And Now Back to Our Show...
Oct 7, 2018 22:58:09 GMT -5
Alex Richards, Bonnie Blue, and 1 more like this
Post by Teo Blaze on Oct 7, 2018 22:58:09 GMT -5
The scene that greets the viewer is a familiar one, at least to the viewer who would consider himself a normal television viewer. Seated at a plastic-wood desk, wearing an outrageously bright golden jacket and a pair of golden-tinged red glasses, is the self-appointed King of Media, Teo Blaze.
He grins towards the audience as a cheesy 1950's game-show style song plays in the background, very obviously pulling out a set of cue-cards from behind the desk as he smiles.
Teo Blaze: Thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen! It's an honor to be here tonight.
For my opening monologue I would like to take a moment to talk about this week's Slam! Now, I know that there are a lot of you out there wondering what in the world I'm going to say about someone like Noble Savage, highly anticipating an overblown feud-making tirade.
Teo smiles, shrugging his shoulders and throwing the cards over his shoulder with a flourish.
Teo Blaze: But the simple, basic, god's honest truth is that I don't have a single, solitary issue with our WAR winner. Quite frankly, the fact that she kept us from seeing Flash blow his nose with another ONE main event is something that I feel like I should thank her for.
So I'm not going to come out before each and every one of you at home and insult your intelligence by saying that I want to beat Noble Savage's face in because of the numerous faults she has, whether it's her rambling, dictionary-like promo style or her slow, plodding in-ring abilities that rely as much on her opponents slipping on a banana peel as they do any modicum of decent wrestling ability, no!
No, I'm not going to say that Savage is a two-bit, dime-a-dozen wrestler who has fallen ass-backward into a title shot at the biggest show of the year despite the fact that she has about as impressive a resume as the average McDonald's employee with half of the skill-set, no!
I'm not going to say that she quite frankly cuts a promo like Kindergartener reading off of a cue-card written by another kindergartner, and that the only thing that keeps her relevant in this day and age is the continual, habitual underestimation that her opponents place on her, the fact that when they look at her, they figure that they can phone in their week and look past her like she was in the first seat of a crowded subway car.
That she leaves so little of an impact, such a forgettable presence on her opponent that before last week the average WCF fan, when asked their favorite thing about Noble Savage would say "Wait, is that one of the jobber roster?" because she is so bland, so forgettable, so by the numbers, cookie-cutter, connect the dots, fresh out of the package B-O-R-ING that the only reason the arena would be full when she's main eventing a show is that the entire damn crowd has fallen asleep halfway through her entrance!
No, I'm not going to say that. That would be cruel.
Teo smiles, grabbing a coffee Mug from off of the desk, a pink porcelain mug labelled "World's greatest Grandma". He throws his head back and takes a hearty gulp before looking back towards the hard camera.
Teo del Sol: Listen here, Nobody Savage. There are exactly two reasons why any man, woman, or child is going to be watching our match this week, and it's damned sure not because of your lucky stumble backwards into a main event scene.
The reason that people are tuning in this week is because they want to see me kicking you up and down that ring like I was going for a 70-yard field goal, they tune in to see Mr. Five-star match, Mr. Must-see TV, the KING of all Media.
When you're on the screen, they're just as likely to turn the channel over to a laxative infomercial.
Not only because it's more interesting than your average Noble Savage match, but because watching you speak suddenly makes them think about what it means to be full of sh*t.
The censorship bleep comes over the screen.
Teo Blaze: Sorry Folks, I think we're out of time this week. Tune into Slam to catch me go one-on-one with our WAR "Winner", and don't look away from the screen at any cost.
Because regardless of what happens this week, remember this. Noble Savage, win or lose, you're making your reputation off of me. This is my ring.
My rules.
I'm the King of All Media.
A 9-Time WCF Champion.
You're a fad.
No better than a fidget spinner.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
I'll see you next week folks.
With that, the broadcast cuts to commercial.
He grins towards the audience as a cheesy 1950's game-show style song plays in the background, very obviously pulling out a set of cue-cards from behind the desk as he smiles.
Teo Blaze: Thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen! It's an honor to be here tonight.
For my opening monologue I would like to take a moment to talk about this week's Slam! Now, I know that there are a lot of you out there wondering what in the world I'm going to say about someone like Noble Savage, highly anticipating an overblown feud-making tirade.
Teo smiles, shrugging his shoulders and throwing the cards over his shoulder with a flourish.
Teo Blaze: But the simple, basic, god's honest truth is that I don't have a single, solitary issue with our WAR winner. Quite frankly, the fact that she kept us from seeing Flash blow his nose with another ONE main event is something that I feel like I should thank her for.
So I'm not going to come out before each and every one of you at home and insult your intelligence by saying that I want to beat Noble Savage's face in because of the numerous faults she has, whether it's her rambling, dictionary-like promo style or her slow, plodding in-ring abilities that rely as much on her opponents slipping on a banana peel as they do any modicum of decent wrestling ability, no!
No, I'm not going to say that Savage is a two-bit, dime-a-dozen wrestler who has fallen ass-backward into a title shot at the biggest show of the year despite the fact that she has about as impressive a resume as the average McDonald's employee with half of the skill-set, no!
I'm not going to say that she quite frankly cuts a promo like Kindergartener reading off of a cue-card written by another kindergartner, and that the only thing that keeps her relevant in this day and age is the continual, habitual underestimation that her opponents place on her, the fact that when they look at her, they figure that they can phone in their week and look past her like she was in the first seat of a crowded subway car.
That she leaves so little of an impact, such a forgettable presence on her opponent that before last week the average WCF fan, when asked their favorite thing about Noble Savage would say "Wait, is that one of the jobber roster?" because she is so bland, so forgettable, so by the numbers, cookie-cutter, connect the dots, fresh out of the package B-O-R-ING that the only reason the arena would be full when she's main eventing a show is that the entire damn crowd has fallen asleep halfway through her entrance!
No, I'm not going to say that. That would be cruel.
Teo smiles, grabbing a coffee Mug from off of the desk, a pink porcelain mug labelled "World's greatest Grandma". He throws his head back and takes a hearty gulp before looking back towards the hard camera.
Teo del Sol: Listen here, Nobody Savage. There are exactly two reasons why any man, woman, or child is going to be watching our match this week, and it's damned sure not because of your lucky stumble backwards into a main event scene.
The reason that people are tuning in this week is because they want to see me kicking you up and down that ring like I was going for a 70-yard field goal, they tune in to see Mr. Five-star match, Mr. Must-see TV, the KING of all Media.
When you're on the screen, they're just as likely to turn the channel over to a laxative infomercial.
Not only because it's more interesting than your average Noble Savage match, but because watching you speak suddenly makes them think about what it means to be full of sh*t.
The censorship bleep comes over the screen.
Teo Blaze: Sorry Folks, I think we're out of time this week. Tune into Slam to catch me go one-on-one with our WAR "Winner", and don't look away from the screen at any cost.
Because regardless of what happens this week, remember this. Noble Savage, win or lose, you're making your reputation off of me. This is my ring.
My rules.
I'm the King of All Media.
A 9-Time WCF Champion.
You're a fad.
No better than a fidget spinner.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
I'll see you next week folks.
With that, the broadcast cuts to commercial.
