Post by Alex Richards on Jan 20, 2019 23:22:44 GMT -5
Savage turns around and runs, catching Richards on the back of the head with the Tomb Seeker.
Freddy Whoa: THE CURB STOMP! IS THIS NOBLE SAVAGE'S MOMENT!?
Savage with the pin on Richards.
ONE!
TWO!
Bonnie rolls over and throws an arm out to try and break the pin but she's hurting too badly to do anything.
THREE!
Zach Davis: AND WE HAVE A NEW WCF WORLD CHAMPION!
Alex Richards looks at the screen in his locker room.. rewinds the tape and..
Savage turns around and runs, catching Richards on the back of the head with the Tomb Seeker.
Freddy Whoa: THE CURB STOMP! IS THIS NOBLE SAVAGE'S MOMENT!?
Savage with the pin on Richards.
ONE!
TWO!
Bonnie rolls over and throws an arm out to try and break the pin but she's hurting too badly to do anything.
THREE!
Zach Davis: AND WE HAVE A NEW WCF WORLD CHAMPION!
Alex scans the footage backwards again.. looking despondent as his brother Shaun Zach and his girlfriend Rebecca Thatch look at him worried.
Alex Richards: And I fail.
He watches the footage again.
SZR: Isn't twenty times enough? You don't need to torture yourself with it.
Alex ignores Shaun continuing to watch the footage.
Alex Richards: The opportunity of a lifetime. You only get one chance to main event One for the first time. I thought it was my night. I thought wrong. I failed. I wasn't good enough.
Rewind.. another tomb seeker. Rebecca lays her hand on Alex's shoulder trying to console him.
Rebecca Thatch: You did your best hun.
Alex Richards: Doesn't matter. Wasn't good enough. I beat all those people before? Why couldn't I do it then?
SZR: Just wasn't your night.
Alex Richards: That's an excuse Zach. Noble Savage didn't want it more then me. Nobody wanted that win more then me. Yet in the end it was her night and not mine.
Alex reviews the footage once more.
Alex Richards: I gotta find out why it was her night and not mine. I thought we were going to be celebrating now with the..
Realization dawns on Alex. He immediately stands up and grabs his doctor's bag.
Rebecca Thatch: What are you thinking?
Alex Richards: Without the Guardians.. that meant nothing. I wasn't supposed to win the title without the support of the Guardians. It's fated to be that way.
SZR: So where are we going?
Alex Richards: Zach.. we need new Guardians.
Alex Richards has a lot of strengths but he is not a very patient man. So when he wanted new Guardians to fill the roster of the once great stable he used his history as a great internet champion. By spamming facebook, by spamming twitter, by even using snapchat. Then to top it off by creating online ads promoting an opening casting call to join the greatest stable in the known universe. On the plus side there were a lot of responses. So Alex rented out a motel in Florida to screen potential Guardians.
SZR: I can't believe we're here.
Alex Richards: Me neither! I'm excited.
SZR: I'm worried about whether we'll catch crabs, lice, cockroaches, or rats from this motel.
Alex Richards: Probably all of them.
The motel is no word of a lie. A massive dump. In fact it looks like someone took a massive dump on the shag carpet.
Alex Richards: Hey it was free.
SZR: That's because it's closed.. and obviously condemned!
Rebecca Thatch: If I was still blind I could pretend the rats are cats.
Alex Richards: That's the spirit!
SZR: What spirit? The spirits that were in the empty bottles teenagers who broke into here left! I'm shocked this place even has power!
Alex Richards: It doesn't. I powered up the hydro using the Strange Rover!
Shaun looks alarmed.
SZR: You did what?
Alex Richards: Don't worry Tesla told me how to.
Rebecca Thatch: Besides if this place burned down would it really be a big loss?
Alex Richards: Exactly my point!
SZR: I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually wish we just did these interviews at the Drunken Dragon.
Alex Richards: No way Zach, you're the one always telling us to be more safe.
Rebecca Thatch: Speaking of which, when we're done this we can still go tobogganing on that safe we found in the lobby, right?
Alex Richards: We'd be stupid not to!
SZR: What is wrong with you people?
Alex Richards: You said that so many times it's lost all meaning. If we were at the Drunken Dragon that would allow spies who want to sabotage the Guardians access to my headquarters.
SZR: That actually is smart. But why are we at the worst motel in America instead?
Alex Richards: Simple Zach. Anyone who comes here and sees this place obviously wants to be a Guardian.
Rebecca Thatch: Or wants to catch Chlamydia from the shower.
SZR: Is this even possible?
Alex Richards: I dunno. Want to find out Becky? It's for science!
Rebecca Thatch: Well if it's for science... still no! We'll make out in the Strange Rover instead.
Alex Richards: Great idea Becky!
Alex looks at his brother and girlfriend, give them a wan smile.
Alex Richards: Thanks for helping me get into the right mood to do these interviews guys. Everyone wants the jolly, happy Alex Richards. Nobody would want to join a Guardians led by a furious, brooding, pissed off Alex Richards. Now bring on the interviews.
