Spain invented Christmas and you all stole it
Dec 16, 2018 19:06:52 GMT -5
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Post by The Very Big Śpainards on Dec 16, 2018 19:06:52 GMT -5
--15th December 2018--
--Huntington, West Virginia--
--9:23am--
The scene opens as a low quality camera us being violently shuffled around in what appears to be a relatively crowded shopping centre. The sky is dark and the bright, annoying lights of the various shops and establishments trudge along the centre. The camera stops it's erratic movement as an equally erratic and annoying fat man that'd look out of place in a drug hallucination pops onto the camera, swaying left to right as he scratches his neck.
El Gran Grande stands in front of the camera in a Santa suit and Santa hat along with his signature "Super-dor" hat (super and luchador). He looks stupid but doesn't pay that any mind nor does he let his overwhelming enthusiasm and bouncing stop him from speaking his mind, which he stood as evidenced by the way his words begin to fall out of his mouth like broken parts from a crashed racing car.
El Gran Grande: So, uh- yea- My name- Wi- my name is the El Gran Grrrrande! And I decided to- I decided it's Christmas time! Cause.. December and- well I think since Christmas Time is a Spanish made holiday like a- like well most holidays! Christmas, Christmas Eve, Easter, Easter Eve, the Super Bowl are all terrific examples and there terrificly fucking ruined when these foreign jerk faces try to steal it!
So as a Spanish parrot I have taken it upon myself to fix this mistake and make the glory of Spain shine through every nook and cranny of this place while also insulting my opponents for the upcoming TV Title Number 1 contended Battle Royale, that's not easy to fucking say, by the way. I- the- too many syllables!
El Gran Grande continued to sway away from the camera making motions for the camera man to follow him.
El Aìnsley: It's patriot.
El Aìnsley's left leg creeps into frame as El Gran Grande dramatically turns around to face his Hungarian Spainard partner. He nearly sway over but his suprisingly small legs somehow manage to keep him from tilting over like a flooded ship.
El Gran Grande: What?
El Aìnsley: It's patriot. Not parrot. You said parrot.
El Gran Grande: How do you know I didn't mean Parrot instead of that word? What makes me different from a parrot? You racist cuck.
El Aìnsley: Cause you have arms? And parrots have wings?
El Gran Grande stops his swaying for a moment and his face goes completely blank, like his mind is buffering. He looks down at the floor with the same, mindless face before raising his sight again and managing to hitch a ride back onto his train of thought heading straight for Verbal Station.
El Gran Grande: How the fuck a mammal gonna have wings you dumb fu-
The camera feed cuts to a static shot before re-opening with a shot of a TV through the window of a bar. The TV is playing a broadcast of WSAZ. The camera pans out to reveal El Gran Grande sitting, only his face is shown in frame, lit up by the light produced by the TV.
He breathes out and tries to act edgy. Scoffing arrogantly and forcing an angry, overpronounced glare that makes him look like he's had a stroke.
El Gran Grande: Da people... they listen to their news and their TV's expecting to know the truth. But they don't. The darkness inside their minds prevents them, like a shadow in the night. They're not Spanish, their lack of spanishness jails them and imprisons them.. Like a shadow in the night.
This used to be you Marc Mayhem. Wallowing around like a sheep which is like an animal that follows things. And you follow things so you- you don't get it- I looked it up it's a good use of per- pe- a word but like you've changed! That's what I mean. But you think that you're atonement for you society loving sins is gone? False. The saying is that actions speak louder than words right? Well if your fucking 5 foot 11 then your actions speak nothing and are dumb midget words so I'm gonna kick the shit out of you and throw you into the bloody Antarctica ocean after I've beaten your ass, Marc Mayhem.
You're also like these people, Mischa Killings. You pretend like you're on the outside of society, an outcast. When in reality I am the biggest, most edgiest outcast and ten times more outcast than you are. Cause you haven't shit your pants on live TV! Have you? C- actually- Actually I haven't done that either, I wa- I was just using that as an example an-
Basically I don't hate you cause you're like a rebel or whatever, like a shadow in the night.
El Aìnsley: You're saying that to much.
El Gran Grande breaks his gritty facade for a second and raises his head towards his right and looks in the direction disembodied voice.
El Gran Grande: Ainsley, I will literally steal your entire circulatory system if you do not shut the fuck up.
