My EWE RP debut

[Seth]

First, my opponent:

Billy Lane is shown in the back sitting in the locker room.

Lane: Well well it looks like my first match in the ewe is not only gonna be a victory but it will make me the first ever ewe world champion. I know why i was choosen to be in this match how can you not choose me I am the best damn wrester here. See Rick Mad your just a road block for the superstar that is Billy Lane I will tell you that your not gonna be match of a challenge. see Billy Lane is not a contender Billy Lane is a champion and after next week everyone will see that. As a matter of fact next week you will not only find out I am a champion you will also find out why I am called "the eliminator" and the ewe is making it easy for me to let everyone know why I'm the eliminator. A steel cage match is just what I want to start my career is because it is one of the most violent matches known in all the wrestling but I will not go over the top of the cage I'm gonna beat you so bad Rick Mad that I'm gonna walk right out the door and be crowned the first ever ewe world champion.

Billy Lane starts to laugh then gets up and walks out of the room.

Now, mine:

The scene opens up outside a house. It is a moderately sized house, a light green shade. Shrubs and bushes are outside the front windows and the camera walks up the sidewalk to the door. As the camera approaches, the door opens. Standing in the doorway is a man with long red hair and a brown goatee. He's wearing a black Pearl Jam shirt and bluejeans. He is Rick Mad.

Rick Mad: Welcome, EWE cameraman, and welcome, EWE fans! Tonight I am going to let you into my home for a look into the life of your next EWE World Champion.

Rick motions for the cameraman to enter his home, which he does. There is a nice leather couch in the living room, a big flat screen HDTV in front of it and some artwork on the walls. Rick takes a seat on the couch.

Rick Mad: So, cameraman, what's your name?

Cameraman: Thanks for asking! Most wrestlers don't acknowledge me at all. My name-

Rick Mad: Look, I'm just going to call you Bob. So, Bob-

Cameraman: My name isn't Bob.

Rick Mad: Quiet, Bob, I'm talking. Okay, so Bob, this is my living room. It's where I chill and watch television. My favorite shows are The Office, The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien, Daisy of Love-

Cameraman: I don't know if the EWE fans care about that stuff, Rick. I think they'd probably rather hear your thoughts on your EWE World Title Cage Match.

Rick Mad: Ugh, FINE. I was trying to let them into my world, but if you want to get straight into the wrestling... look here, Billy Lame, I-

Cameraman: Um, Rick? His name is Billy Lane.

Rick Mad: That's what I said. Billy Lame.

Cameraman: Ugh.. something tells me I'm NOT going to like working with you.

Rick Mad: Shush, Bob. Shush. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Billy Lame. I feel bad for this guy, having to debut against a superstar like me. In this cage match, Billy boy, I'm going to show you.. and I'm going to show the world.. why I'm the best wrestler there is. Period, end of story. If you make me Mad I'll prove just why your name truly is.. Lame. Nuff.. f'n.. said.

There is a pause. Rick looks at the camera for a few moments.

Rick Mad: Nuff.. f'n.. said.

Cameraman: Oh! Was that the catchphrase that means the promo is over?

Rick Mad: Yes! Yes, you nitwit, yes!

Cameraman: Oops. Hold on, let me find the right button..

Rick stares into the camera, annoyed, while the scene fades to black.

I got kind of bored during my shit-talk segment of the promo so just kind of phoned it in there but I think I have a World Title win coming up!

[Logan]

EWE RP.

Suckering Sucka Tash. A man who could be considered the best representative in terms of appearance for a role in a President Obama biography movie.

Suckering Sucka Tash. Respectively bow, drink his blood, bucket his tears, let him 'sucker' you in, let yourself be.. Suckering Sucka Tash.

Outside a beach house in Cunny, Juice residence the home of a EWE superstar, Suckering Sucka Tash. Peeking his head out from his home (a cardboard box) he finds the stalking camera man. SST, the homeless man with a million quotes pours out his hearts desire.

Suckering Suck-- SST: How does the Moon clean the ice off it's windshield?

The camera man continues filming catching the eerie silence that lurks.

SST: You need to know, don't you?

Reaching inside his box home, SST presents a popsicle stick which contains the answer to his puzzling question. Peering up to the camera he offers the viewers a dramatic staring pose, a moment of silence.

SST: It uses--

Coughing.

SST: It uses a skyscraper.

The box rattles back and fourth to the jerking SST who shrieks in laughter clinching his sides. It takes a while, thirty minutes to be precise before the he composes himself to calmly speak again.