Unfortunately the interviews did little to help Alex's possibly faked good mood. Most of them were simply unsuitable.
A large, hairy looking man walks in carrying a brick.
Man: My name is Brick Jackson.
Alex Richards: Your friends call you Brick?
Brick: How'd you know?
Alex Richards: What metahuman powers or special skills do you bring to the Guardians?
Brick: I hit people with my brick.
Alex Richards: So if a guy was shoplifting..
Brick: Hit em with the brick.
Alex Richards: If I challenged you to a fight.
Brick: Hit you with the brick.
Alex Richards: If an 8 foot tall ice giant was hurling snowballs through Trump Tower?
Brick: Throw the brick at him and run away.
SZR: That is sensible.
Alex Richards: I'm sorry Brick. The correct answer was.. it's Trump Towers let em keep throwing.
Brick: Damnit.. I was so close to being a Guardian!
Brick walks out looking dejected.
SZR: Was he really close?
Alex Richards: Not even.
A petite blonde haired woman enters the hotel room. She doesn't look assuming in the slightest. Alex however looks interested.
Alex Richards: The Guardians have had a long history of strong women.
Rebecca Thatch: She is kind of cute.
Alex Richards: Agreed!
SZR: You guys can't be serious. She doesn't look like she could harm a fly.
The women sneers at Shaun.. then kicks him right in the groin. Shaun hits the ground instantly.
Woman: Works every time!
Alex Richards: Wait.. that's what you bring to the Guardians?
Woman: Yep!
Rebecca Thatch: So.. you just
Woman: Kick em in the junk.
Rebecca Thatch: And if the villain is a woman?
Woman: Kick em in the junk.
Alex Richards: What if it's a killer robot. The Boudlebot is still lurking after all.
Woman: Kick it in the junk.
Alex Richards: I don't think this is going to work out. But if we ever go up against the Very Big Alliance again we'll give you a call.
The woman sneers again and walks out as Shaun staggers to his feet choking.
Alex Richards: You alright bro?
SZR: It wasn't the kick. It was the shag carpet I just fell on. I don't think it's ever been cleaned.
And those were the good contenders. As for the bad ones....
A thin, bald 6'5 man walks in. He really stands out because he's wearing skin coloured, skin tight clothes. He screams out
Thin Man: I... AM.. MASSIVE MEMBER! I SERVE JUSTICE... WITH THIS!
Massive member promptly whips it out.
SZR: Oh my god!
Rebecca Thatch: I've seen better.
Alex Richards: Yeah.. not actually that impressive.
Massive Member: Are you seriously judging me?
Alex Richards: No offence but if you're gonna call yourself Massive Member you have to leave up to your own hype.
Rebecca Thatch: Yeah that's just disappointing.
Massive Member: Yeah.. well it's cold one!
Alex Richards: It's Florida.
Massive Member: It's cold for Florida.
Rebecca Thatch: You're Mediocre Member at best.
Massive Member: Yeah.. well.. you guys are duty heads!
Massive Member runs out.
Alex Richards: Just another day in the WCF isn't it?
But the lowlight comes when two men come in together. One dressed like the hero from the movie warrior. The other dressed like a member of 90s band Rammenstein. Alex looks at Shaun, then looks at Rebecca.
Alex Richards: Is the best the Guardians can recruit? Just shoot me. You look kind of like Bane. Anyone ever tell you that?
Not Sam: Narp.
Not Raab: We want to be Guardians because you guys are pussy cowards!
Alex Richards: Are you guys seriously here to try out for the Guardians?
Not Sam: Yar... You know what. Fuck this! I'm tired of your bullshit Raab!
Not Raab: I told you not to speak! Don't make me get the ball gag again!
Not Sam: Narp!!!!!!!!!!!
Not Raab: That's more like it!
Alex Richards: Yeah... the Guardians would never want you.. or the people you aspire to be like.
Not Raab: Come Samuel. We know where we're not wanted. Let's go home and watch German Dungeon Porn. Because I am German.
Not Samuel grabs onto the doorframe.
Not Sam: NARP!!!!
Not Raab pries him off and drags him away. Alex sighs.
Alex Richards: Those last two weren't real Guardians prospects. But at least they served a purpose. Unlike everybody else. But I did learn something today. The WCF has the best prospects for the Guardians. I refuse to rebuild the Guardians with jokers such as those. So I'm going to have to scour the WCF roster for a few, good Guardians. Unlike Noble Savage and Stephen Singh I'm going to find people loyal to the cause. People who will live up to the reputation the Guardians have built.
Alex shakes his head.
Alex Richards: As for this. I think it's like my match in the WCF this week. Waste of fucking time. Corey Black booked Samuel McPherson and myself against each other because we were the losers of the two biggest matches at One. But that's the absolute only thing we have in common!
Alex spits on the floor.
