Post by Alex Richards on Jan 27, 2019 23:01:57 GMT -5
Alex Richards: Jesus Fucking Christ or whatever other fucking God is getting involved in my business now. As if I didn't have enough to worry about with Odin Balfore on my side. Now I have to worry about Krampus dicking me over for shits and giggles too?
Alex violently opens the door of the Strange Rover.. slamming it hard after he climbs inside. He looks over at the large pile of mannequins inside the SUV, then shakes his head.
Alex Richards: I'd probably be better off teaming with one of those dummies.
Alex reaches into his doctor's bag.. pulls out of ridiculously tricked out but still outdated looking 80s cell phone, dials a number. Then barks out a response when his call is answered.
Alex Richards: You home? Good. I'm coming.
Alex hangs up. Doesn't go for a drink. Instead he just drives the Strange like a maniac.. obviously intent on getting home to speak to Rebecca as quickly as possible. Obviously still shook about his meeting in Poon Guinea with Odin. He doesn't say a word during the long drive. He finally pulls into the parking lot of the Drunken Dragon. Walks inside as if on a mission. It's taken a lot time for Alex to make his return. Poon Guinea is far. So the bar has long since closed for the night. He opens the door.. looks and notices Rebecca Thatch, wearing a slutty sexy lady pirate costume.
Rebecca Thatch: When I heard your call it sounded like you were in the mood for a quickie. You gonna make me walk your plank?
Normally this would totally do it for Alex. But not tonight. Alex doesn't leer he still looks furious instead.
Alex Richards: Did you seriously used to sleep with Odin Balfore?
Rebecca tries to lighten the mood.
Rebecca Thatch: Oh, that was years before we even met. Besides I was blind at the time. I don't know if it was really Odin Balfore or not anyways!
Not even a chuckle from the archduke.
Alex Richards: You seriously never told me your old boyfriend was Odin Balfore? Is that not something you'd think I would want to know?
Rebecca Thatch: Who said anything about boyfriend? Besides I told you my old lover was a God.
Alex Richards: I didn't think you meant that literally!
Rebecca Thatch: I know how you feel about Odin, Alex.
Alex Richards: So I had to hear it from Krampus of all people? Who didn't even care about me.. he just wanted to try and fuck Odin and me over for shits and giggles.
Rebecca Thatch: I'm sorry babe. But it didn't seem to matter until you returned to the WCF. Then once you did Odin and you seemed to hate each other so much it didn't seem like it would help matters.
Alex Richards: Becky.. you should have told me. I know it's in the past and I could have dealt with it. Now I swear if Odin hurt you. I'm not a God but I damn sure will smite one!
Rebecca shakes her head.
Rebecca Thatch: The Odin Balfore I know is a lot different then the one you know. You ever hear me say a bad word about Odin?
Alex Richards: Well no.
Rebecca Thatch: The Odin you know as a wrestler is different then the Odin I knew. We never dated, we never wanted to date. It wasn't about a relationship. It was about the sex.
Alex Richards: Oh, that's great.
Rebecca winks.
Rebecca Thatch: It was great sex. But that's not why I remember Odin fondly. He is a God and could have had any women he wanted to. But the fact is not too many men of quality are interested in the blind chick. But Odin saw past that.. like you did.
Alex Richards: Son of a bitch.
Rebecca Thatch: Why did that upset you?
Alex Richards: It didn't. It makes me think maybe there's more to Odin then I thought.
Rebecca Thatch: Why do you think Odin helped Noble Savage to the back after their match last week. It wasn't on camera. He didn't have to do that. He chose to.
Alex gives a little half smile, reflecting on his girlfriend's words.
Alex Richards: Odin treated my lady with respect. I won't forget that.
Rebecca |Thatch: Most of the time he did. When we weren't..
Alex Richards: There are some things I don't need to know.
Rebecca Thatch: Smart man. Do you know how many men I was with after Odin?
Alex sighs.
Alex Richards: Alright. No secrets. Let me know.
Rebecca Thatch: None.
Alex Richards: None?
Rebecca Thatch: After Odin I didn't need another man. Until I met you. Twelve years ago he was special. Nobody else was special until you.
