Post by Da Funk on Jun 24, 2011 17:27:03 GMT -5
The marijuana smoke fills the air of the dark room, illuminanted by the neon lights scattered around. The room is medium sized, a table in the middle with marijuana balls, rolling papers, and a few lighters on it, surrounded by four lawn chairs. Three men occupy those chairs, all of them toking occasionaly, silent in their bliss. There's a knock on the door...
Donny: Hey Joey, go see who that is.
Donny is the head pooba of the group. He wears a large fur robe with leather pants, has brown a medium stubble, and wears some snazzy shades to cap off his wardrobe.Joey, a thin man with medium black hair, leather pants and no shirt, slowly gets up from his chair and goes to the door. He opens the door to two people, a security guard and Da Funk, the club behind them both, enjoying the nightlife. Da Funk himself is sweating considerably.
Guard: This guy says he knows you. Should I let him in?
Joey, immediatly recognizing Da Funk, nods quickly, moving aside to let Da Funk into "The Church of Funkology."
Zach: Hey, Funk, what it do brother!
Zach, a man idenitcal to Joey, except for a large pair of fuzzy dice hanging from his neck and his platinum blonde hair, gets up from his chair and lands a one armed bro-hug on Da Funk, who accepts it.
Da Funk: A'int nuthin', but nuthin' bros. You seen what I've been doing with WCF?
Donny: Most definatly, and we most say we are impressed with you're work for all Funk followers.
Joey: (from behind Da Funk) Yeah, we saw how you brought down that skeeze Ana Valentine! You rocked it like a brother there man!
Da Funk: (smiling) I'm flattered guys, but there's something I came to speak to you about...something I've never had to do with you guys before...
Donny: (worridley) You mean...?
Da Funk: Yes...I have come to do a confessional.
All three of the club rats let out a collective gasp, and quickly bring Da Funk to the empty seat. Zach and Joey stan at his sides, while Donny sits down at the chair opposite of Da Funk. Both men sit up and roll some joints, and light up the fresh drugs, laying down, staring blankly at the ceilang for a few seconds. Da Funk breaks the silence.
Da Funk: Forgive me brother, for I have sinned.
Donny: What have you done my bro?
Da Funk: (Sigh) I don't know how to properly say this...but...I guess...I've had...unpure thoughts...
Donny: Thoughts of what kind?
Da Funk: Urgh, thoughts of anger and vengeance. It's hard to explain.
Donny: What is the reason for these thoughts, exactly?
Da Funk: (tokes again, puffs out the smoke) Multiple things. My mentor was kidnapped last week and left unconscious by a deranged socipath. While I try to be supportive of him, help him keep himself straight, they say if I lose my next match, I'll have to...have to...
Donny: Speak up bro, what will you do!?
Da Funk lets out a big gulp before continuing.
Da Funk: I'll have to...
[shadow=purple,left,300]change my music.[/shadow]
Joey and Zach let out another collective gasp, and start nervously murmuring.
Donny: Order, ORDER!
Both of the chattering men shut up immediatly, as Donny continues.
Donny: Do you know why they have done this bro?
Da Funk: The skeeze that I am fighting this week, Aubrey Summers, has been using the same music, and Mr. Corey BLack has decided to pit us against each other, skeeze vs. brother, for the rights to use it. Seems like a petty reason to fight if you ask me.
Donny: Indeed it is. (pauses to toke, puffs out) Listen brother, we all think these thoughts every once in a while, it's what makes us human. You have no reason to feel ashamed. Have you ever seen this Aubrey Summers?
Da Funk: Yes, I've seen a promo she's done. She doesn't seem threatening. In fact, she seems quite pleasent to be around.
Zach: Yeah, in more ways than one...(chuckles)
Donny: SILENCE!
Zach shuts his pie hole.
Donny: (back to Da Funk) You see, my brother, you have been doing so much to help spread the word of Funk, losing a match here and there is not so bad. Hell, there is so much music in the air that you can always have something new to turn to. I absolve you of your worries.
Both men stand up and walk towards each other, where Da Funk kneels down. Donny, with the joint between his index and middle fingers, makes an arc shape spread between Da Funks shoulders with his hand. Da Funk getss off of his knees smiling, and gives Donny a bro hug.
Da Funk: Thank you, ma' brothers, it feels good to get this B.S off my chest. Now, if you will excuse meh, I'm gonna' return to the flock.
Donny: As you wish, bro. Don't forget you're communion while you leave.
Da Funk: (laughs) How could I?
Da Funk walks towards the door, stoping to take a ectasy pill from a bowl on the ground. He takes the pill and gobbles it down, before strutting out the door.
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(The following phone call between Da Funk and FPV takes place on June 21st, 2011, the day after Slam)
FPV: Hello, who is this? Is it important?
Da Funk: Relax bro, it's just me. Jeez, aren't you paranoid.
FPV: Sorry man, it's just...well, you know.
Da Funk: Yeah. Must've been pretty scary, eh?
FPV: Pretty scary?! I damn near pissed myself after that whole opened! I mean, how the hell did he do that?!
Da Funk: Bro, I think that's something that's better left unanswered.
FPV: Yeah, I guess you're right.
Da Funk: I just called to see if you had recovered. You have a match next week.
FPV: (sarcastically) Oh yipiiiiiiie, who's it against?
Da Funk: It's a tag match, you're going up against D-Day and Logan...
FPV: FffffffffffffffUCK! My partner better be good!
Da Funk: Does Roy Speede sound good.
FPV: I guess, it's bad enough I get mind-raped by Oblivion, now I gotta' deal with this. I guess I'll have to prepare for this pretty well. Later man.
Da Funk: Later.
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Hello my dear. Do you like to party? Apparently you do, since you be using my same music, ya little skeeze. I guess it would be inevitable. I have brought Funkology so much attention that other disciples have come to challenge my rightfull title of "Da Funk", well think again, skeezes! Da Funk has not yet begun to fight, and anyone who thinks otherwise can blow it!
Speaking of Blow, people have gone to me, and asked me, "Funk, why are you using a song from a skeeze who sounds exactly the same in everything she does?" Well, my answer to that, as with all the other answers to questions about music, is unclear. I've just had "The Feeling", when I picked that song. For non-Funkology followers, "The Feeling" is what you feel when you need to choose a song, and am guided to one song in particular, one you point at and say "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED!" That's what i felt with this song, it had a strange connection to me, in some form or another, and I feel obligated to uphold that connection at whatever cost.
Aubrey, I don't believe you've felt as much a connection to this song as I do. You must be one of those people who just pluck out a song out of a pile and say, "Hey, this song is okay!" That kind of mindset is unforgivable, and must be punished! Please do not take it personally, you seem like a fun gal, and maybe later we can go grab a bite to munch on "Lady and the Tramp"-style, but on Monday, nothing shall be held back. NOTHING!
Fuck da non-believers™