Alex Richards: In fact I'm insulted that Corey or anybody thinks that this is a fair match up. Yeah.. I lost at One. I got pinned at One even. So did Sammy. But there's a huge difference. After One I immediately jumped on Corey's opportunity. At the first available moment I entered myself into the lethal lottery tournament. Because I want my chance at redemption. I am going to earn my redemption. I lost at One but I do not accept it. I do not accept that that will be the last opportunity I'm going to have to get my hands on the world title. I don't know who I have to team with in order to get the chance to call my shot as the winner but I will take my chances and I will be victorious. That's the kind of man I am. But what kind of man are you Samuel?
Rebecca Thatch: He's not bad looking.
Alex Richards: Hey!
Rebecca Thatch: I didn't say he was as good looking as you.
Alex Richards: Of course not.. I'm the sexy Uncle Fester looking motherfucker.
SZR: Both Samuel and you are ugly as sin Alex.
Alex Richards: Thanks for the vote of confidence Zach. Samuel accuses everyone of being pussies and cowards but he does it in a grade school way. Not just because those insults are childish either. But because he does it in hopes that people don't realize they really only apply to him. Roy Speede who isn't even in the WCF at the moment entered the lethal lottery. Jay Omega who just returned at One entered the lethal lottery. Samuel McPherson... why you didn't you enter the lethal lottery?
SZR: He's going to say out of loyalty to Lord Raab.
Alex Richards: Yeah.. he's going to say that. But I call bullshit. As far as I'm concerned Samuel is using his team with Raab as a crutch. Samuel had a match where the winner got the Infinity Championship which gave them the right to challenge for the world title at any moment. Which basically guarantees the title holder the world title. That means Samuel came as close to being world champion as I did. But when I lost it just made me that much more determined to make good. To capture that world title. Samuel couldn't even be bothered to try. He's going to ride that loyalty to his partner excuse because the truth is he's not good enough to be world champion. He wasn't even good enough to get a shortcut to the world title.
Alex shrugs.
Alex Richards: Losing isn't the end of the world. Everybody loses. But not getting back up. Not trying again. That's what makes you a loser. That's what makes you a coward. That's what makes you a lesser man. That's why this week's match is no sweat for me. I'm facing a man who accepts defeat. Samuel is the kind of guy who looks for a way out. If the victory doesn't come easily he doesn't earn it. Every single time. So fuck the loyalty to your partner bullshit you're a fucking coward and everyone fucking knows it.
Rebecca Thatch: Alex.. you gotta calm down.
Alex Richards: No.. I won't calm down! Because people who don't care.. people who don't try.. and people who try to deflect the blame onto others.. they piss me off! There's no excuse Samuel. I don't have a partner but if I did I would damn sure still enter the lethal lottery. And so would my partner! If they didn't they would not be my partner any longer! Because not everyone can be the best. But if you're not even willing to try. Then you're fucking hopeless.
Alex kicks over the likely already burnt out television set. The larger 90s model tv crashes in a heap getting um.. more broken?
Alex Richards: That's why this match is a waste of my time. Because I'm fighting a man who when he doesn't think he can win.. he simply refuses to try. And Samuel knows he's not going to win this battle. Samuel and Raab talk big but actions speak louder then words. Samuel's actions have always been as impressive as his vocabulary. Two words. You constantly said that I was a coward for not fighting you for the tag team titles. Ignoring the fact I challenged you over and over again. Because we all know the truth. You never wanted to fight me Samuel. Because you knew if you did there was only one result.. new tag team champions. Because I was better then you Samuel. You and your partner. I can say that because I have no reason to fear you or anything you might do to me in response. Because you have nothing for me. And everyone knows it.
Alex stares at the destroyed television looking angrier and angrier.
Alex Richards: This week's Slam has the LAST tag team title match. Because you ran from us Bonnie and I never got a chance at the tag team titles. Bonnie would later turn on the Guardians. If we would have gotten our shot we would have won those tag titles. Because I beat you one hundred percent of the time. There is no doubt we would have been victorious. But maybe had we had those tag title titles I would have been able to get Bonnie to listen to reason. Maybe I would have been able to keep the original Guardians together. I don't know if that's really true. But I know because of the fact you avoided us Sammy, I never got the opportunity. I wanted you to know that McPherson. Because I wanted you to know why I'm going to hurt you so badly this Slam. I blame you McPherson. The Guardians are something greater then your pathetic Monsteranimals could ever be. Three members of the Guardians have been WCF Champion. Noble, Bonnie, and Omega. Two members of the Guardians were UCI world champion. Bonnie and myself. That's what being a Guardian means. Being a Monstimal means talking shit then back pedaling.. hoping you never have to back it up. Then doubling down and talking more shit. Then retreating some more.
SZR: I can't say you're wrong.
