Post by James Wolf on Sept 27, 2018 23:45:02 GMT -5
We're treated to our first montage of the evening as there is footage cut in of Mamma Stache, and Jimmy Coyote making out in the 2015 Porsche 918 Spyder allowing Buff to pick the victory in the match, but that victory footage cuts out and what recenters is Mamma Stache and Jimmy Coyote getting down in the Porsche like nobody is watching, and as it gets hot and heavy there is a familiar tune playing in the distance. It's the song "There's No Easy Way Out" by Robert Tepper once famous for being included on the Rocky IV sound track it is now taking a different meaning because as we hear the lyrics
"There's no easy way out"
"There's no short cut home!"
James Wolf is shown in his bathroom getting sick, and it's so violent that we see James jumping up from the toilent as he is kneeling. As "There's no Easy Way Out" continues to play we see Morrigan riding with James in the back of an ambulance to the hospital. Then the music fades out as James is shown recovering at the Baptist Desoto Memorial hospital. The hospital which actually borders the Memphis state line.
One day as Morrigan, and his daughter Simara are visiting him in the hospital we notice a radio which has been turned up almost as loud as it can go, and another familiar song comes on. This tune is one they love to play almost any where. Especially for the University of Memphis Tigers. Yes, its the band survivor, and yes the song is called Eye of the Tiger, and if you're unfamiliar with it you can get it stuck in your head, and sing along.
"Rising Up, Back on the Street"
"Did my time took my chances"
"Went the distance now I'm back on my feet"
"Just a man and his will to survive"
James all of a sudden comes too after recovering from the dehydration. He immediately jumps out of the hospital bed rushing into the bathroom dick flapping in the breeze. From inside the bathroom with the door closed he yells "Get me my clothes!" Simara is off in the distance bellowed over from laughing so hard. As she straightens up trying to keep a straight face thats when her mom Morrigan walks in with a new pair of folded clothes for James Wolf. Morrigan opens the door handing the clothes to James, and he immediately takes them closing the door. "We're checking out of this bitch right now! I need some rest, and then I have to start training for War!"
After getting home to rest James is scouring through YouTube to see where Buff got his inspiration to enter the WCF, and it doesn't take long to find the perfect storm of mediocrity. And the mediocrity oozing in this video is mind boggling even for the time it was made. Embarrassment, humiliation, and it was clear to see where Buff was inspired from. WrestleRock Rumble circa 1986 the one thing that makes you wonder why the fuck does this exist but for your entertainment here it is in all it's glory. Where Buff gets his inspiration to wrestle. It's also good for hardy laugh! Wrestle Rock Rumble then plays in its entirety as James doesn't stay in his room for the cringe worth performances but he does let you the WCF alumni stick around for it because he is that much of a bastard!
When the shit fest Wrestle Rock Rumble is over we see James come back into his room and climb into his bed. He then gets comfortable and drifts off to sleep.
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Let's state the obvious on this one because its no surprise that I'm public enemy number one in this match! Everybody is going to be gunning for me, and despite all the changes I've made there will be a select few in the WCF roster who will not even acknowledge that. That is their mistake for living in the past, and not keeping up with the present time. Wrestling does work on a form of nostalgia, and it's this nostalgia that brings in fans. As well as some employees. However my reputation far exceeds the WCF, and WAR is the perfect time not only to prove it, but to show it. To piss off every single person in that match including the extra "surprises" that will be inserted into this match. Nothing will please me more, and in the end come hell or high water I am the one who will be standing tall!
In the background we can hear Skid Row's Youth Gone Wild as James Wolf is seen using this song as motivation to lift weights as part of his Gym soundtrack. Lifting dumb bells high lighting his arm strength. This gym session is being recorded so he can go back later to do exercises he may have missed. The video doesn't end but he puts the weights down opting to set those weights down to move onto the barbell and does a set of ten before he sets those down placing them back onto the weight rack.
After a short pause the words formerly pre recorded hits the screen. Then we see WCF Home Video presents WCF ALL ACCESS: WAR EDITION! The theme song playing to usher us into the production is Madhouse by Anthrax. As it fades out WCF ALL ACCESS then begins.
The scene opens with footage of the Mojave Desert from the National Geographic Channel. A familiar voice opens the documentary. We notice its that of Morgan Freeman. That soothing voice that cannot be quite parodied because everybody loves it so much. He is telling us things such as it gets as low as 20 degrees at night, and the Summers can be 120 degrees. It's this sweltering heat, and the bitter cold that Dune has become accustomed too. Life must be quite the adventure in the Mojave Desert! The animals that live in the Mojave Desert are: In the mammal class they are American Badger, Big Free Tailed Bat, Bighorn Sheep, Black tailed Jack Rabbit, Bobcat, Brush Mouse, Cactus Mouse, California Leaf-Nosed Bat, California Myotis, Coyote, Deermouse, Desert Cottontail, Desert Kangaroo Rat, Desert Pocket Mouse, Desert Shrew, Desert Woodrat, Gray Fox, House Mouse, Kit Fox, Little Pocket Mouse, Long-tailed Pocket Mouse, Merriams Kangaroo Rat, Moutain Lion, Mule Deer, Pallid Bat, Panamint Kangaroo Rat, Porcupine, Pronghorn, Raccoon...
Just when we think it's going to continue, and we're going to learn more followed by some interesting words by one James Wolf we cut to a music video of The Pink Room by David Lynch. But this version is different because after a few minutes we hear a record scratch and then we see Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up video cut in and playing. Dune has just been Rick Rolled by James Wolf.
Next is a shot of James Wolf laughing hysterically, and then we move on to a possible next opponent. A man who recently called him Blames Wolf. A man who refuses to take a loss. A man who had to use a steel chair against Amos, and its no doubt that those two men will be looking to settle the score against each other. But will also be looking to take out the big bullseye that is planted right on the face of James Wolf. That man is Scott Slayer. A man who thinks he is actually more than he is when he is not.
