Post by Joe Smarts on May 12, 2019 6:43:01 GMT -5
Apologies for the ridiculous shortness of the RP. I would say quality over quantity but I'm not sure if the quality is even that good 
Joe: Whomst thy HELL are Brent Alpine?
This is Joe. Joe is a dumbass, but he doesn’t think so. He thinks he is the ‘World’s Smartest Man’.
Jeff: Joe, using those old fancy words doesn’t make you smarter…
This is Jeff. He is Joe’s best friend. How he’s put up with him for all these years is beyond me.
Jimmy: I don’t think whomst is even a word.
This is Jimmy. He’s another friend of Joe and Jeff’s. He’s just around because he doesn’t wanna go back to being the owner of his own gym, Jim’s Gym.
Joe: Uh… Yes, whomst is indeedly the wordiest of words. Looks it down in thy Joecyclopedia.
Jimmy: …what the hell is a Joecyclopedia?
Joe pointed over to a nearby bookshelf, where a spotlight shone on a massive book labelled the 'Joecyclopedia of Awesome’.
Jimmy: When did that Joecyclopedia get there?
Jeff: When did the spotlight get there to shine upon the Joecyclopedia?
Jimmy eventually walked over to the Joecyclopedia and opened it.
And, right there in ink, the first ‘article’ of the book said that ‘Whomst was indeed a word’.
Jimmy: Whoa! It says ‘whomst is indeed a word’, therefore it must be a word!
Jeff: Hang on, all it says is that one sentence. All the other pages are blank!
Jimmy: And how is that sentence written in perfect grammar?
Joe: Byatch, plez. That are the worstest grammar I has even sawn. I jus’ had to had to get some writerer becoz nooboody can overunderstand my writting.
Jeff: Fair enou---
Joe <uninvitedly>: That are coz my fingerwriting are too darn good.
Jimmy: Um, Joe… I don’t think it’s because your writing is too damn good…
Joe: Ugh, shut down. Everybodies knew that mine writing is thy best.
Jeff: There’s really no point arguing against him. To argue with a smart person is hard, but arguing against a dumb person is harder.
Joe: Darn right. It are hard to argue against meh coz I is smarts. But anywhom…
Jeff: Joe, I don’t think anywhom is a word either…
Joe: Wrongly! Czech the Joecyclopedia!
Jimmy opened the Joecyclopedia, and the next ‘article’ appeared right in front of his eyes.
‘Anywhom is indeed a word’
Jimmy: Whoa! That’s magic! How does that even work?
Joe: Ah! Roleplay Magic me friend!
Jeff: Wait… we’re in another one of those stupid roleplays?
Joe: Uh, yep. Ain’t this correctomondo, Mr Narrator?
FUCK he found me. Um… I mean… Hey there Joe. Could you do the reader a favour and explain how the Joecyclopedia works?
Joe: Aha. Well, thy Joecyclopedia is full of usefully facts. For example, ‘Whomst are a word’ and ‘Right Said Fred’s bestest song is ‘I’m Too Sexy’’.
Jeff: Hang on, that last fact wasn’t in there.
Jimmy: Hold your horses, it just magically appeared in the Joecyclopedia.
Joe: And me, a Fries Religion beliefer, I approve thy book as thy official book of Fries Religion.
Jeff: Ugh. Fries Religion. I forgot that was a thing.
Jimmy: Hang on, wasn’t the Fryble the official book of Fries Religion?
Joe: Uh-huh. Fries Religion now has TWEE official book.
Jimmy: Twee?
Jeff: Three.
Jimmy: Ah.
Joe: Of courses, the Fryble explains howsa the world cum to be. The story of thy several gods.
Jeff: Joe, several is not the same as seven.
Joe: FINE. Thy seven gods! Is ye happy nowadays?
Jeff: Yes. Yes, I am.
Joe: Ugh. But anywhom, the seven gods, Subwayicus, half-god of health, McDonaldus, god of humour, Kentuckius, god of agriculture, Dominocus, god of culture, Wendysius, god of femininity, Burgerkingus, god of wisdom, and Fastfoodius, god of gods, god of life, god of fast food.
Jimmy: Wow. I’m impressed you said that without an error in grammar.
Joe: What is ye speakering about?
Jimmy: Honestly, just forget I said anything.
Jeff: Anyways, you said there were three official books?
Joe: That one haven’t has made yet. That one has wise stuff. Some says it are the book of Burgerkingus. It containers wise quote such as ‘It’s not what’s on the slice of pizza, it’s how big the slice of pizza is’
Jimmy: Wise.
Jeff: Okay, what now?