Alex Richards: Do you remember the last time we fought Sam? Me neither because we didn't. We were scheduled in a non title tag team match. Myself and Damian Kaine against your pathetic team. You attacked us on the ramp before the match even began Samuel. Well actually that's not true. You attacked Damian Kaine. Because as always you didn't want any of me McPherson. You never wanted any of me did you? So you attacked Kaine. Now you're going to say that you took Damian out of the match. This is true. You powerslammed Damian off the stage taking both him and yourself out of match. Why? Either one of two things. Neither of which say anything good about you. Either you are so stupid that you didn't realize you could have accomplished the same damn thing by press slamming Kaine off the stage and kept yourself in the match. But you're pretty dumb Sam, but nobody is that dumb. Which means the second thing is true. That you're afraid of me. That you wanted an excuse not to fight me. You left your partner Raab on his own to fight me and it went exactly the way everyone would have expected.
Alex scratches his chin.
Alex Richards: But wait.. if you left Raab to get his ass kicked on his own then are you really that loyal to him? I guess the answer is narp, huh? I guess you do whatever easiest for you don't ya Sammy? Well this week it's not going to be easy for you. I know you're going to be looking for a way out but I'm not going to give it to you. I'm going to beat on you unless I'm satisfied. Until I'm done. Until I'm happy. And let me tell you McPherson I'm not happy at all after One. You're in for a long, hard night McPherson. I'm going to beat you to the point where everyone in the building will know I was telling the truth that you avoided me because you were never in my league. That while you are a big man... you are small inside. That you have no heart. That you have no fighting spirit. You look like a wrestler but you aren't really one. A man like me.. every loss burns me inside and drives me to get better. A man like you accepts losses because you know you can't do any better.
Alex Richards: I hope you got some confidence from your win over Bonnie Blue. The former leader of my stable. My former tag team partner. Because maybe that way you won't run from me. You won't look for a way out. Because I really want to punish you. And I know the truth. That victory over Bonnie Blue it meant nothing. I don't like Bonnie much these days but I do know this simple truth. Bonnie could have beaten you with one hand behind her back on her second worst day. You just happened to face her on her worst day. You faced a Bonnie Blue who thought she was about to die. That's literally the only reason you won that match. Is Samuel facing me at my worst?
SZR: He's facing you at your angriest maybe.
Alex Richards: Yeah... you right Zach. The angrier I get.. the more dangerous I am. Just ask Odin Balfore. When I'm facing someone I truly hate.. it brings out the best in me. I hate you Samuel. I hate you because you're a liar and a poser. You tried to confuse the people. To convince them that I was weak because you didn't have the balls to fight me. Well you don't have a choice now Samuel. By the end of Slam.. the truth will be known. Shit, the truth is already known. You're about to fuck up Samuel. The minute you step into that ring the match will effectively be over. You aren't in my league Samuel. I'm a world title contender. You're a fucking poser. I beat multiple world champions. You beat Bonnie at her weakest. You fucking lose McPherson. Just like you did against Teo. Just like you always do in important matches. You know what... I'm sick of talking about you. You literally aren't worth my time. John Rabid, Bonnie Blue, Odin Balfore, Jay Omega, Teddy, Roy Speede most importantly Noble Savage.. these are the kind of people I need to compete with. These are the kind of champions I need to defeat to get where I want to be. You Samuel? You're just a snack.. speaking of which.
With that.. Alex walks from the room. Walks out to the Rover.
SZR: What is he doing?
Rebecca Thatch: Getting a snack obviously.
SZR: In the middle of his promo?
Rebecca Thatch: Does he actually need to say anything more to beat Sam?
SZR: Did he need to say anything to beat Sam?
Rebecca Thatch: Not really.
Alex returns carrying three plates of everyone's favourite snack.
SZR: Baked beans?
Alex Richards: Fuck yeah.
Rebecca Thatch: That is going to be fun later when we light some farts.
Alex hands out the food.. then takes a bite of his own plate.
Alex Richards: Sorry I lost track of my thought. Now where was I? Oh yeah when it comes to beating Sammy... BEAN there done that. I'm not going to bother beating around the bush's about it.
Alex grins.
Alex Richards: That is gonna piss you off Sammy. I just know it. But it shouldn't. The whole beans thing was something between Wade Moor and Raab. But you'll take offence anyways because you have no opinions of your own Sammy separate from those of Raab. You are so ridiculously co-dependent you got yourself into a toxic relationship with Raab just so you wouldn't have to stand on your own two feet. That's pathetic. You're pathetic Samuel. The fact you hide from reality so you don't have to face the fact you'll never be the best. Losing doesn't make you a failure. That does. I don't lose to failures Sammy. That simply doesn't happen. I faced three of the best wrestlers in the world at One and I took some of the worst punishment imaginable. I want another shot at all three of them. I’m thirsty for another chance even if it means more of the same. Samuel got humbled by Teddy Blaze and he did the same thing he did when he lost the tag title matches. Absolutely nothing. That speaks volumes. I’m a man who will succeed because he deserves to. You’re a man looking to get lucky. You will not get lucky against the archduke of mass confusion. When this match is over McPherson you'll learn why confusion always reigns!