Scott Slayer,
There is some talk in circles that you think you are the Anti Christ! That's hilarious. Have you told Odin Balfore yet, and when you did what he did do. Laugh in your face? Belittle you until you felt like you were nothing? Let me guess! You haven't told him yet, or thrown that attitude in his face. I've thrown my attitude in his face. Faced him, and lived to tell the tale as they would say. I never faced somebody with punches so soft before! Of course you'd probably think different. Thinking they were hard hitting. Of course you needed a steel chair to take out Amos because you couldn't do it on your own! I have that anything goes method too only now I don't need any weapons. I'll use my wrestling knowledge, and the wrestling holds to put you down! Call it chain wrestling. Call it what you will but I'm more knowledgeable than you and the rest of the WCF, and now I'm going to consistently prove it every single week. WAR will be your downward spiral just like your career! Of course I didn't have to mention that because everybody here already knows that! Scott, you, and I, and the rest of the WCF know you don't have what it takes to compete here in the WCF. I even know what you're going to do before you do it! You're going to order the WCF PPV at home, watch it, and then bitch about why you didn't win it. Then you'll blame everybody except for yourself on what you failed. You're too easy to read Scott! Now don't forget to get your drinks, and pizza ahead of time because while the rest of us are working the only thing you'll be doing is getting fat, and lazy!
James Wolf laughs off the competition of a man like Scott Slayer.
Next up is a man who is one half of the tag team The Guardians. Alex Richards. His partner Bonnie Blue is noticeably absent because she is going to lose to the current World Champion Odin Balfore. But Alex Richards is suffering from a case of Hillary Clinton Syndrome because he is stuck on repeat. He has absolutely nothing so he defaults to what he knows which was the past, and for a man who should know better he all ready condemned himself to repeat the past, and instead of waiting to scout his competition he did not. Now he cannot refute anything that is said in the promo of James Wolf. Other than the same old shit everybody is tired of.
Alex Richards,
You know I like that quote you used at the beginning of your promo. It goes like this doesn't it?
"Those who can't remember the past are destined to repeat it"
George Santayana
Let's review that for a moment before we actually go over why you've condemned yourself to the past! You claim you're the man who is going to win this match. Yet, you're not even concerned about me. The changes I've made, why I've made them, and it certainly wasn't to boost Dune's ego contrary to what I told him. But you wouldn't know what strategy is even if it smacked you across the face with a shovel! For a man who is so heavily promoting a quote about not repeating the past you sure are a big red flag waving right in front of the WCF roster basically telling us you're repeating it. Who can blame you? You don't have Bonnie Blue to feed you cue cards on what to say because the fact of the matter is you're so unoriginal it hurts to even hear you speak! Much less cut a promo, or attempt to cut one. Your information presented is alot like the band Nickelback. If you can reach a third grade level you're fine but if you're being intelligent you don't quite get it. So of course you'd have to drag others down to your level. Where dredging up the past will work in your favor because you sure as fuck can't live in the present! That makes you pathetic! If you can't live in the present that means you can't win War! So you're destined to fail over, and over again. Your little quote works against you! It doesn't go in your favor. Only you're to full of yourself to understand! So the observations that are true will not even phase you. You'll be stuck on repeat. You'll stay in third grade. Like Nickelback!
If you haven't been living under a rock for the past century you'd know I was first in this match. Going back to re-watch Slam would remind you of that. Yet, you're so convinced you'll win you're just going to play your first hand. You probably suck at cards! You could never win a Poker tournament because you'd always play your first hand. You have no sense of strategy! That's why you need Bonnie Blue to even you out but now that she won't be by your side to help you; you're feeling lost! You may have thought that nobody would notice it either. A tag team wrestler who has to be a singles wrestler for a night but trust me. Everybody can see it from a mile away. You're no threat Alex! You'll easily be eliminated. If not by myself but somebody else! Time to go back to the drawing board because all you're getting is a big fat "L" the "W" is not in your future! Stop acting like it is! You're just making my triumph even greater! Alex, I know you hate me, and after War you can continue to hate me more but you'll be forced to do something you've never done before. That's go in a new direction! I really hope it works out for you!
WCF ALL ACCESS then takes a brief intermission as we are treated to what will probably become the new entrance music of Buff Mustache. We have to sit through this torturous garbage in order to pay the bills.
At first impression if this person was able to make it, then anybody should be able to make it in the music business. The video paying the bills for the WCF is of course Electronik Supersonik by Zlad. After its finished playing we then come back to WCF ALL ACCESS where we see James Wolf sitting in an empty arena via an empty ring. The lights are bright enough to see that he is indeed there. His beard was over grown but now its trimmed and neat. He cares about his appearance unlike most of the WCF roster which brings us to one Kennedy Matthews who referred to James Wolf as a "never would be" this only makes James laugh, and then his expression gets serious again.
Kennedy Matthews,
You call entering number one in War a curse? I call, and see it as a blessing because I get to show not only the world but the rest of the WCF why I'm the best! Why I currently don't need a title to be in the best in this business! That is my ultimate goal however. My ultimate goal is to be a World Champion again, and if that wasn't my goal there would be something wrong with me. You see the Television Title didn't work out for me because all roads were leading to War. Look at yourself smoking cigarettes! Scientists suggests that nicotine is just as addictive as cocaine, and that's why people are unable to stop smoking. But you can stop a habit that is that addictive!? Go try to fool somebody else! You're talking all tough because you believe I won't last in this match, and that is where I'm going to prove everybody wrong! You apparently don't know my history before I got here to the WCF, and that's fine because you can see what led me here, and why the WCF wanted to sign me. Wanted to get the ring rust off of me, and get me back to my immediate best. Nobody wants to admit when they falter. When things don't go their way, and every bit of inside information they can get they will use. As long as its going their way that's fine but as soon it fails them that's when the excuses abound. Here is a little life lesson for you from my actual private life Kennedy. You know since smoking is something you can stop any time you'd wish. I knew a girl named Jennifer Wolf. No relation to me just so we're clear here. The first time I met her she seemed cool only she was a chain smoker from hell. My friend Tony was dating her at the time. The second time I met her she couldn't put those cancer sticks down, and she sounded like a man. My point? Go ahead, and tell yourself you can stop. You would be wrong. Your looks will fade, and you will sound like Odin Balfore when all is said and done. With all the things you had to say against him I don't think you'd want to have anything in common with him. As far as the never will be comment goes. I've all ready done it all Kennedy. I've been a World Champion outside of the WCF. I'm just here to prove everybody wrong. Everybody who thinks I can't get there again is in for a rude awakening. What have you done lately? Oh that's right! You cut this promo! Forgive me but I'm not impressed. I was in feds making history with girls facing the guys long before the WCF was thought of, and I'm an equal opportunity ass kicker so you will not escape my wrath. For as beautiful as you are you are; you have the personality of a pet rock! How you've gotten this far is interesting to say the least but one thing that will not be interesting. It will be common place. You will fail just like every other name on the WCF roster. I will not be denied in my quest to the WCF World Title. I'm walking in first, and walking out last! You can fucking quote me on that one Kennedy!
