Post by Alex Richards on Jan 6, 2019 0:17:49 GMT -5
SZR: I can't believe we're shooting your promo at a gym this week.
Alex Richards: I'm sick of people thinking I'm not an athlete. You think I can just moonsault people out of nowhere? Hell no.. it took a lot of work to be able to do that!
SZR: Well I like the fact we're at a gym. No stupid random adventure. No arrests. No putting our lives in danger.
Alex looks dejected as he picks up a heavy stack of free weights.
Alex Richards: I know. Kind of a no fun week isn't it?
Alex begins lifting.. only to have retro 80s style Paul E Dangerously looking cell phone start ringing. His super modified phone as it evidenced by the ring tone "She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby. Alex looks surprised and delighted as he answers the phone.
Alex Richards: NICKY!
Tesla: Don't call me Nicky I'm your intellectual better and I can kick your ass!
Alex Richards: The first part is debatable, the second is laughable.
Tesla: Hold on. I'm a certified genius. How is me being more intelligent then you anything other then a fact?
Alex Richards: Well you see..
Tesla: Not an actual question!
Alex Richards: All the questions I ask are actual questions. See? Smarter then you!
Tesla: YOU ARE NOT! God, you're as frustrating as Omega can be!
Alex Richards: How is Jay?
Tesla: Why don't you see for yourself. I'm on his island and you're coming here. You can't just leave your junk outside of my lab whenever you want!
Alex Richards: What junk?
Tesla: You seriously didn't remember misplacing the Strange Rover outside of my lab? If this is another one of your so called pranks.
Alex Richards: If this is a prank it's not one of mine. The Strange Rover got burnt to ash when I was in the UCI.
Tesla: I knew you wouldn't listen! I knew someday you'd be irresponsible.. like always.. and the fine piece of machinery would be destroyed.
Alex Richards: Hey.. it wasn't my fault. If anything it's yours. You said it was non combustible.
Tesla: SILENCE! Then when it got destroyed you would interrupt my important research to get me to design you a replacement. So I was one step ahead. I set up a program within the central processing system of the Strange Rover that upon it's destruction it would set the exact specific details of..
Alex Richards: You're losing me Nicky.
Tesla: In layman's terms.. the Strange Rover clones itself.
Alex Richards: Whip ass! So you're saying I should get my ass on a plane before you sell the Rover on let go?
Tesla: Are you mad? Can you imagine what would happen if the Strange Rover got into the wrong hands? It's bad enough it gets into your hands!
Alex Richards: Dude. I was joking. See.. that's why I'm smarter then you.
Tesla: I literally set up a program that recreated your precious vehicle and you still claim you're smarter then me? Unbelievable!
With that Nicola hangs up the phone. Shaun looks at him.
SZR: You don't really believe you're smarter then Dr. Tesla do you?
Alex Richards: Of course not! I just like winding him up! You think you can rent us a plane? We're going on a road trip to rescue the Rover!
Shaun sighs.
SZR: I knew this whole normal week thing was too good to be true.
Alex finishes his work out while Shaun procures the plane. As they fly to Jay's private island instead of his usual drunken hyjinx Alex gets in the mood for One..
Alex Richards: Hello Jack let's get a table shall we? Those were the first words I said when I joined the WCF for the first time. That week I competed in a 6 man newcomer battle royal. The opening match clusterfuck battle royal. A WCF tradition. I lost that match. How many people who lost one of those battle royals ever amounted to anything? How many people who lost one of those battle royals ever went on to headline One?
Alex beams proudly.
Alex Richards: I'm the first. How many of people who lost a clusterfuck battle royal went on to become world champion? I will not be the first.
Alex grins.
Alex Richards: Now don't get me wrong I am going to win the world title at One. But Adam Young beat me to it. Some people might say that Adam Young is a loser. Adam Young has probably two hundred plus losses in the WCF. But he gets the last laugh. Most of the people who beat Adam Young, they will never be able to say they were world champion. Adam Young can. How did Adam Young become world champion. Because of some egotistical jackass. Someone who didn't consider him a real threat. Odin Balfore just regained the world title and he called out anyone on the roster for a world title match. He just competed in a match but that wasn't enough for him. No, not for a God like Odin. He had to try and embarrass the entire roster. That's what Odin is all about. He truly feels he's better then everyone else. So he didn't take Adam Young seriously. Adam Young made him pay for it. Now for the rest of his life Adam Young will be able to say he beat Odin Balfore for the world title.
Alex Richards: Now I'm not one to judge people for having losses. I hardly have a clean record in the WCF. But I am one to judge Odin for refusing to learn from his mistakes. He lost the world title because he thought Adam Young was beneath him. Now he's making the same mistake and is going to lose his chance at regaining the world title.. to me at One.
Alex scratches his chin.
Alex Richards: I guess you just can't teach an old god new tricks, huh? I mean I would have learned after that happened to me. But apparently Gods don't bother learning from their mistakes. Because now I've heard Odin insulting me by comparing me to Jayson Price. I'm the archduke of mass confusion but I have to admit that sort of confuses me. There's something wrong with being like Mister Every Title? I'm not like Joey Flash.. or Dune.. or Natural Ice Beckman.. or Jonny Fly.. or Gravedigger or Corey Black. All of those guys entered the WCF and they were instant superstars. They captured the world title quickly. No one was surprised. See.. that's not me. I'm a flashy superstar. I'm a blue collar wrestler. Everything I have achieved in the WCF or any other federation for that matter I earned by working harder then my opponents. From learning from my mistakes. From studying my opponent's weaknesses. I can see why Odin would look down on that though. He's a God.. he never had to work for anything in his life. The rest of us mere mortals, us working stiffs.. to him we're lesser life forms. I'm proud of the fact that I will be a world champion like Adam Young or Jayson Price. Because that means my world title reign proves that hard work and determination pays off. Two things Odin has zero understanding of.
