Post by Steve Catt on Jan 5, 2008 7:18:29 GMT -5
:::Fade in to Steve Carr patrolling the aisles of a grocery store, with the handle of a shopping cart in hand.:::
Steve: Good thing it’s not one of those ones with one wheel broken. Those are a pain. Shopping is bad enough without that, although this morning it’s actually been pleasant.
:::The cameraman trips over his own feet, but he keeps himself from falling. Steve doesn’t even turn around. As the cameraman reorients himself, we can see that the store is nearly empty.:::
Steve: That’s why I come here before sunrise. Nobody but insomniacs, alcoholics and desperate loners.
:::He stops by the energy bars, grabs a couple boxes and places them in the cart before moving again.:::
Steve: And me, of course. I just hate crowds. I hate lines. I hate waiting in them. That’s why my wrestling career has been so frustrating.
:::We hear the sound of glass shattering. Steve turns a corner. Somebody apparently dropped a wine cooler before fleeing the scene.:::
Steve: Good thing that stuff is so cheap.
:::He turns around to avoid the broken glass and such.:::
Steve: As you may or may not know, Pennsylvania grocery stores don’t sell alcohol. It is therefore plain to see that I came back home to work out and do my shopping. I was going over tape of my next opponent, Lawnmower Jones, and his last promo reminded me, “Damn, I need to go grocery shopping.” I realize it may seem silly to fly back and forth like this when I’m only going to be gone for a few weeks. After all, most of this stuff is just going to sit in my fridge. But the thing is, once an idea gets into my head...
:::He takes a couple bottles of energy drink (the thirst-quenching kind, not the caffeinated kind) and adds them to the cart.:::
Steve: ...it kinda sticks there. Which brings me back to the point I was making about my wrestling career. Once I realized I had the ability to win the World Championship, I had to do it. And I’m sick of waiting for it. I got so frustrated about it that I just quit several times. I never officially retired or anything, I just took myself out of the loop. For instance, the last time WCF was open, it was five months before I even knew it existed. That’s Seth’s marketing ability for you.
:::He grabs a loaf of bread off a shelf, followed my various meats, vegetables and condiments. All the ingredients you need for making tasty and nutritious sandwiches.:::
Steve: Seth Lerch...damn, but he sickens me. All that pandering he did to try to avoid getting his ass kicked. I hate that I have ever had anything in common with him. So much so that I think I’m going to change my ring entrance music; he can keep his Trivium. That’s how much I loathe him. Anyway, unless he pulls some other crazy-ass move, I’m only three rounds away from the World Title now. Three guys I have to go through. I’d say I’ve already been through one, but Seth doesn’t really count. That was practically a first-round bye. I don’t mind though. I think I deserved it.
:::We’re in the frozen foods section and Steve places several microwave dinners in the cart. Some Hungry Mans are among them.:::
Steve: You can rest assured that these will be eaten by a hungry man. The Ultimate is not one to take the Hungry Man challenge were he not a hungry man. I am well aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I know for a fact that I’m not as hungry as Lawnmower Jones. I don’t need the money that badly, though it will be nice. I can certainly understand his condition, though. If you’ll remember, I once got a friend to pretend to be a mercenary to intimidate the rest of the WCF. Wacky high jinks ensued. I was willing to deceive in order to obtain power. Money, power, same difference. They’re both the ability to get what you want.
:::Steve nears the checkout counter and waits behind a man trying to use a credit card to buy two packs of cigarettes and a magazine. He can’t seem to get it to work.:::
Steve: In the end, we’re both just doing our job. The thing is, I’m better at it. I’m going to keep getting better at it as I get closer to the belt, because I can smell the blood now. This is the closest I’ve been to the Championship in years. I’m not going to let Lawnmower Jones of all people get in the way.
:::The man finally pays for his things and Steve starts unloading the cart onto the conveyer belt. The worn-looking female cashier seems too tired or perhaps jaded to notice or care that there’s a camera and Steve is talking to it.:::
Steve: Lawnmower Jones, who called Outcast a two-bit has-been. I suppose Jones would know something about has-beens. Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Jones, Outcast is going to win his match and advance. You won’t. I assume then that he’s going to face me next, and I’ll get to fight him again. I’m sure he’ll put up more of a fight than you, now that he’s back in the swing of things.
Cashier: Thirty-three fourty-two.
:::Steve hands the cashier two twenty-dollar bills. He pockets most of his change, putting pennies in the bucket for charity before leaving so the woman behind him can pay for her cheap beer.:::
Steve: Now to go home and be nourished by this food.
:::He walks through the automatic sliding doors and out to the parking lot. The sun is just coming up.:::
Steve: Lawnmower Jones, the items in this cart are going to give me the strength and energy to beat you. Well, except for these roach traps. But other than that, you could say that what this shopping cart really contains...is your doom! Now turn that damn camera off, I don’t want anyone seeing what my car looks like. I wouldn’t put it past Mr. Jones to cut my brakes or something. He certainly knows his way around an engine.