El Aìnsley: Bitch.
El Gran Grande throws a coffee cup at El Aìnsley who screams in anger before a loud thud is heard of screen.
El Aìnsley: Slippery fucking bast- uh.. William I'm gonna...
El Gran Grande ignores him and re-enters his face of edginess and grunge. He feels the aura of sad rock music enter his body as his dark and gritty feeling returns.
El Gran Grande: I don't hate you because you're like a shadow in the night. Nor do I hate you because ofnyour #fempire movement. I'm not sexist. I am, however extremely xenophobic and kind of racist so that fact that you're not Spanish is really giving me no choice but to try and shoot you into the moon.
El Gran Grande pulls out a hammer with the words "عيد ميلاد سعيد" written into it.
El Gran Grande: See this? This encryption? It's Spanish for Merry Christamas. Over on that TV is English programs. You can tell by the way they have the letter "a" in the subtitles. And yes, I am omni-lingual. Watch as I metaphorically use my Śpainards powers to destroy the entire English language in one fell swoop, as I will do to you come Sunday.
El Gran Grande stands up and throws the hammer into window which crashes on impact. The hammer misses the TV miserably.
Pub Guy: What the fuck?!
El Gran Grande: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE I'M DOING A YOUTUBE VIDEO YOU-!
The video is cut off as El Aìnsley runs back into screen and nails his tag partner in the face with a solid right. Static takes the place of the video before we can see the full reaction to the punch.
Once the camera feed returns El Gran Grande is looking off screen and scratching his left eye in front of a homeless man with a large amount of food by his legs. Judging by his nonchalant stature he doesn't seem to bothered with being assaulted by his partner.
El Gran Grande: Well I did kill NATO, I guess the whole society hating stuff just comes as part of the de-
Voice: Uh, William?
El Gran Grande turns to the camera annoyed, about to rant on about society and interruptions before he noticed the camera and takes a superhero pose.
El Gran Grande: Uh.. Danny McVay! Gypsy bastard. Thinks being homeless and happy is the way to be, but he's wrong. He thinks wrestling will be his big break but he's also wrong because I'm gonna break his legs because he's a gypsy.
The fat Śpainards pose fades for a second and he points to the camera, like he's trying to convince someone of a point.
El Gran Grande: I'm not homeless! I sleep on the floor because I like doing that, ok? I- home is where the heart is right? And my heart is in my fucking chest so unless you guys are gonna steal my entire abdomen I'm not fucking homeless, am I?
El Aìnsley: nobody can steal your abdomen cause you're fat.
El Gran Grande: WhaaAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
El Gran Grande jumps off screen as the camera cuts again. The feed re-opens with a practically identical scene apart from the homeless man looking at El Gran Grande like he's an alien from space.
El Gran Grande: Anyway, Danny McVay I'm gonna show you, in all my Spanish generousness how to properly treat homeless people, like yourself.
El Gran Grande smiles like he's trying to convert the camera to the church of Mormon and picks up the bags of food and walks over to the Homeless guy.
El Gran Grande: Hello homeless male! I, El Gran Grande, have a large amount of food here, emough to last anyone for months, all for you! All you have to do for me is one teensy little thing.
The homeless man's bewildered expression changes to one of desperate hope as he stands up to look up at El Gran Grande.
Homeless: Man, I'm starving please jus- j- anything, man. Honestly, tell me what I have to do I don't even fucking care, haha.
El Gran Grande: Pay for it.
A silence befalls the two as El Gran Grande stares at the homeless in a look of content hatred. The camera cuts again.
This time opening back up to a shot of El Gran Grande being surrounded by a group of homeless men in Santa costumes as pedestrians watch on.
El Gran Grande: OK! YEAH! FINE! FUCKING NAZI SANTAS! BRING I- HEY THATS A BOTTLE! FOREIGN OBJECT DISQUALIFICATION, DISQU-
The camera cuts again and this time switched to show El Aìnsley holding the camera in his hands, only showing the Śpainards face. A multitude of emergency sirens play in the background.
El Aìnsley: Uh.. El Gran Grande wanted me to tell you guys that what he just did was the same thing he's gonna do to Danny McVay. Which is weird because he's basically saying he's gonna get stabbed by Danny McVay. I'm not supposed to tell you guys that but fuck it.
