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Post by Doc Henry on Aug 2, 2009 18:40:18 GMT -5
I put this here for anyone to comment on my RPs. Any gripes, ideas, comments etc...
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Post by Donald Deruty on Aug 2, 2009 20:19:28 GMT -5
your rp needed to be a little longer. I thought. for the first tv title match.
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Post by Johnny Reb on Aug 2, 2009 21:05:16 GMT -5
It could've been a little bit longer, but I liked it. But you can't have my title. It's mine.  |
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Post by Doc Henry on Aug 2, 2009 21:15:34 GMT -5
for now...
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Post by Allen Guiliano on Aug 2, 2009 23:33:04 GMT -5
As with most of the TV Title contenders, I think this is a great SEGMENT to what could be a much deeper RP. Although I do not think length is the most important factor in an RP, it is most often times associated with the depth of the RP. To me, an RP should be almost like a short story, it should have a beginning in which the scene is set, a middle in which the RP develops and climaxes, and an end in which the character concludes his thoughts or a defining moment happens in the RP. Great examples of this can be found by reading the RPs of the guys at the top of this fed like Torture, Dake Ken, Johnny Reb, The Superfans, Gravedigger, and others.
To me, and this is just my opinion, the RP that you posted most recently is a great middle or end segment to a much deeper RP. The scene could be described a little better and with this being the first ever shot for anyone in the WCF to grab the Television Title, I feel it gives EVERYONE a great element to have their character elaborate on and center on. Granted the opponent is usually the main focus, but the title is much more important, especially in a tournament atmosphere. Also, the inclusion of the Wachovia Center and Philadelphia give other angles to touch on in RPs.
Thats just my 2 cents. If anyone else wants me to critique and help on trying to improve, let me know and I will do my best. I will be gone from Aug. 5 to Aug. 11 to be in a friend's wedding, but after that I will get back to you the best I can while still having time for myself to RP. We did a thing in the XGWO where some of the upper echelon wreslters kind of adopted some of the beginners to help them improve. I dont think we quite have the numbers for something like that yet, but I think we are getting there.
DH
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Post by Torture on Aug 3, 2009 0:28:13 GMT -5
Echoes above comments. I don't like to critique or give advice, as I feel my RPs don't give off that feel to most. It's all about emotion, and short story. I feel length helps, but the depth certainly gives the reader something to enjoy. Just book-end the RPs is all. Give that ending we want. Each RP is a chapter of your WCF-journey. Give it to us, Doc. Give it to us!
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Post by Doc Henry on Aug 3, 2009 14:42:43 GMT -5
yeah I've never been one for padding... even in RL, i tend to just fet to the meat of what i say, but I will try...
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Post by Doc Henry on Aug 10, 2009 12:38:58 GMT -5
I know... I shined up shit, been a brain stuck week. Added some color for Seth... hope pink's not to bad a choice.... lol |
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Post by Johnny Reb on Aug 10, 2009 12:46:43 GMT -5
Well, it was longer.... and full of colors.... But man does not live by meat alone. Writer's block happens, and it sucks, I know. Still improving, though, so don't feel bad. We'll get you sorted out soon enough...  |
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Post by Jack of Blades on Aug 10, 2009 14:23:05 GMT -5
We'll get you sorted out soon enough... I don't know why, perhaps because you're a female, but I found that last statement very erotic. |
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Post by Torture on Aug 10, 2009 14:50:35 GMT -5
We'll get you sorted out soon enough... I don't know why, perhaps because you're a female, but I found that last statement very erotic. I don't know why, Blades, perhaps because I'm attracted to you, but I found your reply very erotic. |
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Post by Jack of Blades on Aug 10, 2009 14:59:36 GMT -5
Logan will not be pleased.
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Post by Torture on Aug 10, 2009 15:26:49 GMT -5
Logan's the pimp? Okay I can deal. I'll come prepared with Hot Dogs.
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Post by Seth on Aug 10, 2009 15:29:56 GMT -5
/Talking Shit Behind Someones back when they're not here.exe |
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Post by Torture on Aug 10, 2009 15:38:22 GMT -5
LMFAO. Seth GOT me now..
We're even.. fucker.
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Post by Jack of Blades on Aug 10, 2009 15:44:07 GMT -5
Set-ups rule.
