners!
Jon looks at the list and smiles.
This guy needs anger management, his name is Rage. So scary. Funny thing is, he's a small person. A midget, ooh, sorry, little guy. Hey, I guess that works for me, too, I won't have to kick so high when I am kicking his head off! In fact, someone should hold this guy on their shoulders, just so I can have a bit of a challenge. Funny though, I never thought I would be fighting a hardcore midget. I feel for him, really, his spotter when he trains has to put the bar back up for him when he's done.
HA! I knew it, emo does run in packs, cause Reckless Jack is the next on this list! More like Talentless Hack! You blame me for your failures? Hey, it's not my fault you have never pinned me 1,2,3 so why don't you go and cry to your mother like a baby back bitch! There is no bitching and whining in wrestling. I guess you could say I stole your spotlight, but I don't see it that way! I saw a spot, and I took it! I didn't screw Reckless Jack, Reckless Jack screwed Reckless Jack! So why don't you take what talent you do have, and put it in a job where it can be used properly, like flipping fries you talentless waste of space spot monkey! You say I can't wrestle? Ok, I may not be the best wrestler in the world. I may not be a Bret Hart or a Chris Benoit, but at least I can wrestle my penis out of my pants to take a piss you worthless pile of rat dung!
Rick Mad. He's angry, get him a cup of soup! Maybe, I can get you some candy you little bitch! Would that make you happy? I guess not. Seriously, some people call you the best in the biz. You have shown time and time again why they call you that! You've never fought me, Rico. I hope to God you bring your A-game just so I can turn that into an F and show you why I am the Natural Born Thriller.
Nice. I'm fighing one called Ripper. Ass Ripper more like it! How about you grab your bottle of Astro-glide, and pick up Dake Ken and Rick Mad and show them why they call you Ripper, you sick freak! I don't know what's sadder, your name or the fact I have spent time making fun of you...
Road Rage, more like Roid Rage! This big New Yorker is in a tag team with Ripper. Wait, it's Ripper and Road Rash? What the hell kind of team are you two twits? Fuck it, I don't wanna know!
Hey hey hey! Seth Lerch, the faggiest of fags in WCF! He wrestles like Tarzan and looks like Jane! HAHAHAHA! Listen, I am going to smash you into the ground you big pile of shit!
Speaking of shit, here he is! Wreck, answer this! How in the hell did they pile this shit into a five foot eleven one hundred and eighty pound mound shaped like a human? Better yet, tell me how they made that shit talk! That it truly beyond me. Anyways, you're the ugliest pile of shit I've ever seen, and I have been to zoos.
Laura: Wow, babe, are you sure you can back those words up? I mean, Jon, your mouth has gotten you into some trouble before!
Jon: Laura, I am sure I can take these punks, so just be there for me backstage and I promise you, after War, we will party like we have never partied before![/color]
The two speed off right as Laura's head goes down into Jon's lap as he unzips his pants...