Camera guy ran away so now I'm gonna shoot on uh.. Jerem- Jeremy- Jermiah Locke. Uh... don't know to much about him. I guess I could insult him because he's small and not Spanish but I mean... meh. I don't really know what's so wrong with that anyway.
El Gran Grande says he'd go to the hospital if I went to Belgium with him but he didn't and I'm still kinda ticked off about that. So I'm just gonna say-
El Gran Grande: AINSLEEEEEYYY!!
El Gran Grande's faint screaming can be heard from behind the camera.
El Aìnsley: WHAT?!
El Gran Grande: INSULT HIS FUCKING HEIGHT RIGHT FUCKING NOW GOD DAMN YOU!
El Aìnsley: FINE!
Jeremiah Locke you're the size of a bullet ant.
THERE! I DID IT!
El Gran Grande: FUCKING RIGHT YOU DID YOU LITTLE NIGERIAN FUCKWAD!!
El Aìnsley: I'M NOT EVEN FR-
The camera feed ends again. This time it re-opens with the camera being dragged along the floor with loud heavy panting accompanying said visual. Eventually the camera is lift up to reveal an exhausted El Gran Grande in an alleyway catching his breath and holding his arm in pain.
El Aìnsley: William, we've been running for like 8 minutes and we've only just made it round the corner just go to the ambulance people.
El Gran Grande: No! They-! Ow.. they-! They think I'm bleeding! I'm not! I didn't get stabbed either! I just- I was kicking those Nazi Santa's ass's and then- I- dropped my Capri Sun, cherry Capri Sun, on my arm. It's a mosunderstand- mos- mis- mi- mis- it's not what it seems!
El Aìnsley: There's a cherry Capri Sun?
El Gran Grande: Yeah it sucks. Anyway! Vincent Augustine! Been in WCF for a while! But.. The- the more I look at him the more I think there's something off with him. Like there's something dark- slowly crawling around beneath the surface of his mind, moments away from resurfacing. Something like his closet homosexuality because he's small and that's gay! That's all folks. Have a nice YouTube day and m- OH FUCK!
El Gran Grande is tackled by the police as the camera falls to the ground. The feed is promptly switched off and the YouTube video ends.
--Huntington, West Virginia--
--9:23am--
The scene opens as a low quality camera us being violently shuffled around in what appears to be a relatively crowded shopping centre. The sky is dark and the bright, annoying lights of the various shops and establishments trudge along the centre. The camera stops it's erratic movement as an equally erratic and annoying fat man that'd look out of place in a drug hallucination pops onto the camera, swaying left to right as he scratches his neck.
El Gran Grande stands in front of the camera in a Santa suit and Santa hat along with his signature "Super-dor" hat (super and luchador). He looks stupid but doesn't pay that any mind nor does he let his overwhelming enthusiasm and bouncing stop him from speaking his mind, which he stood as evidenced by the way his words begin to fall out of his mouth like broken parts from a crashed racing car.
El Gran Grande: So, uh- yea- My name- Wi- my name is the El Gran Grrrrande! And I decided to- I decided it's Christmas time! Cause.. December and- well I think since Christmas Time is a Spanish made holiday like a- like well most holidays! Christmas, Christmas Eve, Easter, Easter Eve, the Super Bowl are all terrific examples and there terrificly fucking ruined when these foreign jerk faces try to steal it!
So as a Spanish parrot I have taken it upon myself to fix this mistake and make the glory of Spain shine through every nook and cranny of this place while also insulting my opponents for the upcoming TV Title Number 1 contended Battle Royale, that's not easy to fucking say, by the way. I- the- too many syllables!
El Gran Grande continued to sway away from the camera making motions for the camera man to follow him.
El Aìnsley: It's patriot.
El Aìnsley's left leg creeps into frame as El Gran Grande dramatically turns around to face his Hungarian Spainard partner. He nearly sway over but his suprisingly small legs somehow manage to keep him from tilting over like a flooded ship.
El Gran Grande: What?
El Aìnsley: It's patriot. Not parrot. You said parrot.
El Gran Grande: How do you know I didn't mean Parrot instead of that word? What makes me different from a parrot? You racist cuck.
El Aìnsley: Cause you have arms? And parrots have wings?