Alex Richards: Fuck does this mean I can't hate Odin anymore? According to that tv show the League we are Eskimo brothers now apparently.
Rebecca Thatch: At least you didn't quote Beavis and Butthead..this time. I'm only kidding. I love Beavis and Butthead.
Alex Richards: So Odin told the truth when we met earlier today.
Rebecca Thatch: Now you and Odin together...
Rebecca Thatch: I didn't mean it that way! I meant as a team! Men.. always have sex on the brain.
Alex Richards: Odin did say he was the black sheep of the Gods. I've always been an outsider myself. Maybe we have more in common besides Rebecca then I thought.
Rebecca Thatch: Speaking of which.. I didn't put this outfit on for nothing. Are you gonna fuck me or what?
Alex Richards: I do have cannon to fire.
Alex picks up his pirate garbed girlfriend and carries her up the stairs.
Sex occurs.. off camera sex. Just to keep things classy.
Alex returns to the bar, pours himself a boot full of Zim-Quila gets to work verbally shredding the competition.
Alex Richards: Thank you John Rabid. You sure did fuck up didn’t you? When you attacked Odin Balfore and myself you did us a favor. You gave us a common enemy. Sure maybe we hate each other, but we certainly hate you more. Furthermore you are in the other side of the bracket. That means we have to beat everyone in our bracket of the tag league just to get the chance to shut you up. So be it. If teaming with Odin is the sacrifice I have to make.. then that’s what I’ll do. Now as for who’s up first..
Alex gives a look like he just smelt a horrible fart. Yeah.. that look.
Alex Richards: Are you fucking kidding me? Jazzy John and Matt Draven are the last WCF tag team champions. Seems like a sick joke to me. Not even the good kind of sick joke. I like those. But McCarthy and Draven being the last tag team champions is the kind of joke that makes you want to throw up. They are the dead baby joke of the tag team division.
Alex takes another sip.
Alex Richards: These guys make me long for the days when the Monstimals were tag team champions. Think about that for a second. Everyone knows how little I care for those two wastes of space. But at least they cared about the tag team division. I can give them that. They weren't great champions but at least they tried. John and Matt.. you guys don't even have that going for you. You are the last WCF tag team champions and you had the opportunity of a lifetime. You were matched up in the first ever, first annual perhaps WCF Tag League, against a 6 time world champion and the greatest wrestler never to win the WCF world heavyweight title.. yet. You know how many matches Odin and myself have had as a tag team? Rhymes with beero.
Alex hops on his laptop, brings up twitter.
Alex Richards: So I'm up against Alex Richards and Odin Balfore. That's just fucking great. From John McCarthy. Then Matt Draven replies with I'm almost positive this falls in there with crimes against humanity. RIP. No wonder the tag division died. That's our champions. I don't like Odin Balfore in the slightest. Although he did treat Rebecca with respect so I could be wrong about Balfore. But like I was saying I don't like Odin but I have never seen Odin face anyone and admit defeat before the match even started. As for me I firmly believe I can beat anyone on the planet. If I was facing 6 time world champion Odin Balfore.. it's gonna be a bad night for Odin Balfore. If I'm facing WCF hall of famer Corey Black.. it's gonna be a bad night for Corey Black. Now I've fought Corey Black before and he's beaten me. Does not matter. If you don't firmly believe you are going to win every single match what the fuck are you doing in that ring?
Alex shrugs.
Alex Richards: What I actually want to know is.. how did you guys even win the titles in the first place? I've seen you losing to the likes of James Wolf, Sammy Shields, The Daughters of Darkness... basically anyone with a pulse. How do you expect to compete with two men who headlined One when you can't beat people who never came close to a title? Normally I would wait for an answer but I already know neither of you have one. You already accepted defeat. That's the worst possible thing you could do. That's just pathetic. Why are you even in the tag league if you don't believe you can win?
Alex takes another drink.. in disgust.
Alex Richards: Waste of fucking time. This is a waste of fucking time. I mean on one hand it does give Odin and I basically a free pass. We get to try and become a tag team without the possibility of a loss. That's nice. I guess. But you know.. I pride myself in facing and defeating the best the WCF has to offer. Matt Draven.. John McCarthy.. not even close to that. I'd be okay with that though. We all had to start somewhere.