Alex goes into his ever present doctor's bag puts out a boot and makes a mocking toast.
Alex Richards: Thanks for that Odin. It's just going to make my job that much easier. For me to win the world title I have to go through three opponents and it makes my job easier then one of them is a God so full of himself that he still thinks I'm beneath him in spite of the fact I pinned his ass two matches in a row. I know exactly what he's thinking too. I'm the wrestler of the year. I'm the world champion of the year. I won the world title 3 times last year. Alex Richards IS beneath me. I'm glad he thinks that. I'm glad he's not smart enough to look any deeper. Because yes he won those titles. Yes it is impressive. But here's the thing. I beat the world champion twice. I beat the tag team champions on my own after my partner got knocked out. I beat the hardcore champion just last week. Sure they were non title matches. But I beat all those champions and I did all that in less then half of a year. Odin Balfore.. you're going to discount those victories but the real truth of the matter is you lost more titles in the WCF this year then I lost matches in the WCF!
Alex cocks an eyebrow.
Alex Richards: How many non title matches did you have this year Odin? Only ones with you as the champ, right? Oh, but you're the All Father. You deserve every opportunity to succeed, right? You lost the world title three times this year. How many chances did you get at the world title this year anyways? You know how many chances at the world title I've gotten in the WCF? Rhymes with beero. Ultimate Showdown matches excepted. Because everyone gets into those.
Alex slaps his forehead.
Alex Richards: Oh sorry.. old god.. I forgot. You didn't qualify for the Ultimate Showdown this year. You lost your qualifier. But like I was saying this match at One is special for me. Because it is going to be my first shot at the WCF world heavyweight championship. It took me almost 5 years to earn a shot at the world title. You know that means? That means that if I lose at One then most likely it will be my only shot at the world title. You lose matches Odin because you know it doesn't matter to you. The rules are different for the All Father. There's always another chance for a God.
Alex Richards: I'm not a God. I'm simply a man who knows that he can't afford to lose. Who knows this is his one shot at the world title. This is my only chance at immortality. This is my only shot to put my name in the history books. I will fight like it is. I'll be damned if I let some lazy, self serving, entitled God take my shot away from me! Fuck that shit! I fucking earned this shot. You got into the main event of One because you're Odin Balfore. I got into the main event of One by beating all the other challengers! You're in here because of your name! I'm in this match because of my deeds!
Alex stands up, getting himself worked into a fury. Since it's a private plane no one stops him from pacing.
Alex Richards: You're a six time world champion! Well so fucking what? I beat you in two matches that meant absolutely nothing to me career wise! I didn't care! I went into that ring and I kicked your ass like the world title was on the line. I enjoyed it too. I enjoyed it because of what you stand for. You are proof that privilege can spoil a man or a god. You've been handed all the natural gifts in the world yet all you use them for is to look down on the world and sneer at us common folks like some socialite. Congratulates Odin.. you are WCF Paris Hilton. You've not even a Kardashian!
Alex Richards: People look at me and think I'm a fat, lazy slob. But disappearances can be deceiving. Nobody is as lazy as a fat cat God who's given up on trying because success comes so easily for them. I out worked you twice Odin. I will do it again for the biggest prize in wrestling. Because this will be my first world title. It means the world to me. Another world title is just a notch in your belt for you isn't it Odin?
Alex laughs
Alex Richards: Last week you called me lazy Odin. That maybe would have cut deep.. except for the fact I've been accusing you of that for months. This is what passes for a WCF legend these days? Grade school I know you are but what I am? No wonder I beat you twice Odin you've gone soft. You're so used to people giving up based on your reputation you don't know what it's like to truly be in a war anymore. You don't know how to defeat someone as hungry for victory as I am. Adam Young beat you because it was his one shot. He had to have it.. and he got the job done. Since you learned nothing from that defeat it will be my pleasure to make history repeat itself.
Alex finally sits down.. seemingly contented.
Alex Richards: When I wanted to connect with the people I went out into the crowd with the people, so I could speak honestly with them. When you wanted to get the crowd on your side Odin you took the lazy route as usual. As is your m.o. You got Kaz Mazy and the Godfather to do your work for you. Then you threw money into the crowd. Sure.. people cheered when you gave them money. Who doesn't like being given money. But make no mistake what it really showed was that you have nothing but contempt for the people. I want to inspire them with my performance at One. Show them anything is possible when I capture that elusive first world title. A title nobody thought I would ever win. You threw money at the fans because you have no faith in them to do anything on their own. It was pure charity. You have plenty of money to go around so you simply bought their approval. Lazy as usual Odin. I'm the most improved wrestler in WCF history. I assure you Odin you haven't seen the best of me.. not by a long shot. Last time I debuted a moonsault in order to defeat you. What do you think I have in store for you at One?
Alex snorts.
Alex Richards: You don't think I have for you. In spite of the evidence otherwise. You remember all those legends I listed earlier? You know what they all have in common? All of them are retired. Maybe you should join them Odin. Because the same old shit you've been offering... it doesn't impress me and it's not enough to defeat me. You're a legend. You're a future hall of famer. But I'm going to kick your teeth in and hand you another loss against me all the same. This isn't about you and another meaningless title reign you'll lose in a few weeks anyway. This is about me and my first. You know what they say.. you always remember your first.
Alex grins a knowing smile.
