Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2007 11:54:01 GMT -5
Oh, what would it were the disasterpiece of Blast? The Jones character usurped the diabolical Cairo. What would be Cairo's reaction to such an event transpired? Would the downward spiral engulf Cairo's mind and twist his soul like a tornado on a colony of fire ants? Or will Cairo respond with his greatest archetype of wretched decay? The building blocks of humanity form pillars for a deceitful reign. Only those with the guile of jackals and the discipline of marionettes will withstand the force of eurhythmy. Cairo's trials and tribulations form the backdrop of our everyday lives. They become a symbol of neglect and disdain for all to enjoy. Cairo is our lord and savior, but where may we lie...when the tapestry falls?
Bobby Cairo: Congratulations are in order, Mr. Jones. I applaud your cunning concepts and delirious deceptions. You finally got one over on Cairo. It's about time. I was beginning to think that I overestimated your abilities. I felt like I was wasting my time picking on some poor defenseless quadriplegic. But you proved me wrong. You had me tapping out and begging for mercy in front of millions of viewers the world over. How embarrassing for Cairo? It was the single greatest defeat of my career and it couldn't have been more perfect. How can I be mad when all of my dreams and desires fell to shit in one swift motion? How can I be upset when my last great chance at immortality fell by the wayside? Most people might be pissed off in the wake of such an encounter, but I'm really not. I'll be honest with you, Jones. I was as angry as I've ever been in the locker room on Sunday night after you beat me. I was inconsolable. Biohazard offered to fly me out to Chicago for a deep-dish pizza, but I wouldn't listen to logic. I caught the redeye back to Hartford and I got fucked up on the cheapest, largest bottle of grain alcohol that I could find. That's when I had an epiphany. I realized the greater the suffering, the greater the reward. One door may have shut closed on my face, but another door is about to open right up. When you understand my plan, you will understand peace and harmony. You will understand why Hell is far superior to Heaven. You will understand why fear is the gateway to paradise. You will understand the very essence of Cairo.
Cactus juice and river cocktails aside, Cairo has never been a man to dwell on failure or even success. Cairo is a levelheaded man who focuses on the task at hand. Cairo's next task will be to conquer Danny Vice tonight at Slam. The winner will advance in the tournament to crown a brand-new WCF Television Champion. We know that Cairo's main objective in WCF, aside from murdering Lonnie, has been to regain the WCF World Championship that he once held. Having said that, how does Cairo regard the Television Title? Is he disappointed by this relegation to a lesser championship division? Does he require a ballroom ejaculation with a muy caliente senorita to overcome his disappointment or will Cairo once again dazzle our retractions and bewilder our core sensibilities?
Bobby Cairo: Contrary to popular belief, Cairo is an extremely beloved man. I have an underground mass of loyal supporters based neither on conspiracy theories nor dichotomist religions. My support comes from those are true to themselves. We live our lives as kings because that is what we are. We are the only free human beings on Planet Earth. I answer to no god, I answer to no boss. I would slit Seth Lerch's throat just as softly and sweetly as I butter my morning toast. My supporters have been asking me these last couple of days. They've been asking me about the Television Title tournament. They want to know what the WCF Television Title means to me. Do I look down upon the Television Title? Do I look at the Television Title as lesser than the World Title? The answer is absolutely not. A championship title is only as important as the man who wears the gold. If some sissy punk asshole is walking around as the Television Champion, then the Television Title means shit. If Bobby Cairo is the Television Champion, that title will become as important as any title in the world. That's no slight to the current WCF World Champion Jack of Blades, because that man deserves all of the respect in the world. I don't mean any slight to Jack of Blades. That's no slight at all, because Bobby Cairo takes a back seat to no man. I might move to the back seat with a sexy young lady, but I take a back seat to no man. When I enter a room, that room becomes golden. When I step into a wrestling ring, that ring becomes golden. I am the magic man and the man of the hour. I wear the Northern States Imperial championship as proudly as any man can wear any title. That title represents my homeland and I will defend that title with every drop of blood, sweat and tears in my body. But this isn't about the Northern States Imperial championship. This isn't even about the WCF Television championship. Not yet, because right now I have to focus on Daniel Vice. Daniel Vice is a very capable young man. I have battled Daniel Vice on many occasions and he is a tough bastard. He lives his life with reckless abandon. That's commendable, Mr. Vice. You deserve to call yourself a professional wrestler, because you are one of the special ones. You are somebody that the children can look up to and appreciate. You can be respected, but that still doesn't prepare you for some things. It doesn't prepare you for losing yourself in a sea of cognitive dissonance. Did you ever turn out the lights and pray for God to protect you and your loved ones? Did you wake the next morning to find that something terrible had happened to someone that you care about? This is Cairo. I make your darkest fears a reality. Why? Because I must. I cannot live my life without fear unless I instill fear into the collective consciousness of those around me. It is my security blanket. It is your security breach. Now you understand these things, but you can never comprehend them.