Fade To Black
Freddy Whoa: THE CURB STOMP! IS THIS NOBLE SAVAGE'S MOMENT!?
Savage with the pin on Richards.
ONE!
TWO!
Bonnie rolls over and throws an arm out to try and break the pin but she's hurting too badly to do anything.
THREE!
Zach Davis: AND WE HAVE A NEW WCF WORLD CHAMPION!
Alex Richards looks at the screen in his locker room.. rewinds the tape and..
Savage turns around and runs, catching Richards on the back of the head with the Tomb Seeker.
Freddy Whoa: THE CURB STOMP! IS THIS NOBLE SAVAGE'S MOMENT!?
Savage with the pin on Richards.
ONE!
TWO!
Bonnie rolls over and throws an arm out to try and break the pin but she's hurting too badly to do anything.
THREE!
Zach Davis: AND WE HAVE A NEW WCF WORLD CHAMPION!
Alex scans the footage backwards again.. looking despondent as his brother Shaun Zach and his girlfriend Rebecca Thatch look at him worried.
Alex Richards: And I fail.
He watches the footage again.
SZR: Isn't twenty times enough? You don't need to torture yourself with it.
Alex ignores Shaun continuing to watch the footage.
Alex Richards: The opportunity of a lifetime. You only get one chance to main event One for the first time. I thought it was my night. I thought wrong. I failed. I wasn't good enough.
Rewind.. another tomb seeker. Rebecca lays her hand on Alex's shoulder trying to console him.
Rebecca Thatch: You did your best hun.
Alex Richards: Doesn't matter. Wasn't good enough. I beat all those people before? Why couldn't I do it then?
SZR: Just wasn't your night.
Alex Richards: That's an excuse Zach. Noble Savage didn't want it more then me. Nobody wanted that win more then me. Yet in the end it was her night and not mine.
Alex reviews the footage once more.
Alex Richards: I gotta find out why it was her night and not mine. I thought we were going to be celebrating now with the..
Realization dawns on Alex. He immediately stands up and grabs his doctor's bag.
Rebecca Thatch: What are you thinking?
Alex Richards: Without the Guardians.. that meant nothing. I wasn't supposed to win the title without the support of the Guardians. It's fated to be that way.
SZR: So where are we going?
Alex Richards: Zach.. we need new Guardians.
Alex Richards has a lot of strengths but he is not a very patient man. So when he wanted new Guardians to fill the roster of the once great stable he used his history as a great internet champion. By spamming facebook, by spamming twitter, by even using snapchat. Then to top it off by creating online ads promoting an opening casting call to join the greatest stable in the known universe. On the plus side there were a lot of responses. So Alex rented out a motel in Florida to screen potential Guardians.
SZR: I can't believe we're here.
Alex Richards: Me neither! I'm excited.
SZR: I'm worried about whether we'll catch crabs, lice, cockroaches, or rats from this motel.
Alex Richards: Probably all of them.
The motel is no word of a lie. A massive dump. In fact it looks like someone took a massive dump on the shag carpet.
Alex Richards: Hey it was free.
SZR: That's because it's closed.. and obviously condemned!
Rebecca Thatch: If I was still blind I could pretend the rats are cats.
Alex Richards: That's the spirit!
SZR: What spirit? The spirits that were in the empty bottles teenagers who broke into here left! I'm shocked this place even has power!
Alex Richards: It doesn't. I powered up the hydro using the Strange Rover!
Shaun looks alarmed.
SZR: You did what?
Alex Richards: Don't worry Tesla told me how to.
Rebecca Thatch: Besides if this place burned down would it really be a big loss?
Alex Richards: Exactly my point!
SZR: I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually wish we just did these interviews at the Drunken Dragon.
Alex Richards: No way Zach, you're the one always telling us to be more safe.
Rebecca Thatch: Speaking of which, when we're done this we can still go tobogganing on that safe we found in the lobby, right?
Alex Richards: We'd be stupid not to!
SZR: What is wrong with you people?
Alex Richards: You said that so many times it's lost all meaning. If we were at the Drunken Dragon that would allow spies who want to sabotage the Guardians access to my headquarters.
SZR: That actually is smart. But why are we at the worst motel in America instead?
Alex Richards: Simple Zach. Anyone who comes here and sees this place obviously wants to be a Guardian.
Rebecca Thatch: Or wants to catch Chlamydia from the shower.
SZR: Is this even possible?
Alex Richards: I dunno. Want to find out Becky? It's for science!
Rebecca Thatch: Well if it's for science... still no! We'll make out in the Strange Rover instead.
Alex Richards: Great idea Becky!
Alex looks at his brother and girlfriend, give them a wan smile.
Alex Richards: Thanks for helping me get into the right mood to do these interviews guys. Everyone wants the jolly, happy Alex Richards. Nobody would want to join a Guardians led by a furious, brooding, pissed off Alex Richards. Now bring on the interviews.