Alex Richards: If we're gonna shoot from the hip and be honest Odin. You're not the biggest threat and best competitor in the One world title match. That honour belongs to me. But if we're really being honest.. you're not even the best God at One. You've been surpassed.. by Wade Moor. See Wade Moor challenged the owner and living legend Corey Black. That's the way a God is supposed to act. But you Odin.. you literally walked into the ring and inserted yourself into the One main event because you think you're better then everyone in the match. This is the God who thinks everyone should look up to him. A coward and a bully of the highest order. Unfortunately for you.. once again your arrogance has blinded you to the truth. You are no longer the best in the world. Last year you proved that with enough opportunities you could amass an impressive amount of gold. But everyone who saw your performances against Bonnie Blue twice, against Dune, against Adam Young. We saw that you are not the unbeatable god you claim to be. Everyone is going to know the truth after One. Shit, people who have watched the WCF for the past 6 months already know. There is only one dominant force in the WCF and it ain't you Odin.. it's me. I ripped through you in seconds.. then proved it was no fluke in the rematch. Everytime we fight two things happen.. you show me zero respect.. and I defeat you. History is going to repeat itself.
Alex looks out the window of the plane for a second... collecting his thoughts.. seemingly a little sad.
Alex Richards: Once upon a time I thought you were going to win the world title at One Noble Savage. You won War.. as a raw rookie. You know what that means? Your raw talent dwarfs mine. Probably dwarfs everyone in this match. But you aren't going to win War. Do you know why?
Alex taps his head.
Alex Richards: Because you don't believe you're going to. I kind of feared this was true. But I hoped you would prove me wrong last month. That's why I talked so much about wanting to teach you, wanting to keep you win the world title at One. I meant it. I needed to see how you dealt with adversity. Truth is Brandi.. you don't.
Alex Richards: You turtle up and feel sorry for yourself. I've seen you... you're a fucking warrior.. act like it! I'm coming into this match willing to put everything on the line in order to achieve my goal of being world champion. Can you say the same Savage?
Alex interrupts himself with.
Alex Richards: No! Of course you can't! You whined about how I didn't deserve the shot at One because you could have beat me with the wrench at Payback. But didn't because you thought it would please Bonnie.
Alex's voice rises.
Alex Richards: YOU DON'T FIGHT FOR BONNIE SAVAGE.. YOU FIGHT FOR YOURSELF! For a brief moment.. I was proud of you Savage. The moment you chose not to use the wrench. Why is that? Is it because I would never use a weapon? Far from it. But the reason I was proud of you for not using the wrench was because you were discarding your crutch. You used that wrench to beat Odin Balfore.. to beat Karma Bishop. You used that wrench during every opportunity you felt you would come up short. That wrench represented your lack of confidence in yourself Savage. Even though you didn't defeat me after you tossed the wrench aside I knew that you were ready for One.
Alex lets out a snort.
Alex Richards: How wrong I was. You didn't use the wrench because you didn't need it. You had a far stronger crutch. Bonnie Blue. People have always accused the Guardians of blindly following Bonnie Blue. It just happened to be true in your case. You looked at Bonnie's success as your own. Bonnie winning the world title would have contented you. If Bonnie didn't discard the Guardians immediately after.
Alex Richards: What did I do the minute that happened? I got in the ring and challenged Bonnie. You continued to sing the praises of the traitor. The Guardians were never about just about one person. The Guardians supported each other and helped each other reach new heights. We didn't look at the achievements of one person and said.. well that's good enough.
Alex Richards: Since I joined the Guardians I captured the UCI world title, the UCI Tag Titles twice.. joining the Guardians led to my career reaching the next level. Joining the Guardians was the death knell on your career Savage. Since you joined the Guardians you stopped being hungry. You got comfortable. That's not what the Guardians were supposed to be about at all. Earlier this week at the awards show you thanked Bonnie for your rookie of the year award.
Alex Richards: Bonnie didn't do that. Bonnie didn't win a single award. Neither did I for that matter. That was you. That was all you. You won WAR. You earned a world title shot at One. And you blew it. You blew it because you don't have the confidence to realize how good you can really be. Bonnie Blue turned on you. But there will be another Bonnie Blue. There will be another Lady Abernathy. Shit, it's even possible Noble and Savage were created for that purpose. You truly need guidance Savage. At least you believe you do. You're not your own person. Because you chose not to be responsible for your own actions.
Alex takes a drink.
Alex Richards: I've made mistakes, many mistakes in my life. But I own those mistakes. If instead I build a wall of people around me. Then I would never learn. I would never get better. I would be like you Brandi Noble Savage. The Guardians were a fellowship not a place to hide! I always aspired to be better then Bonnie. My proudest moment in wrestling was defeating Bonnie Blue in the UCI Watch The Throne tournament. You never wanted to be better then Blue. So you're not. And you never will be. As long as you worship your heroes instead of taking them on.
Alex Richards: You don't realize it Savage but I loved the Guardians. So I wanted to bring something special to them. I didn't just want to be taking up space. I wanted to make them proud. What about you? Can you say the same? Or was it the whole time you just wanted to bask in Bonnie's greatness? You just wanted to hide in a sea of talent so you wouldn't have to stand out?
Alex grimaces.
Alex Richards: That's it isn't that? That's why when you faced me you had no answer except for the wrench. Which by the way make no mistake about it. If you had tried to use that wrench I would have simply kicked it into your face and finished you off. Just as easily as I countered a hurricarana into the sanity slip I would have countered the weapons shot as well. But you know.. it's not too late for you Noble Savage. You're young. You have plenty of time left. I hope you listen to my words. I hope you take them to heart. Because you oughta get something out of One. Besides simply a beating at my hands while I go on to win the world title.
Alex Richards: Know this Savage. I'm a man who went from being abused to being in mental hospitals.. now to being world champion. See Savage anything is possible with enough effort. With enough believe in yourself. All those great champions I talked about earlier. What makes me think I can be a champion as well? My confidence. I have the belief I can whip anybody in the world no matter how good they are. You don't Savage. That's why One is going to be my night instead of yours.