Go back to smoking your cancer sticks, and sucking dicks, because quite honestly maybe porn is a better industry for you. I don't see the wrestling business working out for you too well!
James Wolf then stands placing his hand over the camera lens as the screen immediately fades to black.
Archived Footage of Mamma Mustache, and Jimmy Coyote is shown getting it on in the 2015 Porsche 918. Static snow falls over the scene and when it comes back we see that James Wolf had the Porsche destroyed because in his eyes it no longer had any value. We're then lead to believe this next segment will be a combination of Buff Mustache, and Mamma Mustache. James Wolf giving his thoughts on them both but that's not the case. It will only be Mamma Mustache who will get "roasted" by James Wolf if that is even possible. The attempt will be made.
Mamma Mustache,
I'm not sure where you found Jimmy Coyote. I wasn't even aware that there were James Wolf impersonators out there! You surely found the lowest of the low because that man had to be truly desperate. I can't stand to look at you. Better be damn sure I'd never touch you! Now I'm forced into a situation I don't like. Because I've got to eliminate you from this match. That means I have to touch you in some capacity. So what I will do is I'll beat you to a fucking coma, and when Buff comes to save his dear old almost dead mother I'll let him eliminate you, and while he is busy with you I'll eliminate him. You Mamma are the bane of my existence, but soon it will be all over. You can go back to breaking the Guiness World Book of Records for Whoring, and Buff can join you in a similar category for masturbation. Those people have to actually come out and record the records. I would just love to see the look on your faces when they tell you they can't come out because your mother's face is enough to bring a working air plane to a crash! So Mamma, get your whoring shoes on because you're going to need them to get home. After I eliminate you from this match you'll have to hitch hike home. I'm not responsible for the people you scar after I eliminate you. You can streak on to your card board box, or take your teeth out, and give gum jobs until you get back where ever it is you actually came from but one thing is clear in the WCF. You'll never hold the WCF World Title. That in my mind is the only saving grace of this match. Although you'll likely eliminate yourself from all the Vodka you have in your system on the night of!
WCF ALL ACCESS moves on to the surprise entrant of WAR one Seth Lerch who seems a little too enamoured with maturbating to the WCF World Title. As we see that James Wolf has now moved to the parking lot of this arena he brandishes a key the WCF brass gave to him specifically to do this empty arena thing. He opens the locked door, and then goes outside locking the arena door back. Standing in the back entrance so to speak he then delivers something for Seth Lerch to be aware of.
Seth Lerch,
You really are a stupid bastard you know that? Are you even aware that Corey Black is in charge now? That means you cannot give yourself the World Title to play out your sick fantasies too! Not only that but you're entering this match with two other sexual deviants. My prediction is you will eliminate yourselves and then all three of you will masturbate over who had the better elimination. You will not however move on to anything other than back into obscurity!
After that brief speech we have to endure Zlad Electronik Supersonik again as it is now time for James Wolf to speak regarding one Buff Mustache. One can imagine that Buff is actually dancing and masturbating to this music video as it plays. Then it cuts away from the music video as a pre played crowd noise of "Awe!" is heard. Then we can hear the voice of James Wolf in the back ground.
Buff Mustache,
The rumor mill is going wild when your name is mentioned. One of the recent rumors I heard was that you petitioned the Olympics to make masturbation a sport. Just so you could make masturbation an Olympic sport. While that sounds like something you'd do, and even accomplish right now it's just a rumor! But if you did get that petitioned into the Olympics I have no doubt you'd be the only one to get a gold medal in it. It's not as if Jayson Price or Seth Lerch would be your main competition now would it? That task seems more suited for you to be honest because War is definitely not something you want to get involved in! I do have to thank you for putting me in this thing at number one though. You tried to use my balls as a speed bag and that disturbs me beyond belief. Its a sure fact you won't be getting any where near my balls in this match Buff. I am completely uninterested in your antics, and I will not fall for any of your bull shit. You can go do your thing on the rest of the competition but if you get any where near me the only thing you'll find is that will be your ticket out of war! Then you can masturbate to that new entrance music I gave you because I know that is right up your fucking alley! That is the love song you sang to Bonnie Blue to get her to put out, so by me playing it again maybe you can cost her the WCF World Title with another roll in the hay. Because the reality is, and we both know this. Your girlfriend is not going to be the new World Champion. There is no news about it. It's all in her head. War is important, and for the first time in a long time the WCF World Title is not! You should be proud of yourself though. Alex Richards wants to be a part of your fan club. I guess you, and him can have a circle jerk while you're at it. Mamma Mustache can do things to Alex Richards that will not only make the WCF roster pray they don't reveal but he can finally get fucked out of the wrestling business because he damn sure doesn't belong here! We've all ready been over that. But since Richards wants to be apart of your family so bad maybe he can become a swinger and be Mamma Mustache's dirty little secret!
Those are things that even though I mention I do not need in my imagination. Because you'd be right there masturbating to whomever your mamma fucks. You're going to fuck yourself right out of this match so at least you'll have fun losing. It's more than I can say for the rest of the entrants in this match. You always seem to be in a good mood no matter what it is you're going through or doing. I can't quite figure out how you can do that. It doesn't matter though because defeat, and you better learn how to spell that word. Defeat, is the only thing you have to look forward too. Elimination is what the fortune teller will tell you, you have to look forward too if you go to have your fortune read. Fortunes aside and getting back to reality I want you to know it's not personal Buff. It's business. You have to be made an example of and I'll make an example out of you if you're still a threat to me. The order doesn't matter because when we do meet I will make sure a coma is the least of your worries. You will be one a way trip to degenerative brain disease. I'm that type of bastard, and that's the type of bastard I'm being for everybody! I am the threat that cannot be eliminated. Buff, I am your nemesis, and as your nemesis I will win!