Unfortunately the interviews did little to help Alex's possibly faked good mood. Most of them were simply unsuitable.
A large, hairy looking man walks in carrying a brick.
Man: My name is Brick Jackson.
Alex Richards: Your friends call you Brick?
Brick: How'd you know?
Alex Richards: What metahuman powers or special skills do you bring to the Guardians?
Brick: I hit people with my brick.
Alex Richards: So if a guy was shoplifting..
Brick: Hit em with the brick.
Alex Richards: If I challenged you to a fight.
Brick: Hit you with the brick.
Alex Richards: If an 8 foot tall ice giant was hurling snowballs through Trump Tower?
Brick: Throw the brick at him and run away.
SZR: That is sensible.
Alex Richards: I'm sorry Brick. The correct answer was.. it's Trump Towers let em keep throwing.
Brick: Damnit.. I was so close to being a Guardian!
Brick walks out looking dejected.
SZR: Was he really close?
Alex Richards: Not even.
A petite blonde haired woman enters the hotel room. She doesn't look assuming in the slightest. Alex however looks interested.
Alex Richards: The Guardians have had a long history of strong women.
Rebecca Thatch: She is kind of cute.
Alex Richards: Agreed!
SZR: You guys can't be serious. She doesn't look like she could harm a fly.
The women sneers at Shaun.. then kicks him right in the groin. Shaun hits the ground instantly.
Woman: Works every time!
Alex Richards: Wait.. that's what you bring to the Guardians?
Woman: Yep!
Rebecca Thatch: So.. you just
Woman: Kick em in the junk.
Rebecca Thatch: And if the villain is a woman?
Woman: Kick em in the junk.
Alex Richards: What if it's a killer robot. The Boudlebot is still lurking after all.
Woman: Kick it in the junk.
Alex Richards: I don't think this is going to work out. But if we ever go up against the Very Big Alliance again we'll give you a call.
The woman sneers again and walks out as Shaun staggers to his feet choking.
Alex Richards: You alright bro?
SZR: It wasn't the kick. It was the shag carpet I just fell on. I don't think it's ever been cleaned.
And those were the good contenders. As for the bad ones....
A thin, bald 6'5 man walks in. He really stands out because he's wearing skin coloured, skin tight clothes. He screams out
Thin Man: I... AM.. MASSIVE MEMBER! I SERVE JUSTICE... WITH THIS!
Massive member promptly whips it out.
SZR: Oh my god!
Rebecca Thatch: I've seen better.
Alex Richards: Yeah.. not actually that impressive.
Massive Member: Are you seriously judging me?
Alex Richards: No offence but if you're gonna call yourself Massive Member you have to leave up to your own hype.
Rebecca Thatch: Yeah that's just disappointing.
Massive Member: Yeah.. well it's cold one!
Alex Richards: It's Florida.
Massive Member: It's cold for Florida.
Rebecca Thatch: You're Mediocre Member at best.
Massive Member: Yeah.. well.. you guys are duty heads!
Massive Member runs out.
Alex Richards: Just another day in the WCF isn't it?
But the lowlight comes when two men come in together. One dressed like the hero from the movie warrior. The other dressed like a member of 90s band Rammenstein. Alex looks at Shaun, then looks at Rebecca.
Alex Richards: Is the best the Guardians can recruit? Just shoot me. You look kind of like Bane. Anyone ever tell you that?
Not Sam: Narp.
Not Raab: We want to be Guardians because you guys are pussy cowards!
Alex Richards: Are you guys seriously here to try out for the Guardians?
Not Sam: Yar... You know what. Fuck this! I'm tired of your bullshit Raab!
Not Raab: I told you not to speak! Don't make me get the ball gag again!
Not Sam: Narp!!!!!!!!!!!
Not Raab: That's more like it!
Alex Richards: Yeah... the Guardians would never want you.. or the people you aspire to be like.
Not Raab: Come Samuel. We know where we're not wanted. Let's go home and watch German Dungeon Porn. Because I am German.
Not Samuel grabs onto the doorframe.
Not Sam: NARP!!!!
Not Raab pries him off and drags him away. Alex sighs.
Alex Richards: Those last two weren't real Guardians prospects. But at least they served a purpose. Unlike everybody else. But I did learn something today. The WCF has the best prospects for the Guardians. I refuse to rebuild the Guardians with jokers such as those. So I'm going to have to scour the WCF roster for a few, good Guardians. Unlike Noble Savage and Stephen Singh I'm going to find people loyal to the cause. People who will live up to the reputation the Guardians have built.
Alex shakes his head.
Alex Richards: As for this. I think it's like my match in the WCF this week. Waste of fucking time. Corey Black booked Samuel McPherson and myself against each other because we were the losers of the two biggest matches at One. But that's the absolute only thing we have in common!
Alex spits on the floor.
