Post by Lawnmower Jones on Aug 21, 2006 22:11:36 GMT -5
(The scene opens inside of the terminal at the Scotland International Airport. Lawnmower Jones is seen in the terminal wearing his usual blue overalls. He has a nasty look on his face, nastier than normal. He is pushing his newlywed, Lonnie Jones to their destination. Jones has two black duffel bags slung over either shoulder.)
(Jones passes by many different faces and many different stores, yet pays no attention to any of them. His sole objection becomes reaching the outside world.)
LJ: (Looking straight ahead) Let's just get to my parents home, Lonnie!
(Jones is in his native Scotland spending a few days of this week on his honeymoon. Jones is not aware that he has become somewhat of a big thing in is homeland, an idol, if you will. Jones is responsible for giving the lawnmower a hip, fresh, new image.)
(The newlywed couple finally approach the exit. The door swings open automatically, making Jones flinch. After gaining his composure, the disgruntled lawnsman forcefully pushes Lonnie through the door abusively.)
(Now outside, Jones is greeted by a soft breeze and overcast weather, acting as a curtain to the sun's massive light. But Jones does not escape the brightness, for a man quickly runs up in front of Jones and snaps a quick polaroid, catching Jones off guard. Jones, as a natural reflex, quickly shields his eyes and staggers back. The unknown man runs off like a flash of lightning, and Jones looks more pissed.)
LJ: God dammit! C'mon, Lonnie, let's get the hell outta here!
(Suddenly, a young red headed boy, no older than 8 approaches Jones. He is wearing a black t-shirt with Jones' face on the front. A lawnmower is also on the shirt, next to Jones. "Your Ass is Grass, and I'm the Lawnmower!" is read on the shirt. The kid looks in shock. Jones, sensing the kid is a fan, kneels down and changes the nasty look on his face into a face a girl would make when approaching a chipmunk.)
LJ: Hiya, little guy!
(The kid's shocked face turns into a toothless grin.)
Kid: Hiya, Mr. Jones!
LJ: You a fan?
Kid: Oh you bet! Who isn't? I can't wait til you win this week and take home the TV gold to the Team of Treachery!
LJ: You're danged right, little fella! This week I'm going to win!
(Jones' face turns from a cheery grin into a sadistic smile. Although the day was overcast, rain clouds now come in over Jones' head. Thunder bolts are seen and fill the sky as the boom of it takes up most of the sound.)
LJ: Yes, this week I, Lawnmower Jones, will extract revenge onto the New Dynasty for their pathetic, distasteful actions that caused my wedding to be ruined. The pathetic TV champion Nate Nytro will lose his title, which he has been making a mockery of by claiming to be the champion, all the while Dake Ken and J-X be dismantled like little ants messing with the mighty Zeus. Yes, after Ultimate Showdown, I will take the gold, planting the first flag in the success of the Team of Treachery, and make Nate Nytro and the rest of his yellow bellied stablemates look like the punk school girl bitches that they really are.
(The thunder stops and the rain clouds disintegrate. Jones' eyes, which were red and had hints of flames burning, disappear revealing his normal, green eyes. Jones coughs and goes back to normal. The child is nodding his head, in amazement, and in awe.)
Kid: Hip hip! Hooray! Will you sign my shirt?
(The kid pulls out a silver Sharpie marker. Jones quickly pushes the marker out of the kid's hand and scuttles off.)
LJ: Sorry, scout, gotta go!
(The kid looks sad as he becomes smaller and smaller on the screen. Jones walks to the curb of the airport, looking for someone in particular. A man dressed in a black suit and wearing a limo chauffeur's hat has a sign that reads "Mr. Jones" Jones' head glances over the sign a few times, unaware that it is for him. Finally, the chauffeur steps in to help out Jones.)
Chauffeur: (Scottish accent) Mr. Jones, I assume?
(Jones looks the man up and down.)
LJ: Who the hell are ya? Did you sleep with my wife? (Turning to Lonnie) God damn you!
Chauffeur: No, no, Sir! I'm Chubbs, and I've been advised to chauffeur you during your stay here in Scotland.
LJ: Alrighty then, so long as you haven't slept with Lonnie.
(Chubbs shakes his head. He quickly steps off of the curb and into the street. Jones and Lonnie follow.)
Chubbs: My dear boss is waiting for you, in the limo, Mr. Jones. We believe he is willing (in best Brando voice) to make you an offer you can't refuse.
(Chubbs chuckles to himself. Jones has a blank expression on his face. Chubbs shakes his head, realizing now that Jones is the type of person who can't understand the simplest intellectual humor. In other words, he likes fart jokes.)
Chubbs: I see you're not the sharpest tool in the shed. Very well. Come along.
LJ: But I gotta meet my parents!
Chubbs: It's been squared away, Mr. Jones. Now, if you'll just come along.
(Chubbs stops in front of a black stretch limo. The license plates are Scottish, with the numbers reading "Rateman". Jones and Lonnie seem in shock as Chubbs opens up the trunk. The back door of the limo slowly opens from the inside, swinging to the outside. All we see is a white man's hand with a black suit arm stretch out holding the handle.)
