Post by Lawnmower Jones on Aug 10, 2006 19:09:15 GMT -5
(The scene opens with Lawnmower Jones and Lonnie walking casually around a mall. People stare at the cute couple for obvious reasons. Why would a man be with a lawnmower? Why is a lawnmower in a mall? How do they have sexual relations? Jone has on his usual attire: a pair of dirty overalls and a white muscle shirt underneath. But while Jones usually sports a mean, dirty look on his face, this day is different. Jones is glowing, and a huge grin is spread from ear to ear. He stands up straight, proud to be pushing that tasty babe Lonnie around.)
LJ: Look how many people are Jell-o of us.
(Jones pushes Lonnie around the mall some more. A group of teenage goth kids dressed in all black stop in awe. One points and whispers to a friend near him. The leader of the group, wearing girl jeans and some black band shirt steps forward.)
Goth: Why the fuck do you have a lawnmower?
(Jones is shocked by the kid's blatant question. Jone whispers something to Lonnie and steps forward. Jones sizes the kid up and down. The kid is no larger than five foot eight, and looks like a tree branch. He has black eye shadow and cover up on. His lips are black and his long black hair is parted over one eye. Jones sniffs once.)
LJ: BLAHHHH!
(Jones crouches down and raises his hands up like a monster. The kids all jet off immediatley, and Jones wipes his hands clean. He wears a proud smile on his face as he goes back to accompanying Lonnie around the mall.)
(The two walk past Hot Topic, but Jones stops.)
LJ: I wonder if the store contains political junk...
(A thought bubble appears above Jones' head as he rubs his chin. Jones' imagination has him entering "Hot Topic" to a store filled with older men in suits, reading newspapers and "Time" magazine, drinking coffee and debating the days most captivating political issues. Logan is seen in the store debating with an older gentlemen, but the words can't be heard. Jones walks forward to Logan, who greets him.)
Logan: Jones! I didn't know you liked Hot Topic! You're so cool!
(Jones smiles as the group of people lift Jones up and carry him around the store.)
Group: Jon-ES! Jon-ES! Jon-ES! Yay!
(Jones' thought bubble fades out as we come back to reality. Jones is silently reciting his name as the group was. He stops after he sees a few people standing around looking at him. The main lady is a large black woman with a hair weave. She has a leopard print shirt on and tight black pants which pretty much show everything. She may have leopard print, but she looks like a gorilla.)
Jones: BLAAHHH!
(The lady walks off shaking her head.)
Lady: Stupid ass cracker ass bitches. And we can't get no brother as the president?
(Jones shrugs.)
LJ: Lonnie, how about we see what the "Hot Topic" is for the day?
(Jones has an eager look on his face. After a moment, the look turns from eager to disappointing.)
LJ: Fine, you win! I admit, I wan't to go here and become politically smart to impress Logan. So what? Now can we go?
(Jones nods and turns Lonnie around and wheels her into the store. "Mobscene" by Marilyn Manson is playing as the store is pretty empty. Jones looks up and down the racks, not seeing anything he likes. His face is quizzical.)
LJ: Is Slipknot the new Vice President?
(Jones is now holding a black Slipknot shirt. A clerk quickly grabs the shirt out of Jones hand and folds it up and puts it back on the rack.)
Clerk: No, retard, it's a band. Now are you a serious shopper? If not leave. We're very busy!
(Jones looks around the store and sees a fat teenage girl sipping on a McDonald's cup in a pink polk-a-dot shirt as the only person in the store. Jones looks at the clerk, who is equal in height but much less in width. He has on a tight black "The Freaks" shirt. He is wearing thick glasses and has a buzz cut hair cut.)
LJ: Oooo! I see what this is! It's a freak store! I'm sorry!
Clerk: Hey buddy, you're the only freak here!
(Suddenly five people are in the store. They all agree with clerk boy.)
Five People: Yea!
LJ: I'm the freak? Whatever, four eyes!
Five People: Ooooo!
Clerk: Why don't you go mow a lawn?
Five People: Yea!
LJ: I'm sorry, I don't speak freak show! Ha!
Five People: Oooo!
Clerk: Freak show? Do you realize you're walking around with a lawnmower?
Five People: Yea!
LJ: Do you realize you have on a "Freak" shirt? They're only the team me and Logan are going to demolish come Sunday! Now eat it!
Five People: What?
LJ: (Quickly and quietly) Gaysaywhat.
Everyone in the store: (unison) What?
LJ: Ha! Gay's say what! Ha ha, you're gay!
(Jones leaves the store pushing Lonnie. He seems to have an extra pip in his step after outsmarting the worker's at "Hot Topic". Scene fades to black.)
(The scene fades back in with Jones and Lonnie eating in the food court area. The each have a double quarter pounder with cheese and fries in front of them with a large drink. Jones is stuffing his face while Lonnie sits. After Jones is done shoveling food into his mouth, he looks at Lonnie, with fries in his mouth and McDonald's special sauce on the sides.)
LJ: Oo haven' talked yo foo!
(Jones swallows and wipes his mouth.)
LJ: I know you're trying to look pretty for your wedding dress, but you still have to eat to keep your figure!
(Jones gives a cheap laugh.)
LJ: Honey, I have something to tell you. I talked it over with management, and they decided it would be ok if we had our wedding live on national TV on August 20th! Isn't that great? I get to show you my true love live on TV!