Alex Richards: But even young me. The guy who lost all the time. He never threw in the towel. He never gave up. Sure he got his butt kicked. But because of that he became the man who kicks ass constantly. I've never been the sort of man who took the easy route. I pride myself in overcoming adversity. I lost at One. Well.. so what? Earn another world title shot. Win the tag league. Do something that no one else has ever done before. That's what I'm all about. Odin and I are going to be forever known as the guys who won the first ever tag league. We are going to be the guys who saved the tag team division. In short we think big.
Alex shakes his bald head.
Alex Richards: What did you guys enter the tournament for? Just because Corey Black offered the last two tag team champions free entry into the league? Because that's not good enough! If you aren't in this to win it.. then you have no reason to be competing. Pack your bags and leave. But no instead you entered because.. hey it's a tournament and stuff. I can't even.
Alex slams his massive hand down on the bar top.
Alex Richards: You guys were the tag team champions. When Corey Black said last week's match was going to be the last tag team title match.. what did you do about it? Nothing.. you did nothing. You didn't want to make waves, I guess. That's like a metaphor for both of your careers. You're the guys who just do what they are told. Sometimes they win, usually they lose. Because neither of you have any passion for wrestling. John McCarthy is driven to get his favourite bar back. And Jazz. Matt Draven he's motivated by memes. I guess.
Alex pauses.
Alex Richards: Do I even need to say anything else? Two world class singles wrestlers are on one side of the ring. Two people who if they won the tag titles, the hardcore title, the television title or even the world title. No one would bat an eye. Because we are expected to succeed. Because that's all we do. Odin has headlined the last three pay per views.
Alex gives a rueful smile.
Alex Richards: I probably shouldn't have brought that up because he'll point out I only headlined two of those pay per views. But the point I'm making is we headline pay per views and nobody is surprised. John and Matt have never headlined a pay per view. And never will. They may be in our tag league but they are nowhere near being in our league. You are facing a literal God and the final Guardian. Two men of intense talent and intense skill.
Alex stops.
Alex Richards: You know.. I really do think Odin and I have more in common then I thought. Odin and I beat the shit out of each other at One. We beat the shit out of each other on Slam. We are two main eventers. What do you think we are going to do when we go against John and Matt? It's going to be a slaughter. Nobody wants to win this tournament more then myself and Odin. Nobody cares less then our opponents. Do I even need to say any more?
Alex thinks.
Alex Richards: I don't even to say anymore. But I will. Your apathy destroyed the tag team division. You gotta pay for that shit. You will pay for that shit when you go up against Odin and Alex that's for damn sure. You guys were always overmatched talent wise. There was never a doubt. You only had one chance. The only way you could win this match was if Odin and myself refused to team up together.
Alex guffaws.
Alex Richards: I mean literally one of us laid the other one out. Because even if Odin or myself didn't show up the other one would still be more then enough to thrash the two of you. But here's the thing.. Odin and I have too much pride to lose to the likes of you. If I could beat with Oblivion well enough to win a share of tag team of the year surely I can stand to team with Odin for a month or so to win the tag league.
Alex Richards: Good news though. John.. Matt you will always go down in history as the first team Odin and Alex beat en route to winning the WCF tag league. The fact you will be the answer to a trivia question is a far greater honour then you deserve. Odin wants to save the tag titles. I want the prize that comes with winning the tag league of calling my shot and getting a rematch with the champion Noble Savage. We have different goals but the same objective. What would you guys do if you won?
Alex shakes his head.
Alex Richards: We have plans for when we win. You guys don't have any because you know you aren't going to. That speaks volumes don't it? You know what the worst part of this match is? Not that isn't going to be such an easy win that Odin and I will barely have time to refine our teamwork. No, the worst part is that combined both of my opponents are like a really bad version of myself. Not wrestling wise. Even combined they don't come close to touching me as a wrestler. But Jazzy John yearns to reopen his bar. Well I've owned first the Sloshed Pit and now the Drunken Dragon for years! So maybe after the match he should come see me. I can't give him any tips on how to improve as a wrestler because he's hopeless but I could probably help him in his bar career. Even if he's just wiping tables and collecting glasses in a bar that's still a step up from his wrestling career. Then there's Matt Draven who's sole skill appears to be meme'ing. Well I was the greatest internet champion in the world.