Alex Richards: In fact I'm insulted that Corey or anybody thinks that this is a fair match up. Yeah.. I lost at One. I got pinned at One even. So did Sammy. But there's a huge difference. After One I immediately jumped on Corey's opportunity. At the first available moment I entered myself into the lethal lottery tournament. Because I want my chance at redemption. I am going to earn my redemption. I lost at One but I do not accept it. I do not accept that that will be the last opportunity I'm going to have to get my hands on the world title. I don't know who I have to team with in order to get the chance to call my shot as the winner but I will take my chances and I will be victorious. That's the kind of man I am. But what kind of man are you Samuel?
Rebecca Thatch: He's not bad looking.
Alex Richards: Hey!
Rebecca Thatch: I didn't say he was as good looking as you.
Alex Richards: Of course not.. I'm the sexy Uncle Fester looking motherfucker.
SZR: Both Samuel and you are ugly as sin Alex.
Alex Richards: Thanks for the vote of confidence Zach. Samuel accuses everyone of being pussies and cowards but he does it in a grade school way. Not just because those insults are childish either. But because he does it in hopes that people don't realize they really only apply to him. Roy Speede who isn't even in the WCF at the moment entered the lethal lottery. Jay Omega who just returned at One entered the lethal lottery. Samuel McPherson... why you didn't you enter the lethal lottery?
SZR: He's going to say out of loyalty to Lord Raab.
Alex Richards: Yeah.. he's going to say that. But I call bullshit. As far as I'm concerned Samuel is using his team with Raab as a crutch. Samuel had a match where the winner got the Infinity Championship which gave them the right to challenge for the world title at any moment. Which basically guarantees the title holder the world title. That means Samuel came as close to being world champion as I did. But when I lost it just made me that much more determined to make good. To capture that world title. Samuel couldn't even be bothered to try. He's going to ride that loyalty to his partner excuse because the truth is he's not good enough to be world champion. He wasn't even good enough to get a shortcut to the world title.
Alex shrugs.
Alex Richards: Losing isn't the end of the world. Everybody loses. But not getting back up. Not trying again. That's what makes you a loser. That's what makes you a coward. That's what makes you a lesser man. That's why this week's match is no sweat for me. I'm facing a man who accepts defeat. Samuel is the kind of guy who looks for a way out. If the victory doesn't come easily he doesn't earn it. Every single time. So fuck the loyalty to your partner bullshit you're a fucking coward and everyone fucking knows it.
Rebecca Thatch: Alex.. you gotta calm down.
Alex Richards: No.. I won't calm down! Because people who don't care.. people who don't try.. and people who try to deflect the blame onto others.. they piss me off! There's no excuse Samuel. I don't have a partner but if I did I would damn sure still enter the lethal lottery. And so would my partner! If they didn't they would not be my partner any longer! Because not everyone can be the best. But if you're not even willing to try. Then you're fucking hopeless.
Alex kicks over the likely already burnt out television set. The larger 90s model tv crashes in a heap getting um.. more broken?
Alex Richards: That's why this match is a waste of my time. Because I'm fighting a man who when he doesn't think he can win.. he simply refuses to try. And Samuel knows he's not going to win this battle. Samuel and Raab talk big but actions speak louder then words. Samuel's actions have always been as impressive as his vocabulary. Two words. You constantly said that I was a coward for not fighting you for the tag team titles. Ignoring the fact I challenged you over and over again. Because we all know the truth. You never wanted to fight me Samuel. Because you knew if you did there was only one result.. new tag team champions. Because I was better then you Samuel. You and your partner. I can say that because I have no reason to fear you or anything you might do to me in response. Because you have nothing for me. And everyone knows it.
Alex stares at the destroyed television looking angrier and angrier.
Alex Richards: This week's Slam has the LAST tag team title match. Because you ran from us Bonnie and I never got a chance at the tag team titles. Bonnie would later turn on the Guardians. If we would have gotten our shot we would have won those tag titles. Because I beat you one hundred percent of the time. There is no doubt we would have been victorious. But maybe had we had those tag title titles I would have been able to get Bonnie to listen to reason. Maybe I would have been able to keep the original Guardians together. I don't know if that's really true. But I know because of the fact you avoided us Sammy, I never got the opportunity. I wanted you to know that McPherson. Because I wanted you to know why I'm going to hurt you so badly this Slam. I blame you McPherson. The Guardians are something greater then your pathetic Monsteranimals could ever be. Three members of the Guardians have been WCF Champion. Noble, Bonnie, and Omega. Two members of the Guardians were UCI world champion. Bonnie and myself. That's what being a Guardian means. Being a Monstimal means talking shit then back pedaling.. hoping you never have to back it up. Then doubling down and talking more shit. Then retreating some more.
SZR: I can't say you're wrong.
