Post by cptpunishment on Sept 27, 2010 13:14:53 GMT -5
(The scene opens with Captain Punishment standing in his now WCF trademarked heroic pose, his hands on his hips and his head turned to the side and slightly upward with his eyes closed, as he stands in front of a brick wall that is adorned with a rather poorly made black and green WCF banner. CP opens up his eyes and stares into the camera as he crosses his arms over his manly chest.)
Captain Punishment: Despite my avid protests to be removed from the WAR Match due to the fact that my amazing powers grant me a substantial advantage over any mere mortal, WCF management has decided that I shall in fact compete this Monday night. Very well, you have been warned WCF, whatever happens tonight is on you. Because you see...
(CP raises his arms up into a pose to show his slowly developing muscles, which have grown slightly from barely noticeable bumps to full fledged mosquito bites.)
Captain Punishment:..I have been training non-stop since I learned that I would be competing for a chance to become the WCF World Heavyweight Champion. I have put myself through some of the most grueling training sessions in the world, challenging my body in ways that it has never been challenged before. Roll the footage.
(The camera shot switches to pre-taped training sessions as CP provides the voice over.)
Captain Punishment: The first thing I worked on was my upper body strength. Of course you all already knew that from looking at these massive guns.
(Footage of CP in a local gym attempting to bench press is played. After several failed attempts to lift any real weight, CP moves on to just benching the bar. Five reps later someone has to come and lift the bar off of his chest as CP slides off the bench.
The next bit of footage is of CP on a pull up bar, doing quite well surprisingly. The camera then pulls out farther to reveal someone standing under CP lifting him up so it looks good on camera. The man helping CP with his pull ups is then seen letting go of his legs in order to answer his cell phone. The second that he lets go CP falls from the bar and onto his back.)
Captain Punishment (on voice over): Damn it, you were supposed to edit out that part! Roll the next session.
(The next "session" is of CP running on a treadmill.)
Captain Punishment: Ah yes, here you see me working on my cardio. Seeing as how the WAR Match is one very long match full of action, I thought it would be best to make sure my stamina was at full force.
(As CP is running a group of teenagers come over and begin teasing him for his costume. CP does his best to ignore them as he focuses on his workout. At that moment a group of females dressed in spandex come walking by, fresh from an aerobics class. As CP is distracted by the sight, one of the teenagers reaches over and begins messing with the treadmill's controls. Soon the tread is moving too fast for CP and he falls on his face before being pushed off and onto the ground as the teenagers all laugh.)
Captain Punishment: Okay you know what, enough with the footage from earlier. Let's just go outside and try and capture me doing what I do best.
Cameraman(whispering): You mean failing epically?
Captain Punishment: What was that?
Cameraman: Nothing.
Captain Punishment: That's what I thought. Now, let's get to it.
(CP takes off running toward the door at full speed, his arms extended out in front of him. When he reaches the door he stops, opens it and then takes off running again with his arms out in front of him. The cameraman is heard sighing as he walks out the door.)
(Outside of the building CP is seen running down an alley toward the streets of downtown New York City. As he explodes out onto the sidewalk a group of passer-byes stop and stare at the costumed nut job. A pair of Asian tourists take the time to take his picture before walking off.)
Captain Punishment: Hey! Don't you people know that superheroes don't like their picture being taken?
Cameraman: What about Spider Man?
Captain Punishment: That's different, he takes his own picture. Not to menti...
Woman's Voice: Oh help! Somebody help!
(CP scans the area using his always trusty hand binoculars and sees a middle aged housewife dressed in a bathrobe with curlers in her hair waving toward him.)
Captain Punishment: Egad! A woman in peril!
(CP takes off running as the cameraman runs behind him.)
Captain Punishment: What seems to be the problem ma'am? Burglar? Kidnapped child? Husband being held for ransom by a group of deranged drug dealers?
Woman: My poor Fluffy is stuck in this tree.
(The woman points up at small white house cat that is laying on a branch overhead. CP looks up and a slight gulping sound can be heard from his throat.)
Captain Punishment: Well this may be a job better suited for the fire department. You see, that branch is mighty high.
Cameraman: That's like 10 feet, maybe 12 at the most.
Captain Punishment: That's high enough of a fall to cause injury.
Cameraman: Oh come on! What kind of superhero are you anyway?
(CP looks a little dejected at the insult.)
Captain Punishment: Very well, I shall do my duty and save your kitty ma'am.
(CP takes one last look up at the cat and gets to work climbing up the trunk. He makes it halfway up before looking down at the ground. Beads of sweat are pouring from the eye holes in his mask as he looks at the cameraman and woman 6 feet below him. He resumes climbing and reaches the branch where the cat is located. He shimmies out a few feet and reaches for the cat...who promptly scratches his hand.)
Captain Punishment: Ahh! Stupid cat!
(CP inches closer to the cat who starts to back away from him. As CP climbs out further the sound of the branch slowly breaking can be heard by everyone but him. Without warning the branch snaps and CP and the cat fall out of the tree. The woman is able to catch her cat but CP is not as lucky as he crashed hard onto the grass.)