Alex laughs.
Alex Richards: I really shouldn't say that. I'll end up a triple threat with Jayson Price and ZMac or something. But I said it anyways. So I could help Matt. Okay fine. Matt doesn't need any help meme'ing but maybe after this week I can help him use web md so he can save money and treat his own injuries after the beating he takes this week. He's gonna need that money because he doesn't have much a future in wrestling. Last week Matt's only effort towards defending the tag titles was a meme. Apparently the chief requirement of the Draven Effect is being as lazy as possible.
Alex has another drink because he can.
Alex Richards: So I'm facing the biggest slacker on the WCF roster. The man who only ever got the tag titles by yelling at his partner that he was a cheater from ringside at an MMA event. That'd be a pretty funny dig, right? Too bad I didn't make it up. That shit is all true. These guys only became a team because they are too stupid to hire lawyers before going before Judge Judy! They were champs simply because of dumb luck. Well their luck has run out. Then there's John.. who finally won a title. Congratulates on finally failing upwards this week. Because since you won the title you get the honour of being destroyed by the best team in a tournament. You know what? I'm so confident of victory I'm gonna try and make things harder on Odin and myself. I'm going to try and motivate the pair of you. If that's even possible. Okay here goes.
Alex takes a deep breathe.
Alex Richards: Jazz sucks. Memes suck. Hit me with your best shot! It won't be nearly enough and everyone including you two jokers know it. In the end confusion always reigns. It's just too bad Matt and John get to tarnish the legacy of the tag titles by being it's last reign.
Alex Richards: After we destroy the worst tag team champions this side of Adam Young’s Big Time Jerks we’ll be moving on to real challenges like.. Jay Omega and Kennedy Mathews.. or Roy Speede and John Rabid. Or getting revenge on that fucker Krampus maybe I don’t know. One thing I know for sure this will be the first victory of many.
Fade To Black
Alex violently opens the door of the Strange Rover.. slamming it hard after he climbs inside. He looks over at the large pile of mannequins inside the SUV, then shakes his head.
Alex Richards: I'd probably be better off teaming with one of those dummies.
Alex reaches into his doctor's bag.. pulls out of ridiculously tricked out but still outdated looking 80s cell phone, dials a number. Then barks out a response when his call is answered.
Alex Richards: You home? Good. I'm coming.
Alex hangs up. Doesn't go for a drink. Instead he just drives the Strange like a maniac.. obviously intent on getting home to speak to Rebecca as quickly as possible. Obviously still shook about his meeting in Poon Guinea with Odin. He doesn't say a word during the long drive. He finally pulls into the parking lot of the Drunken Dragon. Walks inside as if on a mission. It's taken a lot time for Alex to make his return. Poon Guinea is far. So the bar has long since closed for the night. He opens the door.. looks and notices Rebecca Thatch, wearing a slutty sexy lady pirate costume.
Rebecca Thatch: When I heard your call it sounded like you were in the mood for a quickie. You gonna make me walk your plank?
Normally this would totally do it for Alex. But not tonight. Alex doesn't leer he still looks furious instead.
Alex Richards: Did you seriously used to sleep with Odin Balfore?
Rebecca tries to lighten the mood.
Rebecca Thatch: Oh, that was years before we even met. Besides I was blind at the time. I don't know if it was really Odin Balfore or not anyways!
Not even a chuckle from the archduke.
Alex Richards: You seriously never told me your old boyfriend was Odin Balfore? Is that not something you'd think I would want to know?
Rebecca Thatch: Who said anything about boyfriend? Besides I told you my old lover was a God.
Alex Richards: I didn't think you meant that literally!
Rebecca Thatch: I know how you feel about Odin, Alex.
Alex Richards: So I had to hear it from Krampus of all people? Who didn't even care about me.. he just wanted to try and fuck Odin and me over for shits and giggles.
