Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2007 12:14:47 GMT -5
Bobby Cairo is a man with a deep respect for the history and tradition of our great sport. Cairo understands what it means to toil and sacrifice all in the name of squared circle glory. This is why Cairo appreciates the pioneers that blazed the trails and made it possible for a young boy from Connecticut to live out his wildest dreams. Cairo recently attended a fan convention in Atlantic City, New Jersey featuring many of the great stars of yesteryear. Among the featured names were "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka, Barry "Demolition Smash/Krusher Khruschev/Repo Man/Blacktop Bully/Hole In One" Darsow and former WCW World Television Champion Prince Iaukea. Among these familiar faces was a man that most wrestling fans probably wouldn't know, save for the smark internet fans. This man's name is Candy Maldonado. Candy was a member of the ring crew for several regional promotions in the southeast United States during the late 70s and early 80s. These days Candy heads up an internet newsletter called Pro Wrestling Beacon in addition to holding down his day job at Rodney's Pump and Go. Bobby agreed to sit down with Candy for an exclusive interview encompassing such topics as the golden years of wrestling, Bobby's current WCF agenda and the joys of Chinese food.
Candy Maldonado: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Beacon Banter. I'm your host Candy Maldonado and joining me today live from the Wrestling Allstars National Gathering in Atlantic City is current WCF superstar Bobby Cairo. Bobby, thanks for stopping by.
Bobby Cairo: It's an honor to be here, Candy. Thank you for having me.
Candy Maldonado: We were talking before the show and you were telling me that you have a strong interest in the history of wrestling, isn't that right?
Bobby Cairo: I love to watch the old tapes. I love to study the film of the all-time greats. I think there's much to be learned from looking to the past as we move into the future. I consider myself a student of the sport and I don't think that one can ever learn too much. You need to have an open mind and be willing to accept instruction. I've had the privilege of meeting some of these great men who helped pave the way and I've asked them for their advice. I've heard many horror stories of renegade promoters ripping off the talent and packing up to move the carnival to the next town. I think that this is bullshit and it's a disgrace that shit like that ever happened and still happens to some extent today. Professional wrestlers are out there busting their asses to entertain the fans whether it's 50,000 people or 50 people and they deserve to get paid what they're owed. You can accuse people of being sellouts or goldiggers but the fact is that people need money to survive and this is very basic economics that I am speaking. You do work, you get paid. Some people have trouble understanding this.
Candy Maldonado: I saw a lot of that sort of thing back in my day. I don't want to name names, but especially in relation to the black wrestlers there was a look of shady business practices with promoters stiffing the workers. Those of us in the ring crew were even less fortunate. If we got paid in beer and pizza we thought that was a pretty good day. As you alluded to even today there is lots of fucked up shit that goes on, especially with indy promoters.
Bobby Cairo: Yes that's true and the other big problem that I talked about with these guys was the backstage politics. We all know that guys like Hulk Hogan and Triple H are egotistical bastards that hold back other workers. This may not come as a shock to most of the listeners out there, but there's people like that in WCF. Arrogant pricks that hold back the true talent like myself. I should be headlining shows from Charlotte, North Carolina to Milan, Italy all the way to Tokyo, Japan. Everybody knows this and it is undeniable. Yet I've been held back for nothing more than one simple fact: I'm not "one of the boys". These assholes get their way because they're in bed with the booking committee and I'm sick and tired of this shit. Can I be honest with you, Candy? I don't even want to waste my breath talking about this shit. I want to talk about positive things. Let's talk about the golden era of the sport. You were there when Steamboat and Flair were having their first classic battles. Tell me about that, man. That must have been something.
Candy Maldonado: Bobby, you would have loved it. This was back in the old Carolina territory, Bill Hoppman was the promoter. He didn't go for none of this backstage puppetmaster shit. He was old school from Alabama. He was like Bear Bryant or some shit. He laid down the law and if you didn't like it you could stick a sock in it. He wasn't listening to no whining or complaining. Back then everybody knew that Flair and Steamboat was gonna be superstars. They had the talent, the charisma, the acumen to be marquee names in this business. It was just a matter of opportunity and Mr. Hoppman was smart enough to make those guys the horse leading the cart, you understand me? He put those guys in the main event every night for two years straight. They got so sick of wrestling each other they was begging for a match against job squad guys like The Inmate and Clubber Cleveland, but Mr. Hoppman would not relent. He knew what was good for business and he knew what was good for those boys.