Alex looks reflectingly.
Alex Richards: Remember you won WAR. Nobody else won WAR. Bonnie never won WAR. Odin never won WAR. I never won WAR. But One is mine. Nobody could ever take what you did at WAR away from you. But you should remember this. It's only the beginning of the journey. My friend Jay Omega won the world title at WAR. Less then a month later he was forced out of wrestling by the beach krew. Bobby Cairo won WAR. Went on to lose his world title match at One to Natural Ice Beckman. Winning WAR is impressive. But the follow up is key. You don't know how to deal with the pressure. I do. My whole career has been leading up to this One moment. You are someone who won the biggest opportunity of their life and has no idea what to do with it. You are not ready Savage.
Alex beams, almost proudly.
Alex Richards: I know who I am. I know what I stand for. I know what I'm fighting for. You can't say the same Savage. That's the difference between us. That weakens you. Because since you don’t know what you stand for there’s a limit as to how far you’re going to push yourself at One. For me.. there is no limit to what I’m willing to endure. This could be my only shot. You can’t say the same Savage. You’ve been here 6 months and you’re headlining One. Odin’s got more title shots then I have shots of alcohol. Bonnie has had a pair of title shots since I returned to the WCF. To me this says all of you have truly nothing to lose. You will all get another shot.. and you all know this. For me.. this is my one chance. You’re going to have to practically kill me in order to take it away from me. Even if you do that I might come back from the dead to snatch that title.
Alex snickers.
Alex Richards: Hey.. I’ve done it before. Noble Savage, you have no idea what you’re in for when you face me at One. You thought Payback was tough.. I did that in order to help you get ready for One. And you spit in my face and proved you weren’t worthy of help. So instead I’m going to deny you the title you think is your destiny and force you to force reality. Force you to adapt, force you to learn.. force you to depend on yourself.
SZR: Five minutes till landing Alex.
Alex Richards: You may be a witch Noble but that doesn’t scare me. I’ve dealt with Gods, with demons, with monsters, with people who thought they were all of the above. You don’t scare me Noble.. nor you Savage. You know what scares me? Failure. I don’t want to see what happens if I lose my only chance. So I will not allow it to happen. It’s that simple. How do I think I'm going to beat someone who won WAR and Helimination? I know Savage's secret. Nobody thought she was going to win WAR, at Helimination there were plenty of partners to support her. On her own, on the biggest stage. That's not her place. That's why her momentum stalled, that's why I defeated her at Payback, that's why she will not be world champion at One. You are not a threat to me in spite of your talent and it's all because of your mental state.
The private plane touches down on Jay Omega's island paradise/fortress of Maritopia. Shaun and Alex approach Nicola's lab Alex drinking a boot of Zim-Quila on the way. Only to find the Strange Rover all over the parking lot. The modified massive black off roading vehicle has been disassembled by the scientist who is underneath the frame of the truck wrench in hand.
Alex Richards: Nicky. you were complaining I wouldn't pick up the Rover. So how I am supposed to pick it up now when it's in pieces? I don't think there's a large enough bag for me to collect everything.
Tesla: I could invent one. But really it's your own fault for not coming sooner. You really expected me to sit here and not tinker? Preposterous! Besides you'll thank me later when you've seen the improvements I've made.
Alex grins.
Alex Richards: Yeah I don't want to know. Make it more fun to learn as I go. Why spoil the surprise?
Tesla: Because that's super dangerous and reckless!
Alex Richards: I'll go find Jay and fire up the bong for old time’s sake!
SZR: I'll stay here with Doctor Tesla. I want to know what he did to the Rover. Besides I'm curious what the genius came up with.
Tesla: At least someone appreciates my talents.
Alex Richards: I swear to the flying spaghetti monster you better not have made the Strange Rover run on Zim-Quila Prohibition Brew. If I had to ride in a sober truck.. I swear.
Alex shudders at the thought of a non alcoholic fuel source for the Rover. Then heads off to smoke some pot with the Omega Man. As they often do. But to save time and since Shaun the cameraman was with Tesla none of the weed smoking is seen. We catch up with Alex back with Shaun Zach and Nicola Tesla in Tesla's lab.
SZR: You wouldn't believe what Doctor Tesla did to the Strange Rover.
Alex Richards: Yeah I would. I had my fun but I gotta admit his genius.
Tesla: About time.
Alex leaves the lab, goes outside and then promptly returns laughing.
Alex Richards: You made it invisible didn't you?
Nicola looks puzzled.
Tesla: Why would I do that? That's completely impractical. I finished up the work on the Rover hours ago.
SZR: But since Alex couldn't say no to drugs we were left waiting.
Alex Richards: I never say no to drugs.
Tesla: So I left it outside and went on to more important business in my lab.
Alex Richards: Wait.. so you mean someone stole it?
SZR: Oh no.
Alex Richards: Don't worry Zach. We're on an island.. if someone stole the Rover how far could they get? We have a plane after all. We can obviously catch them. I'm just pissed someone else got to drive it before I did!
Tesla: There may be a larger problem then that.
Alex Richards: Why's that?
Tesla: The upgrade I gave your vehicle. I installed a jump drive in the Strange Rover so that you can go anywhere in the galaxy using a wormhole which means..
Alex Richards: We're fucked.
Tesla: I wasn't going to say it in those words. But basically yes. Do you know how much damage someone could do if they knew what the Rover is capable of?
Alex Richards: None.. because I'm gonna stop em. Bonnie took the Guardians away from me. Now someone steals the Strange Rover too. No more. It's high time I started getting mine. Someone is going to have to pay for this. All of this.