El Gran Grande stops his swaying for a moment and his face goes completely blank, like his mind is buffering. He looks down at the floor with the same, mindless face before raising his sight again and managing to hitch a ride back onto his train of thought heading straight for Verbal Station.
El Gran Grande: How the fuck a mammal gonna have wings you dumb fu-
The camera feed cuts to a static shot before re-opening with a shot of a TV through the window of a bar. The TV is playing a broadcast of WSAZ. The camera pans out to reveal El Gran Grande sitting, only his face is shown in frame, lit up by the light produced by the TV.
He breathes out and tries to act edgy. Scoffing arrogantly and forcing an angry, overpronounced glare that makes him look like he's had a stroke.
El Gran Grande: Da people... they listen to their news and their TV's expecting to know the truth. But they don't. The darkness inside their minds prevents them, like a shadow in the night. They're not Spanish, their lack of spanishness jails them and imprisons them.. Like a shadow in the night.
This used to be you Marc Mayhem. Wallowing around like a sheep which is like an animal that follows things. And you follow things so you- you don't get it- I looked it up it's a good use of per- pe- a word but like you've changed! That's what I mean. But you think that you're atonement for you society loving sins is gone? False. The saying is that actions speak louder than words right? Well if your fucking 5 foot 11 then your actions speak nothing and are dumb midget words so I'm gonna kick the shit out of you and throw you into the bloody Antarctica ocean after I've beaten your ass, Marc Mayhem.
You're also like these people, Mischa Killings. You pretend like you're on the outside of society, an outcast. When in reality I am the biggest, most edgiest outcast and ten times more outcast than you are. Cause you haven't shit your pants on live TV! Have you? C- actually- Actually I haven't done that either, I wa- I was just using that as an example an-
Basically I don't hate you cause you're like a rebel or whatever, like a shadow in the night.
El Aìnsley: You're saying that to much.
El Gran Grande breaks his gritty facade for a second and raises his head towards his right and looks in the direction disembodied voice.
El Gran Grande: Ainsley, I will literally steal your entire circulatory system if you do not shut the fuck up.
El Aìnsley: Bitch.
El Gran Grande throws a coffee cup at El Aìnsley who screams in anger before a loud thud is heard of screen.
El Aìnsley: Slippery fucking bast- uh.. William I'm gonna...
El Gran Grande ignores him and re-enters his face of edginess and grunge. He feels the aura of sad rock music enter his body as his dark and gritty feeling returns.
El Gran Grande: I don't hate you because you're like a shadow in the night. Nor do I hate you because ofnyour #fempire movement. I'm not sexist. I am, however extremely xenophobic and kind of racist so that fact that you're not Spanish is really giving me no choice but to try and shoot you into the moon.
El Gran Grande pulls out a hammer with the words "عيد ميلاد سعيد" written into it.
El Gran Grande: See this? This encryption? It's Spanish for Merry Christamas. Over on that TV is English programs. You can tell by the way they have the letter "a" in the subtitles. And yes, I am omni-lingual. Watch as I metaphorically use my Śpainards powers to destroy the entire English language in one fell swoop, as I will do to you come Sunday.
El Gran Grande stands up and throws the hammer into window which crashes on impact. The hammer misses the TV miserably.
Pub Guy: What the fuck?!
El Gran Grande: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE I'M DOING A YOUTUBE VIDEO YOU-!
The video is cut off as El Aìnsley runs back into screen and nails his tag partner in the face with a solid right. Static takes the place of the video before we can see the full reaction to the punch.
Once the camera feed returns El Gran Grande is looking off screen and scratching his left eye in front of a homeless man with a large amount of food by his legs. Judging by his nonchalant stature he doesn't seem to bothered with being assaulted by his partner.
El Gran Grande: Well I did kill NATO, I guess the whole society hating stuff just comes as part of the de-
Voice: Uh, William?
El Gran Grande turns to the camera annoyed, about to rant on about society and interruptions before he noticed the camera and takes a superhero pose.
El Gran Grande: Uh.. Danny McVay! Gypsy bastard. Thinks being homeless and happy is the way to be, but he's wrong. He thinks wrestling will be his big break but he's also wrong because I'm gonna break his legs because he's a gypsy.
The fat Śpainards pose fades for a second and he points to the camera, like he's trying to convince someone of a point.