WCF ALL ACCESS then shows a parody of Ultimate Destroyer, big red letters fade in and out spelling RAGE, and an annoying voice shouts it as fades in and out. The parodied Ultimate Destroyer is shown breaking through a foam wall out into a world of raining dildos, and the parodied Ultimate Destroyer does his best to dodge them while he gets pelted by various colors of dildos, and he immediately has to jump back through the foam wall out of the fray. He looks like a more aloof, and stumbling Kool-Aid Man as he does this but at least he is safe for now. The parody then ends as we can hear James Wolf laughing his ass off!
Ultimate Destroyer that name can work against you in so many ways. Just like in the way that the WCF ALL ACCESS crew presented me with a parody to air that I just couldn't say no too! While I'm WI'm still going to air this parody. Because I can and also because your promo adds nothing to war. You speak about the Mustache family, and Stephen Singh, but then what? You do know the winner of this match gets a WCF World Title shot right? I guess I would fall into your category of "filth" and to be honest I'd rather you label me as filth instead of the powers that be labeling me a goddamn jobber who is on the fast track to no where! It's ironic that you're calling the rest of your competition filth. How is that you may ask? You haven't ultimately destroyed anything in quite awhile. Unless you're talking about yourself. Then yes your name fits you quite nicely. Checking out that promo you came up with it's clear nobody takes you serious. Why would they? You obviously don't take yourself serious! With that I don't know if there's any more I can point out that anybody else doesn't know. Your obsession with Buff Mustache, and Stephen Singh is probably going to get you killed but I guess you'll be raging at your funeral though. If Buff pelts you with dildos not only will it be ironic but I might have to get a DVD of it later so I can watch it and laugh my ass off all over again. You Ultimate Destroyer should be renamed to the Ultimate Jobber. I can't wait to put you out of your misery at War!
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WCF ALL ACCESS has its own conference room and we notice a big 96 inch HD 4k Plasma Television on the wall. This is connected to the WCF feed to air what's left of the WCF promos for WAR. Or if there is a special message for the rest of the competition left. Theres a black screen for a few seconds until the next promo airs, and it just happens to be that of Quinton Cross. We have to endure the whole attack on the English language before it finally comes to an end. When it comes to an end there is a video, and a message that follows.
The video shows a man dressed like Quinton Cross, but only this would put the movie "Malibu's Most Wanted" shame. We think we're going to be treated to another attack on the English language when the man dressed like he's ready to rob a convience store speaks in proper English as a representative of a time where ebonics did not exist. American may have been the land of the free, and the home of the brave but it did not exist to butcher the English language. The English language that was suppose to be the official language in this nation. With laws even stating it. Be that as it may we're getting back on the official subject as the English language representative takes a step forward.
Then this message follows:
"Quinton Cross, this is not the Ebonics State of America. The WCF didn't understand a word you said. With all of that mumbling we are in serious doubt that you're going to win War much less get any eliminations. You're about as pathetic as Scott Slayer is. That is saying something when you really stop and think about it. The potential you could have had has been swallowed up by a language brought into this country by liberal thugs so they could speak in code on how to destroy our great nation. I'm sure your crack addicted mother didn't teach you how to speak like that. Maybe your father taught you how to be proper before he skipped town to his other family without taking you in tow. Its regretful that I must refer to you as a bastard but as the voice of America I have no other choice. Mumble away with your ebonics as a second language garbage because that's one subject I'm not buying. I am the voice of America, and at War the Voice of America is going to beat your goddamn ass. America will eliminate you, and the rest of the world will clap for us. Not because they're happy. Not because there are good men left in this world but because you deserve it! You'll be humiliated at War and all you'll have left to show for it is the fact that you can speak a language that is obsolete, and has no place in this great nation!"
Another message in a ticker comes across the screen. "The following PSA has been paid for by James Wolf"
The Voice of America video message then fades to black, and it doesn't take long to cut to the promo of Noble Savage.
Complete darkness as the flame from a lighter pops up stepping closer into the light is James Wolf, and what he is holding in his hand is a note card with the word Noble Savage on it. The card slowing burns to ash as the lights come up and James Wolf is now standing in the WCF ALL ACCESS Conference room in front of the HD 4k Plasma television. He is smiling maniacally, as we notice the promo of Noble Savage going on in the background on the television. It's on a constant loop to play all of the promos. But right now this is live!
Noble Savage, allow me to quote you for a moment. You said there is no threat! Not a one! Maybe you are forgetting the man that will enter that ring first, and will out last every single person that enters that ring after! How do I know? Because I'm that fucking good, and nobody can take that away from me. It was a nice touch though. You seem really confident, but now I'm here to shatter that confidence and leave you with nothing but shards of your broken personality to pick up in the after math! You know its terrific how you recount you past challenges, and how you spit out that duality of men, and women like its something we need to be reminded of but in all honesty that just bores the shit out of me! Congrats to you Noble! WCF can hand out an award for the most boring athlete on its roster! I think I need to set an alarm clock because you are putting me to sleep! That's why I showed up to collectively dismantle yourself, and that promo you created. You should learn to stay on topic Noble, because right now you're doing yourself no favors! It entertains me because its just making my triumph greater. Noble, its intriguing how you try to make yourself seem so smart when indeed you are not. Not one bit! I have to push myself in this business, and I can't take shit off of anybody here. Because if I did that I'd be no better than Stephen Singh, and his church of ass bandits! If my confidence, and my desire to push myself is a threat to you, makes you come up with this observations that are wrong then please continue to examine me, and get it wrong. It's not being insecure when you know you're better than everybody on the roster. The brass may not be able to see it yet but that's why you keep going out there to prove yourself right, and the brass wrong. Of course you'd have no idea about that! You also prove members of the WCF roster wrong. The ones who hate you. Who will do anything to see you resign and every day you don't is another victory for you. Another loss for them. Of course you haven't pissed them off to that point yet! Perhaps War will give you a dose of the dark side of the WCF as you would call it. The unbalanced part of it. Now there is just one more thing I have left for my little presentation for War, and its going out to the rest of my opponents. I'm sure they'll hate me for it, and I'm also sure it will get them to talking as well. You Noble, will be eliminated for the simple reason of what you project. You want it to be confidence, and bravery that will lead you to the victory but I stand in your way, and I will not be denied!
I have saved the best for last. This goes out to the rest of my opponents who could possibly be Stephen Singh, Teo Del Sol, Eccentrix, Amos, Night Rider, Kurt Navarro, El Ainsley, Kylie Moore, and Lili Rose, Roy Speede, Marlboro Man, Samuel McPherson, Karma Bishop, El Gran Grande Devorador De Planetas Gigantesco Behemotho, and Jayson Price. For any other surprise entrants please refer back to this video because this should show how confident I am, and absolutely give zero fucks about your promo. Just refer back to this if you need my response.
