ABC-123

[Deleted]

{Bobby is preparing for a night alone at his apartment. He takes a frozen entree out of the freezer and puts it in the microwave. Then he sits down on the couch and flips through the TV channels.}

Bobby: "Hmm... Let's see what's on tonight. My Name is Earl? No way. Everybody Hates Chris? Ain't gonna happen. Walker, Texas Ranger? Now we're talking!"

{Bobby spends the next few minutes watching Chuck Norris kick ass until the "DING!" of the microwave timer.}

Bobby: "All right! Time to eat!"

{Bobby runs over to the microwave and cautiously removes the piping hot tray so as not to burn himself. He lets it cool off for about two minutes before digging in.}

Bobby: "Dammit... These peas suck and the turkey's still frozen in the middle! What a load of crap!"

{Bobby is disgusted. He slams the tray into the trashcan.}

Bobby: "There goes 99 cents that I'll never get back. Now what am I supposed to eat?"

{Bobby scavenges through the fridge and the cabinets but doesn't find anything of interest.}

Bobby: "Well, there's always that diner across the street."

{Bobby laces up his Reeboks and grabs his Yankees cap, then walks over to the diner. Once inside, Bobby takes a seat at the counter. A pretty, young waitress walks over to him.}

Waitress: "Hello, sir. What can I get for you today?"

{Bobby gives a wry smile.}

Bobby: "How about your phone number, baby?"

{Bobby chuckles softly, but the girl frowns at him.}

Bobby: "Oh, uh... I'll just have a turkey club and a Coke."

{The girl writes down the order and then walks away as Bobby mumbles to himself. Out of the corner of his eye, Bobby notices that two dudes are staring at him. Bobby walks over to their table to confront them.}

Bobby: "Hey."

Guy 1: "Hey."

Bobby: "You guys aren't gay or anything, are you?"

Guy 2: "No."

Bobby: "I noticed you staring at me. If you're gay this is the time to come clean, you little fruits."

Guy 1: "We're not gay! My friend and I are wrestling fans and we noticed you sitting over there. That's all."

Bobby: "Oh, okay. That's cool. Can I hook you guys up with an autograph?"

Guy 2: "No, you've done enough. Believe me."

Bobby: "You guys look strangely familiar. Have we met before?"

Guy 1: "We're in a death metal band called Incarcerated Rabbi. Maybe you've been to one of our shows?"

Bobby: "That's right! I saw you guys with Rotting Christ and Impaled Nazarene. You were awesome! Can I get your autograph?"

Guy 1: "No problem. Do you have a pen?"

Bobby: "No, I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum if I carry a pen."

Guy 1: "We could ask the waitress if she'll let us borrow one."

Bobby: "You know what... who needs an autograph? Why don't we just all sit down and enjoy dinner together!"

Guy 2: "I don't know if that's such a good..."

Bobby: "Don't be silly. We'll have a great time!"

{Bobby takes a seat at the table.}

Bobby: "It's really great to meet you guys. By the way, I'm Bobby Cairo."

Harvey: "Bobby, I'm Harvey Marvin. This is Clyde Mack."

Clyde: "Hi, Bobby. How... are ya?"

{The waitress walks over to the table and gives Bobby his food.}

Bobby: "Thank you very much. This looks great. Really great."

{She walks away without saying a word.}

Bobby: "That is one cold bitch right there, gentlemen. I think she's a lesbian."

Clyde: "You also thought we were gay."

Bobby: "Hey, man, even I can't bat a thousand all the time. So are you guys gonna be watching the WCF Explosion pay per view extravaganza this Sunday?"

Harvey: "Clyde is more of a casual fan but I never miss a PPV."

Bobby: "That's awesome, man. We really appreciate your support. Our ratings are in the toilet right now."

Clyde: "Perhaps you guys should have more T&A and less wrestling, like that other company?"

Bobby: "I've talked to WCF management about that but I'm pretty sure those guys are gay."

Clyde: "You seem pretty hung up on this 'gay' thing, Bobby."

Bobby: "I just call 'em as I see 'em, Clyde. You got something you wanna say to me?"

Clyde: "No... I'm cool."

Bobby: "That's what I thought, you stupid little..."

Harvey: "Bobby how do you like your chances this Sunday?"

Bobby: "I love my chances, Harvey. Most people would look at this match and say the odds are against me because I'm the only one without an ally. But you know something, bro? People fail to realize that I'm simply that much better than these other clowns! You could make it 10 on 1 and I'll still come out on top. My only regret is that I'll be winning a shot at the TV Title instead of the World Title."

Clyde: "Are you always such an arrogant prick, Bobby?"

Bobby: "Motherfucker, I've had enough of your lip! We can do this shit right here, right now!"

Harvey: "Bobby, Bobby, calm down. Clyde is just kidding around with you."

Bobby: "Yeah okay. Whatever. Look, I'm gonna get out of here. I'll, uh, I'll catch you guys another time."

{Bobby pays his bill and gets his food wrapped up to go. }