Take A Little Trip With Me

[Jay Omega]

==============================
"I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I'll go to it laughing."
-Moby Dick
==============================

*Welcome back, True Believers! Let's kick this off quick, shall we? The scene begins with our standard fade in, and we find everyone's favourite Red-Eye Jedi, the Emperor of Entertainment, the King of Pain, the Mahraraj-- I've already done this bit, haven't I? Fuckbunkies. Okay, well, we fade in on a wide shot of Jay Omega wearing his ring gear - because he wears that shit everywhere - standing in the middle of a completely metallic wrestling ring minus the ropes. This metal ring stands on a raised platform roughly forty feet in diameter, its outer circumference covered in all manner of blinking lights, input panels, and readout screens. Completing the contraption are a trio of concentric rings - the circular kind - their top halves arcing over the wrestling ring Omega stands in. Standing on either side of the complex machinery are a pair of large Tesla coils, small bolts of blue-white energy crackling about the bulbous tips. A dark-haired dapper man in his early thirties wearing a white lab coat stands at one of the input panels, busily adjusting the controls according to the calculations he is continuously making on the clipboard he holds in one hand.*

Jay Omega: Yo Nicky, how we doing? Almost ready down there?

*The scientist looks up from his work and levels a glare in Jay's direction.*

Nikola Tesla: Don't call me "Nicky", I'm your intellectual better and I shan't be mocked in such a fashion. I've almost finished calibrating the transdimensional targeting matrix for the portable tunneling pad, but the process will require a few more minutes. Find something else to amuse yourself with.

*Omega gives a shrug, then walks forward in order to lean against one of the corner posts.*

Jay Omega: All right then let's get down to brass tacks. So I'm going up against Michael X again, this time with the Hardcore strap on the line. I know things didn't quite go my way the last time Mikey and I tangled, but that was just a regular Slam match. This time? This time we're going to be on Pay Per View, which somehow makes it more exciting, even though those buyrates don't affect my pay in the slightest. Another difference is that this time the title is on the line, and that really does put a little fire in my belly, because I do so love fighting over shiny things. Like a magpie. Ol' Mikey is gonna give me another damn good fight on Monday, sure, but I'm the impatient sort and I don't wanna wait that long. Sadly I don't have access to time travel anymore--

Nikola Tesla: I could change that.

Jay Omega: Wait, what? How?

*The man identified as Nikola Tesla pauses in his work once more and glances up at Jay again.*

Nikola Tesla: Well, Miss Erin still has the full schematics of the Ranchero in her memory after the night of her unorthodox birth. It would be a relatively simple matter to reconstruct the temporal traversal engine and install it aboard the ship. Or any other vehicle for that matter.

Jay Omega: Why are you only telling me this now?!? Time travel could have come in very handy at literally a million points over the last few years!

*The scientist in the lab coat shrugs disinterestedly, and goes back to his tinkering.*

Nikola Tesla: I simply assumed you no longer had any interest in the activity, given the increased excitement of your everyday life.

Jay Omega: Oh I do. I have a very great interest indeed. And what have I told you about assuming things about my interests? I'm a pretty fucked up individual, Nicky; I enjoy all kinds of shit.

Nikola Tesla: Including losing focus and going off on long, tangential ramblings.

*Omega snaps his fingers as he pushes away from the ring post, and makes eye contact with the camera.*

Jay Omega: Rght! So as I was saying, I currently don't have access to time travel - that's gonna be Nicky's next project - so I can't jump ahead to Monday and fight Mikey right now. But I do have access to another kick-ass piece of technology; this massive mechanical marvel of modern magic, the Quantum Micro Tunnel Stabilizer. Using a bunch of wicked cool science stuff that I don't understand, this here doohickey can pierce the barriers between all the different worlds that might be, and send me hurtling across the Metaverse. So I'm gonna use that to traipse around a bunch of alternate realities, beating the shit out of various versions of Michael X until I can get my hands on the real thing. Relatively speaking, of course. I mean, they're all gonna be real, but as I reside in this reality, only this Michael X is really real, ya dig?

*Tesla steps back from the control panel in front of him and picks up a dull gray metal disc the size of a dinner plate, which he tosses like a Frisbee up to Jay.*

Nikola Tesla: Here, the portable pad is ready, pre-programmed with a set number of destinations before it will return you to this reality.

Jay Omega: Bangarang! I've got a couple of C.A.R.D.s with me in case one or two get lost, got my Caster in case shit gets heavy, and I've got a big bag of weed that will hopefully last for the duration. Time to go get my knuckles bloody while I learn a little more about how to handle Michael X in the ring. I asked Nicky to hook me up with a couple of random destinations, so I have no idea where I'm gonna end up. Let's take a chance and roll the dice, shall we? All right, my premise is set; Nicky, fire up the Cue Em Tee Ess, and let's get this adventure started!

Nikola Tesla: Give me a moment to join you on the platform; I think it best if I'm on hand to correct any issues that might come up with the device. I shudder to think what might happen if you were to lose or damage the portable pad on a world that's home to an idiot version of me.

*Omega shrugs, then comes over to help Tesla up onto the platform.*

Jay Omega: I'd probably just make my way to whatever version of the Fortress of Ball-itude exists in that world, and make myself at home. Pretty sure no version of me would turn me away. All right then, Nicky, if you're tagging along, this will at least give me someone to talk to. We ready?

Nikola Tesla: We are.

*Jay and Nikola stand in the center of the ring, and Tesla inputs some commands on the curved tablet device strapped to his forearm, The barely audible hum of the Tesla coils on either side of the contraption begins to rise in pitch. The three concentric rings begin to spin along different axes, slowly at first but gaining in velocity until they blur and seem to become a solid silver sphere. The coils to either side of the machine crackle as the energy builds up further, then both discharge simultaneously, sending a pair of man-made lightning bolts shooting at the whirling rings. A flare of white light emanates from within the sphere, and the massive device begins to wind down; the coils thrumming down through the audio scale, and the rings slowing their mad spin. Once the rings have slowed enough for gaps to be visible between them, it becomes apparent that the mock wrestling ring is now empty, with Omega and Tesla nowhere to be seen. The camera holds on the empty frame for a moment, before the scene fades to black.*