Children who are corrupted by Michael Jackson will never have the chance to live healthy lives. Corruption is commonplace in our society. Corruption occurs at every level, in every face and in every place. Only the strong and the intelligent can survive. Oftentimes we do things that we shouldn't. We do this when we believe that we can get away with it. When our hand is caught in the cookie jar, we are left scrambling for an excuse. It becomes a race to acquit ourselves. We must redeem ourselves before the accusations begin to fly. Uncertainty breeds fear. Fear breeds discomfort. Discomfort breeds screaming at walls and crying on floors. We become shivering masses. Our only desire is to relieve ourselves in the nearest elimination chamber. Cairo understands this. Cairo uses this lowest form of homo sapien instinct to his advantage.
Bobby Cairo: Why do all the people dance? They form a chain. They parade in a diabolical masquerade of incarnate entropy. You're not fooling me. This is not an abstract disorder. This is the cup of life. Nail guns are not for children, just as black magic is not for responsible adults. When you look into my eyes, you see instruction. You begin to feel benign. All the vines of insecurity and harm will depart you. Cairo is not God, but Cairo is standing on a higher ground than you. Lessons of disarmament will never be forgotten. We will learn to teach and teach to learn. All of the children will form a circle and preach to the dissident. The dissident will take the instruction or the dissident will embrace execution. This is the dissident's decision. Any who refuse improvement will meet their end. Those who weary the waymaker will know perdition. There is no feasible alternative. There is no escape.
The Clap Trap ordains its minister...a minister of rust, a minister of ash. A miniscule backlash ensues, yet big men with machine guns swallow them whole. The evil forces in positions of power have retained the control. Lock yourself in the cellar and weep. Cold shivers down your spine as you preclude their indignation. Pine boxes are not for living, they are for sleeping. When will you meet yours? I don't want you to misconstrue my words. I am not threatening your safety. I am warning you of the challenges that await. If you rise to the occasion then you may achieve greatness, but not without loss. Your ideals of perfection will shatter upon the Earth as you encounter these obstacles. Blood will be shed. You will feel tragedy, but will you overcome?
Bobby Cairo: Think of the warriors of yesteryear. Ammo clips served as their breakfast buffet as they marched through the streets of Appolyon. Nobody knew from whence they came, but they knew to get the fuck out the way. This is Cairo. Cairo will never be held back by ignorant media stereotype or the politicking of deceased worker bees. A star shall set upon the sun. The Earth shall shake with a golden hum. Children's eyes sparkle with delight. Cairo deflagellates another opponent under the light. This is the dialog that I found written upon a bible and cast aside under these rocks and stones. I'm a man of my word. The fireworks will shine bright and ring louder than the hounds of Hell. Rectification comes quickly, my friend.
Passion is a merrymaker. Ring-a-ding-ding on those heartstrings and you shall encounter shiatsu. This is not for the weak of mind, spirit, body and soul. When we honor a great man we cannot forget to pass the salt and indulge our most coarse impulses. Don't be afraid to steal that dead man's watch. If you don't, they will. Do it and you will never regret. Speak like a lord and they will respect you. Wear the watch, they will respect you. Bludgeon the children, they will respect you. Put your hand on the glass and twirl the spoon, they will reject you. There is no room for incontinence. We need strong actions, actions that can never be convoluted by thieves or deviants. Put the money in your pocket and never look back. Don't ever look back.