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Word count was 6025. My apologies for going over the limit. Good luck to everybody!
"There's no easy way out"
"There's no short cut home!"
James Wolf is shown in his bathroom getting sick, and it's so violent that we see James jumping up from the toilent as he is kneeling. As "There's no Easy Way Out" continues to play we see Morrigan riding with James in the back of an ambulance to the hospital. Then the music fades out as James is shown recovering at the Baptist Desoto Memorial hospital. The hospital which actually borders the Memphis state line.
One day as Morrigan, and his daughter Simara are visiting him in the hospital we notice a radio which has been turned up almost as loud as it can go, and another familiar song comes on. This tune is one they love to play almost any where. Especially for the University of Memphis Tigers. Yes, its the band survivor, and yes the song is called Eye of the Tiger, and if you're unfamiliar with it you can get it stuck in your head, and sing along.
"Rising Up, Back on the Street"
"Did my time took my chances"
"Went the distance now I'm back on my feet"
"Just a man and his will to survive"
James all of a sudden comes too after recovering from the dehydration. He immediately jumps out of the hospital bed rushing into the bathroom dick flapping in the breeze. From inside the bathroom with the door closed he yells "Get me my clothes!" Simara is off in the distance bellowed over from laughing so hard. As she straightens up trying to keep a straight face thats when her mom Morrigan walks in with a new pair of folded clothes for James Wolf. Morrigan opens the door handing the clothes to James, and he immediately takes them closing the door. "We're checking out of this bitch right now! I need some rest, and then I have to start training for War!"
After getting home to rest James is scouring through YouTube to see where Buff got his inspiration to enter the WCF, and it doesn't take long to find the perfect storm of mediocrity. And the mediocrity oozing in this video is mind boggling even for the time it was made. Embarrassment, humiliation, and it was clear to see where Buff was inspired from. WrestleRock Rumble circa 1986 the one thing that makes you wonder why the fuck does this exist but for your entertainment here it is in all it's glory. Where Buff gets his inspiration to wrestle. It's also good for hardy laugh! Wrestle Rock Rumble then plays in its entirety as James doesn't stay in his room for the cringe worth performances but he does let you the WCF alumni stick around for it because he is that much of a bastard!
When the shit fest Wrestle Rock Rumble is over we see James come back into his room and climb into his bed. He then gets comfortable and drifts off to sleep.
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Let's state the obvious on this one because its no surprise that I'm public enemy number one in this match! Everybody is going to be gunning for me, and despite all the changes I've made there will be a select few in the WCF roster who will not even acknowledge that. That is their mistake for living in the past, and not keeping up with the present time. Wrestling does work on a form of nostalgia, and it's this nostalgia that brings in fans. As well as some employees. However my reputation far exceeds the WCF, and WAR is the perfect time not only to prove it, but to show it. To piss off every single person in that match including the extra "surprises" that will be inserted into this match. Nothing will please me more, and in the end come hell or high water I am the one who will be standing tall!
In the background we can hear Skid Row's Youth Gone Wild as James Wolf is seen using this song as motivation to lift weights as part of his Gym soundtrack. Lifting dumb bells high lighting his arm strength. This gym session is being recorded so he can go back later to do exercises he may have missed. The video doesn't end but he puts the weights down opting to set those weights down to move onto the barbell and does a set of ten before he sets those down placing them back onto the weight rack.
After a short pause the words formerly pre recorded hits the screen. Then we see WCF Home Video presents WCF ALL ACCESS: WAR EDITION! The theme song playing to usher us into the production is Madhouse by Anthrax. As it fades out WCF ALL ACCESS then begins.
The scene opens with footage of the Mojave Desert from the National Geographic Channel. A familiar voice opens the documentary. We notice its that of Morgan Freeman. That soothing voice that cannot be quite parodied because everybody loves it so much. He is telling us things such as it gets as low as 20 degrees at night, and the Summers can be 120 degrees. It's this sweltering heat, and the bitter cold that Dune has become accustomed too. Life must be quite the adventure in the Mojave Desert! The animals that live in the Mojave Desert are: In the mammal class they are American Badger, Big Free Tailed Bat, Bighorn Sheep, Black tailed Jack Rabbit, Bobcat, Brush Mouse, Cactus Mouse, California Leaf-Nosed Bat, California Myotis, Coyote, Deermouse, Desert Cottontail, Desert Kangaroo Rat, Desert Pocket Mouse, Desert Shrew, Desert Woodrat, Gray Fox, House Mouse, Kit Fox, Little Pocket Mouse, Long-tailed Pocket Mouse, Merriams Kangaroo Rat, Moutain Lion, Mule Deer, Pallid Bat, Panamint Kangaroo Rat, Porcupine, Pronghorn, Raccoon...
Just when we think it's going to continue, and we're going to learn more followed by some interesting words by one James Wolf we cut to a music video of The Pink Room by David Lynch. But this version is different because after a few minutes we hear a record scratch and then we see Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up video cut in and playing. Dune has just been Rick Rolled by James Wolf.
Next is a shot of James Wolf laughing hysterically, and then we move on to a possible next opponent. A man who recently called him Blames Wolf. A man who refuses to take a loss. A man who had to use a steel chair against Amos, and its no doubt that those two men will be looking to settle the score against each other. But will also be looking to take out the big bullseye that is planted right on the face of James Wolf. That man is Scott Slayer. A man who thinks he is actually more than he is when he is not.
Scott Slayer,
There is some talk in circles that you think you are the Anti Christ! That's hilarious. Have you told Odin Balfore yet, and when you did what he did do. Laugh in your face? Belittle you until you felt like you were nothing? Let me guess! You haven't told him yet, or thrown that attitude in his face. I've thrown my attitude in his face. Faced him, and lived to tell the tale as they would say. I never faced somebody with punches so soft before! Of course you'd probably think different. Thinking they were hard hitting. Of course you needed a steel chair to take out Amos because you couldn't do it on your own! I have that anything goes method too only now I don't need any weapons. I'll use my wrestling knowledge, and the wrestling holds to put you down! Call it chain wrestling. Call it what you will but I'm more knowledgeable than you and the rest of the WCF, and now I'm going to consistently prove it every single week. WAR will be your downward spiral just like your career! Of course I didn't have to mention that because everybody here already knows that! Scott, you, and I, and the rest of the WCF know you don't have what it takes to compete here in the WCF. I even know what you're going to do before you do it! You're going to order the WCF PPV at home, watch it, and then bitch about why you didn't win it. Then you'll blame everybody except for yourself on what you failed. You're too easy to read Scott! Now don't forget to get your drinks, and pizza ahead of time because while the rest of us are working the only thing you'll be doing is getting fat, and lazy!