Bobby Cairo: It's refreshing to hear a story like that, Candy. It's unfortunate that the current WCF administration doesn't share Mr. Hoppman's philosophy. In fact, I think this is something that applies not only to WCF management but also Asshole McMahon and Asshole Jarrett. The modern day wrestling promoter isn't giving the fans what they want. The modern day wrestling promoter is interested only in engaging in a dick-measuring contest with his rival promoters as well as stroking the egos of his overpriced and unworthy main event slugs. We need a change of leadership in professional wrestling and it's unfortunate that this is not possible. True progress is measured not in drops, but in rivers. A little is never enough. We need a complete overhaul and we need it now.
Candy Maldonado: Obviously many fans share your feelings in regard to today's product. Ratings and attendance figures are down across the board and wrestling in general has dropped off the radar of the average television viewer. People just don't care anymore. It used to be that wrestling was the hottest property on television, it was the hip thing to watch. Nowadays wrestling has been supplanted by such programming as Deal or No Deal and the World Poker Tour. What are your thoughts on this trend?
Bobby Cairo: I'm not going to offer any advice to rival promotions. That's not my interest nor my place. I will only assess the current WCF scenario. It's true that WCF's TV ratings and PPV buyrates have been down. As I stated I am very critical of WCF management, but I also blame much of this on the Television Champion. The Television Champion is supposed to appeal to the television viewers, but the fact is that JJ Biggs couldn't sell a rabies shot to some poor bastard who just got bit by a bugged out raccoon. Bobby Cairo is the ultimate showman, while JJ Biggs is the ultimate doormat. JJ has the charisma of a snail and the intellect of a Panamanian migrant worker. The WCF fans crave rules and discipline and who better to provide such leadership than the awesome force of Cairo? This is not my ego speaking, this is fact. I took a career nobody like Lawnmower Jones and I made the fans care about that man. Today the fans would take a bullet for Jones, but only a few short months ago the fans were plotting Jones' assassination. Another example is Skyler Striker. This man had accomplished nothing in his career before War. I guess he held the Hardcore Title or some shit, but that means about as much as those t-shirts that say Best Dad in the World or Home of the Whopper with an arrow pointing down toward the genitalia. When Striker beat me to win War he instantly became a star, but this begs an important question. If Striker hadn't beaten me, if he had beaten Danny Vice or Lawnmower Jones would his victory have held the same prestige? If he had beaten Creeping Death or Outcast would anybody give a shit? The answer time and time again is no fucking way. It was significant because he defeated Bobby Cairo. When you beat Cairo that means something. Beating Cairo today is like beating Ric Flair 20 years ago. It's like beating Ricky Steamboat or Arn Anderson or Ted DiBiase. Cairo is a legend in the making and the WCF fans recognize this. Now I should take this opportunity to point out one little tidbit. The fans do not love Bobby Cairo. The fans would murder Bobby Cairo with farm implements and dispose of his body in a heavily wooded area in Washington state before they would ever cheer his name. This is an unfortunate reality. We're living in a society where freedom of thought and expression is frowned upon and discouraged. Those who dare walk that thin line between independence and conformity will be smeared by the mass media and ostracized by society as an outcast or a radical, an extremist if you will. These PC goofs in three piece suits will not intimidate Cairo. Cairo is a man of great words but even greater actions. The fans do not understand this yet, but they understand that Cairo is different from the others. Tangible progress is not always a popular phenomenon, but ultimately it's the only solution. Those who do not embrace this progress will be left to squalor in filth like the bigots who assailed Jackie Robinson or the conspiracy theorists who proclaim the moon landing to be a coordinated effort by the federal government and the mainstream media to mislead the American public. Cairo will stand for no such nonsense because those who follow weakness and insanity will be the first devoured by that pack of wolves hanging by the vending machines. You know the ones that I'm talking about. They wear those shirts with the big puffy collars.
Candy Maldonado: Indeed. What are your thoughts on Mike Ragnal? You're facing him this Sunday at Slam in the semifinals of the TV Title tournament. How do you plan on defeating this tough up-and-coming technician?
Bobby Cairo: First of all, I want to preface my comments by stating that I laugh at Mike Ragnal. If Mike Ragnal is what passes for a technician these days, then God help us all. Furthermore, I do not anticipate any resistance from Ragnal. Ragnal understands that he is a mere stepping stone on my journey to WCF Television Championship glory. Ragnal will cooperate with me so as to avoid serious long-term injury and he will lie down like so many fingerpokes of doom. This is Cairo, also known as fact.
Candy Maldonado: You can't be serious, Bobby? Mike Ragnal is not going to lie down for you. He has stated that he respects your ability, but I don't think that you should misinterpret his reverence as being fearful.
Bobby Cairo: You are foolish to question my wisdom, little man. I could crush you like a grape in the asshole of a rhinoceros. I could kill you right now.
Candy Maldonado: What the hell is your problem, man? You're out of your mind!
Bobby Cairo: Okay. So do you like Chinese food?
Candy Maldonado: Security! Get this lunatic out of here!