Fade To Black
Alex Richards: I'm sick of people thinking I'm not an athlete. You think I can just moonsault people out of nowhere? Hell no.. it took a lot of work to be able to do that!
SZR: Well I like the fact we're at a gym. No stupid random adventure. No arrests. No putting our lives in danger.
Alex looks dejected as he picks up a heavy stack of free weights.
Alex Richards: I know. Kind of a no fun week isn't it?
Alex begins lifting.. only to have retro 80s style Paul E Dangerously looking cell phone start ringing. His super modified phone as it evidenced by the ring tone "She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby. Alex looks surprised and delighted as he answers the phone.
Alex Richards: NICKY!
Tesla: Don't call me Nicky I'm your intellectual better and I can kick your ass!
Alex Richards: The first part is debatable, the second is laughable.
Tesla: Hold on. I'm a certified genius. How is me being more intelligent then you anything other then a fact?
Alex Richards: Well you see..
Tesla: Not an actual question!
Alex Richards: All the questions I ask are actual questions. See? Smarter then you!
Tesla: YOU ARE NOT! God, you're as frustrating as Omega can be!
Alex Richards: How is Jay?
Tesla: Why don't you see for yourself. I'm on his island and you're coming here. You can't just leave your junk outside of my lab whenever you want!
Alex Richards: What junk?
Tesla: You seriously didn't remember misplacing the Strange Rover outside of my lab? If this is another one of your so called pranks.
Alex Richards: If this is a prank it's not one of mine. The Strange Rover got burnt to ash when I was in the UCI.
Tesla: I knew you wouldn't listen! I knew someday you'd be irresponsible.. like always.. and the fine piece of machinery would be destroyed.
Alex Richards: Hey.. it wasn't my fault. If anything it's yours. You said it was non combustible.
Tesla: SILENCE! Then when it got destroyed you would interrupt my important research to get me to design you a replacement. So I was one step ahead. I set up a program within the central processing system of the Strange Rover that upon it's destruction it would set the exact specific details of..
Alex Richards: You're losing me Nicky.
Tesla: In layman's terms.. the Strange Rover clones itself.
Alex Richards: Whip ass! So you're saying I should get my ass on a plane before you sell the Rover on let go?
Tesla: Are you mad? Can you imagine what would happen if the Strange Rover got into the wrong hands? It's bad enough it gets into your hands!
Alex Richards: Dude. I was joking. See.. that's why I'm smarter then you.
Tesla: I literally set up a program that recreated your precious vehicle and you still claim you're smarter then me? Unbelievable!
With that Nicola hangs up the phone. Shaun looks at him.
SZR: You don't really believe you're smarter then Dr. Tesla do you?
Alex Richards: Of course not! I just like winding him up! You think you can rent us a plane? We're going on a road trip to rescue the Rover!
Shaun sighs.
SZR: I knew this whole normal week thing was too good to be true.
Alex finishes his work out while Shaun procures the plane. As they fly to Jay's private island instead of his usual drunken hyjinx Alex gets in the mood for One..
Alex Richards: Hello Jack let's get a table shall we? Those were the first words I said when I joined the WCF for the first time. That week I competed in a 6 man newcomer battle royal. The opening match clusterfuck battle royal. A WCF tradition. I lost that match. How many people who lost one of those battle royals ever amounted to anything? How many people who lost one of those battle royals ever went on to headline One?
Alex beams proudly.
Alex Richards: I'm the first. How many of people who lost a clusterfuck battle royal went on to become world champion? I will not be the first.
Alex grins.
Alex Richards: Now don't get me wrong I am going to win the world title at One. But Adam Young beat me to it. Some people might say that Adam Young is a loser. Adam Young has probably two hundred plus losses in the WCF. But he gets the last laugh. Most of the people who beat Adam Young, they will never be able to say they were world champion. Adam Young can. How did Adam Young become world champion. Because of some egotistical jackass. Someone who didn't consider him a real threat. Odin Balfore just regained the world title and he called out anyone on the roster for a world title match. He just competed in a match but that wasn't enough for him. No, not for a God like Odin. He had to try and embarrass the entire roster. That's what Odin is all about. He truly feels he's better then everyone else. So he didn't take Adam Young seriously. Adam Young made him pay for it. Now for the rest of his life Adam Young will be able to say he beat Odin Balfore for the world title.
Alex Richards: Now I'm not one to judge people for having losses. I hardly have a clean record in the WCF. But I am one to judge Odin for refusing to learn from his mistakes. He lost the world title because he thought Adam Young was beneath him. Now he's making the same mistake and is going to lose his chance at regaining the world title.. to me at One.
Alex scratches his chin.
Alex Richards: I guess you just can't teach an old god new tricks, huh? I mean I would have learned after that happened to me. But apparently Gods don't bother learning from their mistakes. Because now I've heard Odin insulting me by comparing me to Jayson Price. I'm the archduke of mass confusion but I have to admit that sort of confuses me. There's something wrong with being like Mister Every Title? I'm not like Joey Flash.. or Dune.. or Natural Ice Beckman.. or Jonny Fly.. or Gravedigger or Corey Black. All of those guys entered the WCF and they were instant superstars. They captured the world title quickly. No one was surprised. See.. that's not me. I'm a flashy superstar. I'm a blue collar wrestler. Everything I have achieved in the WCF or any other federation for that matter I earned by working harder then my opponents. From learning from my mistakes. From studying my opponent's weaknesses. I can see why Odin would look down on that though. He's a God.. he never had to work for anything in his life. The rest of us mere mortals, us working stiffs.. to him we're lesser life forms. I'm proud of the fact that I will be a world champion like Adam Young or Jayson Price. Because that means my world title reign proves that hard work and determination pays off. Two things Odin has zero understanding of.