Rebecca Thatch: I'm sorry babe. But it didn't seem to matter until you returned to the WCF. Then once you did Odin and you seemed to hate each other so much it didn't seem like it would help matters.
Alex Richards: Becky.. you should have told me. I know it's in the past and I could have dealt with it. Now I swear if Odin hurt you. I'm not a God but I damn sure will smite one!
Rebecca shakes her head.
Rebecca Thatch: The Odin Balfore I know is a lot different then the one you know. You ever hear me say a bad word about Odin?
Alex Richards: Well no.
Rebecca Thatch: The Odin you know as a wrestler is different then the Odin I knew. We never dated, we never wanted to date. It wasn't about a relationship. It was about the sex.
Alex Richards: Oh, that's great.
Rebecca winks.
Rebecca Thatch: It was great sex. But that's not why I remember Odin fondly. He is a God and could have had any women he wanted to. But the fact is not too many men of quality are interested in the blind chick. But Odin saw past that.. like you did.
Alex Richards: Son of a bitch.
Rebecca Thatch: Why did that upset you?
Alex Richards: It didn't. It makes me think maybe there's more to Odin then I thought.
Rebecca Thatch: Why do you think Odin helped Noble Savage to the back after their match last week. It wasn't on camera. He didn't have to do that. He chose to.
Alex gives a little half smile, reflecting on his girlfriend's words.
Alex Richards: Odin treated my lady with respect. I won't forget that.
Rebecca |Thatch: Most of the time he did. When we weren't..
Alex Richards: There are some things I don't need to know.
Rebecca Thatch: Smart man. Do you know how many men I was with after Odin?
Alex sighs.
Alex Richards: Alright. No secrets. Let me know.
Rebecca Thatch: None.
Alex Richards: None?
Rebecca Thatch: After Odin I didn't need another man. Until I met you. Twelve years ago he was special. Nobody else was special until you.
Alex Richards: Fuck does this mean I can't hate Odin anymore? According to that tv show the League we are Eskimo brothers now apparently.
Rebecca Thatch: At least you didn't quote Beavis and Butthead..this time. I'm only kidding. I love Beavis and Butthead.
Alex Richards: So Odin told the truth when we met earlier today.
Rebecca Thatch: Now you and Odin together...
Rebecca Thatch: I didn't mean it that way! I meant as a team! Men.. always have sex on the brain.
Alex Richards: Odin did say he was the black sheep of the Gods. I've always been an outsider myself. Maybe we have more in common besides Rebecca then I thought.
Rebecca Thatch: Speaking of which.. I didn't put this outfit on for nothing. Are you gonna fuck me or what?
Alex Richards: I do have cannon to fire.
Alex picks up his pirate garbed girlfriend and carries her up the stairs.
Sex occurs.. off camera sex. Just to keep things classy.
Alex returns to the bar, pours himself a boot full of Zim-Quila gets to work verbally shredding the competition.
Alex Richards: Thank you John Rabid. You sure did fuck up didn’t you? When you attacked Odin Balfore and myself you did us a favor. You gave us a common enemy. Sure maybe we hate each other, but we certainly hate you more. Furthermore you are in the other side of the bracket. That means we have to beat everyone in our bracket of the tag league just to get the chance to shut you up. So be it. If teaming with Odin is the sacrifice I have to make.. then that’s what I’ll do. Now as for who’s up first..
Alex gives a look like he just smelt a horrible fart. Yeah.. that look.
Alex Richards: Are you fucking kidding me? Jazzy John and Matt Draven are the last WCF tag team champions. Seems like a sick joke to me. Not even the good kind of sick joke. I like those. But McCarthy and Draven being the last tag team champions is the kind of joke that makes you want to throw up. They are the dead baby joke of the tag team division.
Alex takes another sip.
Alex Richards: These guys make me long for the days when the Monstimals were tag team champions. Think about that for a second. Everyone knows how little I care for those two wastes of space. But at least they cared about the tag team division. I can give them that. They weren't great champions but at least they tried. John and Matt.. you guys don't even have that going for you. You are the last WCF tag team champions and you had the opportunity of a lifetime. You were matched up in the first ever, first annual perhaps WCF Tag League, against a 6 time world champion and the greatest wrestler never to win the WCF world heavyweight title.. yet. You know how many matches Odin and myself have had as a tag team? Rhymes with beero.