Well, I was going to write more, but I started this RP too late, had heaps of stuff pop up short notice and the other guy did some half-assed RP involving a pig for some reason.
Joe: Let we does something we has never done before. Let’s do some FRICKING SHOOT.
Great idea! Go ahead! Do about 1,000 words of shoot.
Joe: Uh... What are shoot?
Shoot's where you insult your opponent and prove you're better, I guess?
Joe: Uh... Can ye help a bruddah out?
Ugh fine. From what I can gather, this Brent Alpine guy is Australian. I, the wonderful narrator, am actually Australian too.
Jeff: What? I thought you were like Morgan Freeman or Stephen Fry or something like that?
Jimmy: Maybe you can hit him with a few Australian insults to wrap this thing up?
Um... I heard that you're a Rockhampton fellow.
Jimmy: Yeah...
...ROCKHAMPTON IS MORE OF A SHITHOLE THAN BLOODY TOWNSVILLE
Jeff: Hot damn!
Joe: I shoulds get this narratawr to does shoot all thy time!
And as a Rockhamptonian, I guess you support the North Queensland Cowboys?
Jimmy: Ooh what's he gonna say now?
THE COWBOYS WERE SHIT EVEN WITH JT!!!
Joe: Oh dangs!!
Jeff: I don't even know what that means!!
YOUR SKILL IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE SOCCERROOS’!!!
Jimmy: Daaaaaaaammmmmnnnnnn
PEOPLE DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU LIKE NO-ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE CAIRNS TAIPANS
Joe: Take thatters!
YOU’RE ABOUT AS OLD AND OUTDATED AS MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA!!!
Jeff: Oof.
YOU’RE AS OVERRATED AS AN AFL PLAYER WITH THE LAST NAME RIOLI.
Jimmy: I’m gonna nod my head and pretend I know what that means.
YOU WINNING IS LIKE A KANGAROO IN SOMEONE’S FRONTYARD – IT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS.
Jeff: What? I thought everyone had a kangaroo in their frontyard.
Jimmy <in a shit Australian accent>: Yeah I thought you sat on the veranda drinking a Fosters while feeding a kanga!
NOPE. THAT ACCENT IS ABOUT AS SHIT AS BRENT ALPINE, AND THOSE STEREOTYPES ARE ABOUT AS FAKE AS THE HYPE FOR BRENT ALPINE.
Joe: Oo-ee.
Okay. I give up now.
Joe: Whomst thy HELL are Brent Alpine?
This is Joe. Joe is a dumbass, but he doesn’t think so. He thinks he is the ‘World’s Smartest Man’.
Jeff: Joe, using those old fancy words doesn’t make you smarter…
This is Jeff. He is Joe’s best friend. How he’s put up with him for all these years is beyond me.
Jimmy: I don’t think whomst is even a word.
This is Jimmy. He’s another friend of Joe and Jeff’s. He’s just around because he doesn’t wanna go back to being the owner of his own gym, Jim’s Gym.
Joe: Uh… Yes, whomst is indeedly the wordiest of words. Looks it down in thy Joecyclopedia.
Jimmy: …what the hell is a Joecyclopedia?
Joe pointed over to a nearby bookshelf, where a spotlight shone on a massive book labelled the 'Joecyclopedia of Awesome’.
Jimmy: When did that Joecyclopedia get there?
Jeff: When did the spotlight get there to shine upon the Joecyclopedia?
Jimmy eventually walked over to the Joecyclopedia and opened it.
And, right there in ink, the first ‘article’ of the book said that ‘Whomst was indeed a word’.
Jimmy: Whoa! It says ‘whomst is indeed a word’, therefore it must be a word!
Jeff: Hang on, all it says is that one sentence. All the other pages are blank!
Jimmy: And how is that sentence written in perfect grammar?
Joe: Byatch, plez. That are the worstest grammar I has even sawn. I jus’ had to had to get some writerer becoz nooboody can overunderstand my writting.
Jeff: Fair enou---
Joe <uninvitedly>: That are coz my fingerwriting are too darn good.
Jimmy: Um, Joe… I don’t think it’s because your writing is too damn good…
Joe: Ugh, shut down. Everybodies knew that mine writing is thy best.
Jeff: There’s really no point arguing against him. To argue with a smart person is hard, but arguing against a dumb person is harder.
Joe: Darn right. It are hard to argue against meh coz I is smarts. But anywhom…
Jeff: Joe, I don’t think anywhom is a word either…
Joe: Wrongly! Czech the Joecyclopedia!
Jimmy opened the Joecyclopedia, and the next ‘article’ appeared right in front of his eyes.