Alex goes into his ever present doctor's bag puts out a boot and makes a mocking toast.
Alex Richards: Thanks for that Odin. It's just going to make my job that much easier. For me to win the world title I have to go through three opponents and it makes my job easier then one of them is a God so full of himself that he still thinks I'm beneath him in spite of the fact I pinned his ass two matches in a row. I know exactly what he's thinking too. I'm the wrestler of the year. I'm the world champion of the year. I won the world title 3 times last year. Alex Richards IS beneath me. I'm glad he thinks that. I'm glad he's not smart enough to look any deeper. Because yes he won those titles. Yes it is impressive. But here's the thing. I beat the world champion twice. I beat the tag team champions on my own after my partner got knocked out. I beat the hardcore champion just last week. Sure they were non title matches. But I beat all those champions and I did all that in less then half of a year. Odin Balfore.. you're going to discount those victories but the real truth of the matter is you lost more titles in the WCF this year then I lost matches in the WCF!
Alex cocks an eyebrow.
Alex Richards: How many non title matches did you have this year Odin? Only ones with you as the champ, right? Oh, but you're the All Father. You deserve every opportunity to succeed, right? You lost the world title three times this year. How many chances did you get at the world title this year anyways? You know how many chances at the world title I've gotten in the WCF? Rhymes with beero. Ultimate Showdown matches excepted. Because everyone gets into those.
Alex slaps his forehead.
Alex Richards: Oh sorry.. old god.. I forgot. You didn't qualify for the Ultimate Showdown this year. You lost your qualifier. But like I was saying this match at One is special for me. Because it is going to be my first shot at the WCF world heavyweight championship. It took me almost 5 years to earn a shot at the world title. You know that means? That means that if I lose at One then most likely it will be my only shot at the world title. You lose matches Odin because you know it doesn't matter to you. The rules are different for the All Father. There's always another chance for a God.
Alex Richards: I'm not a God. I'm simply a man who knows that he can't afford to lose. Who knows this is his one shot at the world title. This is my only chance at immortality. This is my only shot to put my name in the history books. I will fight like it is. I'll be damned if I let some lazy, self serving, entitled God take my shot away from me! Fuck that shit! I fucking earned this shot. You got into the main event of One because you're Odin Balfore. I got into the main event of One by beating all the other challengers! You're in here because of your name! I'm in this match because of my deeds!
Alex stands up, getting himself worked into a fury. Since it's a private plane no one stops him from pacing.
Alex Richards: You're a six time world champion! Well so fucking what? I beat you in two matches that meant absolutely nothing to me career wise! I didn't care! I went into that ring and I kicked your ass like the world title was on the line. I enjoyed it too. I enjoyed it because of what you stand for. You are proof that privilege can spoil a man or a god. You've been handed all the natural gifts in the world yet all you use them for is to look down on the world and sneer at us common folks like some socialite. Congratulates Odin.. you are WCF Paris Hilton. You've not even a Kardashian!
Alex Richards: People look at me and think I'm a fat, lazy slob. But disappearances can be deceiving. Nobody is as lazy as a fat cat God who's given up on trying because success comes so easily for them. I out worked you twice Odin. I will do it again for the biggest prize in wrestling. Because this will be my first world title. It means the world to me. Another world title is just a notch in your belt for you isn't it Odin?
Alex laughs
Alex Richards: Last week you called me lazy Odin. That maybe would have cut deep.. except for the fact I've been accusing you of that for months. This is what passes for a WCF legend these days? Grade school I know you are but what I am? No wonder I beat you twice Odin you've gone soft. You're so used to people giving up based on your reputation you don't know what it's like to truly be in a war anymore. You don't know how to defeat someone as hungry for victory as I am. Adam Young beat you because it was his one shot. He had to have it.. and he got the job done. Since you learned nothing from that defeat it will be my pleasure to make history repeat itself.
Alex finally sits down.. seemingly contented.
Alex Richards: When I wanted to connect with the people I went out into the crowd with the people, so I could speak honestly with them. When you wanted to get the crowd on your side Odin you took the lazy route as usual. As is your m.o. You got Kaz Mazy and the Godfather to do your work for you. Then you threw money into the crowd. Sure.. people cheered when you gave them money. Who doesn't like being given money. But make no mistake what it really showed was that you have nothing but contempt for the people. I want to inspire them with my performance at One. Show them anything is possible when I capture that elusive first world title. A title nobody thought I would ever win. You threw money at the fans because you have no faith in them to do anything on their own. It was pure charity. You have plenty of money to go around so you simply bought their approval. Lazy as usual Odin. I'm the most improved wrestler in WCF history. I assure you Odin you haven't seen the best of me.. not by a long shot. Last time I debuted a moonsault in order to defeat you. What do you think I have in store for you at One?
Alex snorts.
Alex Richards: You don't think I have for you. In spite of the evidence otherwise. You remember all those legends I listed earlier? You know what they all have in common? All of them are retired. Maybe you should join them Odin. Because the same old shit you've been offering... it doesn't impress me and it's not enough to defeat me. You're a legend. You're a future hall of famer. But I'm going to kick your teeth in and hand you another loss against me all the same. This isn't about you and another meaningless title reign you'll lose in a few weeks anyway. This is about me and my first. You know what they say.. you always remember your first.
Alex grins a knowing smile.