Bobby Cairo: Daniel Vice, what say you? Shall I toss you a cold beer as I systematically dissect your vital organs? I don't want to hurt you, Daniel. It's not really my choice. You and I are victims of circumstance. Obviously, you are a much greater victim than I. When all is said and done, my innards will remain intact. You will be fortunate to avoid a lobotomy with a bottle of Lobster Schnapps up the cranny. This is how these things break down sometimes. A much stronger predator devours a weak predator. Alligators devour picnic baskets. Girl scouts devour alligators. Suge Knight devours girl scouts. This is called natural selection. Blunt force trauma is a billion dollar industry, Daniel. You're about to become a very hot commodity. Spleen, pancreas, gallbladder...it almost reminds me of the China Buffet. I guess that would make you the poo poo platter, Mr. Vice. Go ahead, get hopped up on pills. Stay up all night and make love to your porno mags. This is the end of your world, Mr. Vice, and I feel fine.
The clattering of tusks belies the insolence of a modern-day egoist paradise. We're living in a society of thieves, backstabbers and murderers. Cairo is not a bad man. He simply does what he must to survive. If a 66-year old man can be railroaded by cowards and hypocrites and fired by his employer of 35 years during a telethon to raise millions of dollars for kids with cancer, that should send a strong message to each and every one of us. Freedom of speech is the mirage of an oasis in the middle of the Sahara Desert. The moment that you let your guard down is the moment that these jackals and vultures will strike. This is why Cairo acts in such a manner as to show no regard for mainstream sensibilities or political correctness. Hurt feelings can be overcome, but the denial of free expression is more than any society can tolerate. You may laugh now, but what will you do when it happens to you? Where will you turn when they bend you over a chair with a bucket on your head and a broomstick shoved up your ass? If it can happen to an industry giant like Imus, then it can sure as hell happen to any of us. So now you're left with a choice: You can be the spark that starts the inferno of revolution or you can be just another victim of the fascist propaganda machine. Choose wisely, my friends, because the pillars of progress will fall to dust if people like us don't stand and fight for our freedom.
Bobby Cairo: Congratulations are in order, Mr. Jones. I applaud your cunning concepts and delirious deceptions. You finally got one over on Cairo. It's about time. I was beginning to think that I overestimated your abilities. I felt like I was wasting my time picking on some poor defenseless quadriplegic. But you proved me wrong. You had me tapping out and begging for mercy in front of millions of viewers the world over. How embarrassing for Cairo? It was the single greatest defeat of my career and it couldn't have been more perfect. How can I be mad when all of my dreams and desires fell to shit in one swift motion? How can I be upset when my last great chance at immortality fell by the wayside? Most people might be pissed off in the wake of such an encounter, but I'm really not. I'll be honest with you, Jones. I was as angry as I've ever been in the locker room on Sunday night after you beat me. I was inconsolable. Biohazard offered to fly me out to Chicago for a deep-dish pizza, but I wouldn't listen to logic. I caught the redeye back to Hartford and I got fucked up on the cheapest, largest bottle of grain alcohol that I could find. That's when I had an epiphany. I realized the greater the suffering, the greater the reward. One door may have shut closed on my face, but another door is about to open right up. When you understand my plan, you will understand peace and harmony. You will understand why Hell is far superior to Heaven. You will understand why fear is the gateway to paradise. You will understand the very essence of Cairo.
Cactus juice and river cocktails aside, Cairo has never been a man to dwell on failure or even success. Cairo is a levelheaded man who focuses on the task at hand. Cairo's next task will be to conquer Danny Vice tonight at Slam. The winner will advance in the tournament to crown a brand-new WCF Television Champion. We know that Cairo's main objective in WCF, aside from murdering Lonnie, has been to regain the WCF World Championship that he once held. Having said that, how does Cairo regard the Television Title? Is he disappointed by this relegation to a lesser championship division? Does he require a ballroom ejaculation with a muy caliente senorita to overcome his disappointment or will Cairo once again dazzle our retractions and bewilder our core sensibilities?
