Friday Morning Apocalypse

[Deleted]

(It's 9:00 AM on Friday morning. Cops, lawyers, criminals and others walk in and out of the Hartford County Courthouse. This is where Bobby and his lawyer David Kartel are scheduled to arrive any moment for their meeting with the District Attorney Twain Ericsson. At 9:05 AM, Kartel's Mercedes SL convertible pulls into the courthouse parking lot. The sun shines brightly off of Bobby's freshly shaved head as he and Kartel exit the vehicle and make their way to the courthouse entrance. After passing through the metal detectors, the two men take the elevator down to the basement floor where Ericsson's office is located.)

Mr. Kartel: "Remember what I told you, Bobby, let me do the talking. When Ericsson asks you a question, confer with me before you respond, ok?"

Bobby: "No problem, Dave. I understand completely."

(Kartel walks over to a door with the words 'District Attorney Ericsson' printed on it. He knocks a couple of times and waits for a response.)

Mr. Ericsson: "One minute please. I'm putting on my pants!"

(After a few moments the creaky, old door suddenly swings opens and Ericsson appears.)

Mr. Ericsson: "Gentlemen, welcome to the DA's office!"

Mr. Kartel: "Your fly is open."

Mr. Ericsson: "Whoops, sorry!"

(Ericsson sheepishly smiles as he zips up his pants. Around the office disorganized stacks of papers and folders succeed only in drawing attention away from the dilapidated state of the room itself.)

Mr. Kartel: "This place looks shittier and shittier every time I come here, Twain."

(Kartel and Bobby both look at each other and snicker.)

Mr. Ericsson: "Not all of us can be former mob lawyers who were disbarred in New York for importing Colombian cocaine, David."

Mr. Kartel: "I was never convicted on those charges and you know it, you son of a bitch!"

Bobby: "Gentlemen, gentlemen! Can we get down to business, please?"

Mr. Ericsson: "We will in just a minute, Mr. Cairo. Not everyone is here yet."

Mr. Kartel: "What are you talking about, Ericsson? It's supposed to be just the three of us."

Mr. Ericsson: "I'm afraid there's been a slight change of plans, David. It's not everyday that we get a big star like Bobby Cairo down here."

Mr. Kartel: "What the hell does that mean?"

Mr. Ericsson: "It means that if Mr. Cairo truly values his freedom, we'll have to see what price he places on that freedom."

Bobby: "This is an outrage and an abuse of power!"

Mr. Kartel: "Hold on now, Bobby. This is not entirely unheard of in my profession. In fact, this could be the most direct way of resolving this case."

Bobby: "You're saying that if I pay you off, you'll make these charges go away?"

Mr. Ericsson: "Unfortunately it's not just me, Mr. Cairo."

(Suddenly, there's a knock on the door.)

Mr. Ericsson: "I believe those are the other members of our party. Come in, you guys, the door is open!"

(The door bursts open and in walks an old gray-haired man in an expensive suit, an attractive 40-something-Spanish woman and the alleged victim in the case Pete Sanchez.)

Mr. Ericsson: "Gentlemen, I would like you to meet Peter Sanchez, his mother Linda Sanchez and their lawyer Richard Lindbergh."

Mr. Lindbergh: "Have you explained the situation to them, Mr. Ericsson?"

Mr. Ericsson: "Yes, sir. Mr. Cairo seemed somewhat resistant, but I believe that he's come around. Isn't that right, Mr. Cairo?"

(Kartel whispers into Bobby's ear. Bobby nods his head.)

Bobby: "Yes."

Mr. Lindbergh: "Excellent. I've been discussing this issue with Peter and Mrs. Sanchez and we've put together a proposal."

(Everyone sits down at the conference table in the middle of the room.)

Bobby: "This should be good..."

Mr. Lindbergh: "We're looking at a figure of roughly 1.2 million dollars."

Bobby: "Are you out of your damn mind?! I don't have that kind of scratch!"

Mr. Kartel: "Bobby, calm down. Let's hear the man out."

Mr. Lindbergh: "Yes, well, in the event that you are not able to pay the entire sum at once, I have prepared a long-term payment plan. This plan calls for us to garnish 80.3% of your wages. At an adjusted interest rate of 17.9% you will be able to pay off your debt by the end of your wrestling career... assuming that you wrestle for another 35 years."

Bobby: "This is totally f'n bogus! Dave, if you don't tell this motherfucker off right now, I'm firing your ass!"

Mr. Kartel: "Does this plan include Mr. Ericsson's payment?"

Mr. Ericsson: "Actually, I've decided on a one-time lump sum payment of $200,000. After all, I'm not a greedy man. Muhahahahahah!"

(Bobby stands up and throws his chair against the wall.)

Bobby: "Enough of this shit, I'm out of here! I'll see you bastards in court!"

(Bobby stomps away with Kartel following closely. They take the elevator upstairs and make their way back to the front entrance of the building.)

Bobby: "Can you believe the nerve of those assholes? I should have powerbombed them through the conference table damn it!"

(The two men walk outside and are immediately besieged by a group of reporters.)

Bobby: "What the hell...?"

Mr. Kartel: "Lindbergh must have tipped off the media, that bastard!"

Cute Asian Reporter in Tight Skirt: "Bobby, is it true that you met with the District Attorney? What can you tell us about the meeting?"

Mr. Kartel: "My client has no comment--"

Bobby: "I did meet with the District Attorney today. We discussed a possible resolution to the case, but ultimately those discussions were not fruitful. We are prepared to go to trial and plead our case to the jury."

Doofy-Looking White Guy with Doofy Haircut: "Bobby, is it true that your favorite color is blue?"

Bobby: "I don't know. I don't really have a favorite color."

Another Dumbass White Guy: "Bobby, where are you at right now mentally?"

Bobby: "I am stronger than I have ever been before. I'm ready to go into court and fight for my rights the same way that I fight every Sunday inside of that wrestling ring. Speaking of which, I have a message for JJ Biggs and Shaun Sexton. Biggs and Sexton, you two scumbags have no idea what you've gotten yourselves into. You think that just because of this little legal hiccup I'm going to forget about what you two punks pulled last Sunday? That ain't happenin', clowns! This Sunday I will control everything that happens inside of that wrestling ring. You think I'm going to be a fair and impartial referee? Hahahahahah! When have I ever been fair and impartial!?"

(Bobby pauses for a moment to chuckle sadistically.)

Bobby: "I want you two punks to smoke as much of that good [bleep] and drink as much of the hard [bleep] as you possibly can. You ain't ready to deal with pain like this when you're sober. Don't believe me? Just ask Ace. He's rolling around in a wheelchair for the next two months, and I don’t even have a problem with Ace! Imagine what I'll do to you two [bleep]sucking mother[bleep]!"

(The reporters stand silent in utter shock as Bobby walks away with Kartel.)

Mr. Kartel: "Bobby, that may not have been the wisest..."

Bobby: "I'm runnin' the show now, Dave. You just watch and learn!"

(Kartel shrugs his shoulders as he and Bobby hop into the Mercedes and speed off.)