Post by Lawnmower Jones on Aug 17, 2006 20:13:31 GMT -5
(The scene opens up split screen, with Lawnmower Jones on one side and Lonnie Mauer on the other. They are in different places, but seem to be doing the same thing: getting clothes for their wedding. Jones is standing in front of a large mirror wearing a black tuxedo. A short bald headed man wearing thick glasses is using a measuring tape to measure Jones' leg. While seeing the man, it becomes obvious that Jones has no pants on, instead he is wearing a pair of whitey tighties that look a tad dirty. Jones has a huge grin on his face as he adjusts his bow. On the other side of the screen, a lady wearing a white dress shirt and black pants is catering to Lonnie's needs. She has a dress in her hands and a frustrated look on her face. Lonnie is in front of a mirror but does not show any emotion.)
Saleswoman: Uh…..do you think you might…uh, like this one?
(The woman has an eager look on her face. Meanwhile, we focus in on Jones, who still has a grin. It's nice to see someone so happy, although it comes at the expense of marrying a lawnmower.)
LJ: This is great, Nate!
(Nate is now on the ground. He is still measuring Jones, and has the same frustrated look that Lonnie's saleswoman has.)
Nate: Oh yea? Why?
LJ: Well, I cant wait to get married! I've finally found the woman of my dreams!
Nate: Bah humbug to marriage! Waste of time! Might as well jerk off and save yourself the money and confrontation!
(Jones shrugs as we focus more on Lonnie's adventure.)
Saleswoman: So, if you can't fit into the dress, should I just give you this?
(The saleswoman holds the veil in her right hand. We focus on Jones again.)
LJ: The thing is, she's the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be!
Nate: What's so great about her?
(Jones sighs. This isn’t a normal sigh, it's a love struck sigh. The kind of sigh a school girl bitch would make when she's sees her crush.)
LJ: It's the way she makes me feel about myself. I become more confident when around her, it's great! When I see her, I want her! When I'm away, I crave her! When we fight, I can't wait to make up!
(Jones sighs again. We focus in on Lonnie.)
Saleswoman: So…You been married before?
(Awkward pause as we focus in on Jones.)
Nate: This girl a looker?
(Jones nods wildly.)
Nate: Oh yea? She got curves in all the right places?
LJ: Big time! It's great when I place my hands around her (nods like a cheesy porn star and lets word go on longer than need be) handlebars!
(Jones looks down and we see Nate with an exhausted smile on his face. He puts his hand down his pants and grabs tighter onto Jones leg. We focus more on Lonnie.)
Saleswoman: Well, if you need to talk, let me know. I guess I'm available?
(The scene goes back to Jones.)
LJ: This wedding is perfect! It will be in front of the world-me declaring my love for Lonnie! Oh boy, I can't wait! My friends will be there! Biggs, Sexton, Ace, Beyond, Jack of Blades-who is a nice fellow- and my best pal, my best man, my hero, Logan!
(Jones has on pants now. Nate is on the ground scrubbing Jones' shoes. As he scrubs violently, we see a tear trickle from his eye.)
Nate: I wish I had friends…..
(Nate's voice trails off. The scene cuts back to Lonnie's scene. The lady is sitting in a chair, legs folded, and eating an ice cream cookie. She is crying and has mascara running down her cheek.)
Saleswoman: I mean, I know you're nervous in front of an audience, but at least you know he's right for you! Me? I sell wedding dresses all day! I have no man! I have no future! I envy you!
(The woman breaks down more as we cut back to Jones.)
LJ: This is great! After we get married, we're going straight to Scotland for the honeymoon!
Nate: I love to travel.
LJ: Where have you been?
Nate: The Taco Bell in the food court…..
(Jones nods as the scene cuts to Lonnie.)
Saleswoman: And the honeymoon! Argh, you're so lucky! You actually have adventures! Me? I never get out of this stupid mall!
(The scene cuts back to Jones. He's just finishing up, wearing his normal attire. He has the tuxedo in one hand, and is paying with the other. The smile still illuminates his face.)
LJ: And when we finally start a family together…..brilliant!
Nate: (Looking down at register) I want to have kids….
(The scene cuts back to Lonnie, where the saleswoman is finishing up with her. She has just tied the veil around Lonnie's handlebars. She is gazing into an unseen area, hand under chin.)
Saleswoman: And to finally start a family. You're beautiful. You're going to be a beautiful, wonderful, happy mother!
(The saleswoman begins pushing Lonnie out of the store. As they come out, we see Jones with Nate leaving the tux shop. Nate looks forward as if excited to meet someone. It becomes obvious that the two stores were next to each other the whole time. The four stop in front of one another, with Jones facing Lonnie and Nate facing the woman. Jones sports a smile while Nate and the woman have serious mean looks on their faces.)
