Post by Da Funk on Jul 4, 2011 14:41:48 GMT -5
Hank Brown is sitting calmly in his office, feet kicked up to his desk, twiddling his thumbs, happy that he doesn't have any interviews scheduleled for today. Relaxed as he is, he starts to sing a little bit.
Hank: (off-key) Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely wooooorld...
All of a sudden, his door is kicked open by Da Funk, scaring the ever-loving shit out of Hank
Da Funk: She took the midnight train goin' anywheeeeeere!
Hank: GAH, motherfucker who do you think you are, barging in here like this?!
Da Funk: Da Queen of yo' Ass on a Stick, brotha', certified an' everything. No, I'm just playin', (haha) lighten up bruh!
Hank: Uh-uh! After what happenned last time I am NOT dealing with you again.
Da Funk: Why Hank, what ever are you talking about? Last time I saw ya' was with Franky, and that all went well.
Hank: Are you telling me you DON'T remember pushing me through a bunch of boxes high on god knows what the hell kind of shrooms you were on?
Da Funk: OOOOOHHHH. That right there explains some things. Ma apologies, sometimes meh friends (twitches his left eye) get tha best of me.
Hank: At this point I don't even care anymore, you came in here for a reason, now spit it out or I'll call them to release the hounds.
Da Funk: Chill, big easy, I came for a reason. I wanted to say thing to tha people who watch WCF and are gonna' be watching tonight.
Hank: Well, don't you think this is sorta last minute?
Da Funk: I know, that's given me plenty o' time to figure out what I'm going to say.
Hank lets out a heavy groan before getting up out of his seat.
Hank: Fine, follow me...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The two men, Hank now with mic in hand, are standing in the empty locker room, giving them total privacy to do the interview.
Hank: (groan) So...Da Funk...
Da Funk: (with a big cheesy grin, in Lil' John voice) YEAAH?!
Hank: Why did you bring me here to this locker room? You're not going to rape me in a drugged frenzy, are you?
Da Funk: Oh no no no no, Hank, mah boy. Quite the contrary. No, I came here to talk a bit to the WCF viewers. First off, shout-out to my dawg Franky, Big Feezy now the tag champ bitches!
Hank: Big...Feezy?
Da Funk: Yeah, you know how I call you Big Easy? Well I call him Big Feezy. Pretty clever, if I do say so ma'self.
Hank: (long groan)
Da Funk: Now, back to what I came for. Monday, I'm I'm "Mix an' match up" match o' the year with a bunch of jobbers. So far, i've heard nothing. That' right, nothing but BULL HONKEY! Only two o' ya brutha'fuckers had the nuts to say something, and still al I heard was BULL HONKEY! Peeps like this Shadow brutha', and his master Blair. Motherfucker, do you think you're anti-america propaganda will get to me tonight? Fuck no, it's the fourth of july bitch, I have the power of the red, white, and blue flowing through my veigns with the spirit of the funk. I'ma make your tiny japanese head explode, and your British butlers strudel implode within itself.
Now Montouri, you have not said a peep, and to be honest, I really don't care about you, but seriously, Jesus hippy? I'm like Cartmen, I hate hippys. Montouri, prepare to be motherfuckin' CRUCIFIED!
Hank: Now Funk, don't ya think that's a little overboard?
Da Funk: Not as overboard as your mom on my magic cepter, so shut up for a minute, will ya'?
Hank scowls as Da Funk continues talking.
Da Funk: Morris, you come out the door like a player, nice cars, women eating out your hand, and the whole time I see ya, all I can see is me taking you out with a mizard right to the side. Now just try to get that girl with half your torso paralyzed by a kick fueled by the sole power of FUNK! And America!
Tek...I mean, you just speak for yourself. Beating you is as easy as un duex trois. You beating me is about as likely as my dead grandma doing a Victorias Secret commercial. Enough said.
Hank, all these people, they have one thing in common. They are all going to down so easily a caveman could do it. However, if one Corey Black met one, he'd destroy the cavemen faster than you can say yabba-dabba-doo! As far as I'm concerned, Creeps is the biggest threat to the entegrity of the funk in this whole shin-dig. I don't even care about what surprises he's set for whoever wins this thing, all I care about is gettin' this hateful brotha'fucker to know how da funk feels when it's flowing through you're hateful body and expells the hate from you. You listen to metal, the darkest of darkest, more evil then the lovechild of Hitler and Bin Laden, blah blah blah, evil deeds, blah blah blah, burn a church down, blah blah blah. Bro, you look as evil to me as a man in a Cosby sweater in a foot-race with a care bear on a rainbow. It's one thing to be genuinly evil, it's another thing to fake being evil just to look cool. That's what Da Funk calls "pathetic." So Corey, before I prepare to mush your skull into goop, I have a question. Do you plan on seeing Horrible Bosses when it comes out? You know, the movie where three dudes kill their bosses? Well, I think you should, cause I know for sure I will. I won't be laughing at the comedy, I'll be laughing at the fact that I've actually killed my boss. In other words, you're gonna' die tonight Creep. Fuck you, and FUCK DA NON-BELIEVERS!
