Post by Jack of Blades on Apr 5, 2006 16:21:11 GMT -5
(For this Jack is alone in the interview room with a static camera. It should be noted that neither this nor 'Death to the Anorexic' are responses for my first 'Sunday Slam' match.)
Jack of Blades: Ladies and Gentleman, I am going to give you forewarning now. Record this interview for it will detail an event that is absent from any other time in history. The event in question? Why, Jack of Blades, moi, admitting that he has something in common with another person.
I'll just give you a few moments to catch your breath after this revelation and find a blank video on which to etch these epic occurrences.
(Jack pulls back his sleeve and looks at his watch while tapping his foot against the ground to suggest impatience.)
Jack of Blades: Recording? Good. To start off this lecture, and it is a lecture, I would like to start off in a similar manner to precedent ones by using a quote from a renowned philosopher or social satirist. Admittedly, this social satirist lacks some sort of degree or publishing deal. But in her defense she has a wealth of experience in the area of social examination. I mean, who better to examine the populous than its pariahs?
Now, where did I put that piece of paper?
(Pats himself down his trench-coat to suggest that he has lost it. He begins looking into the deep pockets of his attire and pulling out a set of arbitrary items such as a rubber duck, a chain of sausages, a handbook that proclaims that it will help you to 'learn Spanish before your vacation', and a DVD of camp stinker, 'Showgirls.' After about the fourth item, he pulls out what looks like a folded up towel which he unravels to reveal the 'Shroud of Turin.' He has a grim and sinister smile on his face at all times during this 'bit.' He finally finds a piece of disheveled paper which he unwraps to find what he was looking for.)
Jack of Blades: Ah, here it is. I've been practicing my voice of the writer as to emulate and duplicate the exact sentiments of the statement. I've been smoking twenty-a-day and replacing sugar in my tea with glass, so here goes.
(For the next paragraph/line of dialogue, Jack speaks in a husky voice. One that is much deeper than his usual cynical pitch. He will occasionally cough and splutter as to truly duplicate its originator.)
Jack of Blades: "Sometimes, when someone is pushed too far, when a lifetime of abuse comes crashing down all at one, things... change. People change. Or at least, feel the need to. Because staying in the certain situation would be the most painful thing in the world. Human nature is centered around one thought... make the pain go away. The pain of loneliness, the pain of being broke, the pain of living..."
Why, when I first read this, I thought I was dead and this my epitaph. How very true, Ellis. How very true of both of us. You see we both broke down when we realised that existence was just a streaming lake of effluence and that fate, or at least our basic premise of the term 'fate', is driven by idiot politicians and collective agreements. And yet, we differ drastically in some elements of our 'realisation.' Our catalysts and reactions were antithetical to each other's.
When I was brought with the tedium and constant malaise of a usual life, I broke down and went 'doo-lally.' 'Nuts'. 'Crazy.' Some would even call me psychotic but I assure you my contempt is not erratic. It is completely and utterly focused on the humdrum mediocrity of the average man. I laughed.
You, however, went on a process of self-deprecation when the rare subtleties of life did not present themselves. You cut yourself when that 'cutie in your biology class didn't ask you to go steady.' You slashed at your flesh when you didn't get 'Clumpers', that pony you wanted for your sweet sixteen. You bleed when normalcy went AWOL.
Maybe, if we had somehow traded existences, we could have ended up 'ordinary' or at the very least, what those prisoners of sanity consider ordinary. Perhaps we would be colleagues at some office where we sell stationary supplies to other, larger offices. At college, I would have been in the 'swim team' and you may have come second place in the regional 'spelling bee' in fourth grade.
And yet, despite these differences, we can be compared through one sterling similarity. Jack of Blades, moi. Oh yes, you see it was my inertia that catalyzed my own change of mood and it was my actions that made you realise the disparity and shocking abhorrence of life.
My metamorphosis into a beautiful butterfly has ended though. Yours is just beginning.
Jack of Blades: Ladies and Gentleman, I am going to give you forewarning now. Record this interview for it will detail an event that is absent from any other time in history. The event in question? Why, Jack of Blades, moi, admitting that he has something in common with another person.
I'll just give you a few moments to catch your breath after this revelation and find a blank video on which to etch these epic occurrences.
(Jack pulls back his sleeve and looks at his watch while tapping his foot against the ground to suggest impatience.)
Jack of Blades: Recording? Good. To start off this lecture, and it is a lecture, I would like to start off in a similar manner to precedent ones by using a quote from a renowned philosopher or social satirist. Admittedly, this social satirist lacks some sort of degree or publishing deal. But in her defense she has a wealth of experience in the area of social examination. I mean, who better to examine the populous than its pariahs?
Now, where did I put that piece of paper?
(Pats himself down his trench-coat to suggest that he has lost it. He begins looking into the deep pockets of his attire and pulling out a set of arbitrary items such as a rubber duck, a chain of sausages, a handbook that proclaims that it will help you to 'learn Spanish before your vacation', and a DVD of camp stinker, 'Showgirls.' After about the fourth item, he pulls out what looks like a folded up towel which he unravels to reveal the 'Shroud of Turin.' He has a grim and sinister smile on his face at all times during this 'bit.' He finally finds a piece of disheveled paper which he unwraps to find what he was looking for.)
Jack of Blades: Ah, here it is. I've been practicing my voice of the writer as to emulate and duplicate the exact sentiments of the statement. I've been smoking twenty-a-day and replacing sugar in my tea with glass, so here goes.
(For the next paragraph/line of dialogue, Jack speaks in a husky voice. One that is much deeper than his usual cynical pitch. He will occasionally cough and splutter as to truly duplicate its originator.)
Jack of Blades: "Sometimes, when someone is pushed too far, when a lifetime of abuse comes crashing down all at one, things... change. People change. Or at least, feel the need to. Because staying in the certain situation would be the most painful thing in the world. Human nature is centered around one thought... make the pain go away. The pain of loneliness, the pain of being broke, the pain of living..."
Why, when I first read this, I thought I was dead and this my epitaph. How very true, Ellis. How very true of both of us. You see we both broke down when we realised that existence was just a streaming lake of effluence and that fate, or at least our basic premise of the term 'fate', is driven by idiot politicians and collective agreements. And yet, we differ drastically in some elements of our 'realisation.' Our catalysts and reactions were antithetical to each other's.
When I was brought with the tedium and constant malaise of a usual life, I broke down and went 'doo-lally.' 'Nuts'. 'Crazy.' Some would even call me psychotic but I assure you my contempt is not erratic. It is completely and utterly focused on the humdrum mediocrity of the average man. I laughed.
You, however, went on a process of self-deprecation when the rare subtleties of life did not present themselves. You cut yourself when that 'cutie in your biology class didn't ask you to go steady.' You slashed at your flesh when you didn't get 'Clumpers', that pony you wanted for your sweet sixteen. You bleed when normalcy went AWOL.
Maybe, if we had somehow traded existences, we could have ended up 'ordinary' or at the very least, what those prisoners of sanity consider ordinary. Perhaps we would be colleagues at some office where we sell stationary supplies to other, larger offices. At college, I would have been in the 'swim team' and you may have come second place in the regional 'spelling bee' in fourth grade.
And yet, despite these differences, we can be compared through one sterling similarity. Jack of Blades, moi. Oh yes, you see it was my inertia that catalyzed my own change of mood and it was my actions that made you realise the disparity and shocking abhorrence of life.
My metamorphosis into a beautiful butterfly has ended though. Yours is just beginning.