Alex Richards: Do you remember the last time we fought Sam? Me neither because we didn't. We were scheduled in a non title tag team match. Myself and Damian Kaine against your pathetic team. You attacked us on the ramp before the match even began Samuel. Well actually that's not true. You attacked Damian Kaine. Because as always you didn't want any of me McPherson. You never wanted any of me did you? So you attacked Kaine. Now you're going to say that you took Damian out of the match. This is true. You powerslammed Damian off the stage taking both him and yourself out of match. Why? Either one of two things. Neither of which say anything good about you. Either you are so stupid that you didn't realize you could have accomplished the same damn thing by press slamming Kaine off the stage and kept yourself in the match. But you're pretty dumb Sam, but nobody is that dumb. Which means the second thing is true. That you're afraid of me. That you wanted an excuse not to fight me. You left your partner Raab on his own to fight me and it went exactly the way everyone would have expected.
Alex scratches his chin.
Alex Richards: But wait.. if you left Raab to get his ass kicked on his own then are you really that loyal to him? I guess the answer is narp, huh? I guess you do whatever easiest for you don't ya Sammy? Well this week it's not going to be easy for you. I know you're going to be looking for a way out but I'm not going to give it to you. I'm going to beat on you unless I'm satisfied. Until I'm done. Until I'm happy. And let me tell you McPherson I'm not happy at all after One. You're in for a long, hard night McPherson. I'm going to beat you to the point where everyone in the building will know I was telling the truth that you avoided me because you were never in my league. That while you are a big man... you are small inside. That you have no heart. That you have no fighting spirit. You look like a wrestler but you aren't really one. A man like me.. every loss burns me inside and drives me to get better. A man like you accepts losses because you know you can't do any better.
Alex Richards: I hope you got some confidence from your win over Bonnie Blue. The former leader of my stable. My former tag team partner. Because maybe that way you won't run from me. You won't look for a way out. Because I really want to punish you. And I know the truth. That victory over Bonnie Blue it meant nothing. I don't like Bonnie much these days but I do know this simple truth. Bonnie could have beaten you with one hand behind her back on her second worst day. You just happened to face her on her worst day. You faced a Bonnie Blue who thought she was about to die. That's literally the only reason you won that match. Is Samuel facing me at my worst?
SZR: He's facing you at your angriest maybe.
Alex Richards: Yeah... you right Zach. The angrier I get.. the more dangerous I am. Just ask Odin Balfore. When I'm facing someone I truly hate.. it brings out the best in me. I hate you Samuel. I hate you because you're a liar and a poser. You tried to confuse the people. To convince them that I was weak because you didn't have the balls to fight me. Well you don't have a choice now Samuel. By the end of Slam.. the truth will be known. Shit, the truth is already known. You're about to fuck up Samuel. The minute you step into that ring the match will effectively be over. You aren't in my league Samuel. I'm a world title contender. You're a fucking poser. I beat multiple world champions. You beat Bonnie at her weakest. You fucking lose McPherson. Just like you did against Teo. Just like you always do in important matches. You know what... I'm sick of talking about you. You literally aren't worth my time. John Rabid, Bonnie Blue, Odin Balfore, Jay Omega, Teddy, Roy Speede most importantly Noble Savage.. these are the kind of people I need to compete with. These are the kind of champions I need to defeat to get where I want to be. You Samuel? You're just a snack.. speaking of which.
With that.. Alex walks from the room. Walks out to the Rover.
SZR: What is he doing?
Rebecca Thatch: Getting a snack obviously.
SZR: In the middle of his promo?
Rebecca Thatch: Does he actually need to say anything more to beat Sam?
SZR: Did he need to say anything to beat Sam?
Rebecca Thatch: Not really.
Alex returns carrying three plates of everyone's favourite snack.
SZR: Baked beans?
Alex Richards: Fuck yeah.
Rebecca Thatch: That is going to be fun later when we light some farts.
Alex hands out the food.. then takes a bite of his own plate.
Alex Richards: Sorry I lost track of my thought. Now where was I? Oh yeah when it comes to beating Sammy... BEAN there done that. I'm not going to bother beating around the bush's about it.
Alex grins.
Alex Richards: That is gonna piss you off Sammy. I just know it. But it shouldn't. The whole beans thing was something between Wade Moor and Raab. But you'll take offence anyways because you have no opinions of your own Sammy separate from those of Raab. You are so ridiculously co-dependent you got yourself into a toxic relationship with Raab just so you wouldn't have to stand on your own two feet. That's pathetic. You're pathetic Samuel. The fact you hide from reality so you don't have to face the fact you'll never be the best. Losing doesn't make you a failure. That does. I don't lose to failures Sammy. That simply doesn't happen. I faced three of the best wrestlers in the world at One and I took some of the worst punishment imaginable. I want another shot at all three of them. I’m thirsty for another chance even if it means more of the same. Samuel got humbled by Teddy Blaze and he did the same thing he did when he lost the tag title matches. Absolutely nothing. That speaks volumes. I’m a man who will succeed because he deserves to. You’re a man looking to get lucky. You will not get lucky against the archduke of mass confusion. When this match is over McPherson you'll learn why confusion always reigns!
Fade To Black
