The Great Stand

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{The Disasterpiece in downtown Hartford is packed on this Thursday evening as Incarcerated Rabbi frontman Harvey Marvin prepares for his first ever solo gig. Among those in attendance is WCF superstar, and Harvey's close friend, Bobby Cairo. Bobby and Harvey are hanging out backstage, chatting before the show.}

BOBBY: "That's when I took the Dreadnoks guy and the Brotherhood guy and dropped them both over the top rope at the same time. It was the most awesome moment in wrestling since I won the World Title!"

HARVEY: "What about this Sexton guy that you're facing at Aftermath? Is he the real deal?"

BOBBY: "No, he actually sucks pretty badly and I'm positive that he's on steroids."

HARVEY: "What makes you say that?"

BOBBY: "Last week I saw him talking to that guy from BALCO."

HARVEY: "Are you talking about Barry Bonds?"

BOBBY: "Yes. They were talking after the show last week and I'm sure that it was steroid related. It's pretty obvious really. If you look at the tape of Sexton in his first match and you compare that to last week's match you can see the physical changes. His head is much bigger and his upper body is far more muscular. Plus, anyone who saw him walking around the locker room without a towel last week would have noticed the... shrinkage."

HARVEY: "That sucks, man. I hate scumbag cheaters like that!"

BOBBY: "I know, I know. It's a sad part of this sport, but please feel free to spread these rumors to as many people as you can."

HARVEY: "Believe me, I will!"

{Harvey checks his watch.}

HARVEY: "I gotta start the show, man. I'll catch you later."

{Harvey walks out to the stage while Bobby wades through the crowd and makes his way to the bar.}

HARVEY: "Is you motherfuckers ready to rock?"

CROWD : "YAAA!!!"

HARVEY: "I said is you motherfuckers READY TO ROCK!!!!"

CROWD: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"

{The band begins bashing out a thunderous death metal opus. Harvey joins in with his trademark unintelligible vocals.}

HARVEY: "HUZZAA HUAAIZ AHDHD AAAHA JAAAAAAA!!!"

{The band goes on to play an abbreviated 45 minute set before winding down its performance.}

HARVEY: "Hey guys sorry to cut tonight's show a little bit short, but I'm really fucking horny and I need to go have sex with my girlfriend!"

{The crowd begins booing and throwing tomatoes and batteries onto the stage. A drunken Bobby Cairo stumbles onstage and attempts to shield his friend, but a security guard tackles him. Harvey instructs the guard to let Bobby go and that's when Bobby grabs the microphone.}

BOBBY: "Knute Rockne would be ashamed of all of you!"

{The crowd boos and throws some more shit onto the stage.}

BOBBY: "You little dirtbags want entertainment? I'll give you some damn entertainment! Let's talk about my match this Sunday at Slam. I'm gonna be going out there once again with the odds stacked against me, because for all intents and purposes this is a damn handicap match. I've got two people gunning to take me down. I hope you're listening JJ Biggs and Ace, because this one's for you!"

{Bobby grabs a guitar and plays a quick solo before some big dude in a gorilla costume shoves him into an amplifier.}

BOBBY: "Shit you motherfucker, that shit hurts. That's a motherfucking amplifier! But my point is simple. And that point is that JJ and Ace may have the numbers in their favor, but one thing you punks don't have is balls! Bobby Cairo has balls, you little sons of bitches! That's why I want JJ and Ace to say their prayers and take their vitamins because I'm gonna bury you clowns ass-up! Now hit my music!"

{The band plays their rendition of Helmet's "In The Meantime" as the crowd erupts into a riot.}