Bobby Cairo: Whoa. Don't have a cow, man. I was only kidding. If I was going to kill you, you would already be dead.
At this point in time, a large group of armed guards escorted Cairo from the building. This unfortunate occurrence signals yet other instance of the First Amendment being thrown under the wheels of a raging triple decker bus, however do not be alarmed. Bobby Cairo is not going anywhere. Cairo will not be silenced and he will not surrender. All who oppose Cairo will realize the consequences of such blasphemy. The penalty of life under an iron fist shall soon be torn asunder by the ubiquitous reign of glorious oh so glorious Cairo. This is Cairo.
Candy Maldonado: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Beacon Banter. I'm your host Candy Maldonado and joining me today live from the Wrestling Allstars National Gathering in Atlantic City is current WCF superstar Bobby Cairo. Bobby, thanks for stopping by.
Bobby Cairo: It's an honor to be here, Candy. Thank you for having me.
Candy Maldonado: We were talking before the show and you were telling me that you have a strong interest in the history of wrestling, isn't that right?
Bobby Cairo: I love to watch the old tapes. I love to study the film of the all-time greats. I think there's much to be learned from looking to the past as we move into the future. I consider myself a student of the sport and I don't think that one can ever learn too much. You need to have an open mind and be willing to accept instruction. I've had the privilege of meeting some of these great men who helped pave the way and I've asked them for their advice. I've heard many horror stories of renegade promoters ripping off the talent and packing up to move the carnival to the next town. I think that this is bullshit and it's a disgrace that shit like that ever happened and still happens to some extent today. Professional wrestlers are out there busting their asses to entertain the fans whether it's 50,000 people or 50 people and they deserve to get paid what they're owed. You can accuse people of being sellouts or goldiggers but the fact is that people need money to survive and this is very basic economics that I am speaking. You do work, you get paid. Some people have trouble understanding this.
Candy Maldonado: I saw a lot of that sort of thing back in my day. I don't want to name names, but especially in relation to the black wrestlers there was a look of shady business practices with promoters stiffing the workers. Those of us in the ring crew were even less fortunate. If we got paid in beer and pizza we thought that was a pretty good day. As you alluded to even today there is lots of fucked up shit that goes on, especially with indy promoters.
Bobby Cairo: Yes that's true and the other big problem that I talked about with these guys was the backstage politics. We all know that guys like Hulk Hogan and Triple H are egotistical bastards that hold back other workers. This may not come as a shock to most of the listeners out there, but there's people like that in WCF. Arrogant pricks that hold back the true talent like myself. I should be headlining shows from Charlotte, North Carolina to Milan, Italy all the way to Tokyo, Japan. Everybody knows this and it is undeniable. Yet I've been held back for nothing more than one simple fact: I'm not "one of the boys". These assholes get their way because they're in bed with the booking committee and I'm sick and tired of this shit. Can I be honest with you, Candy? I don't even want to waste my breath talking about this shit. I want to talk about positive things. Let's talk about the golden era of the sport. You were there when Steamboat and Flair were having their first classic battles. Tell me about that, man. That must have been something.
Candy Maldonado: Bobby, you would have loved it. This was back in the old Carolina territory, Bill Hoppman was the promoter. He didn't go for none of this backstage puppetmaster shit. He was old school from Alabama. He was like Bear Bryant or some shit. He laid down the law and if you didn't like it you could stick a sock in it. He wasn't listening to no whining or complaining. Back then everybody knew that Flair and Steamboat was gonna be superstars. They had the talent, the charisma, the acumen to be marquee names in this business. It was just a matter of opportunity and Mr. Hoppman was smart enough to make those guys the horse leading the cart, you understand me? He put those guys in the main event every night for two years straight. They got so sick of wrestling each other they was begging for a match against job squad guys like The Inmate and Clubber Cleveland, but Mr. Hoppman would not relent. He knew what was good for business and he knew what was good for those boys.
Bobby Cairo: It's refreshing to hear a story like that, Candy. It's unfortunate that the current WCF administration doesn't share Mr. Hoppman's philosophy. In fact, I think this is something that applies not only to WCF management but also Asshole McMahon and Asshole Jarrett. The modern day wrestling promoter isn't giving the fans what they want. The modern day wrestling promoter is interested only in engaging in a dick-measuring contest with his rival promoters as well as stroking the egos of his overpriced and unworthy main event slugs. We need a change of leadership in professional wrestling and it's unfortunate that this is not possible. True progress is measured not in drops, but in rivers. A little is never enough. We need a complete overhaul and we need it now.
Candy Maldonado: Obviously many fans share your feelings in regard to today's product. Ratings and attendance figures are down across the board and wrestling in general has dropped off the radar of the average television viewer. People just don't care anymore. It used to be that wrestling was the hottest property on television, it was the hip thing to watch. Nowadays wrestling has been supplanted by such programming as Deal or No Deal and the World Poker Tour. What are your thoughts on this trend?