James Wolf laughs off the competition of a man like Scott Slayer.
Next up is a man who is one half of the tag team The Guardians. Alex Richards. His partner Bonnie Blue is noticeably absent because she is going to lose to the current World Champion Odin Balfore. But Alex Richards is suffering from a case of Hillary Clinton Syndrome because he is stuck on repeat. He has absolutely nothing so he defaults to what he knows which was the past, and for a man who should know better he all ready condemned himself to repeat the past, and instead of waiting to scout his competition he did not. Now he cannot refute anything that is said in the promo of James Wolf. Other than the same old shit everybody is tired of.
Alex Richards,
You know I like that quote you used at the beginning of your promo. It goes like this doesn't it?
"Those who can't remember the past are destined to repeat it"
George Santayana
Let's review that for a moment before we actually go over why you've condemned yourself to the past! You claim you're the man who is going to win this match. Yet, you're not even concerned about me. The changes I've made, why I've made them, and it certainly wasn't to boost Dune's ego contrary to what I told him. But you wouldn't know what strategy is even if it smacked you across the face with a shovel! For a man who is so heavily promoting a quote about not repeating the past you sure are a big red flag waving right in front of the WCF roster basically telling us you're repeating it. Who can blame you? You don't have Bonnie Blue to feed you cue cards on what to say because the fact of the matter is you're so unoriginal it hurts to even hear you speak! Much less cut a promo, or attempt to cut one. Your information presented is alot like the band Nickelback. If you can reach a third grade level you're fine but if you're being intelligent you don't quite get it. So of course you'd have to drag others down to your level. Where dredging up the past will work in your favor because you sure as fuck can't live in the present! That makes you pathetic! If you can't live in the present that means you can't win War! So you're destined to fail over, and over again. Your little quote works against you! It doesn't go in your favor. Only you're to full of yourself to understand! So the observations that are true will not even phase you. You'll be stuck on repeat. You'll stay in third grade. Like Nickelback!
If you haven't been living under a rock for the past century you'd know I was first in this match. Going back to re-watch Slam would remind you of that. Yet, you're so convinced you'll win you're just going to play your first hand. You probably suck at cards! You could never win a Poker tournament because you'd always play your first hand. You have no sense of strategy! That's why you need Bonnie Blue to even you out but now that she won't be by your side to help you; you're feeling lost! You may have thought that nobody would notice it either. A tag team wrestler who has to be a singles wrestler for a night but trust me. Everybody can see it from a mile away. You're no threat Alex! You'll easily be eliminated. If not by myself but somebody else! Time to go back to the drawing board because all you're getting is a big fat "L" the "W" is not in your future! Stop acting like it is! You're just making my triumph even greater! Alex, I know you hate me, and after War you can continue to hate me more but you'll be forced to do something you've never done before. That's go in a new direction! I really hope it works out for you!
WCF ALL ACCESS then takes a brief intermission as we are treated to what will probably become the new entrance music of Buff Mustache. We have to sit through this torturous garbage in order to pay the bills.
At first impression if this person was able to make it, then anybody should be able to make it in the music business. The video paying the bills for the WCF is of course Electronik Supersonik by Zlad. After its finished playing we then come back to WCF ALL ACCESS where we see James Wolf sitting in an empty arena via an empty ring. The lights are bright enough to see that he is indeed there. His beard was over grown but now its trimmed and neat. He cares about his appearance unlike most of the WCF roster which brings us to one Kennedy Matthews who referred to James Wolf as a "never would be" this only makes James laugh, and then his expression gets serious again.
Kennedy Matthews,
You call entering number one in War a curse? I call, and see it as a blessing because I get to show not only the world but the rest of the WCF why I'm the best! Why I currently don't need a title to be in the best in this business! That is my ultimate goal however. My ultimate goal is to be a World Champion again, and if that wasn't my goal there would be something wrong with me. You see the Television Title didn't work out for me because all roads were leading to War. Look at yourself smoking cigarettes! Scientists suggests that nicotine is just as addictive as cocaine, and that's why people are unable to stop smoking. But you can stop a habit that is that addictive!? Go try to fool somebody else! You're talking all tough because you believe I won't last in this match, and that is where I'm going to prove everybody wrong! You apparently don't know my history before I got here to the WCF, and that's fine because you can see what led me here, and why the WCF wanted to sign me. Wanted to get the ring rust off of me, and get me back to my immediate best. Nobody wants to admit when they falter. When things don't go their way, and every bit of inside information they can get they will use. As long as its going their way that's fine but as soon it fails them that's when the excuses abound. Here is a little life lesson for you from my actual private life Kennedy. You know since smoking is something you can stop any time you'd wish. I knew a girl named Jennifer Wolf. No relation to me just so we're clear here. The first time I met her she seemed cool only she was a chain smoker from hell. My friend Tony was dating her at the time. The second time I met her she couldn't put those cancer sticks down, and she sounded like a man. My point? Go ahead, and tell yourself you can stop. You would be wrong. Your looks will fade, and you will sound like Odin Balfore when all is said and done. With all the things you had to say against him I don't think you'd want to have anything in common with him. As far as the never will be comment goes. I've all ready done it all Kennedy. I've been a World Champion outside of the WCF. I'm just here to prove everybody wrong. Everybody who thinks I can't get there again is in for a rude awakening. What have you done lately? Oh that's right! You cut this promo! Forgive me but I'm not impressed. I was in feds making history with girls facing the guys long before the WCF was thought of, and I'm an equal opportunity ass kicker so you will not escape my wrath. For as beautiful as you are you are; you have the personality of a pet rock! How you've gotten this far is interesting to say the least but one thing that will not be interesting. It will be common place. You will fail just like every other name on the WCF roster. I will not be denied in my quest to the WCF World Title. I'm walking in first, and walking out last! You can fucking quote me on that one Kennedy!