Man's voice: (Deep, Scottish, husky) Come in, Mr. Jones. It's very nice to see you again.
(The scene fades to black as Jones stares at the limo with his chin dropped.)
(Jones passes by many different faces and many different stores, yet pays no attention to any of them. His sole objection becomes reaching the outside world.)
LJ: (Looking straight ahead) Let's just get to my parents home, Lonnie!
(Jones is in his native Scotland spending a few days of this week on his honeymoon. Jones is not aware that he has become somewhat of a big thing in is homeland, an idol, if you will. Jones is responsible for giving the lawnmower a hip, fresh, new image.)
(The newlywed couple finally approach the exit. The door swings open automatically, making Jones flinch. After gaining his composure, the disgruntled lawnsman forcefully pushes Lonnie through the door abusively.)
(Now outside, Jones is greeted by a soft breeze and overcast weather, acting as a curtain to the sun's massive light. But Jones does not escape the brightness, for a man quickly runs up in front of Jones and snaps a quick polaroid, catching Jones off guard. Jones, as a natural reflex, quickly shields his eyes and staggers back. The unknown man runs off like a flash of lightning, and Jones looks more pissed.)
LJ: God dammit! C'mon, Lonnie, let's get the hell outta here!
(Suddenly, a young red headed boy, no older than 8 approaches Jones. He is wearing a black t-shirt with Jones' face on the front. A lawnmower is also on the shirt, next to Jones. "Your Ass is Grass, and I'm the Lawnmower!" is read on the shirt. The kid looks in shock. Jones, sensing the kid is a fan, kneels down and changes the nasty look on his face into a face a girl would make when approaching a chipmunk.)
LJ: Hiya, little guy!
(The kid's shocked face turns into a toothless grin.)
Kid: Hiya, Mr. Jones!
LJ: You a fan?
Kid: Oh you bet! Who isn't? I can't wait til you win this week and take home the TV gold to the Team of Treachery!
LJ: You're danged right, little fella! This week I'm going to win!
(Jones' face turns from a cheery grin into a sadistic smile. Although the day was overcast, rain clouds now come in over Jones' head. Thunder bolts are seen and fill the sky as the boom of it takes up most of the sound.)
LJ: Yes, this week I, Lawnmower Jones, will extract revenge onto the New Dynasty for their pathetic, distasteful actions that caused my wedding to be ruined. The pathetic TV champion Nate Nytro will lose his title, which he has been making a mockery of by claiming to be the champion, all the while Dake Ken and J-X be dismantled like little ants messing with the mighty Zeus. Yes, after Ultimate Showdown, I will take the gold, planting the first flag in the success of the Team of Treachery, and make Nate Nytro and the rest of his yellow bellied stablemates look like the punk school girl bitches that they really are.
(The thunder stops and the rain clouds disintegrate. Jones' eyes, which were red and had hints of flames burning, disappear revealing his normal, green eyes. Jones coughs and goes back to normal. The child is nodding his head, in amazement, and in awe.)
Kid: Hip hip! Hooray! Will you sign my shirt?
(The kid pulls out a silver Sharpie marker. Jones quickly pushes the marker out of the kid's hand and scuttles off.)
LJ: Sorry, scout, gotta go!
(The kid looks sad as he becomes smaller and smaller on the screen. Jones walks to the curb of the airport, looking for someone in particular. A man dressed in a black suit and wearing a limo chauffeur's hat has a sign that reads "Mr. Jones" Jones' head glances over the sign a few times, unaware that it is for him. Finally, the chauffeur steps in to help out Jones.)
Chauffeur: (Scottish accent) Mr. Jones, I assume?
(Jones looks the man up and down.)
LJ: Who the hell are ya? Did you sleep with my wife? (Turning to Lonnie) God damn you!
Chauffeur: No, no, Sir! I'm Chubbs, and I've been advised to chauffeur you during your stay here in Scotland.
LJ: Alrighty then, so long as you haven't slept with Lonnie.
(Chubbs shakes his head. He quickly steps off of the curb and into the street. Jones and Lonnie follow.)
Chubbs: My dear boss is waiting for you, in the limo, Mr. Jones. We believe he is willing (in best Brando voice) to make you an offer you can't refuse.
(Chubbs chuckles to himself. Jones has a blank expression on his face. Chubbs shakes his head, realizing now that Jones is the type of person who can't understand the simplest intellectual humor. In other words, he likes fart jokes.)
Chubbs: I see you're not the sharpest tool in the shed. Very well. Come along.
LJ: But I gotta meet my parents!
Chubbs: It's been squared away, Mr. Jones. Now, if you'll just come along.
(Chubbs stops in front of a black stretch limo. The license plates are Scottish, with the numbers reading "Rateman". Jones and Lonnie seem in shock as Chubbs opens up the trunk. The back door of the limo slowly opens from the inside, swinging to the outside. All we see is a white man's hand with a black suit arm stretch out holding the handle.)
Man's voice: (Deep, Scottish, husky) Come in, Mr. Jones. It's very nice to see you again.
(The scene fades to black as Jones stares at the limo with his chin dropped.)
