Post by cptpunishment on Sept 22, 2010 16:28:35 GMT -5
(The scene opens up with Captain Punishment standing, in all his majesty, on top of a milk crate with his hands on his hips and his head turned to the side and slightly upward with his eyes closed. The camera pulls the shot back slightly to reveal that CP is standing in the middle of a busy plaza and the people that pass by all stop and stare at the ridiculous sight. CP opens his eyes and places his hands, formed into the shape of circles, over them as he "scans" the area for any miscreants. Not realizing that he is currently being filmed, CP begins a dialog with himself.)
Captain Punishment (talking quietly to himself): All right crime, show your ugly face. Unless you're afraid. Yeah that's right, we all know that you're afraid of the awesomeness that is my might.
(CP lowers one half of his hand binoculars and forms a muscle to emphasize his "might". He then raises said hand back up to his eyes as he continues to search for any wrongdoing.)
Captain Punishment (talking quietly to himself): Hmm, I wonder if mom is still making tacos tonight. Hope she doesn't add too much taco sauce, that shit gives me serious heartb..
Woman's Voice: Help! Help!
Captain Punishment: Egad! A woman in peril!
(CP scans the area and sees nothing out of the ordinary as the cries for help come again.)
Woman's Voice: Somebody help me!
(CP determines where the cries are coming from and springs into action. He hops off of the milk crate and runs at full speed, his arms raised out in front of him of course, toward a nearby alley. Citizens going about their business in the plaza quickly move out of the way of the crazy man in the blue suit as he runs by them, making whooshing sounds for effect as he "flies".)
Random Guy (shaking his head): Freak.
(CP reaches the alley where the cries for help originated from and discovers the source: a woman being backed against a wall by a group of local hooligans. CP quickly assesses the situation...and determines that the matter is best suited for the police so he bolts from the scene as quickly as possible. As he turns around the corner he runs full speed into Hank Brown and his cameraman, knocking all three to the ground.)
Hank Brown: Hey watch it dumbas..oh it's you. We've been looking for you.
Captain Punishment: I, uh, have been busy Citizen Brown. You know, err, fighting crime and whatnot.
Hank Brown: Well why were you just running out of that alley?
Captain Punishment: Uh, no reason. Say, how bout we go over there and talk.
(CP points to the opposite side of the plaza, a good distance from the alley.)
Hank Brown: Why can't we do it here? And why do you look so sweaty?
(CP nervously looks back at the alley, and then at Hank.)
Captain Punishment: Sweaty? Who's sweaty?
Hank Brown: What the heck?
(Hank walks over to the alley and pokes his head in. He sees the situation going on and looks back at CP with a smirk on his face.)
Hank Brown: Oh that's just awesome. The all amazing Captain Punishment, the symbol of good in WCF..running like a coward in the face of adversity.
Captain Punishment: Well I, uhh, I...I...there's 8 of them back their Hank!
Hank Brown: But you're a (Hank puts up air quotes) superhero (Hank ends the air quotes) aren't you?
Captain Punishment: Well yes, of course. But you see the WAR Match is coming up and I can't risk being injured. And even with my amazing superhero skill set, fighting off 8 grown men could still pose a serious threat to my wrestling status.
(Hank takes another quick look down the alley and sees that the "grown men" are actually just a gang of middle school bullies.)
Hank Brown: Whatever, let's just get this over with.
(Hank and CP walk off despite the continuing cries of the woman from the alley. Several other people nearby hear her yell and run over to the alley, only to pull out their cell phones and record the scene.)
Hank Brown: So last week you lost your match and the chance to be the final entrant in the WAR Match. So now you could end up being, for example, number 3 and end up having to fight off everyone for the chance to be the winner and the new World Champion. How do you expect to fare in such a situation?
Captain Punishment: Quite well actually. You see I had that match firmly in my grasps until that no good Russle Trombone low blowed me in the grapefruits. Having to deal with the pain caused me to lose focus for the rest of the match and ultimately lead to the loss.
Hank Brown: That happened halfway through the match. Are you telling me that you spent 15 minutes crying to yourself over your hurt nuts?
Captain Punishment: It wasn't 15 minutes, it was more like 10. And I wasn't crying, I just had sweat in my eyes.
Hank Brown: Yeah, sure. So now back to the WAR Match, do you really think you have a chance to do anything besides run around and scream like a schoolgirl as you try to avoid having your head knocked off your shoulders?
Captain Punishment: You'd be wise to watch your mouth Citizen Brown. I may fight the good fight, but that doesn't mean I'll shy away from slapping the taste out of your mouth. As for the WAR Match, you should know that I've been training religiously to get my body and mind in the right shape for this match. I've put on a whole 2 pounds since last week, all of it right here.
(CP holds up his right arm and makes a muscle. Unlike past weeks, there is actually a small but noticeable bump in his skinny arm.)
Hank Brown (sarcastic): Oh boy, everybody better watch out now.
Captain Punishment: My thoughts exactly. Now if you'll excuse me, I must get back to watching the area for crime. If you'd like, tomorrow you can join me during one of my training sessions.
(CP hops back on top of his milk crate and resumes scanning the area through his hand binoculars.)