Alex Richards: If we're gonna shoot from the hip and be honest Odin. You're not the biggest threat and best competitor in the One world title match. That honour belongs to me. But if we're really being honest.. you're not even the best God at One. You've been surpassed.. by Wade Moor. See Wade Moor challenged the owner and living legend Corey Black. That's the way a God is supposed to act. But you Odin.. you literally walked into the ring and inserted yourself into the One main event because you think you're better then everyone in the match. This is the God who thinks everyone should look up to him. A coward and a bully of the highest order. Unfortunately for you.. once again your arrogance has blinded you to the truth. You are no longer the best in the world. Last year you proved that with enough opportunities you could amass an impressive amount of gold. But everyone who saw your performances against Bonnie Blue twice, against Dune, against Adam Young. We saw that you are not the unbeatable god you claim to be. Everyone is going to know the truth after One. Shit, people who have watched the WCF for the past 6 months already know. There is only one dominant force in the WCF and it ain't you Odin.. it's me. I ripped through you in seconds.. then proved it was no fluke in the rematch. Everytime we fight two things happen.. you show me zero respect.. and I defeat you. History is going to repeat itself.
Alex looks out the window of the plane for a second... collecting his thoughts.. seemingly a little sad.
Alex Richards: Once upon a time I thought you were going to win the world title at One Noble Savage. You won War.. as a raw rookie. You know what that means? Your raw talent dwarfs mine. Probably dwarfs everyone in this match. But you aren't going to win War. Do you know why?
Alex taps his head.
Alex Richards: Because you don't believe you're going to. I kind of feared this was true. But I hoped you would prove me wrong last month. That's why I talked so much about wanting to teach you, wanting to keep you win the world title at One. I meant it. I needed to see how you dealt with adversity. Truth is Brandi.. you don't.
Alex Richards: You turtle up and feel sorry for yourself. I've seen you... you're a fucking warrior.. act like it! I'm coming into this match willing to put everything on the line in order to achieve my goal of being world champion. Can you say the same Savage?
Alex interrupts himself with.
Alex Richards: No! Of course you can't! You whined about how I didn't deserve the shot at One because you could have beat me with the wrench at Payback. But didn't because you thought it would please Bonnie.
Alex's voice rises.
Alex Richards: YOU DON'T FIGHT FOR BONNIE SAVAGE.. YOU FIGHT FOR YOURSELF! For a brief moment.. I was proud of you Savage. The moment you chose not to use the wrench. Why is that? Is it because I would never use a weapon? Far from it. But the reason I was proud of you for not using the wrench was because you were discarding your crutch. You used that wrench to beat Odin Balfore.. to beat Karma Bishop. You used that wrench during every opportunity you felt you would come up short. That wrench represented your lack of confidence in yourself Savage. Even though you didn't defeat me after you tossed the wrench aside I knew that you were ready for One.
Alex lets out a snort.
Alex Richards: How wrong I was. You didn't use the wrench because you didn't need it. You had a far stronger crutch. Bonnie Blue. People have always accused the Guardians of blindly following Bonnie Blue. It just happened to be true in your case. You looked at Bonnie's success as your own. Bonnie winning the world title would have contented you. If Bonnie didn't discard the Guardians immediately after.
Alex Richards: What did I do the minute that happened? I got in the ring and challenged Bonnie. You continued to sing the praises of the traitor. The Guardians were never about just about one person. The Guardians supported each other and helped each other reach new heights. We didn't look at the achievements of one person and said.. well that's good enough.
Alex Richards: Since I joined the Guardians I captured the UCI world title, the UCI Tag Titles twice.. joining the Guardians led to my career reaching the next level. Joining the Guardians was the death knell on your career Savage. Since you joined the Guardians you stopped being hungry. You got comfortable. That's not what the Guardians were supposed to be about at all. Earlier this week at the awards show you thanked Bonnie for your rookie of the year award.
Alex Richards: Bonnie didn't do that. Bonnie didn't win a single award. Neither did I for that matter. That was you. That was all you. You won WAR. You earned a world title shot at One. And you blew it. You blew it because you don't have the confidence to realize how good you can really be. Bonnie Blue turned on you. But there will be another Bonnie Blue. There will be another Lady Abernathy. Shit, it's even possible Noble and Savage were created for that purpose. You truly need guidance Savage. At least you believe you do. You're not your own person. Because you chose not to be responsible for your own actions.
Alex takes a drink.
Alex Richards: I've made mistakes, many mistakes in my life. But I own those mistakes. If instead I build a wall of people around me. Then I would never learn. I would never get better. I would be like you Brandi Noble Savage. The Guardians were a fellowship not a place to hide! I always aspired to be better then Bonnie. My proudest moment in wrestling was defeating Bonnie Blue in the UCI Watch The Throne tournament. You never wanted to be better then Blue. So you're not. And you never will be. As long as you worship your heroes instead of taking them on.
Alex Richards: You don't realize it Savage but I loved the Guardians. So I wanted to bring something special to them. I didn't just want to be taking up space. I wanted to make them proud. What about you? Can you say the same? Or was it the whole time you just wanted to bask in Bonnie's greatness? You just wanted to hide in a sea of talent so you wouldn't have to stand out?
Alex grimaces.
Alex Richards: That's it isn't that? That's why when you faced me you had no answer except for the wrench. Which by the way make no mistake about it. If you had tried to use that wrench I would have simply kicked it into your face and finished you off. Just as easily as I countered a hurricarana into the sanity slip I would have countered the weapons shot as well. But you know.. it's not too late for you Noble Savage. You're young. You have plenty of time left. I hope you listen to my words. I hope you take them to heart. Because you oughta get something out of One. Besides simply a beating at my hands while I go on to win the world title.
Alex Richards: Know this Savage. I'm a man who went from being abused to being in mental hospitals.. now to being world champion. See Savage anything is possible with enough effort. With enough believe in yourself. All those great champions I talked about earlier. What makes me think I can be a champion as well? My confidence. I have the belief I can whip anybody in the world no matter how good they are. You don't Savage. That's why One is going to be my night instead of yours.
