Opinions on my promo?

[carnage]

I am looking for opinions on my last promo here in this fed. You guys can be as honest as you want to be as i would really like to know what you all think?

[Jason Cashe]

As far as I'm concerned is how this feedback goes alright man? Just my own opinion, shit on it or take it cool?

I dislike In-Ring Promos. Most the time there wouldn't be a House Show or anything because there isn't a schedule for them or else they'd work a bit better. With that said though you are a newer character at least to WCF and I don't think anyone will hold it against you that you haven't picked up a style more for yourself yet. This is more like WWE in a sense that you need to find a style that fits the company. Novels don't work, too much CD (Character Development, not Creeping Death) is not any good. But take it out of the ring in your promos. Go shopping at Wal-Mart for little girl underwear for your daughter for the promo, talk about your match there while you are stared at funny by people passing by the children's section while you scream "I love making pussies bleed" into a hidden camera or even a cameraman. Add some description and throw in some mad lib humor because it works and people like you more for it. I've seen someone write in a Family Guy style Chicken Vs. Human brawl mid rp out of nowhere and it was gold. This is creative writing and here we like to have it match related which you've got down, now just put a real scene around it more and you're good to go.

[carnage]

Thanks dude, I understand what you mean about in ring promos as they aren't really needed. I am still a bit new with the forums versions of efeds as i am used to the old myspace days where i would write a promo in the ring and leave it open for my opponent to follow up with it so we can have a face to face confrontation which would lead to me writing a brawl which back in the day was my favorite part of writing this stuff but these days i don't care to write brawls unless it ends with security breaking it up. I will get the hang of this place soon as I felt bad that when it came to writing about my opponents i didn't write more about either of them as i don't know much about them but definately look forward to doing more work with the both of them.

[Jason Cashe]

Yeah the best thing to tell you or anyone is to do your homework. If you are putting the time in to get better at this writing E-Feds stuff then read up on your opponents as much as possible. If they are new as well then put it into that perspective to where the winner is one more foot in the door than the other. You get it though, I remember MSN Groups Feds and they from what I hear aren't much different than Myspace Groups was so I get you. I had to learn that when I went to MSN back in the day so I feel you. You'll get it.

[bishop]

PRO's

- Had a good feel to it.

- Sounds believable.

- Gave short yet insieghtfull backstory to your group

- Came off strong.



CON's

- Nothing more then basics.

- Bland on match shoot

- lacked depth.



Rating : 2/ 5 stars



Thoughts:

You felt like a strong heel. Your character spoke like he was accomplished wrestler that had been everywhere. Despite saying it, you said it in a way that made it feel believable. He spoke with that general ( yet generic) warning which personally i find iffy but this IS wrestling and you're heel. You coulda dragged this out into infinity but you kept it to just a few paragraphs which made it enjoyable though more depth and detail would have been nice. I really thought carnage came off like he was gonna come down and smash some skulls.

Like i said, detail and depth. Your match shoot could have been more creative then your basic hulk hogan promo but hey, it worked this time. HOWEVER it won't always work, especially against more skilled opponents.


color code. Show diffrences between scene and diolouge. I know that we all got used to seeing coding and a recognixable diffrence but the green on black is a paint to read so coding would be nice. Find what works for you, experiment in rp's with styles and diolouge. explore the space with ur character an how he would go about doing things. Personally im not against in ring rp's but i know they are frowned upon. Don't be afraid to get out there and tip the scales and see where the limits of your character.

Verdict :

this being the only work I've seen from you an i don't know your past or other samples of skill I'd say you have alot of work to do but you have the potential to get there very fast.