Hank Brown: You know, you might have a better view of the area if you lookout from up there.
(Hank points to the top of a relatively high warehouse.)
Captain Punishment: Uh, I'm good.
Hank Brown: Suit yourself.
(The scene ends with Hank and the cameraman leaving CP to his superhero duties.)
Captain Punishment (talking quietly to himself): All right crime, show your ugly face. Unless you're afraid. Yeah that's right, we all know that you're afraid of the awesomeness that is my might.
(CP lowers one half of his hand binoculars and forms a muscle to emphasize his "might". He then raises said hand back up to his eyes as he continues to search for any wrongdoing.)
Captain Punishment (talking quietly to himself): Hmm, I wonder if mom is still making tacos tonight. Hope she doesn't add too much taco sauce, that shit gives me serious heartb..
Woman's Voice: Help! Help!
Captain Punishment: Egad! A woman in peril!
(CP scans the area and sees nothing out of the ordinary as the cries for help come again.)
Woman's Voice: Somebody help me!
(CP determines where the cries are coming from and springs into action. He hops off of the milk crate and runs at full speed, his arms raised out in front of him of course, toward a nearby alley. Citizens going about their business in the plaza quickly move out of the way of the crazy man in the blue suit as he runs by them, making whooshing sounds for effect as he "flies".)
Random Guy (shaking his head): Freak.
(CP reaches the alley where the cries for help originated from and discovers the source: a woman being backed against a wall by a group of local hooligans. CP quickly assesses the situation...and determines that the matter is best suited for the police so he bolts from the scene as quickly as possible. As he turns around the corner he runs full speed into Hank Brown and his cameraman, knocking all three to the ground.)
Hank Brown: Hey watch it dumbas..oh it's you. We've been looking for you.
Captain Punishment: I, uh, have been busy Citizen Brown. You know, err, fighting crime and whatnot.
Hank Brown: Well why were you just running out of that alley?
Captain Punishment: Uh, no reason. Say, how bout we go over there and talk.
(CP points to the opposite side of the plaza, a good distance from the alley.)
Hank Brown: Why can't we do it here? And why do you look so sweaty?
(CP nervously looks back at the alley, and then at Hank.)
Captain Punishment: Sweaty? Who's sweaty?
Hank Brown: What the heck?
(Hank walks over to the alley and pokes his head in. He sees the situation going on and looks back at CP with a smirk on his face.)
Hank Brown: Oh that's just awesome. The all amazing Captain Punishment, the symbol of good in WCF..running like a coward in the face of adversity.
Captain Punishment: Well I, uhh, I...I...there's 8 of them back their Hank!
Hank Brown: But you're a (Hank puts up air quotes) superhero (Hank ends the air quotes) aren't you?
Captain Punishment: Well yes, of course. But you see the WAR Match is coming up and I can't risk being injured. And even with my amazing superhero skill set, fighting off 8 grown men could still pose a serious threat to my wrestling status.
(Hank takes another quick look down the alley and sees that the "grown men" are actually just a gang of middle school bullies.)
Hank Brown: Whatever, let's just get this over with.
(Hank and CP walk off despite the continuing cries of the woman from the alley. Several other people nearby hear her yell and run over to the alley, only to pull out their cell phones and record the scene.)
Hank Brown: So last week you lost your match and the chance to be the final entrant in the WAR Match. So now you could end up being, for example, number 3 and end up having to fight off everyone for the chance to be the winner and the new World Champion. How do you expect to fare in such a situation?
Captain Punishment: Quite well actually. You see I had that match firmly in my grasps until that no good Russle Trombone low blowed me in the grapefruits. Having to deal with the pain caused me to lose focus for the rest of the match and ultimately lead to the loss.
Hank Brown: That happened halfway through the match. Are you telling me that you spent 15 minutes crying to yourself over your hurt nuts?
Captain Punishment: It wasn't 15 minutes, it was more like 10. And I wasn't crying, I just had sweat in my eyes.
Hank Brown: Yeah, sure. So now back to the WAR Match, do you really think you have a chance to do anything besides run around and scream like a schoolgirl as you try to avoid having your head knocked off your shoulders?
Captain Punishment: You'd be wise to watch your mouth Citizen Brown. I may fight the good fight, but that doesn't mean I'll shy away from slapping the taste out of your mouth. As for the WAR Match, you should know that I've been training religiously to get my body and mind in the right shape for this match. I've put on a whole 2 pounds since last week, all of it right here.
(CP holds up his right arm and makes a muscle. Unlike past weeks, there is actually a small but noticeable bump in his skinny arm.)
Hank Brown (sarcastic): Oh boy, everybody better watch out now.
Captain Punishment: My thoughts exactly. Now if you'll excuse me, I must get back to watching the area for crime. If you'd like, tomorrow you can join me during one of my training sessions.
(CP hops back on top of his milk crate and resumes scanning the area through his hand binoculars.)
Hank Brown: You know, you might have a better view of the area if you lookout from up there.
(Hank points to the top of a relatively high warehouse.)
Captain Punishment: Uh, I'm good.
Hank Brown: Suit yourself.
(The scene ends with Hank and the cameraman leaving CP to his superhero duties.)