Nate: Barbara.
Barbara: Nate.
Nate: Bad to see you.
Barbara: Your business burn down yet?
Nate: No but your panties did!
(The two "Hmph!" at one another and take off to their respective stores. Jones looks back as Nate runs off.)
LJ: Jeez, what’s his problem?
(Jones shrugs as he pushes Lonnie forward. Scene fades to black.)
Saleswoman: Uh…..do you think you might…uh, like this one?
(The woman has an eager look on her face. Meanwhile, we focus in on Jones, who still has a grin. It's nice to see someone so happy, although it comes at the expense of marrying a lawnmower.)
LJ: This is great, Nate!
(Nate is now on the ground. He is still measuring Jones, and has the same frustrated look that Lonnie's saleswoman has.)
Nate: Oh yea? Why?
LJ: Well, I cant wait to get married! I've finally found the woman of my dreams!
Nate: Bah humbug to marriage! Waste of time! Might as well jerk off and save yourself the money and confrontation!
(Jones shrugs as we focus more on Lonnie's adventure.)
Saleswoman: So, if you can't fit into the dress, should I just give you this?
(The saleswoman holds the veil in her right hand. We focus on Jones again.)
LJ: The thing is, she's the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be!
Nate: What's so great about her?
(Jones sighs. This isn’t a normal sigh, it's a love struck sigh. The kind of sigh a school girl bitch would make when she's sees her crush.)
LJ: It's the way she makes me feel about myself. I become more confident when around her, it's great! When I see her, I want her! When I'm away, I crave her! When we fight, I can't wait to make up!
(Jones sighs again. We focus in on Lonnie.)
Saleswoman: So…You been married before?
(Awkward pause as we focus in on Jones.)
Nate: This girl a looker?
(Jones nods wildly.)
Nate: Oh yea? She got curves in all the right places?
LJ: Big time! It's great when I place my hands around her (nods like a cheesy porn star and lets word go on longer than need be) handlebars!
(Jones looks down and we see Nate with an exhausted smile on his face. He puts his hand down his pants and grabs tighter onto Jones leg. We focus more on Lonnie.)
Saleswoman: Well, if you need to talk, let me know. I guess I'm available?
(The scene goes back to Jones.)
LJ: This wedding is perfect! It will be in front of the world-me declaring my love for Lonnie! Oh boy, I can't wait! My friends will be there! Biggs, Sexton, Ace, Beyond, Jack of Blades-who is a nice fellow- and my best pal, my best man, my hero, Logan!
(Jones has on pants now. Nate is on the ground scrubbing Jones' shoes. As he scrubs violently, we see a tear trickle from his eye.)
Nate: I wish I had friends…..
(Nate's voice trails off. The scene cuts back to Lonnie's scene. The lady is sitting in a chair, legs folded, and eating an ice cream cookie. She is crying and has mascara running down her cheek.)
Saleswoman: I mean, I know you're nervous in front of an audience, but at least you know he's right for you! Me? I sell wedding dresses all day! I have no man! I have no future! I envy you!
(The woman breaks down more as we cut back to Jones.)
LJ: This is great! After we get married, we're going straight to Scotland for the honeymoon!
Nate: I love to travel.
LJ: Where have you been?
Nate: The Taco Bell in the food court…..
(Jones nods as the scene cuts to Lonnie.)
Saleswoman: And the honeymoon! Argh, you're so lucky! You actually have adventures! Me? I never get out of this stupid mall!
(The scene cuts back to Jones. He's just finishing up, wearing his normal attire. He has the tuxedo in one hand, and is paying with the other. The smile still illuminates his face.)
LJ: And when we finally start a family together…..brilliant!
Nate: (Looking down at register) I want to have kids….
(The scene cuts back to Lonnie, where the saleswoman is finishing up with her. She has just tied the veil around Lonnie's handlebars. She is gazing into an unseen area, hand under chin.)
Saleswoman: And to finally start a family. You're beautiful. You're going to be a beautiful, wonderful, happy mother!
(The saleswoman begins pushing Lonnie out of the store. As they come out, we see Jones with Nate leaving the tux shop. Nate looks forward as if excited to meet someone. It becomes obvious that the two stores were next to each other the whole time. The four stop in front of one another, with Jones facing Lonnie and Nate facing the woman. Jones sports a smile while Nate and the woman have serious mean looks on their faces.)
Nate: Barbara.
Barbara: Nate.
Nate: Bad to see you.
Barbara: Your business burn down yet?
Nate: No but your panties did!
(The two "Hmph!" at one another and take off to their respective stores. Jones looks back as Nate runs off.)
LJ: Jeez, what’s his problem?
(Jones shrugs as he pushes Lonnie forward. Scene fades to black.)