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Post by Doc Henry on Aug 10, 2009 16:26:52 GMT -5
not one r free writing, in fact i usually cant, but this one flowed... I'm happy with it...
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Post by Doc Henry on Aug 16, 2009 17:16:32 GMT -5
hurried RP, been sick and was trying to make the deadline, did my best though...
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Post by Seth on Aug 16, 2009 17:23:48 GMT -5
Geez, everyone's sick it seems like! Well, okay, two people, but whatever.
Its actually one of your best so far, I'd say! You're working on your length, which is good.
One suggestion I'd make regarding the presentation: Instead of changing the orange part to orange, I'd just leave it green. Everyone is used to reading the general text on the board as that color, so the "talking" parts in different colors would stand out (and be easier to read) if you left it green.
Just my two cents! Coloring doesn't affect things too much anyway.
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Post by Seth on Aug 16, 2009 17:27:40 GMT -5
Camera opens on Doc sitting on chair, WCF banner behind him. Next to him is Mary, and they are being attended to by an assistant, finishing attaching lapel microphones.
From off camera, Hank Brown speaks, "Doc, Mary, thank you for agreeing to this.
Mary smiles, "Thank you Hank, we're glad to be here."
Doc just nods, looking bored and like he'd much rather be someplace else...
"Now, Doc, last week in your match with Dake, you failed to deliver your message..."
"Stop right there, Hank..." Doc leans forward a bit, looking hard at Hank. "Last week, I was in a match with one hell of a competitior. Just because I didn't win does not mean a message wasn't sent. There are more ways to deliver one than just winning a match."
"How do you mean, doc? Because it sounded as if you intended to show Reb what you were gonna..."
Once more irritation showed on Doc's face, but as he opened his mouth, Mary spoke up. "Hank, you need to quit imparting your feeble attempts at analysis on others words, and stick to asking questions, the message was delivered and that is all you need to know." Sparking up a cigarette, Mary sat back and sighed.
"Umm, Mary don't you think you shouldn't smoke in your conditio...."
"Hank," Doc cut of Hank, clearly angry. "It would be a wise idea if you minded your own damned business. Now to cut to the chase, this week I'm in a six-man tag match. I've had a few of these before so I know my way around the thing." Doc sat back and lit his own cigarette, pouring a glass of whisky from a flask. Leaning to his left, he smiled at Mary.
"Now apparantly Seth Lerch has an odd sense of humor what with Dake and I being on the same team, but that shit happens. Anthrax is also with us. Now I know that you both are good wrestlers in your own right. I plan on our team winning, and I won't take failure from either of you. Dake, feel free to kick the crap outta Slickie-T all you want, but remember this is a team match, you drop the ball, and I'll be pissed."
Doc looks down a bit and begins to smile, almost a devilish smirk. "Sure I know your a clean cut good guy, but just remember, if the ref don't see it it's not illegal...
As for our opponants... Let's see, we have an amature kid, a wanna be royal and someone who think's they are a mafioso..."
Mary laughs at the comment, "Don't forget he's the US Champion dear..."
Doc smiled back, sitting back in his chair, "I haven't, besides, he's the threat on the team... Indiana Wrestler is gonna find out what real wrestling is all about, and will wanna pack for his little hoosier home. Yankee boy is gonna find out what it's like to fight a southern man in the heart of Dixie. Doc chuckles a bit as he looks off, obviously picturing the sight...
"As for 'Prince' Jimmy Dean, well you may be a big shot in New Guinea, but this is the US pal. We've been kicking ass for 200 years..."
"Doc, um aren't you from a Confederate family?"
Docs face and neck reddens as his temper boils over... "Its just that kind of idiotic thinking that makes me sick. So what if my great, great, great grand daddy was an attache to General Pike? It makes no difference, hell it was you Yankee's that invaded us, we secceded legal from the North, and well we all know how that turned out. Hauling Hank to his feet as Mary rips off her mike and gets back, Doc glares at the interviewer. "Remember this, no matter what happens a southern man is a southern man, and we stick by our bretheren. From this point on, you better show more respect in our little interviews. Spouting this Northern supperiority attitude will only serve to get your ass kicked, savvy?"
Doc rips off his lapel mike, throwing it in Hank's face. "This interview is over..." Letting go of Hank rather abruptly, he turned to walk off arm around Mary's waist. Hank looks rather shaken as he picks himself up off the floor...
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