Cameraman: I think now would be a good time to shut off the camera.
Captain Punishment: Oh you think so?
(The scene ends rather abruptly.)
Captain Punishment: Despite my avid protests to be removed from the WAR Match due to the fact that my amazing powers grant me a substantial advantage over any mere mortal, WCF management has decided that I shall in fact compete this Monday night. Very well, you have been warned WCF, whatever happens tonight is on you. Because you see...
(CP raises his arms up into a pose to show his slowly developing muscles, which have grown slightly from barely noticeable bumps to full fledged mosquito bites.)
Captain Punishment:..I have been training non-stop since I learned that I would be competing for a chance to become the WCF World Heavyweight Champion. I have put myself through some of the most grueling training sessions in the world, challenging my body in ways that it has never been challenged before. Roll the footage.
(The camera shot switches to pre-taped training sessions as CP provides the voice over.)
Captain Punishment: The first thing I worked on was my upper body strength. Of course you all already knew that from looking at these massive guns.
(Footage of CP in a local gym attempting to bench press is played. After several failed attempts to lift any real weight, CP moves on to just benching the bar. Five reps later someone has to come and lift the bar off of his chest as CP slides off the bench.
The next bit of footage is of CP on a pull up bar, doing quite well surprisingly. The camera then pulls out farther to reveal someone standing under CP lifting him up so it looks good on camera. The man helping CP with his pull ups is then seen letting go of his legs in order to answer his cell phone. The second that he lets go CP falls from the bar and onto his back.)
Captain Punishment (on voice over): Damn it, you were supposed to edit out that part! Roll the next session.
(The next "session" is of CP running on a treadmill.)
Captain Punishment: Ah yes, here you see me working on my cardio. Seeing as how the WAR Match is one very long match full of action, I thought it would be best to make sure my stamina was at full force.
(As CP is running a group of teenagers come over and begin teasing him for his costume. CP does his best to ignore them as he focuses on his workout. At that moment a group of females dressed in spandex come walking by, fresh from an aerobics class. As CP is distracted by the sight, one of the teenagers reaches over and begins messing with the treadmill's controls. Soon the tread is moving too fast for CP and he falls on his face before being pushed off and onto the ground as the teenagers all laugh.)
Captain Punishment: Okay you know what, enough with the footage from earlier. Let's just go outside and try and capture me doing what I do best.
Cameraman(whispering): You mean failing epically?
Captain Punishment: What was that?
Cameraman: Nothing.
Captain Punishment: That's what I thought. Now, let's get to it.
(CP takes off running toward the door at full speed, his arms extended out in front of him. When he reaches the door he stops, opens it and then takes off running again with his arms out in front of him. The cameraman is heard sighing as he walks out the door.)
(Outside of the building CP is seen running down an alley toward the streets of downtown New York City. As he explodes out onto the sidewalk a group of passer-byes stop and stare at the costumed nut job. A pair of Asian tourists take the time to take his picture before walking off.)
Captain Punishment: Hey! Don't you people know that superheroes don't like their picture being taken?
Cameraman: What about Spider Man?
Captain Punishment: That's different, he takes his own picture. Not to menti...
Woman's Voice: Oh help! Somebody help!
(CP scans the area using his always trusty hand binoculars and sees a middle aged housewife dressed in a bathrobe with curlers in her hair waving toward him.)
Captain Punishment: Egad! A woman in peril!
(CP takes off running as the cameraman runs behind him.)
Captain Punishment: What seems to be the problem ma'am? Burglar? Kidnapped child? Husband being held for ransom by a group of deranged drug dealers?
Woman: My poor Fluffy is stuck in this tree.
(The woman points up at small white house cat that is laying on a branch overhead. CP looks up and a slight gulping sound can be heard from his throat.)
Captain Punishment: Well this may be a job better suited for the fire department. You see, that branch is mighty high.
Cameraman: That's like 10 feet, maybe 12 at the most.
Captain Punishment: That's high enough of a fall to cause injury.
Cameraman: Oh come on! What kind of superhero are you anyway?
(CP looks a little dejected at the insult.)
Captain Punishment: Very well, I shall do my duty and save your kitty ma'am.
(CP takes one last look up at the cat and gets to work climbing up the trunk. He makes it halfway up before looking down at the ground. Beads of sweat are pouring from the eye holes in his mask as he looks at the cameraman and woman 6 feet below him. He resumes climbing and reaches the branch where the cat is located. He shimmies out a few feet and reaches for the cat...who promptly scratches his hand.)
Captain Punishment: Ahh! Stupid cat!
(CP inches closer to the cat who starts to back away from him. As CP climbs out further the sound of the branch slowly breaking can be heard by everyone but him. Without warning the branch snaps and CP and the cat fall out of the tree. The woman is able to catch her cat but CP is not as lucky as he crashed hard onto the grass.)
Cameraman: I think now would be a good time to shut off the camera.
Captain Punishment: Oh you think so?
(The scene ends rather abruptly.)