Bobby Cairo: Contrary to popular belief, Cairo is an extremely beloved man. I have an underground mass of loyal supporters based neither on conspiracy theories nor dichotomist religions. My support comes from those are true to themselves. We live our lives as kings because that is what we are. We are the only free human beings on Planet Earth. I answer to no god, I answer to no boss. I would slit Seth Lerch's throat just as softly and sweetly as I butter my morning toast. My supporters have been asking me these last couple of days. They've been asking me about the Television Title tournament. They want to know what the WCF Television Title means to me. Do I look down upon the Television Title? Do I look at the Television Title as lesser than the World Title? The answer is absolutely not. A championship title is only as important as the man who wears the gold. If some sissy punk asshole is walking around as the Television Champion, then the Television Title means shit. If Bobby Cairo is the Television Champion, that title will become as important as any title in the world. That's no slight to the current WCF World Champion Jack of Blades, because that man deserves all of the respect in the world. I don't mean any slight to Jack of Blades. That's no slight at all, because Bobby Cairo takes a back seat to no man. I might move to the back seat with a sexy young lady, but I take a back seat to no man. When I enter a room, that room becomes golden. When I step into a wrestling ring, that ring becomes golden. I am the magic man and the man of the hour. I wear the Northern States Imperial championship as proudly as any man can wear any title. That title represents my homeland and I will defend that title with every drop of blood, sweat and tears in my body. But this isn't about the Northern States Imperial championship. This isn't even about the WCF Television championship. Not yet, because right now I have to focus on Daniel Vice. Daniel Vice is a very capable young man. I have battled Daniel Vice on many occasions and he is a tough bastard. He lives his life with reckless abandon. That's commendable, Mr. Vice. You deserve to call yourself a professional wrestler, because you are one of the special ones. You are somebody that the children can look up to and appreciate. You can be respected, but that still doesn't prepare you for some things. It doesn't prepare you for losing yourself in a sea of cognitive dissonance. Did you ever turn out the lights and pray for God to protect you and your loved ones? Did you wake the next morning to find that something terrible had happened to someone that you care about? This is Cairo. I make your darkest fears a reality. Why? Because I must. I cannot live my life without fear unless I instill fear into the collective consciousness of those around me. It is my security blanket. It is your security breach. Now you understand these things, but you can never comprehend them.
Children who are corrupted by Michael Jackson will never have the chance to live healthy lives. Corruption is commonplace in our society. Corruption occurs at every level, in every face and in every place. Only the strong and the intelligent can survive. Oftentimes we do things that we shouldn't. We do this when we believe that we can get away with it. When our hand is caught in the cookie jar, we are left scrambling for an excuse. It becomes a race to acquit ourselves. We must redeem ourselves before the accusations begin to fly. Uncertainty breeds fear. Fear breeds discomfort. Discomfort breeds screaming at walls and crying on floors. We become shivering masses. Our only desire is to relieve ourselves in the nearest elimination chamber. Cairo understands this. Cairo uses this lowest form of homo sapien instinct to his advantage.
Bobby Cairo: Why do all the people dance? They form a chain. They parade in a diabolical masquerade of incarnate entropy. You're not fooling me. This is not an abstract disorder. This is the cup of life. Nail guns are not for children, just as black magic is not for responsible adults. When you look into my eyes, you see instruction. You begin to feel benign. All the vines of insecurity and harm will depart you. Cairo is not God, but Cairo is standing on a higher ground than you. Lessons of disarmament will never be forgotten. We will learn to teach and teach to learn. All of the children will form a circle and preach to the dissident. The dissident will take the instruction or the dissident will embrace execution. This is the dissident's decision. Any who refuse improvement will meet their end. Those who weary the waymaker will know perdition. There is no feasible alternative. There is no escape.
