amos
Newbie
Posts: 23
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Post by amos on Sept 6, 2018 2:50:45 GMT -5
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2018 3:35:18 GMT -5
Roleplay: WORD
Hander: Amos
Overall thoughts: You've improved since last week, but there is still room for more.
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Rating Overview
Scene Description: 2
Character Development: 2
Shoot: 3
Flow: 1
RATING: 2 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
Scene Description: I liked how in the first part of your scene you described the bedroom Bob and Amos were in. But it could go a bit further. What are they wearing? What do they interact with?
Character Development: I could tell that Amos is very proud of himself, and that he very clearly is a prince.
Shoot: The shoot of both your oppoenent this week and last week. I can see Amos rubbing it in Scott's face that even though Scott got the offical win, Amos was the one to walk away.
Flow: Here's where my main issue is. It was very hard for me to personally read as the speech and actions were in the same color and not very well spaced out. It also felt like Amos's thoughts were jumping around.
SUGGESTIONS
Maybe try to color code your speech and your actions differently.. as in:
The scene opens up with Bob the servant polishing Amos' cane in an all white room, it looks like a bedroom as there is a huge bed and a closet, and everything is white (bed, closet, cardboards). He looks like he is worried about something. Amos walks in the bedroom walking slowly and Bob the servant greets him and kneels down.
BOB THE SERVANT: My Prince, I am finished polishing your cane, can I go and...
AMOS: Give it to me.
This is how you would change the colors.
BOB THE SERVANT: [Color=green] My Prince, I am finished polishing your cane, can I go and...[/color]
AMOS: [color=red]Give it to me.[/color]
Bottom line. You're improving every week. Don't be discouraged, this RP wasn't that bad, honestly. I have faith in you. Good luck ♥
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2018 3:36:02 GMT -5
Roleplay: Word
Hander: Amos
Overall thoughts: Very much improved this week Amos.
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Rating Overview
Scene Description: 1.5
Character Development: 2
Shoot: 3
Flow: 2
RATING: 2.25 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
Very much improved and each week you get a little better Amos. Take each of my thoughts into consideration.
Scene Description:
You gave some descriptions but I felt myself wanting more. Make me feel like I'm there with Amos and Bob.
Character Development:
I like the gimmick and character. I want to know more about Amos.
Shoot:
I love how you dedicated so much time to Marlboro Man in an attempt to discredit him. Be careful of going into shooting on others too much as it can detract your focus from the match at hand.
Flow:
I don't know if it's a language barrier or missing words but at times your promos get a little rough to read.
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SUGGESTIONS
Color coding would help as well as getting focused. That said you have to just keep improving.
Bottom line. No one wins all the time. I have lost a few matches straight as Kylie and Kennedy. If we keep improving before long we will get back to winning. Keep it up!
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amos
Newbie
Posts: 23
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Post by amos on Sept 6, 2018 4:59:15 GMT -5
Thanks guys. Will try improving.
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amos
Newbie
Posts: 23
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Post by amos on Sept 6, 2018 5:01:55 GMT -5
And yeah I didn't know how to change the colours
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Post by marlboroman on Sept 6, 2018 9:11:36 GMT -5
I thought it was really good. I'd give it closer to a 4 than a three. It was good enough that when I read it just now you've inspired me to up my game.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2018 13:57:06 GMT -5
amos @estrellaluiz showed you an idea of how to color code your rp
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