Go back to smoking your cancer sticks, and sucking dicks, because quite honestly maybe porn is a better industry for you. I don't see the wrestling business working out for you too well!
James Wolf then stands placing his hand over the camera lens as the screen immediately fades to black.
Archived Footage of Mamma Mustache, and Jimmy Coyote is shown getting it on in the 2015 Porsche 918. Static snow falls over the scene and when it comes back we see that James Wolf had the Porsche destroyed because in his eyes it no longer had any value. We're then lead to believe this next segment will be a combination of Buff Mustache, and Mamma Mustache. James Wolf giving his thoughts on them both but that's not the case. It will only be Mamma Mustache who will get "roasted" by James Wolf if that is even possible. The attempt will be made.
Mamma Mustache,
I'm not sure where you found Jimmy Coyote. I wasn't even aware that there were James Wolf impersonators out there! You surely found the lowest of the low because that man had to be truly desperate. I can't stand to look at you. Better be damn sure I'd never touch you! Now I'm forced into a situation I don't like. Because I've got to eliminate you from this match. That means I have to touch you in some capacity. So what I will do is I'll beat you to a fucking coma, and when Buff comes to save his dear old almost dead mother I'll let him eliminate you, and while he is busy with you I'll eliminate him. You Mamma are the bane of my existence, but soon it will be all over. You can go back to breaking the Guiness World Book of Records for Whoring, and Buff can join you in a similar category for masturbation. Those people have to actually come out and record the records. I would just love to see the look on your faces when they tell you they can't come out because your mother's face is enough to bring a working air plane to a crash! So Mamma, get your whoring shoes on because you're going to need them to get home. After I eliminate you from this match you'll have to hitch hike home. I'm not responsible for the people you scar after I eliminate you. You can streak on to your card board box, or take your teeth out, and give gum jobs until you get back where ever it is you actually came from but one thing is clear in the WCF. You'll never hold the WCF World Title. That in my mind is the only saving grace of this match. Although you'll likely eliminate yourself from all the Vodka you have in your system on the night of!
WCF ALL ACCESS moves on to the surprise entrant of WAR one Seth Lerch who seems a little too enamoured with maturbating to the WCF World Title. As we see that James Wolf has now moved to the parking lot of this arena he brandishes a key the WCF brass gave to him specifically to do this empty arena thing. He opens the locked door, and then goes outside locking the arena door back. Standing in the back entrance so to speak he then delivers something for Seth Lerch to be aware of.
Seth Lerch,
You really are a stupid bastard you know that? Are you even aware that Corey Black is in charge now? That means you cannot give yourself the World Title to play out your sick fantasies too! Not only that but you're entering this match with two other sexual deviants. My prediction is you will eliminate yourselves and then all three of you will masturbate over who had the better elimination. You will not however move on to anything other than back into obscurity!
After that brief speech we have to endure Zlad Electronik Supersonik again as it is now time for James Wolf to speak regarding one Buff Mustache. One can imagine that Buff is actually dancing and masturbating to this music video as it plays. Then it cuts away from the music video as a pre played crowd noise of "Awe!" is heard. Then we can hear the voice of James Wolf in the back ground.
Buff Mustache,
The rumor mill is going wild when your name is mentioned. One of the recent rumors I heard was that you petitioned the Olympics to make masturbation a sport. Just so you could make masturbation an Olympic sport. While that sounds like something you'd do, and even accomplish right now it's just a rumor! But if you did get that petitioned into the Olympics I have no doubt you'd be the only one to get a gold medal in it. It's not as if Jayson Price or Seth Lerch would be your main competition now would it? That task seems more suited for you to be honest because War is definitely not something you want to get involved in! I do have to thank you for putting me in this thing at number one though. You tried to use my balls as a speed bag and that disturbs me beyond belief. Its a sure fact you won't be getting any where near my balls in this match Buff. I am completely uninterested in your antics, and I will not fall for any of your bull shit. You can go do your thing on the rest of the competition but if you get any where near me the only thing you'll find is that will be your ticket out of war! Then you can masturbate to that new entrance music I gave you because I know that is right up your fucking alley! That is the love song you sang to Bonnie Blue to get her to put out, so by me playing it again maybe you can cost her the WCF World Title with another roll in the hay. Because the reality is, and we both know this. Your girlfriend is not going to be the new World Champion. There is no news about it. It's all in her head. War is important, and for the first time in a long time the WCF World Title is not! You should be proud of yourself though. Alex Richards wants to be a part of your fan club. I guess you, and him can have a circle jerk while you're at it. Mamma Mustache can do things to Alex Richards that will not only make the WCF roster pray they don't reveal but he can finally get fucked out of the wrestling business because he damn sure doesn't belong here! We've all ready been over that. But since Richards wants to be apart of your family so bad maybe he can become a swinger and be Mamma Mustache's dirty little secret!
Those are things that even though I mention I do not need in my imagination. Because you'd be right there masturbating to whomever your mamma fucks. You're going to fuck yourself right out of this match so at least you'll have fun losing. It's more than I can say for the rest of the entrants in this match. You always seem to be in a good mood no matter what it is you're going through or doing. I can't quite figure out how you can do that. It doesn't matter though because defeat, and you better learn how to spell that word. Defeat, is the only thing you have to look forward too. Elimination is what the fortune teller will tell you, you have to look forward too if you go to have your fortune read. Fortunes aside and getting back to reality I want you to know it's not personal Buff. It's business. You have to be made an example of and I'll make an example out of you if you're still a threat to me. The order doesn't matter because when we do meet I will make sure a coma is the least of your worries. You will be one a way trip to degenerative brain disease. I'm that type of bastard, and that's the type of bastard I'm being for everybody! I am the threat that cannot be eliminated. Buff, I am your nemesis, and as your nemesis I will win!
WCF ALL ACCESS then shows a parody of Ultimate Destroyer, big red letters fade in and out spelling RAGE, and an annoying voice shouts it as fades in and out. The parodied Ultimate Destroyer is shown breaking through a foam wall out into a world of raining dildos, and the parodied Ultimate Destroyer does his best to dodge them while he gets pelted by various colors of dildos, and he immediately has to jump back through the foam wall out of the fray. He looks like a more aloof, and stumbling Kool-Aid Man as he does this but at least he is safe for now. The parody then ends as we can hear James Wolf laughing his ass off!
