Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2006 1:46:37 GMT -5
[It's Monday morning. Bobby is in court awaiting his arraignment after spending the night in jail. The District Attorney Twain Ericsson has informed Bobby and his court appointed attorney, David Kartel, that Bobby will be arraigned on charges of first degree assault.]
THE BAILIFF: "All rise for the honorable Judge Lionel Hoffman."
[The judge emerges from his chambers and takes a seat behind the bench.]
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "What do we have today, Gail?"
COURT CLERK: "Docket ending 334, People v. Robert Cairo. One count assault in the first degree."
MR KARTEL: "David Kartel for the defense, Your Honor."
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "How does the defendant plead?"
[Kartel whispers in Bobby's ear.]
BOBBY: "Your Honor, I plead not guilty."
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "Mr. Ericsson?"
MR ERICSSON: "The defendant is an affluent pro wrestling superstar with known ties to several foreign embassies. He also has a history of erratic behavior, including a recent arrest for disorderly conduct. Plus, we all saw the way he walked out on his tag team partner JJ Biggs. This clearly displays a risk for flight. We request remand, Your Honor."
MR KARTEL: "My client is barely making enough money to survive, Your Honor. He can't even afford to hire an attorney. Additionally, I would hardly use the expression 'ties to foreign embassies' to describe my client's former employment at wrestling promotions in China and the Philippines."
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "So noted, Mr. Kartel. How are you on bail?"
MR KARTEL: "As I stated, Your Honor, my client is struggling to make a living. A high bail would be excessive and disproportionate."
MR ERICSSON: "You Honor, the defendant's bank records show regular deposits of over $10,000."
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "Let's split the difference. Bail is set at $5,000."
BOBBY: "I can take care of that right now, Your Honor."
[Bobby approaches the bench and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a wad of $100 bills.]
BOBBY: "That should cover it and still leave a little something extra for you and the Mrs."
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "Yes, well that's very good, Mr. Cairo. You are free to go. Next case!"
COURT CLERK: "Docket ending 892, People v. Bartholomew J. Simpson. Fourteen counts indecent exposure."
[Bobby and his attorney stroll out of the courthouse with smug looks on their faces.]
BOBBY: "That was simple enough. What happens now?"
MR KARTEL: "We'll set up a meeting with the DA for next week. That's where I really shine. I think we can knock this down to a misdemeanor."
BOBBY: "That would be awesome, Dave. It would suck to have a felony conviction on my record. I wouldn't be able to vote or buy guns... legally anyway."
MR KARTEL: "Being sent to prison wouldn't be very good either."
BOBBY: "Oh shit... I forgot about prison!"
[Bobby checks his watch.]
BOBBY: "Hey, it's still early enough to get breakfast at McDonald's. I'll see you later, Dave!"
[Bobby runs to catch the bus and trips over his shoelaces in the process.]
THE BAILIFF: "All rise for the honorable Judge Lionel Hoffman."
[The judge emerges from his chambers and takes a seat behind the bench.]
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "What do we have today, Gail?"
COURT CLERK: "Docket ending 334, People v. Robert Cairo. One count assault in the first degree."
MR KARTEL: "David Kartel for the defense, Your Honor."
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "How does the defendant plead?"
[Kartel whispers in Bobby's ear.]
BOBBY: "Your Honor, I plead not guilty."
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "Mr. Ericsson?"
MR ERICSSON: "The defendant is an affluent pro wrestling superstar with known ties to several foreign embassies. He also has a history of erratic behavior, including a recent arrest for disorderly conduct. Plus, we all saw the way he walked out on his tag team partner JJ Biggs. This clearly displays a risk for flight. We request remand, Your Honor."
MR KARTEL: "My client is barely making enough money to survive, Your Honor. He can't even afford to hire an attorney. Additionally, I would hardly use the expression 'ties to foreign embassies' to describe my client's former employment at wrestling promotions in China and the Philippines."
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "So noted, Mr. Kartel. How are you on bail?"
MR KARTEL: "As I stated, Your Honor, my client is struggling to make a living. A high bail would be excessive and disproportionate."
MR ERICSSON: "You Honor, the defendant's bank records show regular deposits of over $10,000."
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "Let's split the difference. Bail is set at $5,000."
BOBBY: "I can take care of that right now, Your Honor."
[Bobby approaches the bench and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a wad of $100 bills.]
BOBBY: "That should cover it and still leave a little something extra for you and the Mrs."
JUDGE HOFFMAN: "Yes, well that's very good, Mr. Cairo. You are free to go. Next case!"
COURT CLERK: "Docket ending 892, People v. Bartholomew J. Simpson. Fourteen counts indecent exposure."
[Bobby and his attorney stroll out of the courthouse with smug looks on their faces.]
BOBBY: "That was simple enough. What happens now?"
MR KARTEL: "We'll set up a meeting with the DA for next week. That's where I really shine. I think we can knock this down to a misdemeanor."
BOBBY: "That would be awesome, Dave. It would suck to have a felony conviction on my record. I wouldn't be able to vote or buy guns... legally anyway."
MR KARTEL: "Being sent to prison wouldn't be very good either."
BOBBY: "Oh shit... I forgot about prison!"
[Bobby checks his watch.]
BOBBY: "Hey, it's still early enough to get breakfast at McDonald's. I'll see you later, Dave!"
[Bobby runs to catch the bus and trips over his shoelaces in the process.]