The Clap Trap ordains its minister...a minister of rust, a minister of ash. A miniscule backlash ensues, yet big men with machine guns swallow them whole. The evil forces in positions of power have retained the control. Lock yourself in the cellar and weep. Cold shivers down your spine as you preclude their indignation. Pine boxes are not for living, they are for sleeping. When will you meet yours? I don't want you to misconstrue my words. I am not threatening your safety. I am warning you of the challenges that await. If you rise to the occasion then you may achieve greatness, but not without loss. Your ideals of perfection will shatter upon the Earth as you encounter these obstacles. Blood will be shed. You will feel tragedy, but will you overcome?
Bobby Cairo: Think of the warriors of yesteryear. Ammo clips served as their breakfast buffet as they marched through the streets of Appolyon. Nobody knew from whence they came, but they knew to get the fuck out the way. This is Cairo. Cairo will never be held back by ignorant media stereotype or the politicking of deceased worker bees. A star shall set upon the sun. The Earth shall shake with a golden hum. Children's eyes sparkle with delight. Cairo deflagellates another opponent under the light. This is the dialog that I found written upon a bible and cast aside under these rocks and stones. I'm a man of my word. The fireworks will shine bright and ring louder than the hounds of Hell. Rectification comes quickly, my friend.
Passion is a merrymaker. Ring-a-ding-ding on those heartstrings and you shall encounter shiatsu. This is not for the weak of mind, spirit, body and soul. When we honor a great man we cannot forget to pass the salt and indulge our most coarse impulses. Don't be afraid to steal that dead man's watch. If you don't, they will. Do it and you will never regret. Speak like a lord and they will respect you. Wear the watch, they will respect you. Bludgeon the children, they will respect you. Put your hand on the glass and twirl the spoon, they will reject you. There is no room for incontinence. We need strong actions, actions that can never be convoluted by thieves or deviants. Put the money in your pocket and never look back. Don't ever look back.
Bobby Cairo: Daniel Vice, what say you? Shall I toss you a cold beer as I systematically dissect your vital organs? I don't want to hurt you, Daniel. It's not really my choice. You and I are victims of circumstance. Obviously, you are a much greater victim than I. When all is said and done, my innards will remain intact. You will be fortunate to avoid a lobotomy with a bottle of Lobster Schnapps up the cranny. This is how these things break down sometimes. A much stronger predator devours a weak predator. Alligators devour picnic baskets. Girl scouts devour alligators. Suge Knight devours girl scouts. This is called natural selection. Blunt force trauma is a billion dollar industry, Daniel. You're about to become a very hot commodity. Spleen, pancreas, gallbladder...it almost reminds me of the China Buffet. I guess that would make you the poo poo platter, Mr. Vice. Go ahead, get hopped up on pills. Stay up all night and make love to your porno mags. This is the end of your world, Mr. Vice, and I feel fine.
The clattering of tusks belies the insolence of a modern-day egoist paradise. We're living in a society of thieves, backstabbers and murderers. Cairo is not a bad man. He simply does what he must to survive. If a 66-year old man can be railroaded by cowards and hypocrites and fired by his employer of 35 years during a telethon to raise millions of dollars for kids with cancer, that should send a strong message to each and every one of us. Freedom of speech is the mirage of an oasis in the middle of the Sahara Desert. The moment that you let your guard down is the moment that these jackals and vultures will strike. This is why Cairo acts in such a manner as to show no regard for mainstream sensibilities or political correctness. Hurt feelings can be overcome, but the denial of free expression is more than any society can tolerate. You may laugh now, but what will you do when it happens to you? Where will you turn when they bend you over a chair with a bucket on your head and a broomstick shoved up your ass? If it can happen to an industry giant like Imus, then it can sure as hell happen to any of us. So now you're left with a choice: You can be the spark that starts the inferno of revolution or you can be just another victim of the fascist propaganda machine. Choose wisely, my friends, because the pillars of progress will fall to dust if people like us don't stand and fight for our freedom.