:::That damn camera is turned off..:::
Steve: Good thing it’s not one of those ones with one wheel broken. Those are a pain. Shopping is bad enough without that, although this morning it’s actually been pleasant.
:::The cameraman trips over his own feet, but he keeps himself from falling. Steve doesn’t even turn around. As the cameraman reorients himself, we can see that the store is nearly empty.:::
Steve: That’s why I come here before sunrise. Nobody but insomniacs, alcoholics and desperate loners.
:::He stops by the energy bars, grabs a couple boxes and places them in the cart before moving again.:::
Steve: And me, of course. I just hate crowds. I hate lines. I hate waiting in them. That’s why my wrestling career has been so frustrating.
:::We hear the sound of glass shattering. Steve turns a corner. Somebody apparently dropped a wine cooler before fleeing the scene.:::
Steve: Good thing that stuff is so cheap.
:::He turns around to avoid the broken glass and such.:::
Steve: As you may or may not know, Pennsylvania grocery stores don’t sell alcohol. It is therefore plain to see that I came back home to work out and do my shopping. I was going over tape of my next opponent, Lawnmower Jones, and his last promo reminded me, “Damn, I need to go grocery shopping.” I realize it may seem silly to fly back and forth like this when I’m only going to be gone for a few weeks. After all, most of this stuff is just going to sit in my fridge. But the thing is, once an idea gets into my head...
:::He takes a couple bottles of energy drink (the thirst-quenching kind, not the caffeinated kind) and adds them to the cart.:::
Steve: ...it kinda sticks there. Which brings me back to the point I was making about my wrestling career. Once I realized I had the ability to win the World Championship, I had to do it. And I’m sick of waiting for it. I got so frustrated about it that I just quit several times. I never officially retired or anything, I just took myself out of the loop. For instance, the last time WCF was open, it was five months before I even knew it existed. That’s Seth’s marketing ability for you.
:::He grabs a loaf of bread off a shelf, followed my various meats, vegetables and condiments. All the ingredients you need for making tasty and nutritious sandwiches.:::
Steve: Seth Lerch...damn, but he sickens me. All that pandering he did to try to avoid getting his ass kicked. I hate that I have ever had anything in common with him. So much so that I think I’m going to change my ring entrance music; he can keep his Trivium. That’s how much I loathe him. Anyway, unless he pulls some other crazy-ass move, I’m only three rounds away from the World Title now. Three guys I have to go through. I’d say I’ve already been through one, but Seth doesn’t really count. That was practically a first-round bye. I don’t mind though. I think I deserved it.
:::We’re in the frozen foods section and Steve places several microwave dinners in the cart. Some Hungry Mans are among them.:::
Steve: You can rest assured that these will be eaten by a hungry man. The Ultimate is not one to take the Hungry Man challenge were he not a hungry man. I am well aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I know for a fact that I’m not as hungry as Lawnmower Jones. I don’t need the money that badly, though it will be nice. I can certainly understand his condition, though. If you’ll remember, I once got a friend to pretend to be a mercenary to intimidate the rest of the WCF. Wacky high jinks ensued. I was willing to deceive in order to obtain power. Money, power, same difference. They’re both the ability to get what you want.
:::Steve nears the checkout counter and waits behind a man trying to use a credit card to buy two packs of cigarettes and a magazine. He can’t seem to get it to work.:::
Steve: In the end, we’re both just doing our job. The thing is, I’m better at it. I’m going to keep getting better at it as I get closer to the belt, because I can smell the blood now. This is the closest I’ve been to the Championship in years. I’m not going to let Lawnmower Jones of all people get in the way.
:::The man finally pays for his things and Steve starts unloading the cart onto the conveyer belt. The worn-looking female cashier seems too tired or perhaps jaded to notice or care that there’s a camera and Steve is talking to it.:::
Steve: Lawnmower Jones, who called Outcast a two-bit has-been. I suppose Jones would know something about has-beens. Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Jones, Outcast is going to win his match and advance. You won’t. I assume then that he’s going to face me next, and I’ll get to fight him again. I’m sure he’ll put up more of a fight than you, now that he’s back in the swing of things.
Cashier: Thirty-three fourty-two.
:::Steve hands the cashier two twenty-dollar bills. He pockets most of his change, putting pennies in the bucket for charity before leaving so the woman behind him can pay for her cheap beer.:::
Steve: Now to go home and be nourished by this food.
:::He walks through the automatic sliding doors and out to the parking lot. The sun is just coming up.:::
Steve: Lawnmower Jones, the items in this cart are going to give me the strength and energy to beat you. Well, except for these roach traps. But other than that, you could say that what this shopping cart really contains...is your doom! Now turn that damn camera off, I don’t want anyone seeing what my car looks like. I wouldn’t put it past Mr. Jones to cut my brakes or something. He certainly knows his way around an engine.
:::That damn camera is turned off..:::