Hank: (off-key) Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely wooooorld...
All of a sudden, his door is kicked open by Da Funk, scaring the ever-loving shit out of Hank
Da Funk: She took the midnight train goin' anywheeeeeere!
Hank: GAH, motherfucker who do you think you are, barging in here like this?!
Da Funk: Da Queen of yo' Ass on a Stick, brotha', certified an' everything. No, I'm just playin', (haha) lighten up bruh!
Hank: Uh-uh! After what happenned last time I am NOT dealing with you again.
Da Funk: Why Hank, what ever are you talking about? Last time I saw ya' was with Franky, and that all went well.
Hank: Are you telling me you DON'T remember pushing me through a bunch of boxes high on god knows what the hell kind of shrooms you were on?
Da Funk: OOOOOHHHH. That right there explains some things. Ma apologies, sometimes meh friends (twitches his left eye) get tha best of me.
Hank: At this point I don't even care anymore, you came in here for a reason, now spit it out or I'll call them to release the hounds.
Da Funk: Chill, big easy, I came for a reason. I wanted to say thing to tha people who watch WCF and are gonna' be watching tonight.
Hank: Well, don't you think this is sorta last minute?
Da Funk: I know, that's given me plenty o' time to figure out what I'm going to say.
Hank lets out a heavy groan before getting up out of his seat.
Hank: Fine, follow me...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The two men, Hank now with mic in hand, are standing in the empty locker room, giving them total privacy to do the interview.
Hank: (groan) So...Da Funk...
Da Funk: (with a big cheesy grin, in Lil' John voice) YEAAH?!
Hank: Why did you bring me here to this locker room? You're not going to rape me in a drugged frenzy, are you?
Da Funk: Oh no no no no, Hank, mah boy. Quite the contrary. No, I came here to talk a bit to the WCF viewers. First off, shout-out to my dawg Franky, Big Feezy now the tag champ bitches!
Hank: Big...Feezy?
Da Funk: Yeah, you know how I call you Big Easy? Well I call him Big Feezy. Pretty clever, if I do say so ma'self.
Hank: (long groan)
Da Funk: Now, back to what I came for. Monday, I'm I'm "Mix an' match up" match o' the year with a bunch of jobbers. So far, i've heard nothing. That' right, nothing but BULL HONKEY! Only two o' ya brutha'fuckers had the nuts to say something, and still al I heard was BULL HONKEY! Peeps like this Shadow brutha', and his master Blair. Motherfucker, do you think you're anti-america propaganda will get to me tonight? Fuck no, it's the fourth of july bitch, I have the power of the red, white, and blue flowing through my veigns with the spirit of the funk. I'ma make your tiny japanese head explode, and your British butlers strudel implode within itself.
Now Montouri, you have not said a peep, and to be honest, I really don't care about you, but seriously, Jesus hippy? I'm like Cartmen, I hate hippys. Montouri, prepare to be motherfuckin' CRUCIFIED!
Hank: Now Funk, don't ya think that's a little overboard?
Da Funk: Not as overboard as your mom on my magic cepter, so shut up for a minute, will ya'?
Hank scowls as Da Funk continues talking.
Da Funk: Morris, you come out the door like a player, nice cars, women eating out your hand, and the whole time I see ya, all I can see is me taking you out with a mizard right to the side. Now just try to get that girl with half your torso paralyzed by a kick fueled by the sole power of FUNK! And America!
Tek...I mean, you just speak for yourself. Beating you is as easy as un duex trois. You beating me is about as likely as my dead grandma doing a Victorias Secret commercial. Enough said.
Hank, all these people, they have one thing in common. They are all going to down so easily a caveman could do it. However, if one Corey Black met one, he'd destroy the cavemen faster than you can say yabba-dabba-doo! As far as I'm concerned, Creeps is the biggest threat to the entegrity of the funk in this whole shin-dig. I don't even care about what surprises he's set for whoever wins this thing, all I care about is gettin' this hateful brotha'fucker to know how da funk feels when it's flowing through you're hateful body and expells the hate from you. You listen to metal, the darkest of darkest, more evil then the lovechild of Hitler and Bin Laden, blah blah blah, evil deeds, blah blah blah, burn a church down, blah blah blah. Bro, you look as evil to me as a man in a Cosby sweater in a foot-race with a care bear on a rainbow. It's one thing to be genuinly evil, it's another thing to fake being evil just to look cool. That's what Da Funk calls "pathetic." So Corey, before I prepare to mush your skull into goop, I have a question. Do you plan on seeing Horrible Bosses when it comes out? You know, the movie where three dudes kill their bosses? Well, I think you should, cause I know for sure I will. I won't be laughing at the comedy, I'll be laughing at the fact that I've actually killed my boss. In other words, you're gonna' die tonight Creep. Fuck you, and FUCK DA NON-BELIEVERS!