Alex hops on his laptop, brings up twitter.
Alex Richards: So I'm up against Alex Richards and Odin Balfore. That's just fucking great. From John McCarthy. Then Matt Draven replies with I'm almost positive this falls in there with crimes against humanity. RIP. No wonder the tag division died. That's our champions. I don't like Odin Balfore in the slightest. Although he did treat Rebecca with respect so I could be wrong about Balfore. But like I was saying I don't like Odin but I have never seen Odin face anyone and admit defeat before the match even started. As for me I firmly believe I can beat anyone on the planet. If I was facing 6 time world champion Odin Balfore.. it's gonna be a bad night for Odin Balfore. If I'm facing WCF hall of famer Corey Black.. it's gonna be a bad night for Corey Black. Now I've fought Corey Black before and he's beaten me. Does not matter. If you don't firmly believe you are going to win every single match what the fuck are you doing in that ring?
Alex shrugs.
Alex Richards: What I actually want to know is.. how did you guys even win the titles in the first place? I've seen you losing to the likes of James Wolf, Sammy Shields, The Daughters of Darkness... basically anyone with a pulse. How do you expect to compete with two men who headlined One when you can't beat people who never came close to a title? Normally I would wait for an answer but I already know neither of you have one. You already accepted defeat. That's the worst possible thing you could do. That's just pathetic. Why are you even in the tag league if you don't believe you can win?
Alex takes another drink.. in disgust.
Alex Richards: Waste of fucking time. This is a waste of fucking time. I mean on one hand it does give Odin and I basically a free pass. We get to try and become a tag team without the possibility of a loss. That's nice. I guess. But you know.. I pride myself in facing and defeating the best the WCF has to offer. Matt Draven.. John McCarthy.. not even close to that. I'd be okay with that though. We all had to start somewhere.
Alex Richards: But even young me. The guy who lost all the time. He never threw in the towel. He never gave up. Sure he got his butt kicked. But because of that he became the man who kicks ass constantly. I've never been the sort of man who took the easy route. I pride myself in overcoming adversity. I lost at One. Well.. so what? Earn another world title shot. Win the tag league. Do something that no one else has ever done before. That's what I'm all about. Odin and I are going to be forever known as the guys who won the first ever tag league. We are going to be the guys who saved the tag team division. In short we think big.
Alex shakes his bald head.
Alex Richards: What did you guys enter the tournament for? Just because Corey Black offered the last two tag team champions free entry into the league? Because that's not good enough! If you aren't in this to win it.. then you have no reason to be competing. Pack your bags and leave. But no instead you entered because.. hey it's a tournament and stuff. I can't even.
Alex slams his massive hand down on the bar top.
Alex Richards: You guys were the tag team champions. When Corey Black said last week's match was going to be the last tag team title match.. what did you do about it? Nothing.. you did nothing. You didn't want to make waves, I guess. That's like a metaphor for both of your careers. You're the guys who just do what they are told. Sometimes they win, usually they lose. Because neither of you have any passion for wrestling. John McCarthy is driven to get his favourite bar back. And Jazz. Matt Draven he's motivated by memes. I guess.
Alex pauses.
Alex Richards: Do I even need to say anything else? Two world class singles wrestlers are on one side of the ring. Two people who if they won the tag titles, the hardcore title, the television title or even the world title. No one would bat an eye. Because we are expected to succeed. Because that's all we do. Odin has headlined the last three pay per views.
Alex gives a rueful smile.
Alex Richards: I probably shouldn't have brought that up because he'll point out I only headlined two of those pay per views. But the point I'm making is we headline pay per views and nobody is surprised. John and Matt have never headlined a pay per view. And never will. They may be in our tag league but they are nowhere near being in our league. You are facing a literal God and the final Guardian. Two men of intense talent and intense skill.
Alex stops.