(Lonnie gives a blank stare.)
LJ: Don't be nervous, babe! Linda will be by your side and I promise you will look beautiful! You know what, next week, you go shopping for the dress. You have to look dazzling. Now eat up, babe!
(Jones shovels Lonnies food from his mouth as the scene fades to black.)
LJ: Look how many people are Jell-o of us.
(Jones pushes Lonnie around the mall some more. A group of teenage goth kids dressed in all black stop in awe. One points and whispers to a friend near him. The leader of the group, wearing girl jeans and some black band shirt steps forward.)
Goth: Why the fuck do you have a lawnmower?
(Jones is shocked by the kid's blatant question. Jone whispers something to Lonnie and steps forward. Jones sizes the kid up and down. The kid is no larger than five foot eight, and looks like a tree branch. He has black eye shadow and cover up on. His lips are black and his long black hair is parted over one eye. Jones sniffs once.)
LJ: BLAHHHH!
(Jones crouches down and raises his hands up like a monster. The kids all jet off immediatley, and Jones wipes his hands clean. He wears a proud smile on his face as he goes back to accompanying Lonnie around the mall.)
(The two walk past Hot Topic, but Jones stops.)
LJ: I wonder if the store contains political junk...
(A thought bubble appears above Jones' head as he rubs his chin. Jones' imagination has him entering "Hot Topic" to a store filled with older men in suits, reading newspapers and "Time" magazine, drinking coffee and debating the days most captivating political issues. Logan is seen in the store debating with an older gentlemen, but the words can't be heard. Jones walks forward to Logan, who greets him.)
Logan: Jones! I didn't know you liked Hot Topic! You're so cool!
(Jones smiles as the group of people lift Jones up and carry him around the store.)
Group: Jon-ES! Jon-ES! Jon-ES! Yay!
(Jones' thought bubble fades out as we come back to reality. Jones is silently reciting his name as the group was. He stops after he sees a few people standing around looking at him. The main lady is a large black woman with a hair weave. She has a leopard print shirt on and tight black pants which pretty much show everything. She may have leopard print, but she looks like a gorilla.)
Jones: BLAAHHH!
(The lady walks off shaking her head.)
Lady: Stupid ass cracker ass bitches. And we can't get no brother as the president?
(Jones shrugs.)
LJ: Lonnie, how about we see what the "Hot Topic" is for the day?
(Jones has an eager look on his face. After a moment, the look turns from eager to disappointing.)
LJ: Fine, you win! I admit, I wan't to go here and become politically smart to impress Logan. So what? Now can we go?
(Jones nods and turns Lonnie around and wheels her into the store. "Mobscene" by Marilyn Manson is playing as the store is pretty empty. Jones looks up and down the racks, not seeing anything he likes. His face is quizzical.)
LJ: Is Slipknot the new Vice President?
(Jones is now holding a black Slipknot shirt. A clerk quickly grabs the shirt out of Jones hand and folds it up and puts it back on the rack.)
Clerk: No, retard, it's a band. Now are you a serious shopper? If not leave. We're very busy!
(Jones looks around the store and sees a fat teenage girl sipping on a McDonald's cup in a pink polk-a-dot shirt as the only person in the store. Jones looks at the clerk, who is equal in height but much less in width. He has on a tight black "The Freaks" shirt. He is wearing thick glasses and has a buzz cut hair cut.)
LJ: Oooo! I see what this is! It's a freak store! I'm sorry!
Clerk: Hey buddy, you're the only freak here!
(Suddenly five people are in the store. They all agree with clerk boy.)
Five People: Yea!
LJ: I'm the freak? Whatever, four eyes!
Five People: Ooooo!
Clerk: Why don't you go mow a lawn?
Five People: Yea!
LJ: I'm sorry, I don't speak freak show! Ha!
Five People: Oooo!
Clerk: Freak show? Do you realize you're walking around with a lawnmower?
Five People: Yea!
LJ: Do you realize you have on a "Freak" shirt? They're only the team me and Logan are going to demolish come Sunday! Now eat it!
Five People: What?
LJ: (Quickly and quietly) Gaysaywhat.
Everyone in the store: (unison) What?
LJ: Ha! Gay's say what! Ha ha, you're gay!
(Jones leaves the store pushing Lonnie. He seems to have an extra pip in his step after outsmarting the worker's at "Hot Topic". Scene fades to black.)
(The scene fades back in with Jones and Lonnie eating in the food court area. The each have a double quarter pounder with cheese and fries in front of them with a large drink. Jones is stuffing his face while Lonnie sits. After Jones is done shoveling food into his mouth, he looks at Lonnie, with fries in his mouth and McDonald's special sauce on the sides.)
LJ: Oo haven' talked yo foo!
(Jones swallows and wipes his mouth.)
LJ: I know you're trying to look pretty for your wedding dress, but you still have to eat to keep your figure!
(Jones gives a cheap laugh.)
LJ: Honey, I have something to tell you. I talked it over with management, and they decided it would be ok if we had our wedding live on national TV on August 20th! Isn't that great? I get to show you my true love live on TV!
(Lonnie gives a blank stare.)
LJ: Don't be nervous, babe! Linda will be by your side and I promise you will look beautiful! You know what, next week, you go shopping for the dress. You have to look dazzling. Now eat up, babe!
(Jones shovels Lonnies food from his mouth as the scene fades to black.)