‘Anywhom is indeed a word’
Jimmy: Whoa! That’s magic! How does that even work?
Joe: Ah! Roleplay Magic me friend!
Jeff: Wait… we’re in another one of those stupid roleplays?
Joe: Uh, yep. Ain’t this correctomondo, Mr Narrator?
FUCK he found me. Um… I mean… Hey there Joe. Could you do the reader a favour and explain how the Joecyclopedia works?
Joe: Aha. Well, thy Joecyclopedia is full of usefully facts. For example, ‘Whomst are a word’ and ‘Right Said Fred’s bestest song is ‘I’m Too Sexy’’.
Jeff: Hang on, that last fact wasn’t in there.
Jimmy: Hold your horses, it just magically appeared in the Joecyclopedia.
Joe: And me, a Fries Religion beliefer, I approve thy book as thy official book of Fries Religion.
Jeff: Ugh. Fries Religion. I forgot that was a thing.
Jimmy: Hang on, wasn’t the Fryble the official book of Fries Religion?
Joe: Uh-huh. Fries Religion now has TWEE official book.
Jimmy: Twee?
Jeff: Three.
Jimmy: Ah.
Joe: Of courses, the Fryble explains howsa the world cum to be. The story of thy several gods.
Jeff: Joe, several is not the same as seven.
Joe: FINE. Thy seven gods! Is ye happy nowadays?
Jeff: Yes. Yes, I am.
Joe: Ugh. But anywhom, the seven gods, Subwayicus, half-god of health, McDonaldus, god of humour, Kentuckius, god of agriculture, Dominocus, god of culture, Wendysius, god of femininity, Burgerkingus, god of wisdom, and Fastfoodius, god of gods, god of life, god of fast food.
Jimmy: Wow. I’m impressed you said that without an error in grammar.
Joe: What is ye speakering about?
Jimmy: Honestly, just forget I said anything.
Jeff: Anyways, you said there were three official books?
Joe: That one haven’t has made yet. That one has wise stuff. Some says it are the book of Burgerkingus. It containers wise quote such as ‘It’s not what’s on the slice of pizza, it’s how big the slice of pizza is’
Jimmy: Wise.
Jeff: Okay, what now?
Well, I was going to write more, but I started this RP too late, had heaps of stuff pop up short notice and the other guy did some half-assed RP involving a pig for some reason.
Joe: Let we does something we has never done before. Let’s do some FRICKING SHOOT.
Great idea! Go ahead! Do about 1,000 words of shoot.
Joe: Uh... What are shoot?
Shoot's where you insult your opponent and prove you're better, I guess?
Joe: Uh... Can ye help a bruddah out?
Ugh fine. From what I can gather, this Brent Alpine guy is Australian. I, the wonderful narrator, am actually Australian too.
Jeff: What? I thought you were like Morgan Freeman or Stephen Fry or something like that?
Jimmy: Maybe you can hit him with a few Australian insults to wrap this thing up?
Um... I heard that you're a Rockhampton fellow.
Jimmy: Yeah...
...ROCKHAMPTON IS MORE OF A SHITHOLE THAN BLOODY TOWNSVILLE
Jeff: Hot damn!
Joe: I shoulds get this narratawr to does shoot all thy time!
And as a Rockhamptonian, I guess you support the North Queensland Cowboys?
Jimmy: Ooh what's he gonna say now?
THE COWBOYS WERE SHIT EVEN WITH JT!!!
Joe: Oh dangs!!
Jeff: I don't even know what that means!!
YOUR SKILL IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE SOCCERROOS’!!!
Jimmy: Daaaaaaaammmmmnnnnnn
PEOPLE DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU LIKE NO-ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE CAIRNS TAIPANS
Joe: Take thatters!
YOU’RE ABOUT AS OLD AND OUTDATED AS MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA!!!
Jeff: Oof.
YOU’RE AS OVERRATED AS AN AFL PLAYER WITH THE LAST NAME RIOLI.
Jimmy: I’m gonna nod my head and pretend I know what that means.
YOU WINNING IS LIKE A KANGAROO IN SOMEONE’S FRONTYARD – IT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS.
Jeff: What? I thought everyone had a kangaroo in their frontyard.
Jimmy <in a shit Australian accent>: Yeah I thought you sat on the veranda drinking a Fosters while feeding a kanga!
NOPE. THAT ACCENT IS ABOUT AS SHIT AS BRENT ALPINE, AND THOSE STEREOTYPES ARE ABOUT AS FAKE AS THE HYPE FOR BRENT ALPINE.
Joe: Oo-ee.
Okay. I give up now.