Bobby Cairo: I'm not going to offer any advice to rival promotions. That's not my interest nor my place. I will only assess the current WCF scenario. It's true that WCF's TV ratings and PPV buyrates have been down. As I stated I am very critical of WCF management, but I also blame much of this on the Television Champion. The Television Champion is supposed to appeal to the television viewers, but the fact is that JJ Biggs couldn't sell a rabies shot to some poor bastard who just got bit by a bugged out raccoon. Bobby Cairo is the ultimate showman, while JJ Biggs is the ultimate doormat. JJ has the charisma of a snail and the intellect of a Panamanian migrant worker. The WCF fans crave rules and discipline and who better to provide such leadership than the awesome force of Cairo? This is not my ego speaking, this is fact. I took a career nobody like Lawnmower Jones and I made the fans care about that man. Today the fans would take a bullet for Jones, but only a few short months ago the fans were plotting Jones' assassination. Another example is Skyler Striker. This man had accomplished nothing in his career before War. I guess he held the Hardcore Title or some shit, but that means about as much as those t-shirts that say Best Dad in the World or Home of the Whopper with an arrow pointing down toward the genitalia. When Striker beat me to win War he instantly became a star, but this begs an important question. If Striker hadn't beaten me, if he had beaten Danny Vice or Lawnmower Jones would his victory have held the same prestige? If he had beaten Creeping Death or Outcast would anybody give a shit? The answer time and time again is no fucking way. It was significant because he defeated Bobby Cairo. When you beat Cairo that means something. Beating Cairo today is like beating Ric Flair 20 years ago. It's like beating Ricky Steamboat or Arn Anderson or Ted DiBiase. Cairo is a legend in the making and the WCF fans recognize this. Now I should take this opportunity to point out one little tidbit. The fans do not love Bobby Cairo. The fans would murder Bobby Cairo with farm implements and dispose of his body in a heavily wooded area in Washington state before they would ever cheer his name. This is an unfortunate reality. We're living in a society where freedom of thought and expression is frowned upon and discouraged. Those who dare walk that thin line between independence and conformity will be smeared by the mass media and ostracized by society as an outcast or a radical, an extremist if you will. These PC goofs in three piece suits will not intimidate Cairo. Cairo is a man of great words but even greater actions. The fans do not understand this yet, but they understand that Cairo is different from the others. Tangible progress is not always a popular phenomenon, but ultimately it's the only solution. Those who do not embrace this progress will be left to squalor in filth like the bigots who assailed Jackie Robinson or the conspiracy theorists who proclaim the moon landing to be a coordinated effort by the federal government and the mainstream media to mislead the American public. Cairo will stand for no such nonsense because those who follow weakness and insanity will be the first devoured by that pack of wolves hanging by the vending machines. You know the ones that I'm talking about. They wear those shirts with the big puffy collars.
Candy Maldonado: Indeed. What are your thoughts on Mike Ragnal? You're facing him this Sunday at Slam in the semifinals of the TV Title tournament. How do you plan on defeating this tough up-and-coming technician?
Bobby Cairo: First of all, I want to preface my comments by stating that I laugh at Mike Ragnal. If Mike Ragnal is what passes for a technician these days, then God help us all. Furthermore, I do not anticipate any resistance from Ragnal. Ragnal understands that he is a mere stepping stone on my journey to WCF Television Championship glory. Ragnal will cooperate with me so as to avoid serious long-term injury and he will lie down like so many fingerpokes of doom. This is Cairo, also known as fact.
Candy Maldonado: You can't be serious, Bobby? Mike Ragnal is not going to lie down for you. He has stated that he respects your ability, but I don't think that you should misinterpret his reverence as being fearful.
Bobby Cairo: You are foolish to question my wisdom, little man. I could crush you like a grape in the asshole of a rhinoceros. I could kill you right now.
Candy Maldonado: What the hell is your problem, man? You're out of your mind!
Bobby Cairo: Okay. So do you like Chinese food?
Candy Maldonado: Security! Get this lunatic out of here!
Bobby Cairo: Whoa. Don't have a cow, man. I was only kidding. If I was going to kill you, you would already be dead.
At this point in time, a large group of armed guards escorted Cairo from the building. This unfortunate occurrence signals yet other instance of the First Amendment being thrown under the wheels of a raging triple decker bus, however do not be alarmed. Bobby Cairo is not going anywhere. Cairo will not be silenced and he will not surrender. All who oppose Cairo will realize the consequences of such blasphemy. The penalty of life under an iron fist shall soon be torn asunder by the ubiquitous reign of glorious oh so glorious Cairo. This is Cairo.