Alex Richards: You know.. I really do think Odin and I have more in common then I thought. Odin and I beat the shit out of each other at One. We beat the shit out of each other on Slam. We are two main eventers. What do you think we are going to do when we go against John and Matt? It's going to be a slaughter. Nobody wants to win this tournament more then myself and Odin. Nobody cares less then our opponents. Do I even need to say any more?
Alex thinks.
Alex Richards: I don't even to say anymore. But I will. Your apathy destroyed the tag team division. You gotta pay for that shit. You will pay for that shit when you go up against Odin and Alex that's for damn sure. You guys were always overmatched talent wise. There was never a doubt. You only had one chance. The only way you could win this match was if Odin and myself refused to team up together.
Alex guffaws.
Alex Richards: I mean literally one of us laid the other one out. Because even if Odin or myself didn't show up the other one would still be more then enough to thrash the two of you. But here's the thing.. Odin and I have too much pride to lose to the likes of you. If I could beat with Oblivion well enough to win a share of tag team of the year surely I can stand to team with Odin for a month or so to win the tag league.
Alex Richards: Good news though. John.. Matt you will always go down in history as the first team Odin and Alex beat en route to winning the WCF tag league. The fact you will be the answer to a trivia question is a far greater honour then you deserve. Odin wants to save the tag titles. I want the prize that comes with winning the tag league of calling my shot and getting a rematch with the champion Noble Savage. We have different goals but the same objective. What would you guys do if you won?
Alex shakes his head.
Alex Richards: We have plans for when we win. You guys don't have any because you know you aren't going to. That speaks volumes don't it? You know what the worst part of this match is? Not that isn't going to be such an easy win that Odin and I will barely have time to refine our teamwork. No, the worst part is that combined both of my opponents are like a really bad version of myself. Not wrestling wise. Even combined they don't come close to touching me as a wrestler. But Jazzy John yearns to reopen his bar. Well I've owned first the Sloshed Pit and now the Drunken Dragon for years! So maybe after the match he should come see me. I can't give him any tips on how to improve as a wrestler because he's hopeless but I could probably help him in his bar career. Even if he's just wiping tables and collecting glasses in a bar that's still a step up from his wrestling career. Then there's Matt Draven who's sole skill appears to be meme'ing. Well I was the greatest internet champion in the world.
Alex laughs.
Alex Richards: I really shouldn't say that. I'll end up a triple threat with Jayson Price and ZMac or something. But I said it anyways. So I could help Matt. Okay fine. Matt doesn't need any help meme'ing but maybe after this week I can help him use web md so he can save money and treat his own injuries after the beating he takes this week. He's gonna need that money because he doesn't have much a future in wrestling. Last week Matt's only effort towards defending the tag titles was a meme. Apparently the chief requirement of the Draven Effect is being as lazy as possible.
Alex has another drink because he can.
Alex Richards: So I'm facing the biggest slacker on the WCF roster. The man who only ever got the tag titles by yelling at his partner that he was a cheater from ringside at an MMA event. That'd be a pretty funny dig, right? Too bad I didn't make it up. That shit is all true. These guys only became a team because they are too stupid to hire lawyers before going before Judge Judy! They were champs simply because of dumb luck. Well their luck has run out. Then there's John.. who finally won a title. Congratulates on finally failing upwards this week. Because since you won the title you get the honour of being destroyed by the best team in a tournament. You know what? I'm so confident of victory I'm gonna try and make things harder on Odin and myself. I'm going to try and motivate the pair of you. If that's even possible. Okay here goes.
Alex takes a deep breathe.
Alex Richards: Jazz sucks. Memes suck. Hit me with your best shot! It won't be nearly enough and everyone including you two jokers know it. In the end confusion always reigns. It's just too bad Matt and John get to tarnish the legacy of the tag titles by being it's last reign.
Alex Richards: After we destroy the worst tag team champions this side of Adam Young’s Big Time Jerks we’ll be moving on to real challenges like.. Jay Omega and Kennedy Mathews.. or Roy Speede and John Rabid. Or getting revenge on that fucker Krampus maybe I don’t know. One thing I know for sure this will be the first victory of many.
Fade To Black