Alex looks reflectingly.
Alex Richards: Remember you won WAR. Nobody else won WAR. Bonnie never won WAR. Odin never won WAR. I never won WAR. But One is mine. Nobody could ever take what you did at WAR away from you. But you should remember this. It's only the beginning of the journey. My friend Jay Omega won the world title at WAR. Less then a month later he was forced out of wrestling by the beach krew. Bobby Cairo won WAR. Went on to lose his world title match at One to Natural Ice Beckman. Winning WAR is impressive. But the follow up is key. You don't know how to deal with the pressure. I do. My whole career has been leading up to this One moment. You are someone who won the biggest opportunity of their life and has no idea what to do with it. You are not ready Savage.
Alex beams, almost proudly.
Alex Richards: I know who I am. I know what I stand for. I know what I'm fighting for. You can't say the same Savage. That's the difference between us. That weakens you. Because since you don’t know what you stand for there’s a limit as to how far you’re going to push yourself at One. For me.. there is no limit to what I’m willing to endure. This could be my only shot. You can’t say the same Savage. You’ve been here 6 months and you’re headlining One. Odin’s got more title shots then I have shots of alcohol. Bonnie has had a pair of title shots since I returned to the WCF. To me this says all of you have truly nothing to lose. You will all get another shot.. and you all know this. For me.. this is my one chance. You’re going to have to practically kill me in order to take it away from me. Even if you do that I might come back from the dead to snatch that title.
Alex snickers.
Alex Richards: Hey.. I’ve done it before. Noble Savage, you have no idea what you’re in for when you face me at One. You thought Payback was tough.. I did that in order to help you get ready for One. And you spit in my face and proved you weren’t worthy of help. So instead I’m going to deny you the title you think is your destiny and force you to force reality. Force you to adapt, force you to learn.. force you to depend on yourself.
SZR: Five minutes till landing Alex.
Alex Richards: You may be a witch Noble but that doesn’t scare me. I’ve dealt with Gods, with demons, with monsters, with people who thought they were all of the above. You don’t scare me Noble.. nor you Savage. You know what scares me? Failure. I don’t want to see what happens if I lose my only chance. So I will not allow it to happen. It’s that simple. How do I think I'm going to beat someone who won WAR and Helimination? I know Savage's secret. Nobody thought she was going to win WAR, at Helimination there were plenty of partners to support her. On her own, on the biggest stage. That's not her place. That's why her momentum stalled, that's why I defeated her at Payback, that's why she will not be world champion at One. You are not a threat to me in spite of your talent and it's all because of your mental state.
The private plane touches down on Jay Omega's island paradise/fortress of Maritopia. Shaun and Alex approach Nicola's lab Alex drinking a boot of Zim-Quila on the way. Only to find the Strange Rover all over the parking lot. The modified massive black off roading vehicle has been disassembled by the scientist who is underneath the frame of the truck wrench in hand.
Alex Richards: Nicky. you were complaining I wouldn't pick up the Rover. So how I am supposed to pick it up now when it's in pieces? I don't think there's a large enough bag for me to collect everything.
Tesla: I could invent one. But really it's your own fault for not coming sooner. You really expected me to sit here and not tinker? Preposterous! Besides you'll thank me later when you've seen the improvements I've made.
Alex grins.
Alex Richards: Yeah I don't want to know. Make it more fun to learn as I go. Why spoil the surprise?
Tesla: Because that's super dangerous and reckless!
Alex Richards: I'll go find Jay and fire up the bong for old time’s sake!
SZR: I'll stay here with Doctor Tesla. I want to know what he did to the Rover. Besides I'm curious what the genius came up with.
Tesla: At least someone appreciates my talents.
Alex Richards: I swear to the flying spaghetti monster you better not have made the Strange Rover run on Zim-Quila Prohibition Brew. If I had to ride in a sober truck.. I swear.
Alex shudders at the thought of a non alcoholic fuel source for the Rover. Then heads off to smoke some pot with the Omega Man. As they often do. But to save time and since Shaun the cameraman was with Tesla none of the weed smoking is seen. We catch up with Alex back with Shaun Zach and Nicola Tesla in Tesla's lab.
SZR: You wouldn't believe what Doctor Tesla did to the Strange Rover.
Alex Richards: Yeah I would. I had my fun but I gotta admit his genius.
Tesla: About time.
Alex leaves the lab, goes outside and then promptly returns laughing.
Alex Richards: You made it invisible didn't you?
Nicola looks puzzled.
Tesla: Why would I do that? That's completely impractical. I finished up the work on the Rover hours ago.
SZR: But since Alex couldn't say no to drugs we were left waiting.
Alex Richards: I never say no to drugs.
Tesla: So I left it outside and went on to more important business in my lab.
Alex Richards: Wait.. so you mean someone stole it?
SZR: Oh no.
Alex Richards: Don't worry Zach. We're on an island.. if someone stole the Rover how far could they get? We have a plane after all. We can obviously catch them. I'm just pissed someone else got to drive it before I did!
Tesla: There may be a larger problem then that.
Alex Richards: Why's that?
Tesla: The upgrade I gave your vehicle. I installed a jump drive in the Strange Rover so that you can go anywhere in the galaxy using a wormhole which means..
Alex Richards: We're fucked.
Tesla: I wasn't going to say it in those words. But basically yes. Do you know how much damage someone could do if they knew what the Rover is capable of?
Alex Richards: None.. because I'm gonna stop em. Bonnie took the Guardians away from me. Now someone steals the Strange Rover too. No more. It's high time I started getting mine. Someone is going to have to pay for this. All of this.
Fade To Black