Ultimate Destroyer that name can work against you in so many ways. Just like in the way that the WCF ALL ACCESS crew presented me with a parody to air that I just couldn't say no too! While I'm WI'm still going to air this parody. Because I can and also because your promo adds nothing to war. You speak about the Mustache family, and Stephen Singh, but then what? You do know the winner of this match gets a WCF World Title shot right? I guess I would fall into your category of "filth" and to be honest I'd rather you label me as filth instead of the powers that be labeling me a goddamn jobber who is on the fast track to no where! It's ironic that you're calling the rest of your competition filth. How is that you may ask? You haven't ultimately destroyed anything in quite awhile. Unless you're talking about yourself. Then yes your name fits you quite nicely. Checking out that promo you came up with it's clear nobody takes you serious. Why would they? You obviously don't take yourself serious! With that I don't know if there's any more I can point out that anybody else doesn't know. Your obsession with Buff Mustache, and Stephen Singh is probably going to get you killed but I guess you'll be raging at your funeral though. If Buff pelts you with dildos not only will it be ironic but I might have to get a DVD of it later so I can watch it and laugh my ass off all over again. You Ultimate Destroyer should be renamed to the Ultimate Jobber. I can't wait to put you out of your misery at War!
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WCF ALL ACCESS has its own conference room and we notice a big 96 inch HD 4k Plasma Television on the wall. This is connected to the WCF feed to air what's left of the WCF promos for WAR. Or if there is a special message for the rest of the competition left. Theres a black screen for a few seconds until the next promo airs, and it just happens to be that of Quinton Cross. We have to endure the whole attack on the English language before it finally comes to an end. When it comes to an end there is a video, and a message that follows.
The video shows a man dressed like Quinton Cross, but only this would put the movie "Malibu's Most Wanted" shame. We think we're going to be treated to another attack on the English language when the man dressed like he's ready to rob a convience store speaks in proper English as a representative of a time where ebonics did not exist. American may have been the land of the free, and the home of the brave but it did not exist to butcher the English language. The English language that was suppose to be the official language in this nation. With laws even stating it. Be that as it may we're getting back on the official subject as the English language representative takes a step forward.
Then this message follows:
"Quinton Cross, this is not the Ebonics State of America. The WCF didn't understand a word you said. With all of that mumbling we are in serious doubt that you're going to win War much less get any eliminations. You're about as pathetic as Scott Slayer is. That is saying something when you really stop and think about it. The potential you could have had has been swallowed up by a language brought into this country by liberal thugs so they could speak in code on how to destroy our great nation. I'm sure your crack addicted mother didn't teach you how to speak like that. Maybe your father taught you how to be proper before he skipped town to his other family without taking you in tow. Its regretful that I must refer to you as a bastard but as the voice of America I have no other choice. Mumble away with your ebonics as a second language garbage because that's one subject I'm not buying. I am the voice of America, and at War the Voice of America is going to beat your goddamn ass. America will eliminate you, and the rest of the world will clap for us. Not because they're happy. Not because there are good men left in this world but because you deserve it! You'll be humiliated at War and all you'll have left to show for it is the fact that you can speak a language that is obsolete, and has no place in this great nation!"
Another message in a ticker comes across the screen. "The following PSA has been paid for by James Wolf"
The Voice of America video message then fades to black, and it doesn't take long to cut to the promo of Noble Savage.
Complete darkness as the flame from a lighter pops up stepping closer into the light is James Wolf, and what he is holding in his hand is a note card with the word Noble Savage on it. The card slowing burns to ash as the lights come up and James Wolf is now standing in the WCF ALL ACCESS Conference room in front of the HD 4k Plasma television. He is smiling maniacally, as we notice the promo of Noble Savage going on in the background on the television. It's on a constant loop to play all of the promos. But right now this is live!
Noble Savage, allow me to quote you for a moment. You said there is no threat! Not a one! Maybe you are forgetting the man that will enter that ring first, and will out last every single person that enters that ring after! How do I know? Because I'm that fucking good, and nobody can take that away from me. It was a nice touch though. You seem really confident, but now I'm here to shatter that confidence and leave you with nothing but shards of your broken personality to pick up in the after math! You know its terrific how you recount you past challenges, and how you spit out that duality of men, and women like its something we need to be reminded of but in all honesty that just bores the shit out of me! Congrats to you Noble! WCF can hand out an award for the most boring athlete on its roster! I think I need to set an alarm clock because you are putting me to sleep! That's why I showed up to collectively dismantle yourself, and that promo you created. You should learn to stay on topic Noble, because right now you're doing yourself no favors! It entertains me because its just making my triumph greater. Noble, its intriguing how you try to make yourself seem so smart when indeed you are not. Not one bit! I have to push myself in this business, and I can't take shit off of anybody here. Because if I did that I'd be no better than Stephen Singh, and his church of ass bandits! If my confidence, and my desire to push myself is a threat to you, makes you come up with this observations that are wrong then please continue to examine me, and get it wrong. It's not being insecure when you know you're better than everybody on the roster. The brass may not be able to see it yet but that's why you keep going out there to prove yourself right, and the brass wrong. Of course you'd have no idea about that! You also prove members of the WCF roster wrong. The ones who hate you. Who will do anything to see you resign and every day you don't is another victory for you. Another loss for them. Of course you haven't pissed them off to that point yet! Perhaps War will give you a dose of the dark side of the WCF as you would call it. The unbalanced part of it. Now there is just one more thing I have left for my little presentation for War, and its going out to the rest of my opponents. I'm sure they'll hate me for it, and I'm also sure it will get them to talking as well. You Noble, will be eliminated for the simple reason of what you project. You want it to be confidence, and bravery that will lead you to the victory but I stand in your way, and I will not be denied!
I have saved the best for last. This goes out to the rest of my opponents who could possibly be Stephen Singh, Teo Del Sol, Eccentrix, Amos, Night Rider, Kurt Navarro, El Ainsley, Kylie Moore, and Lili Rose, Roy Speede, Marlboro Man, Samuel McPherson, Karma Bishop, El Gran Grande Devorador De Planetas Gigantesco Behemotho, and Jayson Price. For any other surprise entrants please refer back to this video because this should show how confident I am, and absolutely give zero fucks about your promo. Just refer back to this if you need my response.
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Word count was 6025. My apologies for going over the limit. Good luck to everybody!