El Gran Grande: I'm not homeless! I sleep on the floor because I like doing that, ok? I- home is where the heart is right? And my heart is in my fucking chest so unless you guys are gonna steal my entire abdomen I'm not fucking homeless, am I?
El Aìnsley: nobody can steal your abdomen cause you're fat.
El Gran Grande: WhaaAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
El Gran Grande jumps off screen as the camera cuts again. The feed re-opens with a practically identical scene apart from the homeless man looking at El Gran Grande like he's an alien from space.
El Gran Grande: Anyway, Danny McVay I'm gonna show you, in all my Spanish generousness how to properly treat homeless people, like yourself.
El Gran Grande smiles like he's trying to convert the camera to the church of Mormon and picks up the bags of food and walks over to the Homeless guy.
El Gran Grande: Hello homeless male! I, El Gran Grande, have a large amount of food here, emough to last anyone for months, all for you! All you have to do for me is one teensy little thing.
The homeless man's bewildered expression changes to one of desperate hope as he stands up to look up at El Gran Grande.
Homeless: Man, I'm starving please jus- j- anything, man. Honestly, tell me what I have to do I don't even fucking care, haha.
El Gran Grande: Pay for it.
A silence befalls the two as El Gran Grande stares at the homeless in a look of content hatred. The camera cuts again.
This time opening back up to a shot of El Gran Grande being surrounded by a group of homeless men in Santa costumes as pedestrians watch on.
El Gran Grande: OK! YEAH! FINE! FUCKING NAZI SANTAS! BRING I- HEY THATS A BOTTLE! FOREIGN OBJECT DISQUALIFICATION, DISQU-
The camera cuts again and this time switched to show El Aìnsley holding the camera in his hands, only showing the Śpainards face. A multitude of emergency sirens play in the background.
El Aìnsley: Uh.. El Gran Grande wanted me to tell you guys that what he just did was the same thing he's gonna do to Danny McVay. Which is weird because he's basically saying he's gonna get stabbed by Danny McVay. I'm not supposed to tell you guys that but fuck it.
Camera guy ran away so now I'm gonna shoot on uh.. Jerem- Jeremy- Jermiah Locke. Uh... don't know to much about him. I guess I could insult him because he's small and not Spanish but I mean... meh. I don't really know what's so wrong with that anyway.
El Gran Grande says he'd go to the hospital if I went to Belgium with him but he didn't and I'm still kinda ticked off about that. So I'm just gonna say-
El Gran Grande: AINSLEEEEEYYY!!
El Gran Grande's faint screaming can be heard from behind the camera.
El Aìnsley: WHAT?!
El Gran Grande: INSULT HIS FUCKING HEIGHT RIGHT FUCKING NOW GOD DAMN YOU!
El Aìnsley: FINE!
Jeremiah Locke you're the size of a bullet ant.
THERE! I DID IT!
El Gran Grande: FUCKING RIGHT YOU DID YOU LITTLE NIGERIAN FUCKWAD!!
El Aìnsley: I'M NOT EVEN FR-
The camera feed ends again. This time it re-opens with the camera being dragged along the floor with loud heavy panting accompanying said visual. Eventually the camera is lift up to reveal an exhausted El Gran Grande in an alleyway catching his breath and holding his arm in pain.
El Aìnsley: William, we've been running for like 8 minutes and we've only just made it round the corner just go to the ambulance people.
El Gran Grande: No! They-! Ow.. they-! They think I'm bleeding! I'm not! I didn't get stabbed either! I just- I was kicking those Nazi Santa's ass's and then- I- dropped my Capri Sun, cherry Capri Sun, on my arm. It's a mosunderstand- mos- mis- mi- mis- it's not what it seems!
El Aìnsley: There's a cherry Capri Sun?
El Gran Grande: Yeah it sucks. Anyway! Vincent Augustine! Been in WCF for a while! But.. The- the more I look at him the more I think there's something off with him. Like there's something dark- slowly crawling around beneath the surface of his mind, moments away from resurfacing. Something like his closet homosexuality because he's small and that's gay! That's all folks. Have a nice YouTube day and m- OH FUCK!
El Gran Grande is tackled by the police as the camera falls to the ground. The feed is promptly switched off and the YouTube video ends.