SST: This Monday I will catch a bus, this Monday I will be transported to the EWE arena for only two dollars and fifteen cents. What will I be doing? My passion, wrestling! What will it be for? A night of memories and possible Extreme Gold. You want a better tomorrow? I'll leave this box and you'll get it.. it's a gift. You can have it all, even the dried sticky popsicle stick that'll be left behind. You want it? Take it. I want the EWE Extreme Championship, the title that truly represents this company. I want it. I'm taking it.

Burrowing back into his cozy box, the camera man relieves his duties for tonight and fades scene.

[Seth]

RP2: Hungry Hungry Hobos

The scene opens up in a dark alleyway.. where we find Rick Mad, of course. He is wearing a black leather jacket over his usual black tshirt, and has his hair pulled back in a ponytail.

Cameraman: Rick, I really don't think we should be here.

Rick Mad: Shhh, shhh. See, I learned something about Billy Lame today. I learned that he's.. FROM DA STREETZ!

Rick laughs to himself.

Rick Mad: I don't believe people are still doing this whole "from the streets" schtick. Billy, if you were REALLY "from the streets," you probably wouldn't be calling yourself something silly like Billy anymore. You'd at least be Robert. But Billy, Billy sounds like the name of a little boy that got picked on and then had to make up some backstory to make him sound tough when he got older.

A figure starts approaching Rick and the cameraman from the alley. He's far away, but slowly coming closer.

Cameraman: Rick, I think we should get out of here...

Rick Mad: No, it's cool. This is what I came here for.

Cameraman: For what?

Rick Mad: Well, if Billy Lame IS from the streets... guess I better start training. And how do I start training? By fighting someone just like him. Someone from the streets. Literally. This very street we are on right now.

The cameraman looks at the street sign.. they are on the corner of Crackville and Murder Street. We can hear the cameraman gulp. The dark figure is getting closer.

Cameraman: I don't get paid enough to do this. I want to get out of here.

The cameraman goes to turn around, but the dark figure is here now. He's a bum, wearing raggidy clothes and he looks like he hasn't shaved in a year.

Rick Mad: Hey, Mr. Hobo, sir. I'm sorry, but I have to fight you. I'll give you a steak once this is all over.

Hobo: Hot diggity damn! I'm gettin me some fine eatin's tonight!

Rick Mad: Erm.. yeah. Let's do this.

Rick punches the hobo in the face, but the hobo blocks it and hits Rick with his hobo bag-on-a-stick thing. Rick doubles over. The hobo opens the bag and pulls out a knife.

Hobo: GIMME ALL OF YOUR STEAKS!

Rick Mad: Oh $%!& we better get out of here!

Rick and the cameraman run away while the hungry hungry hobo chases after them.

[Seth]

RP3: Fight Fire With Fire

The scene opens up at a knife store-

Cameraman: Wait, wait wait. A knife store? And this is a Rick Mad promo? Oh, God. This can't be good.

But that's right, a knife store. Knives and swords of all kinds line the walls and glass cases. And of course, among the aisles is Rick Mad.

Cameraman: Rick, I don't know what we we're doing here. And I don't care. I'm not going to continue filming a promo at a place that sells weapons. Weapons you could accidentally kill me with.

Rick Mad: Don't get your panties in a bunch, Bob-

Cameraman: MY NAME ISN'T BOB-

Rick Mad: Bob, I've had a lot of time to think since yesterday's incident. I know Billy Lame saw what happened to me.. and I made a mistake. I revealed to him my weakness.

Cameraman: That you're a moron?

Rick Mad: No, my weakness is that I can be cut with a knife. And you know what I always say, fight fire with fire!

Cameraman: Oh, no. No, no. You're not buying a knife for your match on Monday.

Rick Mad: Why not? Abdullah the Butcher always had knives! Why can't I?

Cameraman: Because.. oh, forget it. I'm just a cameraman. Do what you want.

A salesperson walks over to Rick.

Salesperson: Hello sir, can I help you with anything today?

Rick Mad: Yes. Yes, you can. You see, a hobo chased me with a knife the other day, revealing to my pro wrestling opponent my weakness. My opponent could possibly come at me with a knife, so I would like to get a bigger knife that I could stab him with before he stabs me, please.

The man just stares at Rick for several moments.

Salesperson: Um.... well.... erm. I don't know if I can sell you a weapon after you just told me you're going to stab someone, sir.

Rick Mad: No, no. It's okay. I'm a pro wrestler.

Salesperson: How does that make it okay?

Rick Mad: I don't know, man! It just does! Now give me a knife, please.

Salesperson: I'm going to have to call security, sir.

The salesperson waves over a very large man wearing a security uniform. Rick's eyes go wide, and he runs past the security guard and through the door, leaving the cameraman by himself.

Salesperson: Sir, you there, holding the camera. Do you know this man?

Cameraman: Yes, but I really, REALLY wish I didn't.

The scene fades out.